Marriage Advice for Us Young Bucks

[Bantou]

Piggybacking off of another thread, I have a question for the more "senior" membership that I thought would be fun to discuss: What advice would you give yourself if you could go back in time to the day before your wedding? My wife and I have been married for going on six years and are just now starting to figure out what it really means to be married.

[Winger Ed.]

Being able to see & understand someone else's point of view, and keeping to the golden rule will serve you well.

[Zingger]

Winger Ed. -That is some excellent advice. It will be just 12 years for us this year, communication is a key. And friendship to one another, not just as a spouse.

[rockrat]

compete in your marriage, to see who can love the other one more. Coming up on 29 years for us. We still tease each other with "love you more"!!. She ends up with that she loved me first and I reply how can a pint jar hold more than a quart jar!!! (I am about 14" taller than she is!!) and on it goes

[Preacher Jim]

Honor your mate. Sit down and talk every day, do every decision together.
Do these things and she will support your hobby as you support hers. Last attend church together because with the Lord in the marriage you can survive anything.

[Battis]

41 yrs last month. The secret? Hands down - two couches (sofas). One for me, one for Da Momma. Same bed, though.

[redhawk0]

As a husband...LISTEN. I'm not saying always agree with her...but LISTEN. She has opinions, likes, dislikes, favorite things...etc.... Occasionally, give her some space...a weekend away with the girlfriends. She'll do the same for you (guy friends though...hahaha) Respect her, be kind to her ALWAYS...but above all LOVE HER...ONLY HER. Been married for 31 years now. Not saying there aren't some rough spots at times...but if you LOVE HER and ONLY HER....you will get through those rough spots.

Now...that said.
Yes, Dear
I'm Sorry, Dear
It will never happen again, Dear.

These three phrases will get you out of a lot of jams.

hahahahahaha

redhawk

[DCP]

Learn to practice forgiveness and no quitters. Last put Christ 1st in your life.

[dannyd]

41 years, Two rooms now one for her and one me. We had kids the first 26 years, so we were to busy to care what we thought of each other. But it will be the second hardest job you have risen kids is first.

[Larry Gibson]

I would offer....

Marriage is a special relationship...…. one in which one person is always right......the other is the husband...….

[Larry Gibson]

I would offer....

Marriage is a special relationship...…. one in which one person is always right......the other is the husband...….

[Finster101]

Don't

[trails4u]

My best friend since high school....his father's advice to us when we were youngins.

'You're right, I'm wrong, I'm sorry, I love you.' ….and repeat, often.

But more seriously....share EVERYTHING, including your finances, completely. Listen more and talk less. Don't expect more, in any way, out of her than you do yourself.

[Loudenboomer]

My wife and I have been Married 38 years as of last week. For us the most Important thing has been our walk with the Lord and being grounded in a good Bible teaching church. We got off to a wild start and waisted time learning this lesson. Draw a circle and put Christ in the middle and you and the wife any where in the circle. If you find your self at odds and can't get together meet at Christ.

[country gent]

I would offer this get to know each other first before marriage. My wife and I were married for 18 yeas she was taken in march 2002 in car accident so would have been 36 years. And we dated for 5 before getting married. Do everything you can together. Your not just marrying a wife but a best friend and confidant. Be there to support each other.

[fixit]

Do your best to NOT go to bed angry with one another.... even if it means staying up until the wee hours of the night resolving it.

[bayjoe]

Redhawk is a prophet!!!!

[JWFilips]

Marry your soul mate! Give her the first choice in anything unless you feel it is wrong then talk it through...you are life partners so never screw that up!
After 43 years: my wife is the most beautiful woman I know & that will never change!

[Wayne Smith]

Do your best to NOT go to bed angry with one another.... even if it means staying up until the wee hours of the night resolving it.

HA! The Bible says "Don't let the sun go down on your anger" - that gives you until bedtime to make up and understand one another.

Couple of things from years of being a marital therapist. All said above is important, and more. Yes, a relationship centered on Christ is necessary, if it is centered on me or on the kids you will fail. Kids grow up and move away and hopefully bring back grandchildren, you and I are still stuck together! Work on that relationship consciously throughout - when you have kids nothing is spontaneous any more, you have to plan time to talk privately together. Have dates and take vacations without the kids, especially when they are young. Grandparents are useful for this! When they are old enough to begin collecting memories take them along and use your vacation time to introduce them to what you love. They may or may not follow in loving the same things, but give them the example.

God made us different - men and women. At least five major differences physically in the brain between the sexes - and we are intended to come together, complementing one another and filling one another's holes until we truly are one person. Respect for one another's differences is fundamental to teaching the kids respect. Again modeling, not do what I say, not what I do. Your kids will follow your example, if you don't like what the kids are doing change what you are modeling.

Learn from each other - we each have our skills and training and knowledge - some inherent from our parents and others from training, but build on what each of you knows. E.G. any woman can walk into a room and see five or six things that need to be done and every man is oblivious to them. On the other hand LOML wants me to clean the kitchen because I do it sanitarily better than she does. This has been true for 45 years now.

This is just a tithe of what I've taught over the years.

[Bantou]

This is all great advise and stuff I wish I had, had access to years ago (although being honest I probably did and was just too stubborn to listen). So many of these lessons I have had to learn the hard way and a vast majority of them I am a long way from mastering. We started out wild and then had a rapid series of events, all within less than two years, that did serious damage to our relationship. No infidelity mercifully, though we both thought about it at one point or another. That was almost 4 years ago and it has been a hard fight to repair the damage done but we are finally making headway.


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