Stage parent, Who me?

[frkelly74]

Recently I had a situation that gave me a look at how my mind works and I must say that I was not impressed. Our oldest daughter that is still home with us is quite the violinist. She has been playing since she was 3 and is now 12 and had an opportunity to compete for a soloist position in the chamber orchestra camp that was held in Kalamazoo last week. At the audition I saw the other Children coming in and knew most of them. One of them is a true and proven prodigy and I saw her and all kinds of things went through my mind. " Maybe she will break a string, maybe she will fall down, maybe her violin will spontaneously combust, ect. As I said I am not impressed with my thoughts /behavior. She is a sweet kid and I should have been rooting for her. But she was the competition. So they all played their pieces and sure enough this other little girl played the best. They all played their best , she was best of the best. There were two spots available. So the judge says we'll call you when we make our decision.
That evening the call came and the two spots were awarded to the two oldest kids that will be too old to compete next year, not the best player and not our daughter. Boy did I grumble about that, Shame on me. It did not bother our daughter at all. She was just happy to be able to play and quite content to just hear and make the music .
So I got a look at what motivates a stage parent and I must conclude that it is not healthy and I will have to do better than I did.
The performance was last night and they all did very nicely and our daughter had fun.

[RobS]

our daughter had fun.

Try to not push past the point it's not for her and she'll appreciate and love you for it later on down the road. Things change, stay the same, morph and flow throughout the years and as a childhood education major let them decide on the things in their lives that are not of risk to them even if it's not what you as a parent would do.

[JonB_in_Glencoe]

Maybe she will break a string, maybe she will fall down, maybe her violin will spontaneously combust, ect.

Frank, I didn't think you had the "Jeff Gillooly" in you.

http://www.myfoxboston.com/dpp/news/...k-back-to-1994

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[frkelly74]

Yeah, we're all monsters down deep. Most of the time we can keep the rocks turned right side up, maybe.

I did find out a couple of things about myself. Live and learn.

[Echo]

My oldest son competed in a regional music event, playing a percussion duet (Jr HS level). I was outside, listening. Other kids were standing around, listening, and saying Wow. They swung. Afterwards the judge deemed it worth a '3' - with '1' being the tops. I was ready to wring the judge's neck. I don't do Anger well, so I try not to engage that emotion, but I reverted to a past incarnation and breathed fire for a while...
I mean, they are our kids, right?

[frkelly74]

Exactly!!

Still Must maintain Controll.

[crappiejig]

As hard as it is sometimes, as a parent we need to step back and maintain control.My daughter just turned 13 a couple weeks ago, and competes in Martial Arts.She has trained since she was 8. She has competed in many local tournaments as well as running the All Star Sport Karate Series circuit this year. Sometimes I think the judges are absolutely blind! But all in all, as long as she is happy I've tried to keep my mouth shut.We love our kids and we know how hard they work for what they love to do.

[blackthorn]

The thing that raised the hair on my neck in your story was the hypocrisy of letting contestents think they were in a "contest" when the outcome was based on age not talent! In my opinion the event should have been termed an exhibition. That way everyone could have enjoyed the music with no false expectations to bring anyone down!

[looseprojectile]

VOODOO has worked for me when dealing with those kind of folks .

My Daughter played the flute so well it would make me cry.

Life is good

[DCM]

The thing that raised the hair on my neck in your story was the hypocrisy of letting contestents think they were in a "contest" when the outcome was based on age not talent! In my opinion the event should have been termed an exhibition. That way everyone could have enjoyed the music with no false expectations to bring anyone down!

+1 Sounds like more P.C. BS make them feel good regardless of ability!

[firefly1957]

Live and learn I never thought as you I was happy when kids did their best Some of the other parents were so bad that I hated being around them. We had one couch who was so biased that he was removed from a softball league I never found out what was going on there but it would not have happened without video cameras.

[Harter66]

Yep happens to the best of us.

Had your daughter won out due to a fall or failed string I guarantee that it would have been bittersweet.

My oldest boy played little league I know he came home tore up from more than one game,I remember the one really great classic" bottom of the 9th 2 on, down by 3 game" he was up. Left field was just a little slow, tipped the ball over the fence. All 3 went home,parents went nuts,the coach bought pizza....................my son says" dad that's no way to win,I should of been out"...........how do you argue w/that? I conjured up some feel good thing and did the" At's my boy" thing. He made me proud that day,and he was right. He didn't play any more sports after that.

My daughter played varsity football in HS. Horrible team couldn't keep but 14 eligible week after week. Not 1 win in 2 yrs. Her glory moment? Her last game, futility at its finest,she rushed and dumb lucked into a sack the recovers a fumble and runs it in. Best game of the season,lost 48-12. She's received 7 command awards in 5yrs in the Navy for what amounts to sucking it upend dragging the slackers kicking and screaming to the goal.

I think when raising kids its best to let the pieces fall as to how they deal w/ wins and loses. Me? I'm glad they played and glad they finished. The refs calls wont always seem right . It sounds like your girl has the drive and talent to soldier on and the grace to say maybe next time. Who knows she might be the next great. Consistancy is more important than winning in going places in this age.

[frkelly74]

Good point Harter66.