My Dad

[fatelk]

My dad passed away just over a week ago. Until a couple years ago he was strong and healthy (or so he thought). Late 70s was young in our family- most of the older generation made it into their 90s, and some into the 100s.

He was quite a man. He made an impact in his lifetime, influenced a lot of people. He was principled and ethical, honest to a fault. I respected and admired him, but we didn't have a good relationship. He could be very difficult and frustrating, to put it mildly. We had been reconciling slowly in the last few years, difficult because we're halfway across the country from each other, and he was hard to talk to. COVID hampered my plans to get out to see him before he passed, and I regret that. We had a great phone conversation a couple days before; I'm thankful for that.

I always thought I had more time to make things right. If anyone else has similar issues- go see your folks. Tell them you love them. Life is short.

[tankgunner59]

I extend my condolences to you and your family, and I will include y'all in my prayers.
My dad passed in '09 at 75 and I have a lot of regrets. Unlike your dad mine dropped my mom and me and my 3 siblings off in my moms hometown here in 1963 and left for Japan where he had been stationed in the Air Force. I didn't see him again until I was about 10 or 11 and until my mom passed in 2016 I didn't know the story. We only saw him once in a while till I was an adult, we spent one summer with him in 1974.
After I got married to my wife he started coming around, but we never knew when he was coming. In about 1996 or so I got into an argument with his girlfriend and offended him. After not seeing much of him for a while, he came to see me in April of 2009 and we reconciled, he told me he had to have double bypass and a heart valve replaced in July. While he was in the hospital in Atlanta, GA my half brother called and said he wasn't doing good. I took my family and drove straight through to Atlanta to see him, and got to talk to him for about 10 or 20 minutes but he was still groggy. The next morning he took a bad turn and passed before I could get to his side.
I feel the same as you, I lay no blame on him. We were never meant to hold grudges, but I have one against me. We should all stay close to loved ones and treat every day like it is the last with them. My wife and I were at my moms house on a Sunday evening to visit and she passed the following Tuesday morning with no warning.
When you are with a loved one act like it is the last time you will see them cause it may be just that. May God bless you and your family fatelk.

[Der Gebirgsjager]

You have my deepest sympathy concerning your dad's loss. I lost my dad in 1995, he was my best friend, and I miss him daily. We can only hope that our children and grandchildren will think as well of us after we pass away. May God's comfort and blessings be with you.

[MT Gianni]

Sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is something that you cannot describe only feel. I wish you peace.

[Buzz Krumhunger]

Condolences, Fatelk, on the loss of your Dad.
My Dad passed suddenly, early in January 2014. I don’t know that I’ll ever get used to him being gone.

[Dieselhorses]

I am sorry for your loss! I'm sure your dad thought much more of you than you thought. No one is perfect in this life and I've often wondered how I would be remembered when that day came. I lost my dad in 1985 when he was hit by a drunk driver at 3:00 pm in the afternoon not too far from house. I was supposed to have taken a ride with him as he asked me 3 times if I would go. I just told him I was busy doing something. I regret to this day not accompanying him but I guess there is a reason for everything. The impact on his truck was on the passenger side where I would have been. He was 57.

I'm glad you had that phone call with him! I know what the missing feels like. But the way I look at it, is each day that passes is one day closer to seeing our loved ones again! God bless you and will be praying for you and the family.

[Harter66]

It's been just a week over 2 years since I lost my Dad we always had an arms length relationship , not that we weren't close we just weren't talk about anything close . 2 weeks before he passed he was on a backhoe moving dirt , he was a lot sicker than he ever let on and made sure that we all knew where we stood with him .

He did this thing his whole life . He'd irritate the devil out of my before he left for any length of time so she'd be mad at him when he left so she wouldn't miss him so much . Damned if he didn't pull off a grand finale .
Like most life humour it wasn't the least bit funny in the moment , in hindsight he played us all pretty good . Of course it takes the right mind set to see the the humour .
It's also hard to explain if you didn't know .
I had the fortune of spending as much time with him in his last 6 weeks or so as I had in several years .

Of course none of that helps at all for you . In this time little will .

You have my condolences .

[fatelk]

Thank you all for the kind words, and it's fine to relate the stories of your own fathers. I've noticed over the years that my own struggles and feelings on the subject are far from unique. A boy/man's relationship with his father is one of the most important of his life, and helps shape who he is as a man. My dad was honest to a fault, intelligent and principled, always trying to right some wrong. I have a lot of memories, and many good ones.

I've often felt that I must have been my dad's biggest disappointment in life- an only son who didn't want to follow in his boots as a farmer. It's not that I didn't want to farm; it's just that no man could ever work with him for very long and not end up absolutely hating it, and many tried, including several brothers-in-law. It's just how he was, and I eventually grew to understand that, and love him anyway. I felt I never had his respect as a man, and he always saw me as a stubborn teenage boy who wouldn't listen to him. In the last couple years I think that changed though, as he saw me raise a family and grow in my career (even if I wasn't a farmer). I'm grateful for that last conversation, but I had so much more to say. I tried calling him 2 days later and my mom answered the phone, blurting something to the effect that they couldn't talk because they were with the doctor in the hospital. An hour later he was gone. We had no idea it was that close. I assumed he had months, if not a year or two.

I learned some important things from him, by means of what not to do. I hug my kids every day and tell them I love them. I try to listen to them and support them as best I can. I wish they could have gotten to know him better.

[tankgunner59]

Thank you all for the kind words, and it's fine to relate the stories of your own fathers. I've noticed over the years that my own struggles and feelings on the subject are far from unique. A boy/man's relationship with his father is one of the most important of his life, and helps shape who he is as a man. My dad was honest to a fault, intelligent and principled, always trying to right some wrong. I have a lot of memories, and many good ones.

I've often felt that I must have been my dad's biggest disappointment in life- an only son who didn't want to follow in his boots as a farmer. It's not that I didn't want to farm; it's just that no man could ever work with him for very long and not end up absolutely hating it, and many tried, including several brothers-in-law. It's just how he was, and I eventually grew to understand that, and love him anyway. I felt I never had his respect as a man, and he always saw me as a stubborn teenage boy who wouldn't listen to him. In the last couple years I think that changed though, as he saw me raise a family and grow in my career (even if I wasn't a farmer). I'm grateful for that last conversation, but I had so much more to say. I tried calling him 2 days later and my mom answered the phone, blurting something to the effect that they couldn't talk because they were with the doctor in the hospital. An hour later he was gone. We had no idea it was that close. I assumed he had months, if not a year or two.

I learned some important things from him, by means of what not to do. I hug my kids every day and tell them I love them. I try to listen to them and support them as best I can. I wish they could have gotten to know him better.

It's very strange to me but I have said these things exactly to many people when speaking of my dad. Don't get me wrong, I love my dad, we just didn't know each other well enough to understand each other. I'm not trying to hijack your thread, fatelk, it's just uncanny to me how similar our experiences are.
May God bless.