Marriage Advice for Us Young Bucks

[jimlj]

40 years for my wife and I.
I've learned two things that I believe are mandatory,
Love Christ more than you love your wife.
Love your wife more than you love yourself.
If you do these two things I doubt you will have any problem you and your wife can't overcome.
A third bit of advise that is optional but highly recommended...
Spend the extra money and hire a qualified contractor to do the kitchen remodel rather than doing it yourself. (I've not taken my own advise twice now, there won't be a third time)

[tinsnips]

42 years for me an the queen. I always get the last word it is yes dear!

[Nazgul]

When I thought about asking my wife to marry me I was scared she would say no and terrified that she would say yes!!!

Don

[Doughty]

We have a great system. In the morning, she does whatever she wants to do. In the afternoon, I do whatever she wants to do.

[jsizemore]

Don't fight about anything important.

[BrutalAB]

Dont.

Or if you dont want to take that advice:

Seriously ask ask yourself, what am I gaining by doing this? What am I risking? Is risking half of everything I have worked for and will work for worth whatever I have to gain? Do I really want to do this and create an incentive for her to end this relationship (or worse)?


If you ignore this, and decide to do it anyways:

Dont forget to watch out for number one and never let her see you struggle with anything, cause when it really matters, she will dump everything and do everything in her power to make it harder for you. Women hate someone struggling and will do everything they can to get away from even reasonable struggle. Never ever think you can count on her to help you the way you help her. You will be sadly mistaken.

[26Charlie]

Coming up on 56 years July 4th. Recognize her value - she really did wait 19 months for me while I was overseas in the beginning. She bore 3 fine children. She moved. All over the country with me. When I had the cancer, the heart surgery, and now the replacement hip two days before the 4th, she arranged and kept track of it all. I helped the same way with her breast cancer, broken hip, replacement knee. Don’t forget birthdays, until she tells you she doesn’t want any more birthdays. Don’t forget anniversary - not so hard in my case.
It is the nature of life that you will meet other attractive women - about two a year, in my case. They can never be more than good friends, so balance off the worth of the wife you have with the attractiveness of the other, and thank God for who you have. Resolve to stay straight. Worked for me.

[redriverhunter]

Never start a habit you don't want to keep

[WinchesterM1]

I’ve only been married 8 years and I’m 34 years old, so not a lot of experience. However I have 3 kids.

My advice would be this. Wake up every day thinking how can I make her(his) life happier and easier. Marriage is not 50/50 as people say it’s 100/100 each partner has to be in it 100% all day everyday some times you will have a bad day and so will she. But you go in and lift her up and make her feel like a the beautiful queen she is.

Also... the old saying a happy wife happy life is also true... because if she is happy she leaves you alone!! Lol

[fatelk]

There are times I think about all the cool toys I could have if I hadn’t gotten married and had a kid. Then my daughter grins at me or my wife does something to make me smile and I forget all about it.

I understand. I could have all kinds of nice toys, new cars, money in the bank, etc., if I was single, or if we didn't have kids and my wife had continued her career without health trouble. We struggle as it is, raising four kids on one income, with doctor bills and health troubles. Would I change it if I could? Heck no! My wife and kids are what make life worth living. I wouldn't trade what we have for literally all the money in the world.

[Ozark mike]

I lost all trust in em when i gave mine every thing i had plus some and it still wasnt enough she walked away like it was nothin. That said if you can find one that is really interested in making it work cherish it because i have yet to witness it its kind of like bigfoot people say its real but i haven't seen it yet.

Ps every time people talk about getting married i think of jerry reed because he put it the best way i have ever heard

[Bantou]

I understand. I could have all kinds of nice toys, new cars, money in the bank, etc., if I was single, or if we didn't have kids and my wife had continued her career without health trouble. We struggle as it is, raising four kids on one income, with doctor bills and health troubles. Would I change it if I could? Heck no! My wife and kids are what make life worth living. I wouldn't trade what we have for literally all the money in the world.

That is exactly where we are minus 3 kids. It’s rough with one, I can only imagine what it is like raising 4. I started selling lead on here just to help make ends meet and hopefully have a little extra for emergencies.


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[fatelk]

Well, they don't get any cheaper. My oldest has her learner's permit and is now driving a car. It seems like yesterday that we were first bringing her home from the hospital (in the same car, btw). We've gone through some tough times, and it hasn't been easy. We got through them together though. We've gone without a lot of the nice things in life, but we've also stayed debt-free (other than the house).

Every single day I tell my wife how much I appreciate her, even when we're both grouchy and irritated with each other. I rarely ever walk by her without touching her; a 2-minute shoulder massage when she's at the stove cooking dinner makes a very positive impact.

I never let a day go by without giving each of my kids a hug, and telling them how I'm the luckiest dad in the world, to have such awesome kids. I really try to listen as they're telling me all about whatever thing they're currently enthralled with. It really doesn't get any better than this.

The years have gone by so fast since my oldest was a baby, and now she's practically a grown up woman. Where has the time gone? Enjoy every day. Make good memories with your kids. Spend time with them and be interested in what they are (even if you're not). If you want them to stay close when they're grown, keep that relationship.

I get stressed out about money, and worry about making ends meet, so much so that it's a constant irritation to my wife. We don't let our irritations build up though. I was 30 when we met, married 4 months later. I don't regret it for an instant.

[jimlj]

There are times I think about all the cool toys I could have if I hadn’t gotten married and had a kid. Then my daughter grins at me or my wife does something to make me smile and I forget all about it.


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All the cool toys break or wear out. True happiness never will.

[Wag]

Remember, whatever you're mad about doesn't matter enough to be mad about. I think about the kinds of things I used to get mad about and now, many years later, it's a mystery why I thought it was so important.

Yesterday would have been our 31st anniversary. As I've mentioned before, she passed 3 1/2 years ago and I still miss her fiercely.

--Wag--

[jonp]

Run
Run Far, Run Long
Run Silent, Run Deep
Run, Just Run

Al Bundy

[hanleyfan]

you get on your knees to ask her to marry you and than she slaps a nose ring in you nose like bull cow and than controls you the rest of your life, i have been married 41 years and if I had to do it all over again I would not get married period. they say its a 50/50 but from my experience its more like 100/0 , with the wife getting the 100% if she gets her way everything is fine if she don't there is hell to be paid.

[Bantou]

you get on your knees to ask her to marry you and than she slaps a nose ring in you nose like bull cow and than controls you the rest of your life, i have been married 41 years and if I had to do it all over again I would not get married period. they say its a 50/50 but from my experience its more like 100/0 , with the wife getting the 100% if she gets her way everything is fine if she don't there is hell to be paid.

Man I hate to hear that. Mine tried that crap not long after we got married. She learned pretty quick that the harder she pushed the harder I resisted. I learned real quick to pick my battles. She still gets what she wants most of the time but I no longer get put through hell when I say no.


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[fatelk]

Like anything else, we all have had our own experiences, based on different circumstances, personalities, and attitudes.

It like reloading: if you asked a dozen gun guys at the range you'll get different answers. Some will tell you how great it is and how it saves you money, because they have time and enjoy the process. Others will tell you it's a waste of time, because they don't have spare time and time is money. Still others will tell you Run Away! Don't do it! They had a buddy who did it wrong and blew up his gun, lost fingers and an eye- oh the horrors...

What this thread has done for me is to reinforce in my mind the importance of teaching my kids about these things as they grow up. Choosing a spouse is about the most important practical decision you can make in you life. So many young people choose poorly. The typical male thought process goes something like "Wow, she's hot! I want her!". The typical female thought is "Oh, he loves me!" -*butterflies*- "Let's get married!"

I want to teach my kids how wisely and carefully choosing a spouse will make a life-altering difference for the rest of your life. Find the right one, and treat her right, and life will be good.

[fatelk]

Man I hate to hear that. Mine tried that crap not long after we got married. She learned pretty quick that the harder she pushed the harder I resisted. I learned real quick to pick my battles. She still gets what she wants most of the time but I no longer get put through hell when I say no.

Well said. "Choose your battles" is very good advice. I expect she chooses her battles carefully now as well. It's a partnership- works best with plenty of give and take. If one side is all take and the other is all give- that's a recipe for disaster in any type of partnership.