Marriage Advice for Us Young Bucks

[Carrier]

After 36 years of marriage my advice would be its cheaper to rent them

[dannyd]

After 36 years of marriage my advice would be its cheaper to rent them

I would offer....

Marriage is a special relationship...…. one in which one person is always right......the other is the husband...….

Don't

[QUOTE=Bantou;4925665]This is all great advise and stuff I wish I had, had access to years ago (although being honest I probably did and was just too stubborn to listen). So many of these lessons I have had to learn the hard way and a vast majority of them I am a long way from mastering. We started out wild and then had a rapid series of events, all within less than two years, that did serious damage to our relationship. No infidelity mercifully, though we both thought about it at one point or another. That was almost 4 years ago and it has been a hard fight to repair the damage done but we are finally making headway.



Don't know how old you are, but both our kids have been married 17 years. What I told them was if life was fun you all would live at Disney and You have to like someone to live with them, so make sure you like them.

[GhostHawk]

I make it my job to tell as well as show my wife at least 3 times a day how much I love her. And that means saying it, out loud.

"If momma ain't happy, nobody's happy. If Momma's unhappy long enough your going to be unhappy with only half your stuff." Because she will divorce you and take it. So it is your job to keep her happy, whatever that takes. If you are going to do it, be sure, and commit fully. I mean all you got plus another 20%. Dig deep, make her happiness more important than yours.

And when you fight, and you will, you'll think you were in the right. But man up, be the first to say your sorry. And mean it.
Its all about teamwork, learning to work together, learning to give a little to get a lot done and be happy.

[Bantou]

[QUOTE=dannyd;4925688]

This is all great advise and stuff I wish I had, had access to years ago (although being honest I probably did and was just too stubborn to listen). So many of these lessons I have had to learn the hard way and a vast majority of them I am a long way from mastering. We started out wild and then had a rapid series of events, all within less than two years, that did serious damage to our relationship. No infidelity mercifully, though we both thought about it at one point or another. That was almost 4 years ago and it has been a hard fight to repair the damage done but we are finally making headway.



Don't know how old you are, but both our kids have been married 17 years. What I told them was if life was fun you all would live at Disney and You have to like someone to live with them, so make sure you like them.

Let me amend my statement, most of what’s in here is good advice.

I’m knocking on 31 she is knocking on 29. We’ve known each other since we were 17 and 14 respectively.


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[Bantou]

I didn’t start this thread because my marriage is failing. Quite the opposite in fact, we are doing better now than we have in a long time. I was mostly curious what advice more experienced minds would give to somebody just starting out and maybe gain a few nuggets to help us keep improving along the way.


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[Scrounge]

Piggybacking off of another thread, I have a question for the more "senior" membership that I thought would be fun to discuss: What advice would you give yourself if you could go back in time to the day before your wedding? My wife and I have been married for going on six years and are just now starting to figure out what it really means to be married.

Don't. Not yet anyway. Wait a year or four. Among other things, my wife had a full-ride scholarship to Harvard-Radcliffe that she passed up to marry me. When I found out about it, I freaked! Told her if I was worth a darn, I'd still be available when she finished her degree, and if I wasn't, I wouldn't have been worth a darn. Not quite how I phrased it, but don't want another warning.

Oh, and remember the rules:

Rule # 1. If Mama is happy, everybody is happy.

Rule # 2. If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

38 years mid-August.

Attachment 263772

Neither of us look like that anymore.

[Thundarstick]

Advice? Boy, the ones you struck out are valid advice as well! You see, every relationship is a life unto itself. I've known couples that married after dating for 10 years that were divorced and done in 5, on the other hand, I know a couple that knew each other a week, married, and have 35 years under there belt. My advice, don't sweat the small stuff, and know when to quit! O, and if it ain't easy before the rings, it's gonna get real bad after the rings!

I think we make a huge mistake in America by not treating marriage as a contract with clear expectations laid out in advance. No, love won't get you through everything!

[Bantou]

I think we make a huge mistake in America by not treating marriage as a contract with clear expectations laid out in advance. No, love won't get you through everything!

I would have to disagree with you there. I think the reason the divorce rate has climbed to what it is, is because too many people treat marriage like a contract. If my wife and I had treated our marriage as a contract we would have divorced a long time ago. It’s no understatement to say that our marriage has been through hell. Cliff notes version: We had a miscarriage, I witnessed a violent fatality incident at work (electrocution), got pregnant again (pregnancy hormones plus severe depression on her part), I quit work and we moved in with her mom so I could go back to school to be a pastor, had a baby and she stacked postpartum depression onto her regular depression, quit school and went back to work because the stress was too much, and added depression for me; all of that in less than two years. The fights during that time were legendary and did lasting damage. If our marriage had been a contract we never would have survived.

I will admit that you are partially right about love though. Love the emotion will not see you through everything. Love can be a choice though. You have to choose to love them even if you can’t stand to look at them. It is not an easy thing to do and we both failed more than succeeded. There were times that the only thing holding me in our marriage was the vow I made before God “for better or worse.” Where one of us failed the other succeeded though so we made it through.

I’m a firm believer that, that phrase is in wedding vows for a reason. If you go into a marriage expecting it to always be easy and and that your spouse is going to carry their “half”, you are dooming it from the start. I have had to learn the hard way that marriage is 110% for both parties. If you aren’t willing to step in and help because it is “their responsibility,” you both wind up resenting each other over unfulfilled expectation.


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[Ozark mike]

Take up a hobby building model airplains and casting boolits instead

[fatelk]

Don't be selfish

[richhodg66]

Don't be selfish

This is probably the best advice out of all of this. Long story short, family has to be first and sometimes we all have to take one for the team.

I always read this stuff where guys say, "Just learn to say Yes, dear" a lot and do everything for her. If you approach it like that, you will soon have a spoiled brat for a spouse and you will be resentful and bitter. You shouldn't make every waking hour making someone else happy anymore than you should expect her to do that for you. Have your own things that you like to do and encourage her to do the same. Mutual respect.

And yeah, I'm still on my first marriage for 32 years now.

[JoeG52]

Learn to practice forgiveness and no quitters. Last put Christ 1st in your life.

47 years for us. Put Christ 1st in your life!

[Bantou]

Take up a hobby building model airplains and casting boolits instead

There are times I think about all the cool toys I could have if I hadn’t gotten married and had a kid. Then my daughter grins at me or my wife does something to make me smile and I forget all about it.


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[JoeG52]

There are times I think about all the cool toys I could have if I hadn’t gotten married and had a kid. Then my daughter grins at me or my wife does something to make me smile and I forget all about it.


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Just wait until your grandchildren come running to you with big smiles!

[10x]

Coming up to 48 years.
I have no idea why it lasted so long, It has survived three children, two of whom were difficult to raise but seem to have good values now they have their self made disasters dealt with.

Never take your spouse for granted, consider their feelings and their needs. Ask yourself if you would put up with the bull feces you want to hand to your spouse when you are angry or unhappy?
Never let challenges outside your marriage that anger you to spill over towards your spouse or children. Your spouse is there to support you, not for you to rip a strip because of frustration with work, or frustration with other people.
Learn to recognize when your spouse is angry - and learn to recognize when you have generated that anger.


On a lighter note, my wife hasn't spoken to me in over five years. I have thought about divorce but after discussing this with my lawyer his advice was "stay married, women like that are hard to find...."

[lightman]

I guess first you have to have respect for each other. Try to treat Her like a Queen. Never let Her forget that you love her.

You need to agree on a few things. And if agreeing does not happen naturally you need to find some common ground and meet in the middle. Things like finances, raising children, ect. You need to be on the same team.

You are in a demanding profession and there are or will be times that your work interferes with your social life. I know!!! Its important for Her to support and understand this. After being a Lineman for nearly 35 years I can't even begin to count the times that I have missed family events or Holidays due to work.

It can be a cold hard world out there. Its not as cold or as hard if you are facing it together.

We have #45 coming up soon. I still pat her on the backside sometimes when She is standing in the kitchen in her house coat and She still giggles!

[Hardcast]

There is some excellent advise in this thread. We have a unique marriage. In 43 years of marriage, my wife and I have yet to have our first fight. Sure, we have been irritated at one another, but we never fight. Some thoughts from experience: when couples stand at the alter and vow "in sickness and health, richer or poorer, for better or worse", they have no idea how bad "worse" can get. 3 and a half years ago, I was diagnosed with advanced stage 4 cancer. It's a miracle that I am still here, but I surely would not be if it were not for the love and care provided by my wife. We are still best friends and have raised 3 amazing children. We have laughed together and cried together. Marriage is sharing your lives together, a man and a woman becoming one couple, partners in the game of life.

[William Yanda]

My Mom advised me that it isn't a 50/50 proposition, I should expect to give 100% effort if it were going to work. Boy was she right!

[dannyd]

[QUOTE=Bantou;4925697][QUOTE=dannyd;4925688]

Let me amend my statement, most of what’s in here is good advice.

I’m knocking on 31 she is knocking on 29. We’ve known each other since we were 17 and 14 respectively.


It all depends on the people knew my wife 6 months before we married 41 years ago.

[elk hunter]

I am fortunate enough to be married to my best friend. After 51 years we're still going strong. The only advice I'd give is to LISTEN CAREFULLY and to marry the one person you can't live without, not just one you think you can live with. Too many people marry a sex partner not a life partner.