Marriage Advice for Us Young Bucks

[JerryCan]

I had a pretty bad temper for years. I wouldn't yell at my wife, but my temper was stressful for her. Add in how bad it is for me to lose my cool I taught myself to always stop and think.
I'd ask myself, "will I be upset about this s year from today?".
If I'm not going to be mad a year from it, why waste my time? I almost never get mad and haven't in years. Anger is a useless emotion. It damaged you physically. And those around you are mentally abused.

Another big mistake I made, I skipped the little things. All the people I know that stayed married, made a point of doing little things for each other. My first marriage ended after 9 years. I took a hard look at myself. Fixed what I could, and met the woman I was .want to be with. We love each other more now than when newlyweds. I always tell people to wait as long as they can to marry. I was 30 before I really knew what I wanted in a marriage.

[fatelk]

I thought I'd add one last thing, that may or may not be entirely germane to this discussion. Many times in these types of threads I read advice for those who aren't married yet, things like finding a woman who's in shape, and like to hike and camp, or has a career and her own money, or is strong and healthy, etc..

That's all well and good, and it is important to keep in mind what's important to you. For my wife and I, what was most important was shared faith, values, and goals in life. Even before we were married, we talked about how, for us, "til death do us part" and "for better or worse" meant what they say. Getting married is the best thing I ever did, and I haven't regretted it for a moment.

My wife is not in shape to hike and camp, and she's had some chronic health issues. We've been through numerous surgeries in 18 years (mostly on her foot, nothing scary serious) and are preparing right now for another one in less than two weeks. It's going to be a long recovery this summer, and we're not looking forward to it. It's all been non- life threatening stuff, but it's never-ending. Recently it's been chronic migraines on top of everything else. In sickness and in health...

She was working in the medical field when we met, but quit when kids came along, and then the health issues... She was never terribly good with her money, and had some debt we had to pay off. It's been tough raising a family and paying medical bills all on one blue-collar income. For better or worse...

But we've got each other, and life is pretty good, all in all. Do I sometimes get feeling sorry for myself about how things are? Sure, can't help but feel that way a bit sometimes, but I still wouldn't trade what we do have for all the things we don't have.

My point is only that if your important criteria in choosing a spouse are things like money, looks, and health, then you're most likely headed for hard times and divorce, because things change. They always do. Making the important things your priority will help weather those changes.

[Big Tom]

30 years here... don't expect it to be easy. there will be times when you are not right. at the end it will be worth it (I guess, as I have no comparison).

[edp2k]

50% of marriages end in divorce, and the other 50% end in death, neither is appealing, just don't do it

[Scrounge]

50% of marriages end in divorce, and the other 50% end in death, neither is appealing, just don't do it

EVERYTHING ends in death. Why die without having lived? Dum vivimus, vivamus!

[blackthorn]

My theory is that we usually wind up with the type of mate we are exposed to in our everyday environment. Hang out in bars---marry a bar fly--Spend a lot of time around church---marry a person who does the same---etc. Both Gail and I are on our second marriage. Her first lasted 25 years and mine lasted 32. NOW we are happy with each other! Our marriage is based on love, respect for each other and willingness to recognize each other's need for personal space on occasion. We have been together 28 years. Best 28 years of my life.

[edp2k]

EVERYTHING ends in death. Why die without having lived? Dum vivimus, vivamus!

Wow, you just got the joke!

And note, there is a difference between living happily, and living a life of living hell. Choose wisely.

[Scrounge]

I've been married twice. First one lasted 8 years because I'm stubborn. Middle of next month it will be 38 years for the second one. That's lasted this long because both of us are stubborn.

[robg]

just agree with her .been together 38years .how she put up with me in the early days god knows.

[wv109323]

I would offer....

Marriage is a special relationship...…. one in which one person is always right......the other is the husband...….

My wife agreed with this statement.

[gwpercle]

I've been married for 48 years ...to the same girl ... I still love her , I still want to be with her and she's my best friend. The other day she said " After all these years , You still make me laugh...and I love you !"
All I can say is both my Mom and Dad liked her when I brought her home to meet them , right off the bat they knew she was a "good " girl and approved ! ...
So if you're not sure ...bring the girl home and let Mom and Dad meet her...then take their advice !
My parents sure had it right ... I must admit I did bring home a few girls that didn't make the cut and I'm so glad now I didn't marry any of them .
Gary