Don't understand "significant other"

[Dieselhorses]

I know I shouldn't put my personal info out here but generally speaking...

If I loaned my "partner" $ to be paid over time, should I be in a "tizzy" if this partner (2 months later) refinances a loan with a bank to get more $? (The premises was to save interest btw.) Would I be over reacting if I didn't think this was right? Since inception, we always agreed to handle our finances (you pay this-I'll pay that).

[Idz]

If you agreed to separate finances you have no right to gripe unless they don't pay you back as agreed. Technically they were obligated to disclose the personal loan from you to the bank that gave them another loan.

[MrWolf]

The loan in writing or more along the lines of a promise? I loaned enough not to hurt me financially but if not paid back or abused then I won't miss it when I break up with them. I was used in my marriage and wont let that happen again.

[Dieselhorses]

Just gonna let her do her thing (for better or for worse). Was just in awe after stimulus money, then my money then still making another loan. Thanks for advice.

[rancher1913]

I see a lot of red flags in your relationship. cover your hind end financially so you dont go down with your partners ship.

[Winger Ed.]

Beware:
Sometimes 'significant others' begin to think, and evolve like some wives do:

The early stages start with- what's yours is ours, and what's hers is hers.
Then, over time, it becomes- what's hers is hers, and what's yours is hers too.

If that happens, it's easier to un-ring a bell than come back from there.

[Dieselhorses]

I see a lot of red flags in your relationship. cover your hind end financially so you dont go down with your partners ship.

I have a lifeboat "stashed".

[Der Gebirgsjager]

I'm with rancher1913-- you better take some steps to cover your derriere. The formality of marriage isn't always needed to connect people for liability. If your "other" gets in over her head financially and nasty things like repossessions, foreclosures, and bankruptcy begin you may find yourself on the hook to pay half or even all of it off. I'd consult an attorney...….

[Winger Ed.]

I have a lifeboat "stashed".

That's good, however:
From experience---- Having to jump into it once myself greatly decreased my fund for 'gunpowder and Whiskey'.

Something else- depending on the laws of your state-
They might look upon the relationship of your 'significant other' and yourself, call it a 'common law marriage'.
If that's true, you may or may not have to have a court proceeding to get a common law divorce.

[dverna]

I have a cohabitation agreement. Best $1200 I have spent. What is mine will always be mine. Check with an attorney to check your state laws.....also beware of common law marriage laws in your state.

I know a guy who simply pays for sex. It works for him. Not suggesting it is a good way to go, but it aorks fo4 some. Remember, all women are nuts to some degree.

[Dieselhorses]

They did away with "common law" marriage several years ago here. Doesn't matter anyway cuz she does have papers on me. She isn't really a selfish person at all and she has been paying me back every month. She claims "I don't want anything that belongs to you". Maybe I'm too old school. When we first were married I was self employed. I was making money but not the same every week. She made it clear she wanted me to get "a full time job". At the end of the year I did and have been full time with state since. She holds that over my head now and then-claiming if it wasn't for her helping me out in the beginning months I wouldn't be where I am now. I moved in with her 10 years ago. She was paying house note and I was paying most of the other bills to balance things out. Beginning of May 2017 I found out she was 4 or 5 months late with payments. She had to resort to her mom and dad to come to the rescue in tune of $10K to catch up. From then on I took on the note of 1k a month. Her Trailblazer went south in 2014 so I bought another vehicle and paid it off. Not my fault she has the degree and makes just half of what I make and I don't have a degree. Really not complaining as I'm on the verge of finally not having to live paycheck to paycheck. I don't mind helping and I know "love" is not selfish. I WANT her to have a little extra money. She gets paid monthly and I guess that's issue with making money last-takes discipline. Sorry to rant on.

[sigep1764]

Not to be too forward, but it sounds like shes not very good with money. When my girlfriend moved in, we had a frank discussion about money. I pay the rent/now mortgage, she pays the Bill's and buys the food in the house. To even it out, she was to pay off her car, credit cards, and student loans with the difference between what I paid and what little she paid. Within two years she was debt free like me and one year later we bought a house. There was an engagement in there somewhere. We still have separate accounts, but are fully aware of each others financial situation. Be open and honest if you do not think she is doing a good job. She needs to hear it if she ain't. On the flip side, if she does well, tell her she did well.

[Dieselhorses]

It's none of your business.

Yea-ok


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[Dieselhorses]

Not to be too forward, but it sounds like shes not very good with money. When my girlfriend moved in, we had a frank discussion about money. I pay the rent/now mortgage, she pays the Bill's and buys the food in the house. To even it out, she was to pay off her car, credit cards, and student loans with the difference between what I paid and what little she paid. Within two years she was debt free like me and one year later we bought a house. There was an engagement in there somewhere. We still have separate accounts, but are fully aware of each others financial situation. Be open and honest if you do not think she is doing a good job. She needs to hear it if she ain't. On the flip side, if she does well, tell her she did well.

She admits she’s not good with money but refuses to sit down for some pointers. I think she has PTSD from first marriage or something.


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[David2011]

Reminds me of someone I had to turn loose. She was bad at her finances and abusive of mine. One day she told me, “You know, you give me everything I want and I still want more.” She’s someone else’s problem now.

[garandsrus]

Reducing the interest rate is good. Maybe that’s what she is doing with the new loan also, paying off some other higher interest debt. If so, that’s a good thing! If that’s not the case, do you know what she plans to do with the extra money?

What does this mean?: “Doesn't matter anyway cuz she does have papers on me”

[Dieselhorses]

Reducing the interest rate is good. Maybe that’s what she is doing with the new loan also, paying off some other higher interest debt. If so, that’s a good thing! If that’s not the case, do you know what she plans to do with the extra money?

What does this mean?: “Doesn't matter anyway cuz she does have papers on me”

She has papers as in we’re “hitched”. I have no idea where the extra $ is going. She just said she is behind on everything. I always tell her I’m not here to judge but to try to help.


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[Thundarstick]

Every relationship is different, and what works for some, won't for others. My wife and I are completely joined, I pay all the bills from once joint account, she has a different joint account that is "her discretionary money". We can both see what the other spends it on.

You are just feeling a resentment because YOU feel she should have done something differently. The problem is all on you, and only you can make it go away. IOW, if she's keeping to the deal it don't matter what she has done after the deal was struck. Let it go!

Now you two run along and enjoy a great life together!

[Dieselhorses]

Every relationship is different, and what works for some, won't for others. My wife and I are completely joined, I pay all the bills from once joint account, she has a different joint account that is "her discretionary money". We can both see what the other spends it on.

You are just feeling a resentment because YOU feel she should have done something differently. The problem is all on you, and only you can make it go away. IOW, if she's keeping to the deal it don't matter what she has done after the deal was struck. Let it go!

Now you two run along and enjoy a great life together!

Thank you. The pros still outweigh the cons.


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[Thundarstick]

Thank you. The pros still outweigh the cons.


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And that rite there is what it's all about! Love! Always resort to love!

I aught to dig up a two year old personal thread buried on here somewhere!