I’m reminded how hard it is to forgive

[JimB..]

I’ve spent the past week being disappointed and upset with someone for doing me wrong.

I’m mad at myself for letting it happen too, which makes it even worse.

So I’m buying a long list of stuff from a guy. We’re standing in his driveway and the deal is that for the used stuff we’ll agree on what the item would be worth new and then discount it 40% because it’s used, for other stuff we’ll just agree on a price. This was not at all unclear. I’m valuing the stuff, he agrees with each and then writes it down and does the math. You can see where this is going. I was generous with my valuations because he’s just a working guy that’s a little down on his luck trying to get a very small new business started, kinda living at the edge of financial crisis. Maybe he just made a simple math error, but he added all the new retail pricing up and gave me the total which I paid.

Honestly I shouldn’t have even been there, it was a bad pain day for my back and I was both taking medication and was very anxious to get back home. But no excuse, I didn’t do what any idiot would have known to do to protect himself.

Get home with everything, take a nap, wake up and immediately realize that the total didn’t make sense. Went back through and recreated the valuation to identify the error, he’d kept the paper, I didn’t ask for it. Sent him a txt explaining what had happened, silence.

None of that’s really important though, what’s important is that even though the amount of money is not important to me, being upset at him and at myself has been very distracting this week. I get a little less angry every day and I’m writing this in the hope that sharing the story of how my own stupidity opened me up to this will be cathartic. I just hate that he cheated me and that I allowed it to happen, maybe most I hate that I was being generous and got taken advantage of.

Anyway, the whole thing reminds me of how hard it is to truly forgive.

Thanks for allowing me to vent.
Jim

[USMC87]

It is easy to get mad and hold a grudge but we have God's word to guide us through these things, I was at odds with my brother for about a year and I kept reading about forgiving and God's forgiveness for my sin that I could not pay myself and that what I could not pay for was paid for me. I know how feelings are and anger can rule us in a way that can destroy our witness but in all things give thanks, My brother attacked me but God said to call and ask forgiveness. Look how they treated Christ and He said Father forgive them for they know not what they do. It is forgiveness that is needed and know you helped him get on his feet, You did a good deed and it will come back to you. God speed Brother.

[Pine Baron]

"It is forgiveness that is needed and know you helped him get on his feet, You did a good deed and it will come back to you."
What USMC said.
When you let it go, truly let it go and realize God's grace, you will be amazed at how much will come back to you.
Go in peace.

[dverna]

"No good deed goes unpunished" Terrible way to look at life and not Christian at all but it happens.

You tried to do the right thing and the other guy was unethical. Lesson learned. I am not a good enough Christian to forgive someone like that. Forgiveness will come from Jesus. I know we are to try to be like Jesus, and if you can do that, it is a wonderful thing.

I recently "lent" my fiancé's daughter and her husband over $4500 to replace the engine on their vehicle. I hope to be repaid but there is a good chance it will not happen. They have a very sick child that may die from seizures at any time and need to have a vehicle. I am able to help and would do so even if I was still an atheist. But, as Christians, we are to help others in need if we are able to.

Remember...YOU did the right thing. God works in His way. Maybe the guy needed more money than you had agreed to, and God called on you to be His vehicle to do that. You are not stupid...God uses us to accomplish His goals.

[Boaz]

There are all good reply's here . Forgiveness is a hard one ......BEEN THERE AND DONE THAT .

[GhostHawk]

The sooner you can get around to it the better off you are.

For his side, knowing he took advantage of you. Its going to chew from the inside out. And it will keep right on chewing till he makes it right.

See it from his shoes, then forgive it and let it go. Call it a gift to the glory of god.

[Springfield]

It's only money, don't let it ruin your day or your health.

[rancher1913]

another way to look at it, maybe a higher power knew the guy needed the money for a good cause and the same higher power knew you could spare it with out to much hurt.

[JimB..]

Thanks guys, it’s working out of my flawed system. FWIW, I don’t see this as a higher power encouraging him to be dishonest for his own benefit at my cost, no matter how slight, it seems to me that he’s taking matters into his own hands rather than trusting in a higher power.

Nonetheless, I don’t begrudge him the money and I won’t worry about it again. I do hope that he finds his way onto a better path.

[Wayne Smith]

Forgiveness, as Christ explained it, is based in faith in God, not man. Two items - if my source of supply is truly God then I don't worry about the financial aspects, if my source of supply is me then I do. Second, if Vengeance is truly God's, not mine, then I am able to let that go and trust God go not only get adequate vengeance but perfect and just vengeance, I can walk away knowing God will handle this persons issues. I don't have to.

Second it sounds as if you had one try to communicate and have assumed that he is non-responsive. If that is true I would suggest more attempts to communicate and assume an honest mistake until proven wrong.

[Don Purcell]

He's trying to start a business? Won't be in business long with that lack of honesty.

[buckwheatpaul]

Jim, this happens to virtually all of us at one time or another. You did a Christian act by trying to help him. Only the other guy knows if the error was accidental or intentionally done. It is easy to advise to just let it go....but that is easier said than not. I have done the same thing and it took a while to get over it but dont let one bad experience sour you on dealing with others...tis the season for forgiveness and that includes forgiving yourself!

[JonB_in_Glencoe]

Forgiving is tough, we've all been where you are. we all have similar stories.

At this point, you can only worry about you. I give you credit for posting this, hoping it will help you on your path to forgive...because that is all you can do at this point.

I'm not gonna say God had some plan in regards to the money part of this incident. But maybe God has a plan to help you learn to forgive...and maybe he has a plan for the other guy to learn something? or maybe not? that is between him and God.

[JimB..]

Markedly improved today, thanks again for all the kind words, well wishes and prayers.

[WRideout]

I made amends to someone I owed a small amount of money for over twenty years. She flatly forgave me, which freed me from my personal guilt. People need time to recognize things as they are.

Wayne