Need some guidance.

[Rcmaveric]

Have some issues.... kind of hard to talk about and keep a straight face. I feel like my mind is cracking trying cope. It seems pety but here goes. I know I need to accept it.

I am 33 year old active duty. I have always known I will die. But I never really thought of it. Never even wondered what death felt like. I have been deployed 4 times, two were combat zones with live fires and two were cushy deployments but North Korea launched missiles at us. I never once thought I would die, I only thought about how much that would hurt. Last deployment I had a medical emergency while over seas. I ran 4 miles and could barely hold consciousness. I lost my hearing and my eye sight was like static on the TV. I was barely hanging on to consciousness. My only thought was not hear or now. I became dehydrated and my body shut down. I blacked out 6 times. I learned what death feels like. It scared me, but I only had trouble sleeping.

I came home. And was having problems sleeping. It downed on me, I was afraid of sleeping because to me that's what death feels like. As soon as I made that connection a deep well of black feer welled in me and knew I found my problem. I haven't dreamed in years and a dream is a treasure to me that happens rarely. Most time when I sleep it's down the well of black nothing, I sit there for a few minutes. Then it feels like a giant hand rips me out of oblivion so I can put my uniform on and go back to work.

I learned that I am afraid to die. I see death behind ever door now and its eating me. Its sucked the happiness out of me but has giving me much more respect and love and compassion that I never even knew I was lacking. I have been living my life as a monster and never saw it until now. I was so selfish and mean that I can't even begin to fathom how to make a mends to those I have hurt. I held my wife's hand now and yesterday she stopped and looked at me, she said you hardly ever hold my hand. I told her it was because she loved it and I wanted to make her happy. She cried tears of joy. I never realized how selfish I was. An hour ago i was crying because my wife has medical problems and who is going to take care of her when I die.

I can't say or write I am afraid of death with out be racked with fear and dread and un controlled tears.

So I turned to my religion that has been heavily neglected. My grandmother and grandfather passed while I was deployed a year apart. I always thought they went to heaven and were watching over me and were with me. I am a Christian, or thought I was, said I was. I started reading and researching. What it is to die and what happens next. I never knew how wrong I was about it. Jesus says we go to sleep. The dead are unaware and cannot see or think or feel. There we rest until Jesus resurrects us. Well, so we don't go to heaven...

Thessalonians is one of the few books of the Bible I have read. All of it makes since now and made it harder now to take pleasure in life, because I know it's all pointless and all will be lost in the generations forgotten.

Reading about how the body returns to the dust it came from. The breath of life returns to God who gave it. That fills me with more dread. I always thought we had immortal souls, but I was wrong. I have been such a horrible man. I know to get forgiveness for sins you have to stop sinning. I am divorced but remarried, so what do I do? I also need to get baptized, oddly I am the only person in my Catholic family, not baptized (my mom says she was a single working mom raising two boys and she just never got to it, I am not mad at her and I understand).

I haven't reloaded or shot in 2 weeks because it just didn't give me joy like it used to. I am tired all the time and am having panic attacks and unreasonable fears and anxiety. I am tired all the time and afraid to sleep.

Yes, I talked to a doctor. He gave me a script, I haven't taken it. I read the side effects and those triggered my fears. I feel we have to face life and learn to cope on our own. Doctor is a good friend of mine. My other friend is counselor and we had a long talk. I have been talking to friends and co workers so I am not suffering alone. I do plan on scheduling an appointment with the Chaplain.

I need to get through this so I can get back to enjoying life.

I believe. I love my God and Jesus. I also know when I grieve they grieve with me. When I am weakest is when they carry me. They fill me with hope, love and dread all at the same time. I can't sleep peacefully without reciting the Lords Prayer and reading Psalms 23.

I have been surrounded by loss and death my whole life. My selfishness never allowed me to truly grieve for them or understand what the departed went through. All men are made equal in death.

My wife's and I desire to live a long healthy life is leading us to work out and quit tobacco. We have to die, but no need to suffer more than necessary.

Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk

[Hogtamer]

Rc, this from Romans 8:
"For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels or principalities, nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is Christ Jesus our Lord." Rest your mind in that if you can.

And this from Phillipians 4:
" Be anxious for NOTHING, but in EVERYTHING by prayer and supplication with THANKSGIVING, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your heart and mind through Jesus Christ. Finally brethren, whatever thing are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just; whatever things are pure, lovely and of good report; if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy - meditate on these things"

Stand on the promises of God friend.

[Der Gebirgsjager]

I understand and sympathize with you, brother. I've been through much of what you have, maybe not exactly the same way. It seems that in a relatively short time you have learned a great deal, and even have reached an understanding that many professing Christians have not reached.

You are correct about death. When we die, we are dead. It is like turning off a light switch and we know no more until one glorious day in the future when the switch is again turned on.

There is no one, no one at all, who is more deserving of your love and attention than your wife. You will receive back the affection and effort you expend to nourish your marriage many times over. When you ask yourself, if she isn't my best friend and companion, who is, you will come to the conclusion that no one else is as close.

I am not a Catholic, and must take a little issue with you on baptism. Yes, the Bible says to confess Christ as your Savior and to be baptized, but the example we are given is not christening. It is full immersion.

You do well to quit tobacco. I started smoking in the Army because I was nervous and needed something to do. I smoked for 20 years, averaging about a pack a day. Others smoked 2 or 3 packs per day. The anti-tobacco movement has said for a long time that 10 minutes after quitting your health begins to improve. Perhaps, in some ways, but some damage has been done that will not reverse. But one is much better to quit than not. I quit 35 years ago, but tomorrow am going in for an operation to stent an aneurysm in my aortic artery. The surgeon tells me that artery walls weaken from smoking, and the damage does not repair itself. Hopefully I'll be back, and if you'd like to talk please feel free to PM me for my phone number.

May God bless and heal your body, mind, and spirit.

DG

[rancher1913]

the best thing about this site is the christian aspect of it and the fact that we have the chapel to go to for help when we need it from like minded people. I'm not much of a theologian but there are several others here that are and I hazard a guess you will get a few pm's from them.

[Wayne Smith]

My absolute assurance is that my (and your) salvation was established (in God's mind and thus in fact) prior to the foundations of the earth. This is scripture. This means that salvation is all of God and none of me, for He loved me when I hated (ignored) Him. My growing awareness of my salvation involved me agreeing to it gladly when He showed me, but nothing more. He is acting in me to make me more like Him (Rom. 8:28-29) and even uses my sin to accomplish this. I'm not concerned what will happen to me when I die because I'll be in His hands and I know He loves me with a love I cannot understand, a perfect and complete love. I cannot imagine a more complete happiness and joy than being completely in His hands.

I believe from scripture that we will have perfected bodies in heaven and will be recognizible, just as Jesus was recognized post resurrection. When that happens after my death I don't know but I know I will be fulfilled being with God in the process.

[txbirdman]

When we die the soul goes to heaven to be with the Lord in heaven. Remember Jesus told the thief on the cross. “ Today you will be with me in paradise”. The body will “sleep” until the resurrection at which time we who are in Christ will be raised with new eternal bodies that are reunited with our souls to forever exist in the presence of God. To me death is the gateway to the new eternal life the glory of which we can’t even imagine. We will be the children/ heirs of Almighty God. Praise God!

[txbirdman]

I sense that God is working in your life and that you have reached the first critical step to salvation which is recognizing your sinfulness. Romans 3:23 says all have sinned and come short of the glory of God. I suggest that you read the Gospel of John and then the book of Romans. But before you do this pray that God will provide the insight in order that His Word speaks directly to you. I’ll be praying for you and your family.

[MrHarmless]

Hey dude, I absolutely advise you keep talking to your chaplain and/or get some professional counseling/therapy. Tricare will cover that. Your leadership will absolutely support it. If they don't, PM me get me their info, and I'll talk to them. Mental issues, PTSD, depression, or anything similar to your brain up and being a royal jerk to you are the results of experiences that conditioned it and chemical imbalances that can't be alleviated or fixed in a "one and done" session. It takes time and effort, like reloading, exercising, or any other part of being a person.

One of the best parts about living in the modern age is that we've developed treatments, technologies, techniques, and all sorts of support systems that can and will help you. Don't give up. The big hump is the personal one, and it seems like you've breached it.

I lost a mentor of mine to a combination of untreated mental conditions that precipitated from PTSD from his experiences overseas, due to a lack of push to get help. He was, by and large, a total a**hole, but he was a mentor to me and no one deserves to have their own thoughts taken from their control. You deserve better than that.

[Boaz]

Just as a general reply I'd say GOD is working in your life through the realizations you have come to . It's shocking when we at last realize our weakness and fears . But that's also the beginning of understanding .

I have seen so many that have went through this . To have apprehension of the unknown is a normal response for us in many situations . It doesn't condemn you , it brings you to work it out . You are far less lost than you think by the revelations you are experiencing . Understanding failings , weakness begins with that understanding and how to right them through building on your relationship with GOD .


Begin with talking to GOD . If you can do it with your wife or those you respect their council is even better . Hogtamer gave some good verse , The book of John is a great place to begin studying . Building your relationship with GOD is a lifelong event , we all start down that path during some point in our life . Be patient with yourself .

I'll be praying for you as I'm sure many others here will also .

[USMC87]

I am praying for you and know that we are here for this exact reason, We are to hold each other up in prayer always and to build the body of Christ.

[Pine Baron]

"Begin with talking to GOD." That right there.
You will get all your questions answered, all you anxieties lifted. Be patient and don't stop praying.
I'll be praying for you, my brother.

[GhostHawk]

All who are born into this world will die, some early, some late, yes even Jesus. WE ALL DIE.

The secret is to not worry so much about this world. Accumulate your treasure in heaven by doing good works in the Lords name.

I would say you have finally grown up. You are seeing it is not all about you, it is about those who love you. Well done! Many never make it that far.

Cleanse your heart, go threw that little room in the back of our heads where we box up and put away that which causes us pain.
Clear it out. Take each memory out in the cold hard light of day and maturity and look at it. Forgive those who caused that pain as Jesus would.
Cry a little, and let it go. Clean all that crap out. Left alone it turns into toxic sludge and will poison you. But tears and forgiveness will wash it all away.

Once your heart it pure, no longer harbors any ill will towards anyone. That is the time to hit your knees and repent.
Repent each sin you remember and those you don't remember. Ask the Lord to send the Holy Spirit to live in you, to help show you the way.

Be thankful for all you have been given. Be thankful every morning for one more day on the green side of the grass. And thank the Lord for that day at night before you sleep.

Faith, Hope, and love. These three abide, they last the test of time. But the greatest of these is love. So LOVE.

If you can do all this, you may discover that along with the repentance and the forgiveness comes peace which surpasses all understanding. Peace like a river flowing down onto you. And the better you follow his will, his path, the better you do at being a good Christian the more that peace flows.

I'm here if I can help. I had a lot of help to get where I am. No one gets all the way on their own.
And I am still a sinner, still stumble, fail and fall daily. But I'm working on it, getting better.

God BLESS and keep you, keep you safe in his loving hands till you can get this sorted.

Ghosth
aka Bill in Fargo ND

[Rcmaveric]

Thanks everyone. I saw Chaplain today and it helped. Praying with my mouth was pretty hard. Chaps told me to pray for forgiveness and salvation and it was hard to find the words of what to say. As long as I believed Jesus was my savior.

I also went to the clinic. They offered me medication I filled the script and now I am on the hinge of taking it. Never been one for medicine. I have always thought it was mind over matter and the soul rules all kind of life. That is until I learned differently. Medications scare me. I did consult my Flight Surgeon, and she heavily recommended the medication and counseling with chaps.

Everyone told me it was natural and everyone goes through it. I was pretty much ordered to take leave and rest. I feel like my brain is tense.

Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk

[Wayne Smith]

What meds did they prescribe and what were you told about them? Please PM me if you don't want to post here.

Praying out loud is sometimes hard, especially when we are not used to it. Talking to God is the ultimate in transparency so you need to be around those you trust when you do it in the beginning of your travel with God. Eventually you realize that God is the one caring for you, that you can trust Him implicitly, and you have no problem being transparent in public - but this takes the process of building or growing faith.

When I refer a client to one of our prescribers I tell them "Be aware that, unless you have an identical twin, your physiology is unique in the universe. We have good medicines but they all have multiple effects. The doctor has some idea how these medications work in most people but he has no idea what is going on in your body until you tell him. You need to be an active participant in your medical treatment, educating your doctor about your physiology."

Frankly, if your doctor isn't willing to listen to you and be educated - get a different doctor!

[rl69]

There is so much I would love to say but none of it will bring comfort... I could tell you things I'm going through and have been through but it wouldn't help... I hurt as I reed this but at the same time I rejoice.... becuse I see the lord working in you... Look and study on Ephesians 2:8 ...read Colossians... pull from that what Paul is telling the church... A greater understanding of God will give you peace in your fear of death.... ( experience speaking) But as mrharmless said it will be a long slow process.

Go back and read txbirdman and mrharmless post .. a lot of great advice. Get your nose in the word of God...and see what it says for yourself....Please pm if you need to talk..I'll give you my number ... I don't have any words of wisdom...but I have good hearing...and maby I can point you in the right deriction in the word.... Becuse it's him him you will find peace and joy... Not in man

Again you need to find out what the word says...not what other say it says.... Talk with your Chaplin talk with your pastor talk with everyone who will listen.... But Read and prayin find out for yourself God's healing power threw the word

Second Timothy 2:15
Paul taught Timothy ..but in this verse he is telling him..you seek out your understanding

I don't have a copy of the lambs book of life..but in the word it tells us how to tell the saved from the unsaved..and as I said in the beginning..there is reason for me to rejoice in your post..

Ronnie Landry

[rl69]

[VIDEO]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rx8iYnmo_lE[/VIDEO

This is a great message take the time. Any one point he brings up acts 12:6
Now when Herod was about to bring him out, on that very night, Peter was sleeping between two soldiers, bound with two chains, and sentries before the door were guarding the prison.

On the night before Peter was to be put to death he slept CHANGED to two soldiers. The only way he me anyone could do this is with a solid understanding of God. We can have God in our heart and still have fear. But the more we know and understand the more pece we will have. Just my two cents... Little sister sent me this this morning and it defeanetly lifted my spirit I pray it lifts your also

[rl69]

[JonB_in_Glencoe]

your post touched me. Among other things, I have experienced some fairly severe dehydration...that can really change a person's thinking on how fragile life is.
I will pray that you receive the continued support with Chaps and Drs.

[Rcmaveric]

That was a good video. It's really inspiring.

I appreciate all the caring and words of wisdoms. It means a lot.

[rl69]

I have a sister I adopted.. she sent me that.. Her and her husband are the right door for me acts 12:12 but it important to find that one who you can compleatly open up to..and that constantly is praying for you. I have a brother here... That like that also.
Ronnie