Originally Posted by
Blackwater
Sounds like you're having much the same experience as I had growing up. But you're right, even those old preachers, with their lack of education (and thus weren't very good at drawing fine dividing lines), made me think. I'd usually do as you seem to, and just find one point in the sermon, and then sit and think about it for the duration. And indeed, I did learn a lot that way. But I've learned more reading C. S. Lewis, Chesterton and a number of others, than I ever could have in a lifetime of listening to those old preachers. A man can't teach what he doesn't know, and through no fault of their own, really, they just didn't know a lot. It often takes a lot of scholarly learning to separate the wheat from the chaf, and the really good writers convey a lot that lesser educated men can, regardless of their sincerity and devotion.
And the very act of attending church is a sort of vote, with our feet, for the Lord, and His plans for us. So don't stop going, but at some point, they'll get a new preacher, maybe, or you'll hear of a really good one, and move to that church, or .... who knows? The development of our faith as a Christian is a curious thing, and it often tends to come in spurts, and often, when we least expect it, or have thought about giving up the search. Christ promised "Seek and ye shall find," and that is very, very true, BUT .... He never said we'd find it easily. Maybe He wants us to work for it, so we'll appreciate it more??? All I know is that I don't believe anyone has ever come to Christ, and been totally satisfied with what he knew at that point. All of us search. It's just that some maybe have more time to do it than many of us others. And we each are often searching for different things, so it's really no great wonder that the search can be frustrating if we are anxious to find the answers. I know I was anxious, and that really delayed my edification quite a while. But the search never ends for any of us, even the most learned. That old principle that the more we know, the more questions we have, applies to our search for "perfect understanding" as much or more than it does to any other search of any kind. But as I look back, I have to have a great deal of humor, for I made some really dumb mistakes that delayed my edification quite a bit. But the search was worth every milisecond of it! Finding true peace and satisfaction is worth anything it costs us in the process. I always fought a rather large temper. Now, I haven't lost it in quite a while, and I'm not sure that I could now. It's simply the process of growth, and that never happens rapidly, but steadily, if we just keep on our feed.
Just enjoy all the conundrums you encounter, and they'll likely wind up showing you the Truth. It's a paradox, but it's very much real.