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Thread: make your after death wishes known

  1. #1
    Boolit Master
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    make your after death wishes known

    My brother had a heart attack Thanksgiving night, and passed at 2AM Friday. My wife and I had to help his wife make the decision to pull the plug - that's a tough one. They had no kids.
    We had to guess at what he wanted when he died. We're going with cremation. He had no will. The VA will supply a marker, a flag and possibly someone to play Taps.
    We're working with my sister-in-law to straighten out his finances. She was in the dark over basic things like car insurance, car payments, bank accounts, credit cards, etc. She'll work it all out, but it's tough on her.
    I'm going to have my after death instructions tattooed on my chest - do not resuscitate, etc.
    How do you complain about a priest? They asked us if we wanted one just before he died, and we said OK, then an hour later I asked where the priest was. It was too cold for him to come out. OK.....
    Last edited by Battis; 11-30-2018 at 05:49 PM.

  2. #2
    Boolit Master

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    Prayers on the way

    May God Bless the family .

  3. #3
    Boolit Master

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    I can only say ditto to what Battis has said above. Had a lifelong friend pass a couple years ago. Wife long left him and he did not get along with his kids at all. A sad case for sure. Many times over and over he would tell me how he wanted things to go with his passing and I always told him PUT IT ON PAPER. He never did.
    Well, he did pass and he never put anything on paper and yes. Nothing went as he wanted. Nothing.
    The ex tried to intervene, the kids fought and it turned out very badly. Nothing he wanted done was done.

    If its really how you feel.

    PUT IT ON PAPER
    Facta non verba

  4. #4
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    Having your wishes set out, having family or more importantly the executor you select know where the important papers are will save loved ones a whole bunch of hassle while they are in the middle of dealing with the loss. A couple years after my father passed we found a typed up list of items and peoples names. Think it was who he wanted to have the item. By then the entire estate had been settled and we would have had to try and do this massive swap. We finally decided to leave things as they were.

    If you want a simple ceremony and cremation say so, otherwise family will often be inclined to go for more rather than less. Or worse yet have disagreements about how much to spend. If you want your family to have less so you can have a fancier coffin it's your business but if you would rather have your family get that $$$ and be cremated in a cardboard coffin you need to say so.

    If you pick two executors make sure they get along. Know of a fellow and his half sister who didn't and were both named executors. A mess to put it mildly.

    If you have a spouse it makes sense to figure on only yourself or both of you dying at the same time. Don't forget that both scenario especially if you have a pet that you would want to see taken care of by someone you and the pet know. That can be tough to figure out and just like god parents for young children it has to be discussed with the person before putting down that you want them to take your pet.

    We agreed to take the dog of an elderly aunt if it needed a home as long as she got the breed my wife liked. She did but in the end the neighbor was who the dog went with because the neighbor saw the dog daily, and groomed it for the aunt. We just wanted the aunt to be able to get another dog which she wouldn't do if she had to worry about it being orphaned. At some point the aunt said her neighbor wanted the dog if he needed a new home so it all worked out well.
    Last edited by RogerDat; 11-30-2018 at 07:45 PM.
    Scrap.... because all the really pithy and emphatic four letter words were taken and we had to describe this source of casting material somehow so we added an "S" to what non casters and wives call what we collect.

    Kind of hard to claim to love America while one is hating half the Americans that disagree with you. One nation indivisible requires work.

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  5. #5
    Boolit Master
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    You not only need to make your wishes known, but select someone you can trust to assure that they are followed. I will not share the details, but I had to assert myself to make my fathers executor follow his written wishes. It was not pleasant.


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  6. #6
    Boolit Buddy
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    If he was a veteran contact the area American Legion post. They will provide full military honers member or not .
    Sorry for your loss

  7. #7
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    For my Dad the subject end of life was forbidden and not discussed. Sure enough here in Louisiana with our peculiar Napoleonic Code based laws he died intestate. My good friend, an attorney, was able to help and my brother and I agreed that Mom should take title to the land and house. A little later I was able to convince Mom to go to the same attorney and make a will without any suggestions from me. As it happens I wound up with the land and house. My wife and I in turn went and made our wills. Since my wife passed on I have gone back and revised mine as the land and house were in my name anyway. My son and daughter are provided for. Just remembered, I need to provide for my small rifle and equipment collection as my son has zero interest in reloading or odd calibers. Main message is: Put It On Paper to be sure that what you want is done! GW
    "If you can walk with crowds and keep your virtue,
    Or walk with Kings, nor lose the common touch,
    Yours is the earth and everything that's in it,
    And, which is more, you'll be a man my son!" R. Kipling

    "Brother to a Prince, and fellow to a pauper, if found worthy." Kipling

  8. #8
    Boolit Master
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    The VA will pay $250 towards a headstone. From what I understand, the US Government provides the marker. His ashes will be buried in my parent's grave, and the marker will be placed in front of their headstone. The best thing he ever did for his wife was not to put her name on his credit cards and the vehicle lease - she's not responsible for anything that her name is not on. If he had an estate set up, she'd be responsible for everything.

  9. #9
    In Remembrance Reverend Al's Avatar
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    My wife and I both have our wills and Power of Attorneys up to date. I've drafted about 3 pages of final wishes about what to do with all of my "stuff" when I'm gone and final wishes for cremation, etc. We are now both joint on all of our bank accounts and retirement investment accounts so that if something happens all of our assets go to the last survivor and stay out of the probate process and avoid taxation. (These are of course Canadian law and all legal for us here in British Columbia.) Much as you hate to think about it you should have your affairs in order just in case something unexpected happens. Nothing worse than leaving a huge mess in your aftermath for a grieving spouse or your family to deal with ...
    I may have passed my "Best Before" date, but I haven't reached my "Expiry" date!

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by LongPoint View Post
    I was under the impression that the VA would not provide anything for a cremation, had to be a grave site. I am probably wrong, don't remember where I heard that. When my dad passed I was told that the marker would be an Air Force marker as the VA would no longer provide the Army Air Corp Markers. Kinda chapped my arss but it is what it is.
    My father was a WWII vet. When he was cremated, he received a plot in a national cemetery, an honor guard, taps, and I received the folded flag. They also supplied the marker. Vets should contact their VA rep and make arrangements
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  11. #11
    Boolit Mold
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    Battis, I'm sorry to hear of your loss.

    I'll second the message. When my grandmother died at the age of 98, it was a little unexpected but we'd known for years that one day the call would come. Her written plans of what she wanted her service to look like were a colossal help, and that's for a family that was well-prepared to deal with the loss.

  12. #12
    Boolit Buddy

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    Am in my late 70's and in good health. But you never know when it could happen. I'm in the process of writing out exactly what and how I want my things dispersed and to be cremated. My step sons will get exactly what I want them to get. My Daughter will get the bulk of it. CR

  13. #13
    Boolit Master
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    There's another side to not naming what you want if things go bad - my brother's heart had been stopped for 30 minutes before they got a pulse. They kept pumping him with meds, his heart would work, then stop, and they'd bring back a pulse. He never regained consciousness. After quite awhile, the DR told us that severe brain damage can occur after the heart is stopped for 6 minutes. If we had known that, or if he had a do not resuscitate order in place, we never would have kept going. I just hope he wasn't trapped in a nightmare while they kept trying to bring him back. Broken ribs, broken blood vessels - it was pretty bad. I told my wife no longer than 7 minutes if I drop.

  14. #14
    Boolit Master

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    I want my name taken off the voting roles.
    I don't want to die knowing that I may become a democrat voter.
    Political correctness is a national suicide pact.

    I am a sovereign individual, accountable
    only to God and my own conscience.

  15. #15
    Boolit Grand Master

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    Quote Originally Posted by Battis View Post
    My brother had a heart attack Thanksgiving night, and passed at 2AM Friday. My wife and I had to help his wife make the decision to pull the plug - that's a tough one. They had no kids.
    We had to guess at what he wanted when he died. We're going with cremation. He had no will. The VA will supply a marker, a flag and possibly someone to play Taps.
    We're working with my sister-in-law to straighten out his finances. She was in the dark over basic things like car insurance, car payments, bank accounts, credit cards, etc. She'll work it all out, but it's tough on her.
    I'm going to have my after death instructions tattooed on my chest - do not resuscitate, etc.
    How do you complain about a priest? They asked us if we wanted one just before he died, and we said OK, then an hour later I asked where the priest was. It was too cold for him to come out. OK.....
    I'm sorry but "it was too cold for him"?????? Which denomination was this? If Catholic this should be taken up with the Bishop of the Diocese and straightened out. I strongly urge you to pursue this.

    As for end of life wishes, please everyone make out a will. A simple will such as found on Legal Zoom will suffice. Even if you don't have anything to leave to someone else it will help make everything much easier.
    I Am Descended From Men Who Would Not Be Ruled

    It is not with strength one will prevail; those who oppose The Lord will be broken

  16. #16
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    I just updated mine a few weeks ago. Of course, there were things I forgot so will be putting updates in my safe, that the executors have the combination to.
    The solid soft lead bullet is undoubtably the best and most satisfactory expanding bullet that has ever been designed. It invariably mushrooms perfectly, and never breaks up. With the metal base that is essential for velocities of 2000 f.s. and upwards to protect the naked base, these metal-based soft lead bullets are splendid.
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  17. #17
    Boolit Master



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    Sorry to hear about your brother, prayers going to you and family. I have 3 brothers and cant fathom losing any of em but I know when it's your time-it's your time. It makes you think, I know I always do about passing and there is no way I can take care of arrangements I "go". So yes, a brief will, instructional or even a selfie video can generally take the headache out of tying up the loose ends. Again, my prayers are with you.
    The unexamined life is not worth living....Socrates
    Pain, is just weakness leaving the body....USMC
    Fast is fine, but accuracy is FINAL!....Wyatt Earp

  18. #18
    Boolit Master
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    Thanks for the condolences.

  19. #19
    Boolit Grand Master

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    Quote Originally Posted by Battis View Post
    Thanks for the condolences.
    I didn't put it in but i'm sorry for your loss and know what it's like. I've lost 2 sisters and both parents. My prayers are with you
    I Am Descended From Men Who Would Not Be Ruled

    It is not with strength one will prevail; those who oppose The Lord will be broken

  20. #20
    Boolit Master
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    Thanks

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