Can you be to nice and trusting????

[abunaitoo]

I seem to come out on the short end of many deals.
I feel people should treat others as you would want to be treated.
I tend to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.
Give them a chance.
Yesterday I went to look at a motor.
I wanted to see it run before buying it.
Even had to help the guy get it going.
Ran good and gave him half as a deposit.
He was going to have it out by today.
I called three times, and left a message.
Sent three emails.
Nothing
I'm wonder if I was scammed again.
I hate being a nice guy.

[Wayne Smith]

If you had posted this in the Chapel I would have a completely different answer - but Yes, you can be too trusting. Generally people are selfish, and specifically only Christ was perfect, thus everyone else will fail you in some way. Knowing them well enough to know where and when they will fail you and either being prepared for that or knowing it won't bother you is one of the essentials of a good relationship. Being willing to know yourself and where and when you will fail someone else and allowing them to control that aspect of the relationship is another key to a good relationship.

[osteodoc08]

Depending on this unique situation, which I don’t have all the details. It may just be a matter of timing or a scam. I’m guessing you bought a motor off a guy and wanted to see it run before putting down some cash. If you called within and hours time and sent an email and didn’t get a response in an hour, well, perhaps not enough time. If it was done over a weeks time, I’d be more worried. You know where this guy is as you saw the motor, why not stop on by if it was a legitimate shop. If it seemed shady, well, tread lightly.

To answer your question, yes, you (anyone really) can be too trusting and nice. People lie, cheat, steal etc when they don’t have a true north moral compass.

[GhostHawk]

Nice guys finish last. I do try to be nice where I can, but not where it will cost me anything.

When it comes to deals, money changing hands, I aim for honest. I give good value, I don't cheat, lie, scam.

I expect others to try to do that to me, and I am watching like a hawk for it.
If the deal is too good to be true, chances are your best bet is to walk away.

Buyer beware! Know the goods, the ins and outs, know what they are worth in theory, and what you are willing to pay. A truly good deal both sides walk away with a smile.

[JSH]

Plain and simple YES.
A lot of people think they are entitled or deserving of things.

I set a person up in some older but serviceable reloading stuff. I had shown him a fair bit and he understood what he was doing. Forward a bit. He calls and wanted me to load him some rifle ammo. I told him I would loan him the dies and he could do it. Takes a while but he finally told me he sold all of it!
He could have or should have given it back the way I see it.

I though maybe this was a one time thing.
Young fellow was looking for some brass. I found some for cheap and just figured it was investment of the future of shooting sports. Saw him a few months later and asked if he had it all loaded up. Nope, he had sold all of it for a pretty penny.

I am pretty much done being nice. I don't make money on friends or family(the ones I trust anyway). When I sell stuff I try to make it a bargain,but the darn shipping has become so expensive.

[marek313]

I feel the same way. Must be that "glass is half empty" mentality but that doesnt bother me. I'm always the suspicious, careful, doubtful type as well. Too many people these days look for a free handout or a free ride and I'm the last person that will hand out money to "poor" on the street.

I work at a hospital and you wouldnt believe the scams people try to pull. I was smoking outside one day and I had this crack head kid walk up to me and try to sell me some sad story how he needed $5 for his cancer medicine while he can barely stand straight without falling over. I told him to go to ER and get some help for his real problem but hes not getting any money from me so he moved on but not towards ER of course. Quite a few hover around hospital looking for a way to score since ER already knows them they move on to others looking for a $1 here or there.

As i get older I'm starting to realize that there are more and more people these days lacking common sense and fall victims to some sort of a scam. I'm always on a lookout for that. My wife on the other hand is complete opposite and would follow anyone to a dark van if you told her there was a puppy in there.

[Dieselhorses]

I did that once 7 years ago with a huge Ford 4x4 I purchased. I test drove it for a few miles, looked at motor, underneath with it's 10" suspension lift and body lift- it handled great considering. Drove it home (about 100 miles) and behold it started tapping. OMG. Then the starter, then alternator, then battery. After a fly by night mechanic took 500.00 from me as a deposit for another engine, and 2 months later "disappearing", I just sold it for half of what I paid for it. Never again.

[JonB_in_Glencoe]

Ran good and gave him half as a deposit.

Did he ask for half?
While I would have gave him nothing as a deposit, if he was adamit about a deposit, I would have offered a $20...or whatever amount you are comfortable losing. $20 just happens to be my magic number, now I don't like losing money, but for me, $20 is surely easy compared to losing $100.

BUT, maybe something came up? maybe this person had an emergency where he can't reply to your calls/emails?
There is nothing to do now, but wait.
Good Luck.

[Dieselhorses]

Did he ask for half?
While I would have gave him nothing as a deposit, if he was adamit about a deposit, I would have offered a $20...or whatever amount you are comfortable losing. $20 just happens to be my magic number, now I don't like losing money, but for me, $20 is surely easy compared to losing $100.

BUT, maybe something came up? maybe this person had an emergency where he can't reply to your calls/emails?
There is nothing to do now, but wait.
Good Luck.

Had to send a wrecker to his house. He had no shop, hardly any tools and hadn't done a thing to it. I still have his number to this day but gave up on calling. Karma is a ~*<#&

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[Traffer]

I have been trying to find a small pickup (ranger or toyota etc) for the past 15 years that was in my budget. Had several deals fall through on me. Last year I saw one on Craigslist and thought "God is having mercy on me" I went out to get it right away. The guy and his wife seemed nice. I asked if he had the title..."yup, right here" as he held it up. I got my money out and paid him. On my way home to get a friend to help me drive it back, I looked and found the title was filled out and signed 3 YEARS earlier by some person on the other side of the state.
With our laws in Wisconsin, this title was practically worthless. The truck could not be legally registered. I politely asked the guy that I bought it from if he would help me by contacting the previous owner that he purchased it from. If I could get a bill of sale or written statement from these two people to each other it was possible to register. The guy I bought it from literally laughed at me.
The was the last time I have even allowed myself to consider buying a pickup truck. It wiped out much of our savings.

[RogerDat]

Like so much in life it depends on the circumstances or the individual as to what is too nice or too trusting. Business deals with cash changing hands a receipt that specifies amount of deposit, purchase price, identifies the item as specifically as possible VIN or serial numbers are nice. Model number can also help make clear the item being purchased. In many cases delivery date or conditions for the deposit or balance payment are a good idea.

A document that clearly and simply defines the transaction for both parties can help keep everyone on the same page. Can also discourage a "semi" scammer. That would be someone that is not setting out to be a crook but very casual about holding up their end of the deal. An out and out crook will just be running off with your cash no matter what. BUT one can go to small claims court and/or file a police report if one has documentation of money being taken under false pretenses or failure to deliver.

I'm sorry I don't think one is scammed if they "give" reloading equipment or components to someone that later decides to sell them. It might be nice if they were to return them if they didn't have an interest or need for them anymore but hard to say it is what they should do. You gave it, they own it, maybe they needed the cash more than they needed the item so they sold it. We often see items offered in S&S forum from people who say "I don't use this anymore so I'm selling it." Reminds me of some good advice I got. Don't loan it to family or friends if you can't afford to lose it or they can't afford to replace it. If the item is money then make it a gift and be happily surprised if you get it back.

Lot of things I won't loan out because I can't afford to say "don't worry about it". If I can't afford to replace it I have to think pretty hard about borrowing it. Never would borrow my sisters camper and truck. Nice rig but expensive if anything breaks, $2,000 deductible in an accident. Fine if they scrape trees and have to have stuff fixed, I don't want to be obligated to do so.

So yes some folks you can trust very much, some less so, some really not much at all, and some are only in it to take advantage. Trust your instincts, something makes you feel it is somehow "off" a bit then it is. You may not be able to say why but your mind picked up on something without you being conscious of it. Deer don't speculate on if that is really wolf they smell, they leave promptly because something merely seems off. Or at least the ones that survive do.

[JimB..]

I try to do what I think is right, even generous at times. I suppose the real question is how much disappointment can you take before you become a cranky old man?

Did give a car to a family member in need one time. They sold it and I later found out that they had accumulated a few vehicles during their time of need. Don’t let it bother me, but not rushing to help her out again either.

Every gun that I’ve purchased from the S&W forum and the Marlin forum has been misrepresented in some way to my detriment, again it is what it is and I just stopped buying after a few guns.

[Wag]

I'm just the opposite. I simply don't trust anyone any more and never really did to begin with. My late wife, however, was like you, abunaitoo. Way too trusting. Between the two of us, we were able to get things done and didn't get scammed, that I recall.

At some point, you have to find your balance point and learn to "just say no." One of the things we always did was any time we had more than a couple hundred bucks on the line, we'd postpone. We never bought anything at first sight. Sometimes, we'd come back the next day, sometimes, a week later. Most times, we realized it was either something we didn't need or we figured out the scam, or the overly high price, or some other issue that made us sit back and rethink and often, not buy. Cars, especially.

Emotion is a tricky thing. It can be your worst enemy or your best friend but it has to be used when it's appropriate to do so. And always with the brain engaged. That's the reason for the day or multi-day break between seeing something and buying it.

And you know what? There were a few times when we went back and the item was gone. We probably lost a few good deals but we never ever regretted any of those times. Either we realized that it didn't really need it or want it (or the payment or reduction in savigs) or we found another, similar or even better item later on. It always worked out for us in the end.

So, that's my recommendation. Never ever buy anything on first sight. Come back a day or a few days later and in the meantime, rethink it. You'll be better able to determine that you're buying on emotion. And if you miss a few good deals, never backtrack and second-guess your decisions. In this country, there are too many alternatives out there and you'll almost always run into one. Or you'll never truly miss out.

--Wag--

[nagantguy]

Yes one can be to nice and trusting; but on little things who cares? Big things i operat on CYA.

I am the fellow people call at 4 am for help; when they are in trouble or have a project go sideways. And I show up and help to the best of my tools and ability.

I’ve always been overwhelmed and humbled by the kindness and generosity of the people here, surely and truly I am!

My favorite relative and her husband are constantly helping people; above and beyond; lending money buy cars letting folks live with them ; finding people jobs of hiring them. And I can’t believe how many times they come out on the losing side. I’ve watched them get fleeced and taken advantage of time and again; even a long time “friend” who they had helped for years burgled their home while they were in Hawaii. They are to nice and trusting and I’m afraid it will put them in danger.

[Dieselhorses]

Have to be thorough, get things in writing, evaluate the future scenarios and do all this with a pleasant attitude. You can protect yourself without being paranoid and seeming to be anyway. Things just aren't the way they were back in the day (I wish they were!) Kudos to all the good advice/experiences folks shared in here!

[osteodoc08]

Reminded me of my wife’s aunt and uncle. Always begging and my wife was furious I kept telling them no. One time they asked for &3k before they lost their house. Nope. Her brother gave him the money and sold him a $10k truck for $1. They still lost their house, sold the truck and came begging again. Wife finally understood. She has no common sense and once asked me to go check on a homeless guy with an infected wound that lived behind Wally World. I told her to leave him alone as he was a known paranoid schizophrenic and if he truly wanted help would go to the ER where I worked. She still doesn’t get it. She lacks common sense.

[RED BEAR]

i am going to disagree with most. i do not think you can be to nice. i would rather be taken advantage of on ocassion than to go through life thinking everyone was out to rip me off. and yes i have been taken advantage of at times i don't like it but if this is the price of being able to think people are generally honest and good thats ok. i don't think i could stand going around feeling everyone was out to get over on me.

[Dieselhorses]

There is a fine line when it comes to helping people and RB, you have a good point. You really never know "who" that homeless person is when you give 5.00 to them. May be someone God sent your way to see if you would help or not, OR they may turn around and buy crack with it-you never know. I don't want to be the one who deprived someone of a value meal if they really hungry! On another note, like OsteoDoc08 mentioned- my wife is a little TOO over compassionate when it comes to her daughter (who is 24 now and still jobless). She's been paying her car insurance for the last 3 years- getting "drips and drabs" along the way from her. At the end of her rope now and putting vehicle in daughter's name! (I could write a book on it but I won't!)

[Texas by God]

Be nice, trust till you don't, be charitable but carry a knife.
Folks are good & bad and always have been.

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[fatelk]

Reminded me of my wife’s aunt and uncle. Always begging and my wife was furious I kept telling them no. One time they asked for &3k before they lost their house. Nope. Her brother gave him the money and sold him a $10k truck for $1. They still lost their house, sold the truck and came begging again. Wife finally understood. She has no common sense and once asked me to go check on a homeless guy with an infected wound that lived behind Wally World. I told her to leave him alone as he was a known paranoid schizophrenic and if he truly wanted help would go to the ER where I worked. She still doesn’t get it. She lacks common sense.

It's great to have compassion and want to help people, but it can sure be a serious exercise in frustration trying to help people that aren't willing to help themselves. I've heard many stories just like that. My grandfather lent $30k to a cousin to save their house from foreclosure. You guessed it; foreclosed anyhow, and he never saw a dime of his money back. My other grandfather threw away $60k buying some property from a friend. It turned out to have extensive back taxes and leaking underground fuel tanks.

I like to think of myself as trusting but have sure learned to "trust but verify". I'm very detail oriented by nature, so I generally don't fall for scams. I have been taken a couple times on smaller stuff, because I want to be a nice guy and not offend someone by being untrusting. I once bought a big box full of loose ammo at a gun show once. It was a good price if the quantity was correct. The guy swore it was so I didn't bother counting. When I got home I counted and found only about 2/3 of what he said, and it was too far to bother going back.