Big Decisions

[jmort]

^^^ Yes indeed

[David2011]

Don’t know if this is useful or not. I’m in a position that income has been removed from the equation. I retired last December and no kids to consider. All of my family save SWMBO and myself live close to each other. We live over 600 miles from the rest of the family. Houses that would accommodate our hobbies would be much less expensive if we buy 45 minutes to an hour away. Even on our retirement incomes we’ve decided that saving money on the house isn’t worth living an hour away from the family in metro Houston traffic. It wasn’t just distance to family that we considered though. The entertainment, grocery stores (we like nice grocery stores), medical services, proximity to Galveston Bay and other services, gun ranges and model airplane clubs all won us back to the area. I lived in the same area when I was young and we look forward to moving back.

[wv109323]

The kids will adjust quickly.
The wife will do the same but will take longer. Is the person you know there the social type to help your wife adjust. No one likes change but sometimes it is necessary.
The answer to the question would depend on medical insurance, and retirement benefits. Another consideration is family. Will your or her parents require assistance in the near future?
Very few people are involved in a crime if precautions are taken.
If your company does not fully appreciate your services now, they never will. They may even get rid of you for a cheaper employee without a thought.

[higgins]

The intangibles may outweigh the financial considerations in a family uprooting, but I don't think a lot of people delve deep enough into the balance sheet of a move. Things to consider in a move: cost of housing you would want to live in, in an area in which you would want to live; homeowners and auto insurance; property taxes (a big one); state income tax if you're moving out of state (another big one); other miscellaneous city and county taxes; cost of auto registration (yes, it can be a few hundred per vehicle instead of the $29/year I now pay). The list goes on.

[Harter66]

Do what you need to do .

10 weeks ago Ms and I had great jobs loved the people , the company was good for me Ms company was great for her . The little town was ok everything you could want was within 2 hours . For 2 yr we planned a move , with good prospects , to help with the homestead , heavy lifting etc . Well stuff didn't go according to plan . So here I am struggling with the job search and part of the major move reason has changed .

I'm an only child , responsibly for parents falls on me . That's why we moved . The schools are better and I'm sure it's going to work out .

[dverna]

Did not even read the rest of tge replies. I would move.

[kaiser]

Fatelk - I'm one of those that moved around for over 20 years (military requirement); one kid adapted well and the other, not so well. My wife and I looked forward to the moves when we were younger and because the move was paid for, we had an opportunity to buy housing in more rural settings (we both grew up in small towns). A lot of good points made about job opportunities, pay, and "upward mobility" (the American "dream"); and if your family is behind you in those endeavors you could have the "adventure" of your life, if not, you will hate and regret the move from that time forward. Money does not replace family or friends. Based on what information you've given about yourself, I agree with those on this post that you made the best decision for you (for what it is worth!). You will not be left out or left behind if your family is supporting you, and if the family situation changes (marriages, college, etc.) you can change your mode to a "traveling" one. Good luck in your pursuit of the "ultimate happiness"; it sounds like you are pretty close to it if it weren't for that darn company structure (I've dealt with that!).

[fatelk]

Thank you, I appreciate that.

As my wife and I have thought this through, done some research on the area, talked to a couple friends, and read you all’s comments, I’ve realized a couple things.

First, there really is no particularly right or wrong decision. Staying here, I think we’ll be happier, and I’ll probably worry about money more, but we’ll figure it out and we’ll be fine.

If we were to move, we’d probably adjust and be fine there too, worry about money less, and regrets about moving wouldn’t be the end of the world. I think we’d be fine either way. For various reasons we’ve chosen to stay.

The other thing I’ve realized is just how good we have it already, in many ways. Someone here said recently that if your only problems are money, you don’t have problems. As much I stress sometimes I really don’t have problems.

Every single one of us has big life decisions to make at times. I’ve learned that some people make their decisions on the fly with barely a thought, and others stall, worry, balk, and fuss so much that they barely can make a decision at all. I tend towards the latter end of the spectrum. I’ve missed some good opportunities but haven’t had any major screwups either.

One very last comment: a few people have read my original comments about my kids not wanting to move, and have perhaps assumed that my household is one where the kids rule the roost. That’s far from the case. My concern about my kids is not their feelings on moving (leaving their friends, etc), but on raising them right, and the better environment for them.

As to feelings, two of them are young enough that they’d get over it quickly, one would be fine I think, but the fourth is very sensitive and has some health issues. I have no doubt he would feel traumatized. I’d rather not traumatize him, but if the move was to an area that was more ideal for us, a better place to raise a family where they’d be better off in the long run, we would go, without a doubt.

[Wag]

I wish I had more time to respond but I'll go take care of some things and perhaps elaborate tomorrow or later today.

Basically, I think you've made the right decision. Money is tempting, but it's the least critical of all the factors in such a decision. The only time it becomes the highest priority is when it's non-existent. Family first.

The summer between my junior and senior year of high school, my father move me and my nine younger siblings halfway across the country. I never ever heard a rational reason for it. All of his explanations to me were selfish and geared toward making himself better in the eyes of his peers. And not very well thought out for the long run. What I remember more than anything, though, is that we ten kids suffered a lot because of his irrational decision.

I'll get into that a bit more later. Gotta run. Take comfort, though, in your decision and don't second guess yourself. Sometimes, a lot of little decisions will be easier to deal with and will create greater mental comfort than one giant decision that doesn't really eliminate the little decisions anyway.

EDIT: After re-reading this, it probably says enough. Hang in there!

--Wag--

[Outpost75]

Family comes first. Game over. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.

[Idaho45guy]

I was in your position back in `04. Left an area and school my kids loved in search of greener grass.

I've regretted it ever since. My daughter fell into the wrong crowd and my wife ended up leaving me. Horrible, horrible decision that will haunt me the rest of my life.

[jmort]

But, I thought it did not matter as the kids flourish and the wife loves it when you move them. Seriously, I am truly sorry to hear this.

[nicholst55]

Having spent 20 years on active duty with the Army, several more years contracting overseas, and another ten as a DOD civilian, my view of the world is jaundiced. We're on my third assignment as a DOD civilian, second time overseas as a civilian. I've lived in 5 different countries and 8 different states. Moving. You'll survive it, and so will your family. Since they have nothing to compare their current home to, of course they view it as 'ideal.' Broaden their horizons. They'll make new friends and experience new things. The new job. The only thing that you can guarantee about it is that it WILL be different. You say that you know the folks you'd be working with and get along well. Hopefully that will hold true, but it probably won't be as easy/good as you anticipate. An old sergeant once told me that if there is a group of three people, at least one of them is a jerk. I do believe that he was correct!

I know that I didn't always like where I was or what I was doing, but it certainly did expose me to a lot of different people and cultures, along with different ideas. I feel that it has made me and my family into better people, with open minds. While there's certainly nothing wrong with spending your entire life within 50 miles of 'home,' there's nothing wrong with the alternative, either.

[fatelk]

Since they have nothing to compare their current home to, of course they view it as 'ideal.' Broaden their horizons.

Not true. We've moved before. My older kids still talk about how they wish we'd never had to move. We're tired of moving and we hate it (all of us, myself especially). We are already far from "home". We have the choice of continuing to making this home, or going on to live like nomads. Worse than nomads actually. True nomads take their whole community with them.

[Geezer in NH]

Talk and listen to YOU WIFE and not idiots on the internet.

[Big Tom]

Agree with Geezer - your life and you can ask 10 people and will get 20 different opinions. All that matters is that your family makes a decision you all can support and live with. In my experience, there will always be situations people will look back to thinking "oh, if I only had done x instead of y".... No certainty in life