What a pain this prenupt is turning into

[snowwolfe]

My wife and I lead a marriage strengthening class. We've been married forty years. Both of us have been married before.

If you need a pre-nup, that means that you shouldn't be getting married in the first place. Marriage is built on trust and if you can't trust someone, then you should NOT get married. You are already saying "I don't know if I am committed enough to make this work."

Marriage takes a 100% commitment. If you are not willing to do that, you are not ready for marriage.

This has ZERO to do with why people do a prenup. I seriously doubt anyone gets married thinking they will divorce. But divorce happens for various other reasons and not all are trust related.

[lightman]

I won't offer any advise on marriage or other life choices. But, the price and waiting time seem excessive to me. I retired about 3 years ago and on the advice of my financial adviser hired an attorney to draw up an estate plan. Wills, trust, medical and financial powers of attorney, probably some more stuff. The cost and waiting time was much less than your prices and the attorney was highly respected locally, not some jack leg working off of the street.

Good Luck with this!

[JoeJames]

You get what you pay for.

If you want a cheap contract, including a prenuptial agreement, there are certainly lawyers out there that are more than happy to take your money.

You know as well as I do that there are some skilled attorneys and there are some not so skilled attorneys.

While it is true that some divorce law just cannot be side-stepped with a contract and that is how it should be. You can't use a contract to circumvent the law.
However, when pre-marital property is clearly identified in a prenuptial agreement, I've never seen the ownership of that property disturbed by a court.

I agree 100%; as you said "You get what you pay for". And, to muddy the water, I am sure there are many many "Free" pre-nup forms out there on the internet, to really really pecker things up!

[dverna]

Good news.

I found a well rated firm that charges $200/hr and they estimate the cost will be closer to $1000 than $2000. They have a prenuptial specialist. Timing is less than two months and totally dependent on how quickly we can pull together the list and values of our assets/liabilities.

This may offend some of you. Anyone with assets entering into marriage without a prenuptial agreement is a fool.

I am in my late sixties and my fiancé is 12 years younger than I am. Stuff happens.

For those of you happily married for decades, you are the exception. 50% of first marriages end in divorce. 65% of second marriages end the same way. And of the marriages that survive, I am willing to bet many are less than idyllic....but they stay together for the kids, family, appearances, and/or financial necessity. BTW, in second marriages the kids are one of the biggest problems. Her son has voiced his disapproval of me and the union so not a good start.

We are both taking pre marriage counseling at our church. But there are never guarantees. That is the importance of the prenuptial agreement. And if we cannot agree on the terms, that is the red flag that we should not proceed.

[Char-Gar]

I never saw much use for a prenup in Texas, being that we are a Community Property state. Community property is defined as any property obtained after marriage, other than that which is obtained by gift, devise or descent (inherited). Problems start to develop when community and separate property (pre-marriage) are co-mingled.

What you have is an accounting problem. As long as the Separate property is kept isolated and never co-mingled with community, you will not lose it in a divorce, under most circumstances.

Addendum: I have done lots of per-marital counseling, but it is basically useless. Five years into the marriage, emotions and relationships will have changed and anything learned in such pre-marital counseling, will be either forgotten or discarded. I have had much better success, counseling and dealing with specific problems as they occur.

Addendum No. 2: Second marriages fail, when people don't learn from the first. One of the biggest issues in first marriages, is one or both of the parties can't, accept the other for what they are. They want to change, shape and mold the other, into the person they want them to be. Women are particularly bad about this, as most has some kind of missionary complex. They think they can fix their new husband. They believe with their love and help, the hubby can be changed into the touchy, feeley, emotional vulnerable person they want. What they want is a person with female emotions and male genitalia.

In a second marriage, people should know by now, that if they can't live with the person as it, don't get married, for they are not likely to change. Second marriages can be reality based and not fantasy based like the first.

I had a 30 years first marriage go south, but in reality it went south six months in. It just took 30 years to shoot it in the head and move on. I am now 25 years into a second marriage and this one is a go, because we don't expect each other to change, to suit some fantasy notion of a spouse.

[JimB..]

Good news.

I found a well rated firm that charges $200/hr and they estimate the cost will be closer to $1000 than $2000. They have a prenuptial specialist. Timing is less than two months and totally dependent on how quickly we can pull together the list and values of our assets/liabilities.

This may offend some of you. Anyone with assets entering into marriage without a prenuptial agreement is a fool.

I am in my late sixties and my fiancé is 12 years younger than I am. Stuff happens.

For those of you happily married for decades, you are the exception. 50% of first marriages end in divorce. 65% of second marriages end the same way. And of the marriages that survive, I am willing to bet many are less than idyllic....but they stay together for the kids, family, appearances, and/or financial necessity. BTW, in second marriages the kids are one of the biggest problems. Her son has voiced his disapproval of me and the union so not a good start.

We are both taking pre marriage counseling at our church. But there are never guarantees. That is the importance of the prenuptial agreement. And if we cannot agree on the terms, that is the red flag that we should not proceed.

You’re happy, she’s happy, anonymous people on the internet think you are a fool, you think anonymous people on the internet are fools. You’ve obviously made the right choice for you and your bride, and that’s all that matters!

[KenH]

Good news.

I found a well rated firm that charges $200/hr and they estimate the cost will be closer to $1000 than $2000. They have a prenuptial specialist. Timing is less than two months and totally dependent on how quickly we can pull together the list and values of our assets/liabilities.

This may offend some of you. Anyone with assets entering into marriage without a prenuptial agreement is a fool.

I am in my late sixties and my fiancé is 12 years younger than I am. Stuff happens.

For those of you happily married for decades, you are the exception. 50% of first marriages end in divorce. 65% of second marriages end the same way. And of the marriages that survive, I am willing to bet many are less than idyllic....but they stay together for the kids, family, appearances, and/or financial necessity. BTW, in second marriages the kids are one of the biggest problems. Her son has voiced his disapproval of me and the union so not a good start.

We are both taking pre marriage counseling at our church. But there are never guarantees. That is the importance of the prenuptial agreement. And if we cannot agree on the terms, that is the red flag that we should not proceed.

Congrats with your situation now. You're doing your homework, both of ya'll are working on it. Sounds like a winner to me. Again, congrats to you and the bride to be.