What a pain this prenupt is turning into

[dverna]

Called a local attorney to get a prenuptial agreement drawn up. He asked some questions about my net worth and told me that I could expect the process to take 3-12 months and the cost is a flat rate of $5000. There are two firms that do this kind of work in my area and I hate having to go to a bigger city but I may have to. The other firm is $3-5000.

I am not Bill Gates but I have some assets to safeguard and a special needs son to care for.

If anyone has gone through the process, is this "normal"? If anyone knows a firm in Northern MI they could recommend me let me know. Thanks, in advance!

My fiancé is going to freak when she hears this. BTW, that is my cost only...she will need her own attorney. So $8-10k by the time we are done.

[dbosman]

I'd make some phone calls, for "free" consultations, with down state firms. Grand Rapids, Detroit, Lansing, or Southfield. You might find that taking a weekday road trip worthwhile. Good luck. With only two firms in your area they probably make decent money suing each others clients.

[Gewehr-Guy]

A Trust of some form set up for your son might be more acceptable for your fianc'e, and could be done before you get hitched.

[MyFlatline]

+1 on the Trust and if I was that worried about a prenup, I wouldn't say I do..Sorry been there 3 times already.

[dverna]

Calling more attorneys tomorrow

I have a Special Needs Trust for the son so that is covered and most of my assets are in another trust.

The prenup will address what happens to our estates when we pass, and also assets, alimony, etc if we divorce. Both of us have been divorced so we have learned a few lessons along the way. No need to make the same mistakes again and we have a lot more at stake than a couple of 20 year olds starting out.

I do not understand your comment MyFlatline. I suppose you have nothing left to lose after having three failed marriages, or so much income that it does not matter if you fail again. I am somewhere between those two positions.

[popper]

Is much a common property state? You should be able to declare private property, need to keep all accounts separate. Prenup just agrees to the terms.

[6mm win lee]

Don't get hitched. "Just say no!" - Nancy Reagan. You keep your place she keeps hers. You can bump uglies and then retreat to a neutral corner if needed. I've been successfully divorced thirty one years. "Trust me Luke. I'm your Grandfather."

Just kidding. You are correct to seek out cheaper advise. Lawyers are the parasites of the world. They can only survive by making their fellow citizens think the law is complicated and esoteric and can not understand what they are reading and then charging an arm and a leg for the information or filling out a simple form. I believe it is called a cashectomy

[edp2k]

+1 on the Trust and if I was that worried about a prenup, I wouldn't say I do..Sorry been there 3 times already.

+1000

Judges look at prenups as mere suggestions.

Based on your responses, I'll bet you don't heed any of this advice and argue instead.

[FLINTNFIRE]

I agree if its prenup its a no go , I am divorced and and in this state whats yours before is yours in divorce and as to what one leaves behind the will takes care of that , having said all that if you are that well off to spend that money between the 2 of you on one and its what you both want then shop around for attorneys and the best of luck. I always like to remember the movie jerimiah johnson , the coldest rock god made and i find no tracks.

[MyFlatline]

Calling more attorneys tomorrow

I have a Special Needs Trust for the son so that is covered and most of my assets are in another trust.

The prenup will address what happens to our estates when we pass, and also assets, alimony, etc if we divorce. Both of us have been divorced so we have learned a few lessons along the way. No need to make the same mistakes again and we have a lot more at stake than a couple of 20 year olds starting out.

I do not understand your comment MyFlatline. I suppose you have nothing left to lose after having three failed marriages, or so much income that it does not matter if you fail again. I am somewhere between those two positions.

My comment is, if you are that concerned that she is after your money, then it is not a marriage of love. With my current wife of 25 years, I was urged to get a prenup because I had a business. I declined. No I am not filthy rich as you suggest , probably closer to poor, self employment doesn't always make you a millionaire, just dedicated and a hard worker.

A trust covers your demise, Nothing but honesty covers a divorce.

[Petrol & Powder]

"Nothing but honesty covers a divorce. "

I disagree. A prenuptial agreement covers a divorce. And if she will not sign one, that's a red flag - run away.

I've seen both sides of this many times and those with a prenuptial agreement were better off and happier, even if they stayed married.

I don't have the space here to go into the multitude of reasons that having a prenuptial agreement is desirable. And by the way, a separation agreement is the opposite of a prenuptial agreement and they are both simply contracts.

As for the price, you're paying for a professional's time and a prenuptial agreement is a very individual thing. It's not just a boiler plate contract. You can pay for that by the hour or you can pay a fixed price. At least with a fixed price you know what the cost is up front.

[Lloyd Smale]

I too would have said if your willing to marry then why would you question who your marrying but I too have a special needs son and know full well where your coming from. when I got remarried I didn't do a prenup but went to a lawyer and made a will saying what would happen when I die with the house assests ect and made provisions in it for my son. I made it so my wife had to sign that she understood it and did it in front of two witnesses. Now would this hold up if my wife got some high dollar lawyer to fight it? I don't know. Thing is she sure cant afford a high dollar lawyer anyway and I think I know her enough to know that she wouldn't screw my son or I wouldn't have married her in the first place. I was picky this time. I was single for 13 years before I found one that I not only loved but could really trust and that doesn't go for just the son. Even that is no guarantee though. Personaly I applaud you for taking steps to insure your son is taken care of. I know many that end up with the state because there broke and have nobody that really cares. I want to insure that my son will allways have a warm place to stay, food to eat and a few bucks in his pocket. Bottom line is what your doing is the real test of whether that lady is really worth marrying. If she complains a bit and doesn't understand your love for your son then show her the door real fast!

[rr2241tx]

My daughter-in-law insisted on a pre-nuptial because she was flat broke but had no debt. My son had substantial college loan debt and she didn't want to end up bailing him out if it all went south. Smart girl! He got the pre-nup and got serious about paying off his student loans, got his credit card under control and learned to live within his means. He probably ought to be paying her for financial advice that I'm sure he gets in abundance at the supper table daily. They are each making more money now than I ever made. Still throwing it away on rent so they can live in Austin though.

[snowwolfe]

Some pretty cold opinions here about prenups. Often times it has nothing to do with trust or love. If my wife died before me and I decided to get remarried I would insist on a prenup and move assets over to my son. Last thing I would want is to see everything my dead wife and I worked for our entire life time be passed onto someone's kids or relatives instead of my own son.

[Hardcast416taylor]

Why bother buying the cow when you`re already getting the milk for free? Sounds like this isn`t going to end well, even with a prenup. Remember the line in the movie `Forest Gump` - RUN FOREST RUN!Robert

[smokeywolf]

Just like lawyers are a necessary evil (not all are evil), pre-nups are a necessary evil in today's world. Problem that seems to come up is, while more assets can mean more work for the attorney, they also see more assets as a justification for overcharging you.

[JimB..]

Prenups have a place in the complicated world we live in, needing one is not an indication of a relationship’s quality or durability, that’s just silly talk. My guess is that those of you saying such things have never had or needed one.

[KenH]

I agree with the above, the pre-nup is for divorce, trust/will is for death. Seems like it should be pretty simple, pre-nup simply says that for divorce, what you have going into marriage stays yours if divorce, what's her's before marriage stays her's in case of divorce. What is acquired during marriage is split 50-50..... your credit cards are in your name only, and her credit cards are in her name only.

I have a Special Needs Trust for the son so that is covered and most of my assets are in another trust.

Since you have a trust already set up for your son, and most of your assets are in a different trust it seems you've already got most of it covered.

The prenup will address what happens to our estates when we pass, and also assets, alimony, etc if we divorce.

That's a fairly simple prenup and shouldn't take all that much. Both of ya'll sit down together and work up what ya'll both would like to see. With her working on prenup with you she'll be MUCH more open to the idea. After all, it's protecting her also - if she's got any assets to speak of.

I suspect you can find a boiler plate prenup that will be legal and cover what ya'll need for free, or almost free.

Here's a good site I've used in the past for different legal forms. Note what it says about if these forms are legal in your state or not. Many of them are tailored for certain states. Also, when you click on the prenum link, be sure to look at the links for "If you have substantial assets, you should consider our Prenuptial Agreement specifically tailored for a Husband with Substantial Assets, Wife with Substantial Assets, or Husband and Wife Each with Substantial Assets."
https://www.ilrg.com/forms (this site is free so I do hope it's not violating any rules by posting)

The important thing is for ya'll to work on the prenup together.

[gwpercle]

Don't get married...you ain't gotta !

The couple who have lived across the street from me for 20+ years , she's an artist and photographer and he's a lawyer.....my wife just told me they aren't married...just living together ! I had no idea !

[marlin39a]

Why in the world would a guy want to marry a gal, and then want an insurance policy? You're not sure about her? Don't marry her!