As my second son was placing 4th in the Olympics, my first son, Is now gone. I got the call yesterday.
I had spent my entire life keeping myself ready to take him in. I am a master jeweler, I wanted to teach him casting, engraving, waxing, faceting, stone cutting, repairing, and silver New Pawn.
I am just sitting here wondering why, and how do I replace 42yrs of fighting against the odds.
I had at one point literally walking across the Northern Hemisphere. My heart was so broken. 4.5 yrs of solitary walking. I almost got killed, and his memory kept me walking as I wanted him to know it was not his fault.
I feel so broken, my life right now is devoid of almost any feeling. My sister even told me, his taking his life was Trump's fault!
I am surrounded by idiots. Our president had nothing to do with anything about my son. He was my son, and my sister is an Idiot Californian.
I hurt. I have folks in my life, but I feel like I am on another planet.
I ask myself, why me? I keep hearing, why not you? What makes you so special. I am a pastor, I guess it will make my sermons more indepth, more connected to people who also suffer like I never thought I would.
Tomorrow is another day, it will be here whether I am here or not.
Might just as well hang on and see what is next.
Maybe I can do some good.