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Thread: What do you do with a son!

  1. #41
    Boolit Master






    Lloyd Smale's Avatar
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    hate to be the downer her but your in a loose loose situation. Help him and you make him worse but get to see your grandkids. Cut off contact with him and the grandkids go with it.
    Soldier of God, sixgun junky, Retired electrical lineman. My office was a 100 feet in the air, closer to God the better

  2. #42
    Boolit Master
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    Well, we bailed our son's two vehicles out of repo by taking out a loan in our name. We have loaned him money and was told I'll have it back to you by the end of the month only to see it about a year later after repeated mentioning of it. Had seen the son purchase guns instead of making his payments on the loan we took out to save his vehicles. Had his wife come over in tears saying they didn't have enough money to pay the house payment. Its amazing how dispite not having money for bills yet there was money to have her hair or nails done.

    Finally got tired of it. Told him the bank was dry and he would sink or swim on his own. He finally grew up and is making his way on his own now.

  3. #43
    Boolit Master

    Hickory's Avatar
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    Say these words to him, as I have to my sons, " Today, you are a man"., and mean it. You will be giving them the option of sinking or swimming. In time they will swim.
    Political correctness is a national suicide pact.

    I am a sovereign individual, accountable
    only to God and my own conscience.

  4. #44
    Boolit Master
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    Quote Originally Posted by 6bg6ga View Post
    Well, we bailed our son's two vehicles out of repo by taking out a loan in our name. We have loaned him money and was told I'll have it back to you by the end of the month only to see it about a year later after repeated mentioning of it. Had seen the son purchase guns instead of making his payments on the loan we took out to save his vehicles. Had his wife come over in tears saying they didn't have enough money to pay the house payment. Its amazing how dispite not having money for bills yet there was money to have her hair or nails done.

    Finally got tired of it. Told him the bank was dry and he would sink or swim on his own. He finally grew up and is making his way on his own now.

    The religious view of this is we are supposed to help when someone is in need. This creates a problem of which way to turn. In one respect your tired of constantly reaching for the check book and on the other hand shouldn't one be helping?

  5. #45
    Boolit Master

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    Quote Originally Posted by 6bg6ga View Post
    The religious view of this is we are supposed to help when someone is in need. This creates a problem of which way to turn. In one respect your tired of constantly reaching for the check book and on the other hand shouldn't one be helping?
    If by religious you mean biblical, the Bible tells us to help people who are actually in need and have no way to make money on their own. The Bible makes it clear that those who are lazy or mismanage resources should not be given a free ride.

  6. #46
    Boolit Master

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    Quote Originally Posted by poppy42 View Post
    I want to thank everyone for their replies. The vast majority of have told me what I now know but was to stupid to realize in the past. If my son had been a friend or total stranger Iíd have at the very least gotten my money back! One way or another. Like the song once said ď Iím not as good as I once was, but Iím as once as I ever wasĒ. This is much harder! This is my blood! This is the child I watched grow into a man! What I once thought, a good man, someone a farther could be proud of. Now, not so much. At this time in my life, as I near my last watch ( letís face it Iíve been on this earth a lot longer than I will be in the future) my only concern is for my wife and my granddaughters! At 9 and 4 those girls are innocents. I love them dearly. My wife has a very special relationship with the oldest. I with the youngest. To them I will always be poppy for the two of them. I truly believe that my son does realize that he dare not earn my wrath were the girls are concerned. I have made that perfectly clear, many times. As for him he is nothing to me.

    Once again, thank you all for your responses
    Sincerely,
    Poppy42
    Think carefully about how you feel about your granddaughters. Don't do to them what you guys have done to your son.
    Wayne the Shrink

    There is no 'right' that requires me to work for you or you to work for me!

  7. #47
    Boolit Master

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    If you have kept a record of the monies owed, I think sending your son a letter spelling out just how much is owed might be a good thing to do. It might be even better if you have a friend that's a lawyer that could put it on their stationary. One factor that I think some of the younger members here might not realize is that as we get older, we have less time to wait around for them to finally do the right thing and 'become a man'. Your son took from you and your wife money that you both should have at this time in your life, so if it were me, rather than doing nothing, I would let him know in no uncertain terms how much he owes you, and how much stress & strain it's putting on his mother you not having it.
    - MikeS

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  8. #48
    Boolit Master RED BEAR's Avatar
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    I am sorry but your fighting a losing battle. Took 35 years to get my son out of the house now have a granddaughter living with us. At least my son has grown up and now tries to help me and his mom. Grand daughter was going to help around the house and pay her own bills. In a year and a half she has loaded the dishwasher once. Barely keeps her room and bathroom clean. I am out in the garage today fixing her car from a wreck. 500 more dollars . swore she would help because of health problems i am not supposed to be out there. But I will say I will not give anything that I want back because it ain't gonna happen. It is a rule I have lived by for a long time. If I can't afford to give it to them then they doubt get it. Same goes for loaning money to friends if I can't give it then it ain't happening. Fastest way to create hard feelings. My daughter in-law tried to use 2 grand kid's as weapons. It didn't quite work out for her told her I will see them when they are 18 if they want never want to see you again it was very hard but not seeing them only lasted till Christmas. I know it is hard but you owe it to yourself and wife to take care of your self. Sounds like if your son doesn't want to see you it is his loss. Good luck

  9. #49
    Boolit Master


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    "What do you do with a son!" - In my estimation you've already fulfilled your obligation to the boy. You gave him the love and guidance it took to raise him. You taught him how to work and you taught him right from wrong. He's your Son and he always will be - that does not mean you have to cater to his every want and whim until the day you die. At what point will it be time to grow up and accept responsibility for his failure to be financially independent. He went wrong somewhere along the line - YOU are not responsible for this.
    So many guns, so little time
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  10. #50
    Boolit Master

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    He needs to learn to stand on his own two feet, sink or swim! Don't let him use the grandkids as a weapon against you! Sooner or later you'll see them and spend quality time with them. Never NEVER loan money to a family, give as a gift and if they return it GREAT if not oh well.
    It's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years (Abe Lincoln)

    "A free people ought not only to be armed and disciplined, but they should have sufficient arms and ammunition to maintain a status of independence from any who might attempt to abuse them, which would include their own government.Ē George Washington

  11. #51
    Boolit Master

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    Yip. The old I have money for everything but the bills trick. Just stop it all. Be done. And maybe don't keep checking on him with the facebook if it aggravates you so. Relax. I hear it all the time, he said, she said on the spacebook. I don't belong to it. never have, never will. You can enjoy thr grandkids without financing his life.

  12. #52
    Boolit Master
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    Quote Originally Posted by mac60 View Post
    "What do you do with a son!" - In my estimation you've already fulfilled your obligation to the boy. You gave him the love and guidance it took to raise him. You taught him how to work and you taught him right from wrong. He's your Son and he always will be - that does not mean you have to cater to his every want and whim until the day you die. At what point will it be time to grow up and accept responsibility for his failure to be financially independent. He went wrong somewhere along the line - YOU are not responsible for this.
    Thank you
    Long, Wide, Deep, and Without Hesitation!

  13. #53
    Boolit Master



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    Quote Originally Posted by poppy42 View Post
    Thank you
    4 days for a simple thank you. Seems strange
    LOYALTY ABOVE ALL ELSE, EXCEPT HONOR

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  14. #54
    Boolit Buddy Nines&Twos's Avatar
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    Sorry for your troubles.
    I’m no help but this is one thing on a LONG list of reasons my wife and I refused to have kids.

  15. #55
    Boolit Master

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    But you are missing out on the other side of the coin.

    You have a kid who works hard, and even though you might offer, when you perceive they might need help, they politely refuse saying they can make it work. Asked them one day if I ever won a lottery or something, would they get too upset if I paid off their mortgage? Yes, they would get upset and asked me to not do that if I ever did. Then asked me if I wasn't telling them something!!!! Said, No, sure haven't won.

    That said, I have seen classmates of theirs be just like son referred to in these postings.

  16. #56
    Boolit Master
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    Quote Originally Posted by DCP View Post
    4 days for a simple thank you. Seems strange
    Sorry for the delay I’ve been busy trying to keep food on the table and I’ve been to tired to check the forum. I do apologize for the delay. The thank you is truly heart felt!
    Long, Wide, Deep, and Without Hesitation!

  17. #57
    Boolit Master
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    I raised two sons. The oldest is a working fool. He will work seven days a week if the work is there. The second son is one step away from living under a bridge, has chosen to live a marginal life style and has been a constant worry to me all through his life. Both were raised the same. Occasionally the youngest will ask to "borrow" money, usually small amounts and he will never pay it back. I know this and if I have a bit of extra cash I sometimes "lend" him some. I never expect to see a nickel back and that's OK because I (silently) consider it a gift. I have no idea why the two are so different! I do know it is not my fault. They are both in their fifties at this point and I think there will be no change in either. I love them both anyway.
    R.D.M.

  18. #58
    Boolit Master
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    My wife's brother drained everything from Mom. Cost her a house that was paid for and she ended up in a nursing home. Had to get a restraining order against him. He pulled a gun on his mother demanding money and ended up in jail for a year over that one. Borrowed 300 thousand against her house and never paid back one dime. My wife's mother died a few months ago, haven't the slightest idea where he is. We heard at one time he was living on the street, but really don't care.

    He had everything handed to him. Everybody else had to make their own way. My wife has had some hard times with her family, but we are doing well. Don't give in when they come crying and whining. It does them an injustice to learn they can mooch with no repercussions.

  19. #59
    Boolit Buddy Nines&Twos's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rockrat View Post
    But you are missing out on the other side of the coin.

    You have a kid who works hard, and even though you might offer, when you perceive they might need help, they politely refuse saying they can make it work. Asked them one day if I ever won a lottery or something, would they get too upset if I paid off their mortgage? Yes, they would get upset and asked me to not do that if I ever did. Then asked me if I wasn't telling them something!!!! Said, No, sure haven't won.

    That said, I have seen classmates of theirs be just like son referred to in these postings.

    I believe many people truly agree. I do not nor do I see any value to that coin face.
    Children have a vacuous appetite for time and money. Neither of which am I willing to share with anyone other than my wife. Knowing this about myself is the top reason I donít have any children of my own and took measures to make sure of it.

    No finger pointing here, I DONT beleive this applies to any of you guys BUT you can not argue that there are too many children with parents that cannot/will not spend the necessary time and effort to rear them properly OR just do not want them altogether.
    That is a VERY serious problem and I will not make any contribution of my own.

  20. #60
    Boolit Master
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    Quote Originally Posted by 6bg6ga View Post
    The religious view of this is we are supposed to help when someone is in need. This creates a problem of which way to turn. In one respect your tired of constantly reaching for the check book and on the other hand shouldn't one be helping?
    If I'm not mistaken, there's a passage in the bible that says if your neighbor loses his load of sticks from his donkey, you help him pick them up. If he doesn't pitch in, you quit.
    A journey of a thousand feet begins with one mis-step at the edge of a cliff.

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