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Thread: Of all the nights!

  1. #21
    Boolit Master


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    A church of one is still a church. Be with God in your own way. I attend church, but find God in the woods as well.

    I did not know your pain. I cannot suggest squat.

    Spend more time at your church (of one) and God will guide you.
    Don Verna

    NRA Endowment Member

  2. #22
    Boolit Bub
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    We've been affected by the S word here as well.Daughter in laws father,and two younger folks who were friends of my boys.....it's cruel and ugly on all sides.

    Agree with above on there being a reason you got the call.And look,you don't have to say anything if you don't feel like it.Just being there and support for those younger folks is what "church" is about.It's alive,not some static,must hit the mark idea.The spirit moves people.You just might be the help or assurance someone needs?Go,try to feel the spirit... maybe give a hug?Receive a hug?

    Best wishes on your health Saw,coming from an old shopdog!

  3. #23
    Boolit Master Boaz's Avatar
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    Everyone that has commented cares about you . I care about you . These people that worry for you are scattered across the country . We do care . They are trying to encourage you in their own way .
    By what you have said I encourage you to seek help . Many have been where you are now and found relief but it's hard when your hurting in different ways . There is relief and answers , please seek medical and counseling .

    I am praying for you .
    No turning back , No turning back !

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  4. #24
    Boolit Master

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    Quote Originally Posted by Boaz View Post
    Everyone that has commented cares about you . I care about you . These people that worry for you are scattered across the country . We do care . They are trying to encourage you in their own way .
    By what you have said I encourage you to seek help . Many have been where you are now and found relief but it's hard when your hurting in different ways . There is relief and answers , please seek medical and counseling .

    I am praying for you .
    I too echo Boaz's comments. I too am afflicted with a bad back. And yes sometimes I have those thoughts as well. I have to seek God's guidence for my life every day. Brother I feel your pain. I have had less than 4 hours of rest in the last 48 and know where you are coming from. As some others on here have said seek God wherever you find Him. He is the only one that can give you true relief.
    I will be praying for you.
    Albert
    Tennessee Hunter Education Instructor

    ďThe Constitution is not an instrument for the government to
    restrain the people; it is an instrument for the
    people to restrain the government-lest it come to
    dominate our lives and interests"
    Patrick Henry

  5. #25
    Boolit Master




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    Seek help. I mean that in the most caring and strong way I can. Speaking at the church would help I believe. Those folks would see you honest and broken, and telling your testimony will be genuine. Speak of your struggle and let them know what you're going through. I think it will help.

    Lack of sleep will definitely screw you up. The body and mind need refreshment that is brought on by sleep. I have issues with sleep myself. Apnea and racing mind contribute to me not sleeping. It wreaks havoc on your life and mind. I hate that for you, because I know the burden it yokes you with.

    Suicide is not an option. Speak to the docs and see if there are med changes or changes in dosage that can possibly affect a change in your situation. Driving in front of a train is not what you're supposed to do. You don't need that nor does the train conductor/engineer. There is always hope and always tomorrow. God has a plan for your life and it's for a future and a hope (Jer 29:11). It may seem hopeless, but there is light and future for you.

    I too have a crushed column in my spine and busted up arthritic knees; amongst a host of other things. God is my strength. My healer. Yours too. I have dealt with physical pain, emotional pain and life pain in general. He will help. He is your comfort and provider. By His stripes we are healed. I believe you can be healed. When the docs say there's nothing they can do. God can do it. Don't lose hope. I have lifted you up to God and his throne room. From my lips to God's ears. There is hope.

    Also break up the monotony (or as my old buddy from base would say "break up the monopoly"). Get outside and sniff the air. See the the sun and feel the breeze. It's all there for you. Cabin fever and stir crazy is very real - don't let it get to you.
    You can miss fast & you can miss a lot, but only hits count.

  6. #26
    Boolit Master
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    I saw this thread after I posted started mine about helping others.
    I have not suffered from physical pain until relatively recently, and I know how it drains your energy. But, emotional pain can to the same.
    I have no great words for anyone, I have no great communication skills. But, I have the experiences that I have lived through, perhaps others can take from your experiences or mine and find strength in something you have shown them about yourself.
    I used to try to think about only fun times, and it can be hard.
    My low point was over 10 years ago, since then my life has been better than I could have ever hoped for. That is not to say there are not times that are hard and painful, but I have a far greater appreciation for what I have, who I am, and what I stand for than ever before. I can sit and marvel at a wonderful morning looking over the sage while calling coyotes, or how wonderful the still evening air is. Find peace where ever you can.

  7. #27
    Boolit Master GhostHawk's Avatar
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    Like you I had swings of depression, eventually I learned some of it was seasonal. Some of it was situational. When life was not going well my thoughts would drift that way.

    3 times it got bad enough that I was willing to consider ending it. 3 times I found a way to climb up someplace high. A water tower, a radio tower, and a dam. Three times I climbed up. And so ok, you want to end it all, let go. And 3 times I found both arms wrapped around whatever I was holding onto.

    Eventually I would gain enough peace from the long vista, the fruitful earth spread out below me.
    And I would gain enough strength to carry on. Make some changes, deal with what had to be dealt with.

    I saw a TV show about survivors who had jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge in San Fransisco.
    All of them said I took my life with its small temporary problems, and gave myself a huge permanent one.

    The problems I had when I jumped could have been fixed. The act of jumping gave me a problem I can't fix.

    I suspect you cannot fix yours either. But you can make it worse.

    Call me. I can't swear that I can help. I can only try.

  8. #28
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    I have fought a lifetime of back pain and spasms. Since I was 15 and ended up the bottom of a pile of bodies coming in from a classroom in a different building in winter. Someone slipped at the top of the stairs and I had 20 bodies land on me. Back spasms yearly since then. Then at 46 I really did a number on not only my back but I tore both rotator cuffs, carpal tunnel finally caught up with me from a lifetime of hand tool use, knee cartilage is shredded had one scoped and scraped out, torn ACL in both knees... oh and a tumor removed from my left hip that was wrapped around the sciatic nerve(schwanoma) leaving me with left leg nerve damage. Then in 2013 a kid ran a stop and I T- boned his truck at 40mph... that earned me a plate in my neck.

    So I know where you are coming from, I have to roll onto the floor then crawl up the wall to stand some days, right now it feels like I have a knife in the right sacro joint and it is being twisted plus nerve tingle/electric shock pain in my right foot.

    Sleep? What is that? 2 hours, get up, walk around, lay back down, back up in 2 hours... never getting more than an hour at a time.

    But guess what? Doc told me I would be in a wheelchair by the time I was 50, that was 7 years ago! Staying active and fighting through the pain every day actually helps REDUCE the pain! I still keep a huge garden, I am remodeling a shed into an outdoor kitchen, I tossed a 40 pound bag of wood pellets on my shoulder and brought them in earlier, and I ground and either bagged or pattied 40 pounds of pork sausage today.

    I refuse to give in, sure I have days where it is leave me the HECK alone if you don't want your head ripped off, friends know and understand that and let me be to ride it out. But they also know I need help sometimes and are willing to pitch in! You have to stay active even if it hurts, that is the key to getting through it. Since my back really went(lumbar decompression in 2007 that failed) it has been 10 years of what you are experiencing. Since 2007 I have had NINE joint surgeries!

    And sleep when you can! I nap in my desk chair if i need to, or lay down. I do not have to keep a schedule since I am 100% Social Security disabled so why worry? I am often up at 5AM, sometimes napping at 8pm...

    One thing that helped me pull through, plan one project a day. Be it clean house, make a big meal(hey leftovers mean no cooking for 3-4 days!), I brew beer and handle 60 pound full fermenters... live life to the max and do not let pain rule you! I take an oxycontin and a percocet when I get up, same again at 8pm, and a percocet before bed around 2AM. It doesn't stop the pain and I don't expect it to. It dulls it enough I can get moving for the day!

    Tomorrows project: Move 202 pounds of beef from my front door to my freezer then spend an hour bent over loading it all into the freezer! But guess what? I am looking forward to it because I am having a ribeye steak for supper!
    Last edited by MaryB; 11-09-2017 at 11:17 PM.

  9. #29
    Boolit Master
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    What keeps you from sleeping might not be helped by this, but here's something that helps me. I have a form of arthritis that primarily affects the spine. When I was having an attack, it was impossible to sleep more than a couple hours laying down. I found that I could sleep well in a recliner. Thankfully, I haven't had a major attack in several years, as it was debilitating during the worst attacks.
    A journey of a thousand feet begins with one mis-step at the edge of a cliff.

  10. #30
    Boolit Master
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    We bought an adjustable bed and it has helped a lot!
    Got some sleep last night, that sure helped the mental side of things. So my mind is sorted better, my back isn’t screaming at me but my body isn’t happy about the last few days! I can feel the burning from my pancreas and I’ve got a headache and the shakes from all the pills. What do you do lol!
    I’ll have to spend the next few days getting hydrated, lots of water, cranberry juice and poweraide.
    Quote Originally Posted by sniper View Post
    Irish Proverb: Never approach a Bull from the front, a horse from the rear, or an Idiot from any direction!

  11. #31
    Boolit Master
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    That's great news, Saw! Sleep deprivation messes with the mind a lot. Sleep also helps the body repair itself. Maybe, with enough rest, you might evenbe able to cut back on the on the narcotics.
    A journey of a thousand feet begins with one mis-step at the edge of a cliff.

  12. #32
    Boolit Master
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    Most of us out here do not have and may never have what you have. Therefore we don't have a cure or even just some relief but all of care about you and you are on our intensive care prayer list. God is hearing a thunder of voices all saying your name. God will bless you.
    Ole Jack
    "'Necesity' is the plea for every infringement of human freedom. It is the argument of Tyrants: it is the creed of slaves."
    William Pitt, 1783
    "America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we faulter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves." Abraham Lincoln.

  13. #33
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    I went to a memory foam bed years ago, now I am designing my own adjustable bed for the memory foam mattress. It doesn't need a box spring under it, it can sit on plywood and is still soft(and better for my back, my box spring is sagging). That is a project for this winter. Making it in sections so it is easy to lift up onto my upper deck to come in that door. Impossible to get anything up my "steps" that are more of a ladder almost at a 45 degree angle. Narrow width, narrow treads, wall tilts in on the right as you go up to fit the roof slope... old farmhouse style steps

  14. #34
    Boolit Master
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    Ok, disclaimer and preface: please read and understand the entire post BEFORE COMMENTING! This isn’t something I did all Willie nilly and without knowing what I was doing and the risks!

    With all the breakthrough pain I’ve been having and the fact I HATE taking the stupid pills I decided to bring my Fentynal dosage up. Well, I OD’d again! Been throwing up since 6:30pm because my body is trying to get it out of my system. Good times!
    My prescription is for 50mcg/hr patches. I’ve never been able to take the full dose and OD’d both times I’ve tried. I was cutting 1/4” off the patches and this was basically 37.5mcg/hr, but my Dr wanted me to try backing off even more so I’ve been cutting them in half for a 25mcg dose. Friday night it was time for a new patch and I opted to go back to 37.5. I told my wife, “Well, this is going to help, or get really ugly!” 24hrs later, I can seriously set my watch to this, it got ugly
    I guess the saying is true, no rest for the wicked!
    Quote Originally Posted by sniper View Post
    Irish Proverb: Never approach a Bull from the front, a horse from the rear, or an Idiot from any direction!

  15. #35
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    My doc tried to prescribe that for me. I told her NO WAY. That stuff is far worse than the oxycontin/percocet I use.

    Quote Originally Posted by sawinredneck View Post
    Ok, disclaimer and preface: please read and understand the entire post BEFORE COMMENTING! This isn’t something I did all Willie nilly and without knowing what I was doing and the risks!

    With all the breakthrough pain I’ve been having and the fact I HATE taking the stupid pills I decided to bring my Fentynal dosage up. Well, I OD’d again! Been throwing up since 6:30pm because my body is trying to get it out of my system. Good times!
    My prescription is for 50mcg/hr patches. I’ve never been able to take the full dose and OD’d both times I’ve tried. I was cutting 1/4” off the patches and this was basically 37.5mcg/hr, but my Dr wanted me to try backing off even more so I’ve been cutting them in half for a 25mcg dose. Friday night it was time for a new patch and I opted to go back to 37.5. I told my wife, “Well, this is going to help, or get really ugly!” 24hrs later, I can seriously set my watch to this, it got ugly
    I guess the saying is true, no rest for the wicked!

  16. #36
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    I know I am late to the party but frequently pastors get inspired. He may not have wanted the kids to hear what he asked you about as much as he wanted you to talk about it.
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  17. #37
    Boolit Master
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    @ Saw'n
    I can't add much, I can though, thank you for posting this, and for the all the folks that have replied. It has been a joy to see so many truly try to help, seeking zero in return, and it has been a "I mourned because I had no shoes, til I met a man without any feet" moment.

    Consequently, whether you see it or not, your ordeal is a lesson to others you may not even know. I'm sure that is no great consolation, but it is a fact, you are an example of how to endure to someone, and there are also some good examples in this thread on the very subject.

    So, I thank you, for sharing, and I thank all those trying to share with you, and I pray you glean something from this thread that makes a positive difference in your life.

    claude

  18. #38
    Boolit Master
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    Quote Originally Posted by MaryB View Post
    My doc tried to prescribe that for me. I told her NO WAY. That stuff is far worse than the oxycontin/percocet I use.
    I did OxyContin for a month, no thank you! Wake up in the am, wait until I threw up, then I could start my day. Then I started blacking out, wake up in bed, no idea how I got there or what I’d done!
    I’ll see how I feel tomorrow, depending on how bad my withdrawals are, I may try to take a break from it. I’ve certainly not noticed any difference in my pain level the last 24hrs without it.
    Quote Originally Posted by sniper View Post
    Irish Proverb: Never approach a Bull from the front, a horse from the rear, or an Idiot from any direction!

  19. #39
    Boolit Master GhostHawk's Avatar
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    Hey saw, what claud said up above. Even as you are thrashing and failing you may be helping others to find their way. Consider that?

    Also consider this, we are the servant, the Lord is the master. We are not the masters of our destiny. He is, if you truly serve him. That is his decision to make. Would you really want to bring down the Masters Wrath upon yourself by doing something to end the pain? Will you spoil his work?

    Or will you surrender to his will and accept the peace like a river that comes with it?

    Once you reach the point where you accept that you can no longer continue. You also reach the point where you can submit to his will and be lifted. Go to the Lord in prayer, humble your heart, set aside your pride, tell him all. Tell him you can not continue without his help. Surrender and submit.

    Or not.

    Lay all your troubles at his feet, set down your burdens. His yoke is easy and the burden is light.
    Ask and it shall be granted, knock and it shall be opened to you.

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Abbreviations used in Reloading

BP Bronze Point IMR Improved Military Rifle PTD Pointed
BR Bench Rest M Magnum RN Round Nose
BT Boat Tail PL Power-Lokt SP Soft Point
C Compressed Charge PR Primer SPCL Soft Point "Core-Lokt"
HP Hollow Point PSPCL Pointed Soft Point "Core Lokt" C.O.L. Cartridge Overall Length
PSP Pointed Soft Point Spz Spitzer Point SBT Spitzer Boat Tail
LRN Lead Round Nose LWC Lead Wad Cutter LSWC Lead Semi Wad Cutter
GC Gas Check