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Thread: Grieving how long is too long

  1. #21
    Boolit Grand Master GhostHawk's Avatar
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    Mar 2014
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    From what I have seen, grieving is a very individual process. And people get "stuck" at various stages.

    I agree with several above who commented on setting aside those memory's of the accident. Life shattering as it was.

    Dig deeper, pull up other memory's. Stick them on the wall. Simple things, your friend smiling, doing something not so smart. Anything but those memory's of that day.

    Just put those away for another decade. One where the sharp raw edges of loss have worn smooth. And you can pull them out and look at them with less pain.

    I won't say no pain because I don't think that will happen in this life.

    Yes you are stuck with this. This IS.

    The pain is real. You have 2 choices.
    Let it screw you up to where you follow him into death.
    Or learn to live with it.

    Be Blessed.

  2. #22
    Boolit Grand Master Char-Gar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RU shooter View Post
    Honestly what I expect things to be like and what I want things to be like is whenever I hear someone say his name I remember all the good things first all those many hours working side by side and eating lunch together . Not what I deal with now , the image of his death , that entire day played over again . That is the part I want to be last in my thoughts and memories .

    I want to thank you all for your support and encouragement and prayers , I try not to get into personal things on here but today I was just having one of those days when I was having to deal things I didn't want to . Again thank you

    Tim
    Tim, what you describe is not grief but trauma. They are entirely two different things. Time to see a professional about the issues. My best wishes and prayers for you to get on the otherside of this terrible loss.
    Disclaimer: The above is not holy writ. It is just my opinion based on my experience and knowledge. Your mileage may vary.

  3. #23
    Boolit Grand Master popper's Avatar
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    Ru you'll probably never know what brings up those feeling but how long to grieve is up to YOU. My Dad's dad passed when I was about 4, didn't know him well, didn't see much of him but at the viewing my Dad broke down and was bawling. I didn't understand. First funeral I could stand/attended after that I was in my 50s, as a pallbearer to FIL. Sat with Dad through 15 hrs before he passed from heart failure at 92, had to stuff a lot of emotions that nite. Let logic take over the emotions - past is past - you can't change it. Don't let your emotions control you. No, it's not easy.
    Whatever!

  4. #24
    Boolit Master



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    I don't go to funerals, I prefer to remember the folks as they were in life.
    In my case grieving is done privately and for a short time on my front porch, when the sun comes up and I wish the person farewell and a good journey to paradise.
    Gun control is not about guns.

  5. #25
    Boolit Buddy The Governor's Avatar
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    Aug 2016
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    It's OK. Here's what works for me, I'd do something generous in Ricky's honor, say a prayer, look at a calendar and pick a date.
    Say, "I'm going to start to get over on this date", and do it.

  6. #26
    Super Moderator Emeritus
    Preacher Jim's Avatar
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    My suggestion is find a funeral director that has a grief counselor who is a Christian and meet regularly with them, there are 5 stages of grief and each one requires conquering .
    Start by remembering every good time you had with your friend and forgive yourself for not being able to save his life because you were to late, he was already gone before you got there.
    But find a grief counselor I can promise they care and can help you

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