Is this a normal adult life?

[1johnlb]

I've had the chance to start life over for a second time. The first time doing things my way, I lost everything family, home, everything I had worked for all my life, even almost my own life.

This second time I've submitted everything unto Jesus Christ and everything I lost has been restored bigger and better than I ever had before. Except this time easier than I ever could have imagined. And all the weight and pressure of living the adult life is no longer on my shoulders.

MATTEW
24*“Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock.*25*The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.*26*But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand.*27*The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”

[shooterg]

+ a bunch on a relationship with a higher power.

I do wish I'd invested in more firearms sooner ! Most of the older ones have done better than the stock market .

Do a little less of some things and save a little every month -take advantage of any 401 match available. I retired at 56 but made the mistake of sharing that info - everyone figures you have time to do their stuff for 'em !

[runfiverun]

having money don't make it no better.
2 years ago I made over 100-K I been out of work for almost a year now.
the only difference is I'm home now and I was constantly in a different state every two weeks before.
I was just as broke then,.
the take home was about 50%, the expenses were about 15%.
the drive to work was a couple hundred miles, then a flight out from there..

with any luck i'll make about 8,000$ this year [hopefully] just enough to cover the electric/gas bill and insurance and taxes on the house.

[BigMagShooter]

yep, normal, it'll get easier, because with age generally comes wisdom, and that wisdom will help you determine what are little rocks, and what are big rocks.

ignore the little rocks as you can walk over them easy enough, the big rocks, you can turn into little rocks, or just go around them.

usually some AP ammo helps make big rocks into little rocks, or at least lets you feel good about trying to make them little rocks...

oh yea, belt fed helps too....

[dragon813gt]

I was constantly in a different state every two weeks before.

For anyone that's home every night be thankful. Like R5R I'm gone almost every week. I am home every weekend unless I'm notified months in advance. If it's w/in eight hours I drive. If not, I fly. I was in Newfoundland last week. This week I will be home every night. It's unusual for me to be home every night. I was at the same company for fifteen years and was home every night. It's a case of you don't know you missed it until it's gone.

[rancher1913]

make sure you DO NOT KEEP UP WITH THE JONES'S. owning a house comes with pitfalls that hit at the worst time so make sure you have money in the bank to cover sudden **** and do not use a credit card unless you can pay it off every month. I have seen a lot of people that I thought was killing it only to see them crash and burn when the bank called the note.

[GhostHawk]

Money is not the answer, and money will not bring you happyness. Neither will "things", material objects. Although guns come close at times. They still fall short.

The secret is

A You have to be ok with who and what you are. Look in the mirror, be critical.
The things you do not like can be changed with work and time. The things you do like can be reinforced, built on, amplified.

B Take most people's phone away for 72 hours and they would go through withdrawal.
What do you really have to say that is that important? If it is not "I love you" I suspect you are just sucking bandwidth for entertainment.

Say what you mean, mean what you say.

I chased happiness for a long time. Then one morning I woke up and accepted that I had all the things that I wanted back then. So why am I not happy? Well I don't know, maybe I am.

Life has been pretty good since that day.

C Take care of the big stuff today, get the small stuff as you can.
Don't worry, it accomplishes nothing, but takes a lot of time, energy and fuel to produce that nothing.

D When you get tired, at wits end, at the end of your rope. Drop it all at Jesus's feet.
Nail your sins to the cross and walk away from them. Leave them behind, don't drag them with you. When in doubt, despair, discouraged or downtrodden turn to the Lord in Prayer.
Be humble, lay it all out. You can find no better friend. He will not share your secrets, betray you, or do you wrong.

I wasted 40 years because I was stubborn and had to do it my way. Don't be like me.

Remember, we are only in this world for a short time. If you stack up your riches here, they can be stolen, burned, flooded, destroyed. And you would have nothing. And remember, you can't take it with you when you go, and you will go when your time comes. That is out of our hands.

But who can destroy grace in Heaven?

Yes we need to take care of ourselves, see to our daily needs. I strongly believe that the Lord helps those first who help themselves. They don't need as much. A touch, a smile, a word, a bit of encouragement, a little rain when it is needed.

Stack up your treasure in Heaven, invest in the Lord God Almighty. Who can take anything away from him?

And good works, helping others, sharing brings a peace, a contentment that is very very rare.
But you can have it.

You don't need cable TV, 2 new cars and a 250,000 house to be happy. You can be happy in a hovel, a cave, a hole in the dirt. What those things do is tie you, keep you busy scurrying around trying to keep them.

So ask yourself, what do I really need to be happy? And then pursue the dream.

[bedbugbilly]

Strtspdix - I think the thoughts you are having are pretty normal ones and if a person is honest with himself, we all would admit that we have had those feelings at one time or another.

I was very fortunate in that I had good parents who instilled a good work ethic and morals - but as I look at a lot of the guys I grew up with, not all were so lucky but they still made a very good life for themselves. And one thing to remember, no matter how good or bad a person's parents and family are in regards to learning life's skills, in the end it is up to each of us individually to make our way in this world.

I'm much older than you are but that doesn't make me "wise". As we walk through life, we all have stones in the path and lessons to learn . . . if a mistake is made, learn from it and try not to repeat it. If something works, then build on it. I left home when I was 17. I married the love of my life when I was 19 and we are still married 45 years later and God willing, I hope it will be many more years. It hasn't always been easy but when the going gets rough, draw strength from your partner and allow them to draw it from you and above all, keep your faith in God.

I was taught a good work ethic and to "save for a rainy day". At times, there hasn't always been much to "save" but you soon learn to try and save something and even if it is only a $1 out of a paycheck, it adds up over time. We never had kids but I have plenty of nieces and nephews. Some do well and other are still learning. What many young people consider "necessities" today, we considered "luxuries". I had a niece who asked for money one time to make her rent. If she had really needed it, I would have helped her out but the first thing I asked was "Have you quit smoking?" Answer - no. "How many packs of cigarettes do you go through in a week?" Answer - about a pack a day. "Do you still have your fancy smart phone that you used to always be on texting and on the internet?" Answer - well, yea! "How many ties do you eat out a week?" Answer - well, at lunch I eat at McDonalds or Pizz Hut and then I go out with the girls on Friday night. My answer to her was that when she gave up cigarettes at $6 a pack ($42 a week) and stopped her cell phone service (well over $100 a month) and stopped eating out and going to a bar and instead. packed her lunch and stayed in on Friday nights, then she could come ask me for money - but she probably could save enough to make her rent and wouldn't need money.

My point? You need to set your priorities. Your family and family responsibilities come first and foremost. They are, or should be, your #1 priority. Too many couples break up and usually money is one of the biggest issues. Kids? Even more of a reason to make them all your first priority. Yes, a person needs to "relax" but hobbies should come second. Never spend money on a hobby if there isn't enough to take care of the necessities as it will catch up with you. And probably the most important thing in any relationship is to put the other person, your wife or kids, before yourself and the same goes for a wife towards her husband. IMHO That is what makes a "team". I would rather go without and do something nice or little extra for my wife than to do something for myself.

Religion and God seem to be a forgotten thing or taboo to talk about in this day and age, but I will tell you that your relationship with your Maker is just as important as your relationship with your family. Without Him and the love of Jesus Christ and the willingness to turn to them when the going gets rough, we are nothing. Too many people choose to ignore that. And in that vein, our willingness to serve Him and help others will amaze you at how it will change your live. What you do for others will be returned three fold. And the inner peace it will bring to you to have the ability to face the hurdles in life will be amazing.

You indicate that your family are not the most "responsible" with the exception of your Mother. Regardless, they are "family" and accept accept them for what they are. We cannot change others but we can only change ourselves and we possess the freewill to do that. Everyone gets discouraged at times and there are no exceptions to that . . none at all. These things are weighing heavy on your mind and you obviously have been thinking about them a lot. That is the first step to making changes that need to be made. Re-evalute but don't beat yourself up over the past. We learn form out past and tomorrow is another day. You wouldn't have posted if you weren't thinking about it a lot. There is absolutely nothing wrong with voicing your thoughts nor does it make you "weak" or in any way does it it make you appear as unable to handle what life throws at you . . . it makes you "human".

My suggestion is that if you sometimes are doubting yourself or struggling with the day to day things that life throws at you . . . if you don't have a family member that you feel you can talk to . . . find someone in your community that you know that you look up to and consider a "success" and go and talk with them. Tell them what is bothering you and ask if they would talk with you about it. Doesn't make a difference if it is a man or a woman, we all struggle at times. I think that you'll find that they too, have struggled with the same things and perhaps they can offer some advice from their own experiences. My folks were both seriously ill in their last years. Even after they both passed, I often talked with older friends that I had known and respected all of my life and they all gave sage advice in things that helped me faced the problems I was coping with after they passed . . . and often times, they would tell me that they learned more from me than they were able to help me with.

My Dad was not a openly religious man but he was a very successful businessman - but he freely admitted that he made mistakes and learned from them. Just before he died, he gave me the best advice I have ever been given. He told me . . .
Life isn't about accumulating material things and I never saw a hearse with a luggage rack. Being a success in life is about leaving this world a little bit better off that it was when you arrived. Put your faith in God . . . he never gives us more than we can handle".

Good luck to you and just remember that what you are going through is very normal. Love your wife and family and make them the reason for why you get up every morning . . . the rest will take care of itself.

[Bzcraig]

Lots of really good advise that I can't add to except to say you are totally normal in your trajectory. Don't give in, give up or change your priorities!

[trails4u]

A lot of good advice.....and hard to add to it, but I will say this. As a young husband and father, I used to find myself angry at the things I didn't have and couldn't do. At some point, I got tired of the disappointment and I started focusing on what I had....my wife, my kids, the love of my family, a roof over my head and food in the fridge. It didn't take long, with my focus where it should have been, for positive things to start happening in our lives. Now I have all of that....and can afford to have a hobby or two as well.

Be patient...and love your family. The rest will come....

[ol skool]

Yup it's normal. Live prudently.

3 years ago you took a vow before your maker to put "we" before "I". Time to cowboy up.

Cash = Liberty.
Credit = Slavery.

Old Chinese saying, "Discipline is Freedom." Tattoo that on the inside of your eyelids.

[dilly]

I'm not far from your age and I've been having a lot of the same thoughts. In the last couple years a few things are starting to come together for me and I have drawn some conclusions, not necessarily about life in general but about careers.

I think ambition is healthy, as long as it is not at the cost of contentment, and submitted entirely to God's will. Godly ambition wants to make more money for godly reasons using godly means. Greed can drive you to do dishonest things for money or work to the point of neglecting your family to support an expensive hobby. Sometimes you need to be smarter with your money, and other times you need to be smarter with your career and make some more money. Contrary to popular belief, BOTH variables are within your realm of influence, at least to a degree.

First off, not everything hard is worth doing but everything worth doing is hard. Almost always much harder than you expect, if it's really worth doing. You know that thing that you don't want to do in order to get ahead? The one you want to avoid most is probably the one holding you back.

Life takes more money than you think it will, and it seems to always cost more money as you get older. Feel free to find a good job and stay content, but a lot of times circumstances change and call for more money. I also prefer to move up because it is more intellectually stimulating to learn new jobs, even if money were not a factor.

At some point in life most peoples' careers stagnate. Find the thing that's different between the ones that progress in your industry and the ones that stay put, and make that difference true about yourself. You cannot be average in your group and expect anything but average results.

[varmintpopper]

Strive always not to spend more than You take in !

Good Shooting

Lindy

[runfiverun]

anyone ever seen a 'no credit' rating?
well I got one.
I also own [outright] stuff like a House in Idaho, a small 40 acre place in Utah, me and the wife's and all 3 of the kids Burial plots are paid for, the car has less than 30-K miles [paid for on the one payment plan]
just little stuff like that.
I budgeted and scrimped and saved and done without while working 16-18 hour day's. [sometimes for 5 weeks straight]
I feel those day's too, but I can take just about any job in town and get bye now.

[Blackwater]

Well, I got out of the Navy married and with a young son. We lived in a 50' trailer while I worked so my wife could begin teaching, and when she finished up and got a job, I went to school with only the GI Bill and several part time jobs that just barely let us get by. We had a number of good friends in our trailer park. There ARE good folks in them! Began teaching my son to fish in the fairly good sized pond there, and he was in awe of it all. He's now a better fisherman and better shot than I am, but I blame it on health problems and failing eyesight (That's my story and I'm stickin' to it!). Once I started working, and we got half-way on our feet financially (for po' folks and that time and locale), we bought the house we live in today. I'll never be more scared than when we signed that mortgage! We managed to get it paid off early (a big goal for us), and we'd financed it for 25 years originally. When you get your home paid for, and find you don't really NEED a new automobile, it's like your salary just got doubled! We've always lived modestly, and pinched our pennies. My ancestors were all Scots and would have sent a banshee to haunt me if we hadn't! And we're pretty much there still. I have a little "play money" that I spend on guns, mostly, but have to get a new A/C for my truck now. Just found a '41 vintage M-94 Win. in .32 Spec. today, and couldn't afford it. I'm still sad about that one! Receiver is pretty much devoid of finish, and just barely beginning to "freckle" like those old nickel steel receivers always tend to do, but it's in really great shape. Even comes with a peep sight, but the front is one of those fiber optic ones and I hate those. They left the hood on it at least, and I'm assuming it's original.

So if you think you're ever gonna' live the life of a billionaire, you better get crackin' on that first billion right away. Otherwise, you'll be "average" like the vast bulk of the rest of us. Just make sure you get done all the things you REALLY want to do done before you retire, because then, health issues tend to crop up regularly.

I don't know if that's good advice or not, but it sure appears the way most of us live our lives. I'm the first male in my direct lineage to get a college degree, but all my ancestors seem to have been very astute without one. I just hope I do half as well as they did, and that my family sees better times than I have. Our forebears REALLY had a tough time - Depression, WWII, etc. So really, WE are the lucky ones, and most complain because we don't have more. I've learned to enjoy and appreciate what I DO have, and have learned how to keep things going with more elbow grease and less money. I've truly been a richly blessed man in my time, and I'm really just beginning to really appreciate that fully.

Life ain't about money. It's about how you handle life, and all the challenges and trials that come with it. Seek to be the man you'd want to be, and the rest is just details. None of us ever achieves what we wanted to in life, and I think that goes as much for Donald Trump as it does for the homeless guy on the street corner. It's all a matter of perspective, and how we view what we have, and don't have. It's good to have aspirations. We all need them, really. But a balanced perspective keeps our keel straight and our rudders set the right way, and that is a MUCH bigger determinant of how we end up than how much money we've made. I guarantee it.

[phonejack]

Thumb cocker has good advice ! Oh, in 3 weeks my wife and celebrate 52 years

[ol skool]

anyone ever seen a 'no credit' rating?
well I got one.
I also own [outright] stuff like a House in Idaho, a small 40 acre place in Utah, me and the wife's and all 3 of the kids Burial plots are paid for, the car has less than 30-K miles [paid for on the one payment plan]
just little stuff like that.
I budgeted and scrimped and saved and done without while working 16-18 hour day's. [sometimes for 5 weeks straight]
I feel those day's too, but I can take just about any job in town and get bye now.

That right there. It takes time. Discipline is Freedom.

[hithard]

Max out your ROTH IRA, tax free money when you retire . Those liberals won't be able to touch it. Save yourmoney and have it make money for you, that's why the truly wealthy don't have to work, look and learn.

Your doing great, things will chill for you in time. It's hard because your pushing yourself to be better than you were.

Good job!

[Alabama358]

Strtspdix, life really isn't as difficult as we tend to make it sometimes. When you get your priorities in order it gets much easier... there will be ruff times for sure, if you don't think so just wait a little bit. When those times do arise just keep the faith and do the right things.

Rule#1 - Make sure that you are right with the Lord Jesus, find a good church and get yourself a KJV bible and read it everyday.
Rule#2 - Love, care and provide for your family. (A happy wife is a happy life)
Rule#3 - Be honest and genuine with everyone everyday. You are only as good as your word.
Rule#4 - Think about the things you want and the things you need. Focus on the things you need.
Rule#5 - Do not go into debt! If you buy something with cash in hand you are paying with it from your hard work, when you pay with credit you are giving your future earnings away plus interest. It is like taking a 15 or 20% cut in pay. If you can't pay cash don't buy it.
Rule#6 - Give an honest days work for an honest days pay. Never back into a paycheck.
Rule#7 - Be charitable, help those that are in need, treat others as you would want to be treated.
Rule#8 - Don't worry about what others have or think... those are their problems
Rule#9 - Choose the people that you call friends carefully.
Rule#10 - When all else fails immediately go back to Rule#1... Salvation is everything and it is free, it is a gift. Ephesians 2:8-9

[OeldeWolf]

Hi there. First, you are a bit ahead of many in your age group, as you have started to be aware of things. This is very good, build on it and you will do ok. I have had to start over from scratch probably 6 to 10 times. I have had spouses take me for everything, and then leave. Guess I have "nice guy" written on my forehead. But now I have a love who pulls with me, and things are coming together. Oh, both of us are physically disabled, and can not work. But we are still holding it together, and slowly (and with a lot of sweat and physical pain) making things better. So it can be done by any good team.

As you can imagine, there have been times that either finances or health have limited my hobbies to reading books (often from the public library) and reading on this forum, or over on swiss rifles. One year I had a bonus from work, and bought a pair of used reproduction 1860 colts from a coworker. I got a lee mold, a small lee pot from the lgs, a powder flask, a capper. Added caps, powder, and scavenged a bunch of old wheel weights. Very little into things, but a few sheets of paper and a marker made targets. It was the only shooting I could afford to do for a number of years. But it, and this forum, helped keep my sanity (sorta) intact.

Keep family above you, but keep yourself sane, also. Spend time with your wife (I sure hope you have a good one!) and spend time with any kids you have, they are treasures. If you are religious, just quietly live your life by the tenets of your religion.

In time you will develop even more patience, and will also start enjoying life a lot.

Good Luck!