18 ?

[Boaz]

I'm re grouping , rethinking , reorganizing . Becky will be 18 this month . My GOD my GOD time has flown . We have to both change roles , she will be an adult legally in Texas .
We must have a new understanding of one another . I want to keep guiding her but at the same time encourage her independence . DANG IT"S HARD ! Basically I just want to protect her .
Ain't gonna work , she will stand alone with her choices . I am powerless .

I fear for her as we all do at this point as parents . Time will tell .

[USMC87]

My daughter is 18 and we like you have raised our children under the word of God, It is hard to face this part of life but I am certain with Gods guidance our children will do well. I too have said that time went just as the bible says " like a vapor" it has been here and gone so fast. These things give us good reason to pray for each other and our families.

[oscarflytyer]

Completely understand, and right there with you! 5 boys. no daughters (God knows me, and better! They would HATE me!). Feel your pain. Mine are 31, 29, (both married), 24, 20 and 18. 18 yo just joined the Army (I am an Army vet, but ironically #5 was born after I was out of uniform!). Wife is struggling with it just a tad worse than I am, but not by much! All you can do is raise them right, teach them to make the right decisions and wish for the best. We have had our hiccups, but mostly painless and not too expensive. I count my blessings every day.

PS: And you are not powerless! Trust me - she will def keep coming back to the well for advice! ALL of mine do, on a regular basis. And as they go from about 18-24, and then older, you will be surprised at how much more they think (admit!) that YOU know!

[trails4u]

Boaz; I think you have little to worry about. I have a 17yo son, having recently expressed his interest in committing to serve in the Navy. I got lucky...but you, my friend...I've watched your presence on the board, and some of your daughter's as well....and from what I've seen, you have done your job, and you have done it well. That young lady of yours has a foundation of solid stone....and I have no doubt she will build well, and she will build wisely upon it!!

Good work, Dad!!

[oscarflytyer]

Boaz; I think you have little to worry about. I have a 17yo son, having recently expressed his interest in committing to serve in the Navy. I got lucky...but you, my friend...I've watched your presence on the board, and some of your daughter's as well....and from what I've seen, you have done your job, and you have done it well. That young lady of yours has a foundation of solid stone....and I have no doubt she will build well, and she will build wisely upon it!!

Good work, Dad!!

Boaz - had no clue you daughter is on the board. If so, I would suggest you are ok!

And Trials - Kudos to you, sir, and your son! My best wishes to him if he pursues a career in the Navy!

[rancher1913]

seems like just yesterday you were posting photos of her cross building. they grow up quick.

the oldest stepdaughter had to go out on her own before she realized what life takes, she would not help around the house unless we put the proverbial boot up her but, now she is learning how to cook and take care of herself and actually being a help and not a melodramatic freeloader.

[JonB_in_Glencoe]

Well, step aside and let her be free.
you can still help her, when she asks.

[country gent]

Boaz, Im sure you raised her right with good morals and solid beliefs. SHe maymake a few missteps but Im betting she does fine. Continue to guide her and support her. Be there for her. My youngest daughter is 26 now and doing good. The teaching time is done. Its now the next phase of guiding counseling and support is up.

[Bzcraig]

the time honored fear of hoping we trained them in the way they should go and scared to death we didn't.........

[Pine Baron]

Yup to all above. Step aside, but not out of sight. Patience, vigilance, trust and support. This is a new and wonderful phase in your relationship with your daughter. She is and will be your best friend, but always, always Daddy's little girl. God has truly blessed you both. Go in peace.

[Teddy (punchie)]

You've Done very well !! She now is under God Law. No longer under your law, as time time has past she is now a learned person and should as well all do have free will. Pray for you and her, not for anything but for Grace and Good Will. God Bless As Always!!

[GhostHawk]

Agree with JonB, you have to open your hands and let her fly.
If you try to hold her too tight you will lose her.
Let her go, and love the heck out of her. She will fly, and she will come back.
Bent feathers, bedraggled, but she will come back.

Been there, with me it was rougher, I was the step dad that she hated because I took her mom.
She was the only daughter I would ever have .

[buckwheatpaul]

Charlie, I have seen what you have done and the relationship you have with her....but also as important is Becky's relationship with you. You have done well and yet it is still hard to take a backseat ... trust her and love her and be there when she needs you...God will bless you both and deepen your relationship....IMHO! Paul

[Boaz]

I thank all that posted . Good advice and much encouragement given .

When Becky was little everyone (especially the family) thought I would make a tom boy out of her raising her by myself . I didn't want a tom boy .....wanted a little girl . Had to self educate , didn't know anything about dance tights , training bras , female hygiene 'stuff' , girl clothes , making ponytails and braiding hair , makeup ........ . It was challenging at times to say the least but I enjoyed it .

She is not a tom boy...she is a girl ! Likes all girl things but can use power tools , use a cutting torch , shoot , reload and above all she would rather go fishing than anything else .
I want her to succeed academically and get a good job but push come to shove she can use her hands to make a living . I have tried to instill in her a sense of honor , something a lot of dads seem to fall short on with the girls . I will refer to the book of Ruth .

It's a hard world out there and we always wonder if we have given them the tools to deal with it and build a life . I overheard my dad have a talk with my sisters husband just a few days before they were married . They were sitting at the kitchen table and my dad said ;

You will always be good to her . You will never hit or hurt her and if you ever get tired of her you bring her back to me .

[aspangler]

Boaz my brother. Mine is now 37. She was raised in church and made a profession of faith when in her teens. I taught her the right way to act and think but she has strayed far lately. You train them and they have thier own way to go. We do have this promise. "Train up a child in the way it should go and when it is old they will not depart from it." I will pray that your daughter does not stray as mine did. BTW I still love her.

[Pine Baron]

aspangler, she WILL be back.

[jmort]

I have an 18 year old daughter and hope and pray that she continues on the narrow path. Never gave us a lick of trouble. We were and are blessed.

[Preacher Jim]

Boaz i have talked with you and your daughter and know God has his hand on you and your daughter. She will always be what you raised her to be. No fear about making that prediction at all.

[Blackwater]

Charlie my brother, I understand wholeheartedly about WANTING to "protect her," and I really hate to be the one to break it to you, but the plain and simple Truth is that you CAN'T. It's our job as parents to equip our kids with the tools they need, as much as we can, to be independent of us, and make their own decisions. This means that she's gonna' make some mistakes, just like you and I and everyone has. And all you CAN do is simply accept it, and realize that this is how God planned it for ALL of us, her included.

You've done a great job with Becky, but it's time for the lil' robin to learn to fly on her own. All you CAN do, and she'll need it from time to time, is provide a "nest" for her to fall back on if and when she needs it. From there, you should just feel real pride and satisfaction when she does well, and I expect you'll have much opportunity to do that with her. Our kids are a little like a "2nd Chance" for us, and most of us try to raise them better than we were raised, but really, few of us do as well as our parents did. And yet, many of us turned out good, and our offspring often do, too. But as long as there's life, there's risk, and we all have to deal with that.

Our children are entrusted to us by God, but they're not given to us forever. Sooner or later we all part from each other in death, and the hardest thing for anyone to ever do is to lose a child. I know a little about that. The closest thing I ever had to having another son got killed very close to my house one evening. I'd never really realized just how much I loved that young man, my son's near constant companion, until he was lost.

Just pray for her, and her safety, and judgment, and it's much more likely to go "your way." But she's GOT to learn to be on her own, and the absolute WORST thing you could do is try to shelter her TOO much! This ain't what ya' wanna' hear, I know, but .... it's the truth.

The best surprise in it all is when she just awes you with how good she turns out. You get the feeling YOU owe HER for all the pride and satisfaction and humility she brings to you. I think you've raised a good young daughter tha's "tough" enough to meet whatever he encounters in this world, and overcome or profit from it. She'll have times to shed tears, and her heart may get broken a time or two over any number of things, but your job at that point is just to have a tender ear to lend, or a shoulder to cry on. Little girls NEVER outgrow their Dads! NEVER! You're her rock in a rocky world. Just stay steady, and be there when she needs you. And she WILL need you, I guarantee!