GOD , please let me be just half the man I once was .

[castalott]

Short note...The rigs I was on used dug pits and were only 2 or 3 big steps away. I wish everyone could see the absolute ballet of roughnecks , catskinners , truck drivers rigging up...

You are truly Blessed with a girl like that!

[Boaz]

Lol , we'll have to start an OIL PATCH thread in off topic some day. We all saw enough out there for a lot of stories what with all the different ways and methods just to end up with a hole in the ground .
Your completely right about watching a crew of men rigging up a big rig in a short time . It was impressive .

[Boaz]

I'll tell a story . Might be pertinent to the ultimate decision you could use to justify a reason for ...........? If not then it's just a story told .


The old convince store I leased belonged to an old man , his name was Haskel . He had several farms , chain of filling stations , commercial property he leased out, oil royalty off his farms , many stock and bond investments .
Haskel was a good man . He always wore old coveralls , he was quiet almost shy . He could talk intelligently on almost any subject , he liked to read. It was all he did for entertainment . Every Saturday morning he went to the public library and checked out the maximum of 3 books . We both liked to read and he stopped fairly often to talk .
He had a septic tank business 2 doors down from my place and he was there daily working , they poured the tanks and installed them . He had one steady old hand named Burt . I was amazed to watch him and Burt work, I watched them load a ton and a half dump truck one day with shovels out of a gravel pile in half the time it would have taken normally
Now the kicker here is that Haskel and Bert both only had one arm apiece . Don't know about Bert but Haskel got his ripped off by a leather belt when he was working in a cotton gin as a teenager .

My question is , why did Haskel keep working so hard after he was successful and had the money to retire long ago ?
On a sad note , Haskel was hit driving his old late 60's model pick up on the driver side by a guy that ran a stop sign . Haskel refused medical treatment at the seine and drove the pick up home . He died that night with a punctured lung with , his wife begging him to go to the hospital .

A man that knew Haskel asked me one day .
Do you know why GOD took Haskel's arm ?
I thought it was just a sick question and said ; I don't know .
The other guy said ;
So he wouldn't work himself to death.
He was serious .

[Blackwater]

Another great story, Boaz. Some of us have been graced to know people like that, and have thought about what they showed us. Many see it and never consider what people like him really mean. I've known some similar folks, and if we'll but pay simple attention, and think about what they show us, we simply could not become as jaded and cynical as so many have allowed themselves to become today. I pity them, really, but I've never found any way to really get through to them. When you try, they just clam up tight, as though they were afraid of anything but their cynicism that they get to know all too well, all too soon in their adoption of that attitude.

And all we have to do is show a little interest, ask a very few simple questions, and just plain care about others, and what makes them the way they are, and what make them that way, or rather more appropriately, what they allowed to make them the way they are. Perception is a powerful thing. Failure to perceive things that are right before us can be even moreso.

People once cared about and knew their neighbors. Now, they're just somebody who's either snooping or "secretive." And we don't know why, so we make up reasons, and assume they "must" be true! How willful and assumptive can a people get? And all any of us really have to do is simply just care about others, make no assumptions, and just allow ourselves to find out. There's a story in ever person we know, but hardly anyone cares any more. All they care about, it seems, is their own poor excuse for a life, and whether they're getting everything material that they want, and likely feel "entitled" to. Madison Ave. advertising has a lot to do with that, but it's always up to us what we allow ourselves to give ourselves over to. Always.

I look back at the folks I've known, both high and low in life, and I marvel at the lessons I learned from all of them. I may not be the brightest bulb in the room, but I HAVE at least tried hard to pay attention. And I've learned a lot from all the stories I've known about others who've tread entirely different courses than I have. And in the end, it all makes sense if we just don't go making too many assumptions about things we really know little to nothing about.

This is why I appreciate your saga here, Boaz. Nobody gets to do enough to learn all the lessons we need to know, and people discussing their own paths gives us insights we can only gain vicariously. Thanks. It means something, and it's good.

[Boaz]

I agree . Most folks in the days past looked around them , they saw and took note of others . Now they look down at the ground as you pass them walking . They avert their eyes to not make contact , they will not return a greeting , you are a potential danger .
I remember going to town with mom in the late 50's to pick up a few things and pay the utility bills . We were walking from paying the electric bill to pay the phone bill and a man in a work uniform was walking past us and mom just said ..Hello . how are you ! He just kept walking , I said ...he didn't even answer you . She kept walking and in a bit she said ...Boaz you should not be mad at him , pity him ...he doesn't even know how to give back a friendly greeting . Every day I deal with young people and say Well what do you know today ? How are you doing ? Well what do you know today ? The most used answer they give is..............Huh ?

Folks are hiding , scared , paranoid , whatever . They have withdrawn themselves . Even the folks my age are sometimes shocked when you just ask common questions or try to carry on a conversation . People don't know whats going on around them , they don't want to know .

[1989toddm]

I agree . Most folks in the days past looked around them , they saw and took note of others . Now they look down at the ground as you pass them walking . They avert their eyes to not make contact , they will not return a greeting , you are a potential danger .
I remember going to town with mom in the late 50's to pick up a few things and pay the utility bills . We were walking from paying the electric bill to pay the phone bill and a man in a work uniform was walking past us and mom just said ..Hello . how are you ! He just kept walking , I said ...he didn't even answer you . She kept walking and in a bit she said ...Boaz you should not be mad at him , pity him ...he doesn't even know how to give back a friendly greeting . Every day I deal with young people and say Well what do you know today ? How are you doing ? Well what do you know today ? The most used answer they give is..............Huh ?

Folks are hiding , scared , paranoid , whatever . They have withdrawn themselves . Even the folks my age are sometimes shocked when you just ask common questions or try to carry on a conversation . People don't know whats going on around them , they don't want to know .

So so true. I'm not even 30 but man I dislike town for this reason. I do enjoy giving a smile, saying good morning, some sort of greeting, but so often there's no eye contact or no response, not even a smile. Now in my small town, I'd say 65-75% of folks do respond, it's encouraging, but larger towns around..no way.

[Boaz]

Well enough off topic . DANG ! Forgot where I was at ! Actually had to go back and see where I left off . Age plays heck with recollection .

[Boaz]

The year was about 2005 I started having trouble with my right ankle , hurt all the time . Got worse all the time , tended to just roll over , started falling down in about (I didn't write the dates down as this progressed so bear with me) 2007. Too much pain , started getting Novocaine shots in it about once a week to function , still working just hurt like heck doing it . Fell down often it was embarassing and hurt your pride (<We have seen that word a lot) Seen I was going to have to do something to fix it , I'd have been bout 54 years old . Been on arthritis medication since I was about 40 , was always very pain tolerant . I started saving what I could and checking into getting it fixed , no medical insurance , price shopping . Well long story made short I made a home equity loan and with what I had cash got an ankle fusion on 1-19-2009 .

[Boaz]

I was determined to not be a bother to others and didn't even tell most of my family and folks at church I was having this done . I was the one always ready to help , I was the one that helped them , I was the go to guy to make things happen , I was the one could get er done, I was self sufficient , I was exempt from needing concern , I wanted no pity , I needed no help (<Wow ! He forgot to put pride in!)

Well the following month was pretty hard (<Might have been easier if he had some help ?) I stayed at home and pretty much dealt with it myself . I had saved up gun magazines , bought several books I had always meant to read to have something to do . I was in my own home , tv , computer , was a mod/admin on 3 different forums , plenty to eat , etc. Well the point is I had 'stuff' I could do . I was suppose to stay in the bed for a week with my leg elevated , had a balloon looking device strapped to my leg dispensing pain killer through a shunt . Third day I got up at 4 am and made coffee on crutches , was going nuts laying in bed . Still smoking then and was kockin out 4 packs of Camels a day at the house , nervous , nothing to do , couldn't even work , that was my life ....non stop work . On the 28th day at home and by 10 am I had had 2 panic attacks , I didn't think I was capable of have a panic attack ! I was too strong and hard headed (<Hey! There's a new descriptive term, he's actually PROUD of being hard headed !) to have panic attacks , that was for the weak . In my whole life I had been moving fast , never a lax moment and now I was a prisoner in my own home .

[Handloader109]

Panic attacks, codeine based pain killers (Tylenol 3) they do it to me at about day 3 or so....... Whewwww what a feeling!

[nagantguy]

Boaz, your tale has struck another cord with me, to hard, to proud, stuipd?, self reliant to ask for or except help I'm guilty as well. Last year folks here helped me me pay some medical bills for my daughter, I didn't ask I was selling stuff to make some of the funds, the folks here got together and sent me money, I was humbled and shocked to tears. I mean the guy who helps, gives, sacrifices for others it was a life changing experience to be on the other end...I hope I've made one person feel as good and as blessed as the good people here made me feel.....sorry to drift the thread futher, thought you'd understand.

[Boaz]

Your comment/testimony was not thread drift . Thank you .
Boaz

[Boaz]

At 10 am I called my son who was watching the shop and told him to find a used twin size bed and put it in the storage room adjacent to the office . He tried to argue and said ; Your supposed to be home , you don't need to be here . I just said ; GET THE BED !! I'll be there in the morning !! I hung up .

He called back and said he couldn't believe it but a man had a hospital bed in the paper free if you would haul it off and they had already went and got it , had it set up .
The next morning I was there with my pee jug . (<Dang ! This guy ain't even 'right'!)

[Blackwater]

Boaz, you just continue to make me smile. Thanks.

[Preacher Jim]

Boaz are you sure we ain't twin brothers change the type of work and you are writing about me

[jmort]

Great thread. Unfortunate for you it ain't all unicorns and rainbows, but real life can bite, hard.

[Boaz]

We will flash ahead to September of 2014 . In abut four years I was diagnosed with an enlarged heart , congestive heart failure , deterioration of the circulatory system , 3 blood clots at different times in my legs , high blood pressure , fell down and cracked a coupe of ribs , put on blood thinner , sleep apnea , put on oxygen at night (they want me to carry a tank, told em no way), steroids, and well heck a few other things Was taking over 15 pills a day , throwing up a lot if I didn't space em out right . Lot of pain , they offered me demurral patches or Oxycontin , told em no way. The steroids were making me hold unbelievable amounts of fluid , legs stay swollen twice normal size with support stockings , couldn't but barely walk , time I walked to the car I was pulling for air . Hernia , 2 slipped disc's , biceps ripped up and damaged rotor cup , right wrist fused it's self after being broken 3 times .
In September of 2014 I didn't think I was going to die ..........I knew I was . Thought I might finally get to use this .



Had it made in about 1985 , didn't want anyone else to have to pay to bury me should anything happen , have a plot also . (<WOW ! Taking pride all the way to the grave ). I use to keep it in the front yard by the porch as a sick joke but some found it disturbing . It's out back of the shed.................just waiting .

[smokeywolf]

Did my time on the opiates after a back injury. Leaned on them for several months. Like you, I can't stand the idea of something controlling me. Put them in the medicine cabinet, set my jaw and slogged through the pain.

The opioids will bring on depression and feelings or thoughts that your end may be not so far off as you once thought. They're also pretty tough on the liver. Especially if they're the ones with Tylenol mixed in.

Boaz, just as it makes you feel good to help others, sometimes you need to return the favor and let others have some of those good feelings by letting them help you. Accepting help can be just as important to being a good Christian, as giving it. I know I don't need to tell you that God wants us to lean on each other.

Sometimes I don't write my thoughts or feelings well. I'm trying to be supportive, not condescending.

[Boaz]

Your writing is fine . You hit the nail on the head , I have always feared losing control of myself , seen how drugs and alcohol work . Helped in different ways at 3 drug rehabs local , revolving door situation , cure rate was pathetic .

I was given a prescription for hydrocodone , 10 ml tablets 3 times a day . I would get a months worth go home and cut em in half , that would last 6-7 months . Never took over a half and only when it got completely intolerable or mornings I couldn't get going . I still showed up for work daily .
Practically everyone I have ever known that used em for an extended period of time got hooked on em . They lose effectiveness after a while and you just want a bigger dose . Oxy and patches generally with time will give you more trouble than the cause your taking them for. There are exceptions but most don't know what they are getting into taking these pain relievers , there is a price to pay . I never even came close to getting dependent on them , still got the better part of a prescription from two years ago .

I was brought up taught it was more blessed to give than receive, combined with GOD helps those who help themselves . Your are spot on about being able to accept help, that's the way it should be . Sharing , caring and helping should be a mutual humbling and gratifying experience .
Thank you !

[Boaz]

At this point I was not in pain I was suffering . I was riding the electric scooters at Walmart , grocery store , it shamed me . I'd see someone I hadn't seen for a long time and you could tell they were shocked to see me riding one of these things and didn't know what to say . Any small effort was painful , couldn't breath . Sent Becky in to shop , do business while I sat in the truck . For 2 years I couldn't attend her activity's , just couldn't walk far , couldn't get up the handicap ramp of the bleachers at school . Couldn't sleep till I just got so tired I would more or less pass out . Threw up at least twice a day from all the medicine , stomach hurt all the time . I knew Becky was worried , she tried to cover for me , she never complaint , she offered to do things in advance to keep me from trying . It bothered me greatly . I know she saw how bad it was . Her mother had Alzheimers and her dad was dying . I felt so guilty and seemingly nothing I could do . I didn't blame GOD , I wasn't mad at GOD . I thought long and hard , I had plenty of time to think , I was going to leave her . The thought broke my heart , The pain it would cause her , her life would be destroyed . I had no one I wanted to raise her , GOD gave me that privilege and responsibility when he gave her to me . I love her so much it killed me to think about it . There was no good answer , I begged GOD to help her and at the same time I plead for him to help me . You know what ? I have knelt at the bedside of the sick and prayed for them . I have held the hands of the dying and prayed to GOD to take them home and relieve them of their pain . I have tried to do his work . I have prayed for others for so long but I never asked for help for myself . I thought I was sufficient, I just assumed because of these things he would just do it without me asking . I figured out why this was happening , I had never needed GOD ! GOD wasn't punishing me , fact is he still gave me work , I believe he helped me with others . GOD had cut me loose , GOD had cast me adrift , I was on my own since I didn't seem to need him . I started thinking about what I told others , that GOD wants a personal relationship with you , GOD loves you and wants you to ask him for his help . GOD wants you to have a good life and be with you every day . My pride had led me to believe I more or less had the special privilege of not asking for his help . I plead for him to help me and Becky . I apologized , I asked for his grace again , I thanked him for what he had given that I was foolish enough to take for granted . He had given me a substantial physical body and I had without thought managed to destroy it needlessly through my pride in my ability to work . GOD didn't put me in trial , I did .