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Thread: Love them doggy biscuits!

  1. #1
    Moderator Emeritus / Trusted loob groove dealer

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    Love them doggy biscuits!


    http://worldnewsdailyreport.com/puri...-dog-biscuits/

    Allentown, PA | An employee of a Purina pet food plant, was arrested this morning by the Allentown Police Department and Pennsylvania state troopers, after being accused of stealing more than 30,000$ in pet food over the last 18 months.

    A Philadelphia native, Barry Larson, is accused of stealing more than 150,000 Milkbone dog biscuits between the month of August 2013 and March 2015. Surprisingly, the 49-year old employee doesn’t even own a pet, and would have ingested nearly 3000 dog biscuits per day during his work hours, according to Purina spokesman, Keith Schopp.
    “We noticed a few months ago that something was wrong with our dog biscuit production,” says Mr. Schopp.“When we checked the quantity of ingredients that were used in the production and the number of biscuits that were produced, the numbers just didn’t add up! We began installing more security cameras at various strategic locations throughout the factory, and we were finally able to identify the problem. Mr. Larson, who worked in the quality check sector, was eating almost half of the biscuits that went by him.”
    The employee was caught on camera on several occasions over the last weeks, eating hundreds of biscuits at a time during his work hours.

    The Allentown Police Department and the Pennsylvania state troopers met the media this afternoon to comment this rather unusual case. Public relations officer of the state police, Capt. Brian Tobin, confirmed that the company did most of the investigative work and built a very solid case against Mr. Larson.
    “Purina has provided us with hours of video evidence in which we see the suspect smoke drugs on his work site, and then eat hundreds of dog biscuits” says Captain Tobin, visibly amused. “The images are a little bit disturbing, but very conclusive in terms of evidence. We proceeded with Mr. Larson’s arrest this morning for 15 charges of petty theft, and found him to be in possession of 10 grams of cannabis.”
    The press conference of the Allentown Police Department attracted a surprising amount of media attention, as dozens of journalists from all over the American East Coast were present in the small conference room.

    Barry Larson’s ex-girlfriend, Patricia Nelson, told a reporter from WKPN 23, that she was aware of his “addictions” to both cannabis and dog biscuits, and that she had actually left him when she had found out.
    “Every night, he came back from work with a really horrible breath” she said with disgust.“It was not just a normal bad breath, it was really a foul stench that never left, even if he brushed his teeth or used mouthwash. One day, I came back from work earlier than usual, and surprised him with his mouth full of dog biscuits! I nearly threw up! I was so disgusted, that I packed my things and left. I didn’t know, however, that he was stealing the biscuits…”
    Mr. Larson is expected to appear before a Lehigh County court to present his plea on Friday, concerning 15 charges of petty theft and one charge of drug possession.
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  2. #2
    Boolit Grand Master Artful's Avatar
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    Doggonest story ever...
    je suis charlie

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  3. #3
    Boolit Master
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    Maybe if he sits up and begs the judge will just swat him across the nose with a rolled up newspaper.
    A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the People to keep and bear arms *shall not be infringed*.

    "The greatest danger to American freedom is a government that ignores the Constitution."
    - Thomas Jefferson

    "While the people have property, arms in their hands, and only a spark of noble spirit, the most corrupt Congress must be mad to form any project of tyranny."
    - Rev. Nicholas Collin, Fayetteville Gazette (N.C.), October 12, 1789

  4. #4
    Boolit Master facetious's Avatar
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    She should have looked his right in the eye and told him that he had better not ever complain about her cooking ever again!!!!!!!!

  5. #5
    Boolit Master claude's Avatar
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    Wonder what he's been licking

  6. #6
    Boolit Master
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    I was just sitting here when my Black Lab showed me this story...Yeah...he reads Cast Boolits, he's a smart dog, being a Lab and all.

    He thinks it is a crime of the highest order. He never thought any person could eat more dog biscuits than he can and he is NOT amused!
    Wesson (the Black Lab that lets us live in his house) says he knows a Veterinarian that could "fix" this guys problem.

    He ran out in the kitchen and is standing guard in front of his biscuit box. I haven't seen him this upset since the whole Michael Vick dog abuse story...some stories are just to upsetting for a sensitive, intelligent dog to be exposed to.

  7. #7
    Boolit Master
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    Nope, weed has no affect on people around the users, totally harmless, just ask the legalize advocates...

  8. #8
    Boolit Master
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    I'll bet he had GREAT hair, and clean teeth.
    Bob

  9. #9
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    Compulsive eating disorder often has a neurological base, especially when the person is eating non-nutritious or less than normal foods.

    Just saying ...
    Wayne the Shrink

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  10. #10
    Boolit Grand Master



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    World News Daily Report is a spoof site.

    World News Daily Report is an American Jewish Zionist newspaper based in Tel Aviv and dedicated on covering biblical archeology news and other mysteries around the Globe.Our News Team is composed of award winning christian, muslim and jewish journalists, retired Mossad agents and veterans of the Israeli Armed Forces.
    We are based in Tel Aviv since 1988 where are published more then 200,000 copies of our Daily Report paper editioneveryday

  11. #11
    Boolit Master Garyshome's Avatar
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    Man I love to eat those things, I fight with the dogs all the time....but 3000 a day?

  12. #12
    Boolit Buddy
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    The story didn't mention that they saw this guy scooting bare-arsed on the carpet and licking his butt constantly. The story also doesn't mention that Pennsylvania is on the hook for the cost of emptying his anal sacks for the period of time he's incarcerated. Yep, I'm moving out of PA just in time.....
    NOI- it's what's for dinner

  13. #13
    bhn22
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    I'm gonna call BS on this one. Here's a different version that says the guy wore expensive flea collars to work.
    http://unconfirmedbreakingnews.com/2...ing-news-3530/

    Bad dog, no biscuit!

  14. #14
    Boolit Master and Dean of Balls




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    was he not QC checking them? Why isn't he employee of the month?
    Quote Originally Posted by Theodore Roosevelt
    No man is above the law and no man is below it: nor do we ask any man's permission when we ask him to obey it.

  15. #15
    Boolit Master



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    Quote Originally Posted by 375supermag View Post
    I was just sitting here when my Black Lab showed me this story...Yeah...he reads Cast Boolits, he's a smart dog, being a Lab and all.

    He thinks it is a crime of the highest order. He never thought any person could eat more dog biscuits than he can and he is NOT amused!
    Wesson (the Black Lab that lets us live in his house) says he knows a Veterinarian that could "fix" this guys problem.

    He ran out in the kitchen and is standing guard in front of his biscuit box. I haven't seen him this upset since the whole Michael Vick dog abuse story...some stories are just to upsetting for a sensitive, intelligent dog to be exposed to.
    Dadgummit, I laughed so hard at that I've tears to wipe off my cheeks! My golden is giving me weird looks, then looking at his biscuit stash!
    He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog.
    You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart.
    You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion."

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  16. #16
    Boolit Man
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    It is surprising how many people take the satire sites articles as true.

  17. #17
    Boolit Master KYCaster's Avatar
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    Laid down in the street to lick himself and got run over by a garbage truck!
    Buzzard's luck!! Can't kill nothin', nothin'll die!!

  18. #18
    In Remembrance
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    Quote Originally Posted by facetious View Post
    She should have looked his right in the eye and told him that he had better not ever complain about her cooking ever again!!!!!!!!
    What do you think caused him to turn to dog biscuits. lol
    Totally unbelievable, just because of the sheer numbers. He ate half of the plants production, lol give me a break.

  19. #19
    Boolit Master
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    That was a good laugh! 3000 biscuits a day huh! Thats probably equivalent to like 3-4 big bags of dog food, and a "human" did this, lol. Did he go out to the plant's lawn on break to drop some creamy coils in the grass too? Sorry I couldn't resist!

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  20. #20
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    My standard Schnauzer said it must be the pot giving him the munchies..... or he has worms. Schnauzers are analytical like that, but then she asked why didn't he ask for cheese? Cheese is good. Or hot dogs, mmmm hot dogs. Milk bones eh? nothing special. I'll take one but only after intense eye contact and mind control beams fail to yield some of that good stuff.
    Scrap.... because all the really pithy and emphatic four letter words were taken and we had to describe this source of casting material somehow so we added an "S" to what non casters and wives call what we collect.

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