I am not good at asking for help. I have always been the one to show up and help others.
I have been struggling with the brave new world we live in. Being disabled has hurt my pride a lot! Living on disability is not easy. A divorce 8 years ago bankrupted me. I lost my older of two daughters(car wreck) during this. It has not been easy trying to build a new life!
I have lived trying to be a good Christian and found a good church. I pray and read my bible, go to Sunday school and have been helping teach and lot's of things. I could feel Jesus living in me. Where I used to hate and lash out I found love in my heart.
I though I had a church family and was part of something. That feeling is gone! I don't feel a part of this church anymore. I was sick most of the summer and one person sent a card. I am used to being a loner. This is different.
Yesterday I got a letter and book from my insurance. I have an "medicare advantage" plan. It was $100. a month when I signed. Last year it went to $130. with deductibles and higher copays. Now it is $170! with $1000 deductable and higher yet copays and they don't cover most of my meds until I pay out $6800! The price of EVERYTHING has raised dramatically in the last few years!
Enough whining. My point is that I freaked out! I was a mean SOB all day and screamed at my sister for voting for 0. I cannot begin to pay this. I was scared about how I will make it for the first time in my life! I forgot Gods promise! Funny how at church last night they talked about what I needed to hear.
I am still shook up! I sucked up my pride and made an appointment with the (OMG) welfare people. I am sickened!
I am bothered that when I hit a bump in the road I forgot about God and wanted to take the reins. I ask you all to pray for my faith and everything.
Thanks ,
Jay