A fun poke at "engineers"

[gew98]

This past week I was present for a delightful jab at the expense of soem electrical engineer 'highly' educated types by a rather humble but very experianced electrician.
We were dealing with a problem that was created by engineers and their solution to their problem was simply more problems. They simply could not see how their 'new' solution only partially solved the original problem and yet created more real problems. The GC was absolutely at loss and vexed...until my friend clyde stepped in and explained eloquently the problem , and the actual solution that would not incur more problems and huge added costs to the taxpayers.
He ended his summation with this...which caused the GC to tell the engineers to go do it over and do it Clyde's way.... anyway here's the story he told to make the final point about engineers........

A redneck farmer had a new neighbor move in . On this land was a nice barn . The new neighbor well he was a mechanical engineer and seemed friendly enough. The engineer fellow decided he'd get a donkey just like his redneck farmer neighbor. Well off the truck the engineer tried to lead the mule into the barn. As soon as the donkey got to the barn door it's ears touched the top of the door jamb and it balked and ran off. He tried several more times and same result. The old farmer watched for several days as the engineer tried to push the donkey in the barn but every time the donkeys ears touched the door jamb it went running off. So one day the farmer saw cranes and heavy machines in his neighbors field and there he saw the engineer directing all the work to raise the barn up and build around it so. And in went the donkey finally. So the farmer walked over to the engineer fellow and said...I may be a dumb old farmer but you could have saved yourself alot of trouble maybe if you had just dug out a little dirt under the door and your donkey would have gone right in . The engineer excitedly blurted out.. you dumb old fool it's not his legs that are too long...it's his dang ears are too tall !.
Just goes to show all brain and no common sense makes jack a dullard.

[Matt_G]

There's a lot of that going 'round these days, 'specially in D.C.

[winelover]

Fits my BIL to a T!

Winelover

[Jim Flinchbaugh]

yup. the pessimist says the glass is half empty, the optimist says the glass is half full,
then engineer says you made the glass to big

[jcwit]

Aught to be here in Northern Indiana when an Amishman buys a house with an attached garage from an Englishman and they either have to raise the Garage door header and new garage door or dig a trench so the buggy wheels will allow the buggy into the garage.

Remember the buggies are quite abit taller than a car or even a P/U truck.

I've seen it done both ways.

[DLCTEX]

Reminds me of the story of the truck that was over height for the underpass by 3 inches and got firmly stuck. The engineers and experts tried for hours to solve the problem of getting it out, to no avail. Then a small boy asked why didn't they let the air out of the tires.

[Guesser]

I have been told that mechanical engineers build weapons; civil engineers build targets.

[Guesser]

Marine engineers build ships, only two types: Submarines, and targets!!

[contender1]

I have a saying about automotive engineers. (This is due to the complex things a person has to do just to perform routine maintence, or minor repairs that SHOULD be easy. Such as this evening, replacing a low beam headlight bulb in my wife's 1999 GMC Yukon. I had to remove the battery, the horn, and the parklight assy JUST to be able to HALFWAY be able to get the old bulb out & a new one installed. The park light assy just had 4 screws & it was an easy removal. Yet, the headlights are in a bolted down fixture, with NO easy access to the bulbs.
And this is just ONE example of STUPID engineers.) So,, here is my saying;

"One of these days, I'm gonna be in a social event, and I'll be politely conversing with the folks around, and I'll ask a guy what he does for a living. When he says he's an automobile engineer, he will experience an immediate blackout. When he wakes up in the hospital, all beaten & broken, I'll be there to show him what happened,,, again!"

[dk17hmr]

Sounds about right. Im no engineer but work with several.

The last company I worked for just had a new engineer transfer in from another office in Salt Lake City. He wanted a way to securely transport concrete block samples from the job site to another office about 3 hours away for testing, without jeopardizing the sample. The new engineer spent most of the day researching it and printed off several pictures of units other companies use. He showed me the pictures and told me what he wanted to do than proceeded to go draw plans, a materials list, and talk to my boss, who told him give Doug a picture he will have it done in no time.

By the time the new guy was done with all his BS I had 4 units built. He asked where my plans were so he could go over them, I laughed and said they are in my head but your welcome to draw them up based on my built unit. After some more jibber jabber I told him I studied Architecture in college, worked as a carpenter, and a cabinet builder/finish carpenter, I didnt need plans just needed a picture of what he wanted.....he told me that he honestly just thought I was a dumb redneck dirt worker based on my muddy jeans, camo ball cap, and lifted pickup.

Never underestimate the guy that does the work.

[sundog]

Upon receiving an "engineering degree" graduates should be required to serve an internship/residency with a 'journeyman',... as an APPRENTICE, a hey-boy step-n-fetch it peon. Only then should they be allowed to practice their profession.

[45 2.1]

Upon receiving an "engineering degree" graduates should be required to serve an internship/residency with a 'journeyman',... as an APPRENTICE, a hey-boy step-n-fetch it peon. Only then should they be allowed to practice their profession.

Well, thats exactly what happens............ to take a professional engineers test, you have to serve under a working professional engineer for four years. Then you have to get about five engineers willing to certify that you know your stuff,,,,,,,, then you take a two day test.......... then if you pass you get a professional license. In most of the industry you guys are talking about, things are designed then inspected by technical designers........... those fellows usually have degrees (though some don't) and are not licensed as engineers.................... Yep. until you have a minimum of 15 years practical experience, the stuff put out by them is usually really messed up.............................. Been there and seen to much of that.

[Ford SD]

I was working in Quality Control in a machine shop
the offfice people sent me a 4 year enginering student who worked for the company for 4 summers. the student wanted to review some prints and compare them to the actual product

The enginering student could not read a micrometer

I have worked with project managers that knew so little

One of them thought a gasket for a 3 in pipe was 3 inch in diameter
in fact it has a Id of 3-1/2 inch

Ask the Newbe for the Stainless magnet
or for a aluminum magnet

[Artful]

By the time the new guy was done with all his BS I had 4 units built. He asked where my plans were so he could go over them, I laughed and said they are in my head but your welcome to draw them up based on my built unit. After some more jibber jabber I told him I studied Architecture in college, worked as a carpenter, and a cabinet builder/finish carpenter, I didnt need plans just needed a picture of what he wanted.....he told me that he honestly just thought I was a dumb redneck dirt worker based on my muddy jeans, camo ball cap, and lifted pickup.

Never underestimate the guy that does the work.

You missed your chance Doug, should have told him you'd draw up the plans at a business lunch - you could have doodled 'em on a napkin while he fed ya.

[Artful]

Ask the Newbe for the Stainless magnet or for a aluminum magnet

I'm still looking for that Brass Magnet so I don't have to bend over

But I finally found my left handed screw driver.

[zxcvbob]

Ask the Newbe for the Stainless magnet
or for a aluminum magnet

Martensitic stainless steel is magnetic. (Ferritic stainless steel is also magnetic, but does not magnetize into a permanent magnet very well)

[geargnasher]

I have a saying about automotive engineers. (This is due to the complex things a person has to do just to perform routine maintence, or minor repairs that SHOULD be easy. Such as this evening, replacing a low beam headlight bulb in my wife's 1999 GMC Yukon. I had to remove the battery, the horn, and the parklight assy JUST to be able to HALFWAY be able to get the old bulb out & a new one installed. The park light assy just had 4 screws & it was an easy removal. Yet, the headlights are in a bolted down fixture, with NO easy access to the bulbs.
And this is just ONE example of STUPID engineers.) So,, here is my saying;

"One of these days, I'm gonna be in a social event, and I'll be politely conversing with the folks around, and I'll ask a guy what he does for a living. When he says he's an automobile engineer, he will experience an immediate blackout. When he wakes up in the hospital, all beaten & broken, I'll be there to show him what happened,,, again!"

Not sure why you did all that. '99 is a breakover year, I can't remember if it is the same as 2001 or 1997, GM changed different models from late '98 through 2001. If it's the older style, open the hood and remove the two long bolts that go straight down through the back of the headlamp housing with a nut driver and pull the housing straight out the front. There will be enough wire to pull it out far enough to reach behind the housing and twist out the lamp sockets so you can replace the bulbs. If it's the later body style, no tools are necessary, simply pop the two L-pins out of their locks by twisting them a few degrees, and pull them straight out the top. The lamp housing will then slide straight out the front as the previous style.

I've known several retired automotive engineers, I always joke with them that they're supposed to go in to a witness protection program when they retire so we don't hunt them down and do unmentionable things to them with the parts they design. There is a reason for every single part of every part on a vehicle, not always a GOOD reason, but a reason. Lots of times the breakdown occurs when the assembly teams establish their part of the process, and put things together differently than the engineers intended.

Things are rarely, if ever, designed with service and repair in mind, only how cheaply it can be made, EPA compliance, NHTSA compliance, DOT compliance, CAFE rating, streamlined assembly, will it make it out of warranty without bankrupting the manufacturer, and occasionally customer convenience/options/gee-whiz gizmos to help it sell.

Gear

[L1A1Rocker]

Any of you folks ever hear what an elephant really is?

















































A mouse built to Corp of Engineers specifications.

[Artful]

Any of you folks ever hear what an elephant really is?
A mouse built to Corp of Engineers specifications.

I thought that was a Camel was a product improved horse.

[zxcvbob]

Not sure why you did all that. '99 is a breakover year, I can't remember if it is the same as 2001 or 1997, GM changed different models from late '98 through 2001. If it's the older style, open the hood and remove the two long bolts that go straight down through the back of the headlamp housing with a nut driver and pull the housing straight out the front. There will be enough wire to pull it out far enough to reach behind the housing and twist out the lamp sockets so you can replace the bulbs. If it's the later body style, no tools are necessary, simply pop the two L-pins out of their locks by twisting them a few degrees, and pull them straight out the top. The lamp housing will then slide straight out the front as the previous style.

I have a 2001 and it's really that easy once you figure it out. But I like the round sealed beams on my former 1976 C20 better. (halogen sealed-beams were the sweet spot) Just as bright, not hard to replace, and *much* cheaper if you get into a fender-bender.