Bench time, during crysis at home....

[Springfield]

I am divorced once, about 20 years ago, best thing I ever did. Now I am married again with 2 kids. Things are up and down with us now, money is tight and she worries too much in my opinion. I have learend to just not take it too personal, people think how they want to and usually you can't change their minds. What you can do is stay friendly and helpful as much as you can and don't try to force things. If they really want to go they will, but don't force them out due to your pride or stubbornness. I hate to sound sexist but most women don't think the way most men do. I have a difficult time to not try and change her mind using logic, but she bases WAY too much of her decisions based on emotion. So I try and act accordingly. She doesn't make sense(to me) but that is just how it is, so I deal with it. Just remember it takes TWO people to make a marriage, and if you are the only one trying it will never work.

[Jetwrench]

+1 Springfield, I would add do the right thing because its the right thing to do. Give her space, act civil and with kindness, let her know you care and pray it saved my mariage, 4 times in the early years now my marriage is the best ever. I dot want to offend anyone with my religon but without God I would not still be married. I pray you and yours find peace and comfort. You still have time, use those ears. with kindest regards. Wendell

[PDshooter]

Oh, well thanks for all the advice ......
Wife said to me this morning she file for divorce 1st of the year! After the holidays ......I got to give her credit, at least she up front and honest about her intentions

[mold maker]

All the above is good advice.
You've got the rest of your life to live with the outcome. Don't let quick decisions cause hard feelings. God has a way of letting us find the right way, in his time, and with his mercy.
When we ask the wrong question, God isn't saying "NO", he is allowing us to rethink what we want.

[Ed in North Texas]

Oh, well thanks for all the advice ......
Wife said to me this morning she file for divorce 1st of the year! After the holidays ......I got to give her credit, at least she up front and honest about her intentions

If there isn't much chance of changing her mind (I know I can't change my wife's mind, and I've been trying for 44 years), my best advice at that point is don't fail to find a good divorce attorney. Husbands without an attorney are made ex-husbands with all the bills, large support payments, no house and little else.

I didn't like writing that, but I've seen too many fail to protect themselves and get the short end of the stick.

Good luck and God Bless.

Ed

[Jetwrench]

well that sux....+1 Ed

[Chris Smith]

I caught my wife of 4 and a half months (yep you read that right) in bed with her 18 year old son. She said that was showing affection, I corrected her as it's incest. Cost me a bit of money for a lawyer but I am free of that problem and have been for about 18 months. Life does hit you in the head sometimes. It's tough sometimes but just keep up the happy thoughts and in dire emergency attend a gun show with lots of cash.

[41mag]

Life is too short to be miserable, and there are plenty of awesome women out there looking for a great hearted fellow. The kids are your priority now keep your focus on whats best for them.

I got married to my HS sweetheart, we had our daughter the following year and were split up a few months later. I got custody and lived at home with a lot of help, I managed. I prayed till my knees were bruised, and all asked was for someone to love me back as much as I loved them. I nailed down a job and am still working there 28yrs later. My deal was that while I lived at home I picked up the bills. My ex's best friend almost moved in with us to help care for the baby, and we started casually dating. It was rough, but 4 yrs later I married her, the sweetest thing I ever met and we're still as strong now as we were then. She is an inspiration to me every morning when I wake up.

Hang tough, and pray hard, God will see you through. Don't overlook the obvious, as sometimes it is staring you in the face.

Good luck.

[canyon-ghost]

Old Turtle said:

i have found that shooting (I like to shoot off hand) and casting to be very relaxing. You must concentrate and it helps make the troubles go away for a period of time and that results in sometimes seeing things differently.

And I agree, I go out for "Recoil Therapy" sometimes.

[bigboredad]

All above is great advice and trust me it is much better than how I handled it. I had been diagnosed with ms for 6 months when My wife left me. Due to the ms I lost my job then my house and the losing her was bad but what killed me was she took my son. To make a very ugly long story short After losing everything and I mean everything I crawled in a bottle and could careless about anything. But lucky for me someone took a interest in me and to be honest I still don't know why. But she basically saved my life she pulled me out of a bottle and gave me some self worth. I was able to return to work and she marrried me. That was 6 years ago. So as the old saying goes do as I say not as I do. I lost a bunch of time feeling sorry for myself and trying to drink myself into oblivion. Shooting is a much healthier and more productive way to deal with it and shooting still gets me through the hard times and of course I have the the Angel that was sent to me to get me thru what shooting can't. You will make it thru this and there is a angel meant for you as well. You also have this site that you can come and talk anytime of the day and believe me that will be a big help and I promise booze ain't gonna help a dam thing

[Lonegun1894]

Wasn't married, but went through a bad split, and the shooting is also what got me through. It was the only thing that allowed me to completely clear my mind and fully concentrate on my task. You'll make it through, but just dont allow yourself to give up during the rough times.

[Harter66]

PD,

Best of luck w/the attys, they held things up longer than my ex did . We split after 20 yr and raising 4 kids. I stayed as long as I could take being there w/ her . When the day came it came w/a fury,no fighting just so long pick up your stuff drop of your keys. Funny thing is the exs sister invites me every year for the holidays new Mrs her kids too,always punctuated w/"and your ex isn't invited". She was a gem, she used the kids then and uses them now. I know the grind you will face and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers . Burning powder helps more when you cans share it w/the kids and the pick you up dust you off put a boot in your pants seat friends.

Keep your tools ,guns ,truck,and dog. The house well it won't be right anyway.

[PDshooter]

Hang tough and keep your cool!
1Shirt!

I concur........1ST Shirt!

[imashooter2]

If there isn't much chance of changing her mind (I know I can't change my wife's mind, and I've been trying for 44 years), my best advice at that point is don't fail to find a good divorce attorney. Husbands without an attorney are made ex-husbands with all the bills, large support payments, no house and little else.

I didn't like writing that, but I've seen too many fail to protect themselves and get the short end of the stick.

Good luck and God Bless.

Ed

This is solid advice. There is nothing wrong with an amicable divorce, but it is a lot easier to be amicable if your interests are protected.

[PDshooter]

Don't give up either. I stayed in prayer for 8 months and kept being civil even after being kicked out. Helped when the computer broke and she needed help, etc. Finally, one day she showed up on my doorstep wanting to talk. Just make sure you don't push and let the man upstairs change her heart. Sorry if my religion offends, but it got me through...

Good news..........
My wife doesn't want a divorce.....Wants to work things out.....I did alot of praying we been going back to church as a family again......

[Harter66]

Congrats,good to hear you were able to work it out .

[Dthunter]

Faith certainly helps in these times!

I have found in the last 20 or so years that women in my country(Canada) are becomming more and more independant.
That seems good in our politically correct society, but creates a new kind of attitude in the newer generations.

Women dont "need" men like they used to, so they treat them as much more disposable.
This destroys the fabric and moral fiber of family life unfortunately!

This break down isnt "ALL" thier fault, but the stats/percentages speak for themselves. I was never able to find a good dedicated family type lady (that was interested in me) in forty years of life. But I met a Phillippina lady here through a friend of mine.
It is truly unbelievable to witness a true hearted, old fasioned family person like her! The old high value, family structure is still alive in some cultures!
We are now very happily married, and have one boy.

It is soooooo easy to give yourself to someone who so wholeheartedly gives themselves to you!

Lets hope that the feminism movement etc. Doesnt go much further!
They are already becomming much "more EQUAL" than men are.(so to speak)

Balance is what we all need in life and living.
Take care guys, keep casting and shooting! Its great theropy!

[crabo]

We have a God of Reconciliation. I will pray that both of you listen to him. Been there and done that. It is a tough time, but remember God's character as you go through this time.

[lead chucker]

When things go south spend time with your good friends and go shooting with them that's good therapy.

[El Bango]

Sorry Amigo,I offer my prayers for you and yours,Michael