Wife going through Menopause bi-polar, manic, etc...

Normally would never post my "dirty laundry". Last few yrs my wife has been going through some changes. Specifically this last 12months she's lost her job of 15yrs, drained us financially and recently without notice decided to leave state and is held up at a hotel. Now I could go on and on as how we got to today and I'm taking responsibility for not putting a stop to some of the chaos sooner. What I'm wanting to ask and know is if anyone else has experienced or known of this happening. When I tell you she is not herself and making poor decisions it's like something out of a horror movie; I would have never believed it until experiencing it. Shes had the law at our house calling 911 in the middle of night and been to the E.R. twice agreeing to go and Dr's will not take action. Logic is they can prescribe her meds, but until she hurts herself or others physically she is deemed "ok". Worst part is she won't take her meds and will not agree to go see a specialist. At the end of the cliff and ready to go ove myself as it's impacting my job/work.
Just needed to get this out, thanks for listening. This site has saved me in more ways over the years as casting/shooting is a stress reliever.

I think you need a lawyer , not opinions from here . Neither is a lifeline however a lawyer can keep your head above water and at least you can see your way to shore . Keep swimming in circles and so do sharks !!!/Ed

Sounds like you are right, manic phase of a bipolar disease. We do not know what triggers the gene to become active, but it is a genetic, psychotic disease. Genetic in that it is caused by a genetic issue, it is internal to the body and no one's fault. Psychotic in that when she is in a manic, mixed, or depressed phase she is literally out of her mind, she is not connected with external reality but totally taken by internal reality. Medication is the only effective treatment, and you are right, she has to agree and cooperate.

If you want more information PM me - I am a retired psychologist who saw a lot of psychotic people.

If you want to stay with her, go to court and have her found incompetent to manage her own affairs with you as her committee. The court may also appoint an attorney as guardian ad litem who basically ensures that the law is followed as far as her care goes.

If you don't want to stay with her, go through the normal divorce stuff and get a lawyer ASAP. Execute whatever forms you need to keep her from draining your remaining assets and taking on marital debts. Far as I know you can still divorce her but remain her committee/guardian if you want to do that.

Great uncle went through that same thing, however his wife didn't drive and didn't have any independent living skills so she wasn't able to do as much damage. She accused 80 year old uncle of going to see his secret baby momma's and wild stuff like that.

Some times you can't save some one from themselves! When life starts spinning out of control, ask God for guidance to get through this.

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Originally Posted by Edward

I think you need a lawyer , not opinions from here . Neither is a lifeline however a lawyer can keep your head above water and at least you can see your way to shore . Keep swimming in circles and so do sharks !!!/Ed

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you are correct Ed. I am in that process unfortunelty. Next week....

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Originally Posted by owejia

Some times you can't save some one from themselves! When life starts spinning out of control, ask God for guidance to get through this.

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Great think about this is we were both raised and went to church regularly. We fell out of that in our thirties just attending a few time a year. She did a 180 on me and started going attending my Familys church dedicated for a few months and even going through the process to become confirmed. Unfortuneltly the study classes only lasted a couple months and now going a little less...just depends on week.

We experienced a much milder amount of symptoms which worked it's way out after a year or two. At one point she actually argued which way was left and right with me [smilie=b:She is looking up the 2 herbal remedies that helped and I will post those shortly. Good luck and praying for you all.

My wife says Moringa in a tea or pill form. Chase Tree capsule or powder. Nettles and Motherwort.
This stuff works! She has doctored my black widow bite and has a concoction for fire ant stings too that are miraculous. All God given things.

Buddy, I been married 4 times.....wife No.2 was a hand full similar. I tried to fix that for 15 years and it damn near killed me. Ruined jobs and there was no home life, a son then 15 years old started coming undone. That did it. You know what saved me and him. A good divorce lawyer. Time to cut bait and start worrying about yourself. The term "wealth destruction" was invented for situations like this. Yeah, your gonna feel guilty. So what. Save yourself while you have the chance as a gainfully employed member of society.

You might read; Just Call Me Anna. The book by Patty Duke about her life as a Manic Depressive.
I tried for years to find answers to a huge puzzle that made no sense at all. Heard about her book so, I read it, answered a lot of my questions. My first wife of 20 years was a multiple doctor, diagnosed female with Manic Depressive personality disorder. A living nightmare to live with her. So if you are dealing with MD, the book may answer many of your questions.

We all like think something like that won't ever happen to us.
And no matter what ails us, there is a pill for everything.
Sadly, neither is true.

I hope you get relief and find a decent solution, but it sounds like a problem you can't fix by yourself.

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Originally Posted by Rapier

You might read; Just Call Me Anna. The book by Patty Duke about her life as a Manic Depressive.
I tried for years to find answers to a huge puzzle that made no sense at all. Heard about her book so, I read it, answered a lot of my questions. My first wife of 20 years was a multiple doctor, diagnosed female with Manic Depressive personality disorder. A living nightmare to live with her. So if you are dealing with MD, the book may answer many of your questions.

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BTW, there is no such thing as a 'Manic Depressive Personality Disorder' - A Manic Depressive disorder (now Bipolar disorder) is a psychotic disorder, not a personality disorder.

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Originally Posted by Wayne Smith

Sounds like you are right, manic phase of a bipolar disease. We do not know what triggers the gene to become active, but it is a genetic, psychotic disease. Genetic in that it is caused by a genetic issue, it is internal to the body and no one's fault. Psychotic in that when she is in a manic, mixed, or depressed phase she is literally out of her mind, she is not connected with external reality but totally taken by internal reality. Medication is the only effective treatment, and you are right, she has to agree and cooperate.

If you want more information PM me - I am a retired psychologist who saw a lot of psychotic people.

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I was a case manager for a mental health agency, and saw many bi-polar people. For those people, being in the hypo-manic phase is very much like a drug, with attendant euphoria and disassociation from reality. They will frequently either "forget" to take their medication, or try to fine-tune the dose so that they can stay in the hypo-manic phase. When they become manic that scares even them, but it is often too late and the damage is done.

I also worked as a mental health crisis (suicide) center specialist. The rules only allow someone to be committed to the hospital if they are a danger to themselves or others. Bad behavior or ruined lives are not enough of a reason.

If your intent is to stay married, about all you can do right now is to take action to protect yourself. Take her off all your accounts; see a lawyer about eliminating her ability to open accounts with your name, establish boundaries for how the two of you can live in the same house. It might also be a good idea to call or visit your local suicide/crisis center and find out the process for committing someone who has become a danger to herself.

Wayne

sometimes in life you just need to walk your own path. no one can change someone else unless they want to change and are committed to making change actually happen.
you can lead a horse to water but cant make it drink.
sometimes divorce is the best solution. been there, done that, got a whole set of them tee shirts worth with the lawyer bill. but once its over move on and work on improving your own life. me and x still talk sometimes but thats about it, after all she did give me a wonderful child.
I have family member with serious mental illness and he's a total con artist and thief on top of that. it took years but now everyone knows who he really is and realize the harm he caused to so many and once someone gets to realize what he is really like dont have anything to do with him. he will never ever try to get help for his problems and as we are all adults there is nothing anyone can do about it. you just have to write off people like that and dont let them rent any space in your brain

Prayers sent. I can't offer any additional advice but stay strong. Dealing with others mental issues are not fun.

Only one thing that hasn't been said, find yourself a good counselor or support group! We can't help anyone else unless we help ourselves and are whole.

I am putting you both on my prayer list, I pray God will give you guidance.

Praying for you both.