Foster kids

[Bret4207]

OK, help me out here guys. My wife wants to take 2 kids into foster care and probably towards adoption. Girl and boy, ages 2 1/2 and 4, nothing wrong with them other than "enviromental trauma", ie- they come from trash. Beautiful kids. Same race as us if that makes a difference to anybody. She knows them from her work with them as a Special Ed Speech Therapist. They're "at risk" kids so they get special services early on in hopes it'll give the poor buggers a fighting chance. I'm having a problem with 2 issues- #1- I've heard the horror stories about the trash biological "parent" making waves years later. #2- I'm 46, she's 45. Watching my kids graduate from High school at 60 years old seems...... weird?

Am I being a self centered, grumpy old man about this or am I just gun shy? Giving these 2 a real home on the farm with stable parents and the chance to have a normal life is certainly a good thing. I just worry about the added stress for us. Our kids are 16 and 20 and are fine with the idea. I somehow had the idea I'd be retiring and she and I could do the things we wanted as opposed to school plays and trips to the mall. Am I really selfish or am I worrying too much? FWIW- our kids are pretty much problem free- no alcohol/drug/sex/behavior issues thus far, so we apparantly have the basics down at least. Anyone have any experience in this area?

[Scrounger]

OK, help me out here guys. My wife wants to take 2 kids into foster care and probably towards adoption. Girl and boy, ages 2 1/2 and 4, nothing wrong with them other than "enviromental trauma", ie- they come from trash. Beautiful kids. Same race as us if that makes a difference to anybody. She knows them from her work with them as a Special Ed Speech Therapist. They're "at risk" kids so they get special services early on in hopes it'll give the poor buggers a fighting chance. I'm having a problem with 2 issues- #1- I've heard the horror stories about the trash biological "parent" making waves years later. #2- I'm 46, she's 45. Watching my kids graduate from High school at 60 years old seems...... weird?

Am I being a self centered, grumpy old man about this or am I just gun shy? Giving these 2 a real home on the farm with stable parents and the chance to have a normal life is certainly a good thing. I just worry about the added stress for us. Our kids are 16 and 20 and are fine with the idea. I somehow had the idea I'd be retiring and she and I could do the things we wanted as opposed to school plays and trips to the mall. Am I really selfish or am I worrying too much? FWIW- our kids are pretty much problem free- no alcohol/drug/sex/behavior issues thus far, so we apparantly have the basics down at least. Anyone have any experience in this area?

There's only two people you consult on this issue, Your wife and yourself. It is certainly a good thing to do; it can be very rewarding; it can also be very stressful. Just tell your wife what is on your mind, be honest. I suspect she will then make the decision and you will willingly go along with it. If you have an open mind and a good attitude, there will be a lot of pluses from it and the stress will be light. You'll have to wait 15 or 20 years to adjudge the decision right or wrong...

[carpetman]

TprBrett---I admire you for considering such an undertaking. I do think your age sorta makes it atleast on the edge of you being too old. Kids graduating high school and social security starting same time. When you weigh the concern you have for the kids,the compromise for your own life is not selfish,it is being realistic. How well equipped financially is another question. Many states have subsidized adoptions where you get paid,but there is not enough money in the world to where I would do this for the money only. Families that have a Downs Syndrome child for example, have some of the same tough decisions to make. Do they institutionalize the child or do they place a very heavy burden on themselves for the rest of their lives?

[Jumptrap]

Bret,

Can you love these kids......can you make them your own? If so, the rewards you will know far exceed the rewards the children will.

I am 48 and I have a daughter 3 and a son 5 that I am raising them alone. And I wouldn't change things one bit! You see, their mother isn't worth a tinkers damn and I fought hard to get and keep custody of them during our divorce. I see these children as a second chance.......as I already raised a son and daughter to adulthood. But, I couldn't enjoy the first brood because I was always gone working. I am absolutely amazed at the things I missed...but now see, with these little people.

Yes, priorities change....and for the better. I have a safe full of guns...and it rarely gets opened nowadays.......GOOD! I have BETTER things to do than play with my toys......I play with my children.

I will be in my early 60's when my kids graduate high school. So what! I don't plan on being dead or feeble.

It is a big decision, but the gift you will get.....far outweighs the one you will give. Those kids need a mom and dad.................I promise, year from now, you will fall on your knees giving thanks for what YOU were given. You wont look back, but always forward.

[NVcurmudgeon]

Bret, my son was born when I was 41, and it wasn't at all difficult for me to keep up. However, I am one of those late blooming featherweights who didn't have much fun in High School! Best way to find out is to ask your two kids if they think you can handle it. Your children know plenty about you and your wife as parents.

[Bret4207]

Thanks guys. I guess I just need to hear the echo of my own words and toss the idea around. Loving kids is no problem for me. In fact its almost too easy to fall for them. Finacially- well, everythings a struggle in one way or another. There would be compensation and that would help, although it's not really needed. My concern is more the idea of the trash coming around years later and putting Cindy through some bizzarre battle for them.

Thanks for taking the time to respond guys. It means alot. Bret

[MT Gianni]

Both our kids are adopted one at 5 months and the other at 13 months. We did foster care for 2 infants prior to there being adopted and 1 2 year old for 15 months till her mom got out of a state run institution. Both of our kids have had problems in there lives but who is to say that natural kids would not have also. Adoption means just that, they are yours. There can be open adoptions with birth parent visits or closed adoptions where the birth parents have no idea where they are. A lot depends on the judge and agency[s] involved. Some protection as you are in LE now would not be uncalled for. Lastly one of the greatest relationships we have now is with our Thai "Daughter" who spent a year with us as an exchange student. You can't save the world but nothing is like the joy from kids. As an adoptive parent I believe that genetics play a real part but so does environment. 2 kids in a loving partnership that gives them the opportunity to work and play is great. Make absolutly sure that your natural kids understand this process, that they don't feel slighted, shared, neglected or that they were in any way insufficient in your eyes. Gianni.

[versifier]

Bret,
There are two parts to the dilemma you face. The first is are you willing and able? This has been addressed by other posters, and ultimately has to be worked out by you and your wife. Think it through and figure out exactly how you feel and give her the chance to do the same. Then you can both put all your cards face up on the table and come to a decision together.
The second part addresses your very real future concerns. As much of an aversion as I have towards lawyers, I think this would be a good time to consult an expert in family law. (This might be a judge, or a respectable practicing attorney, possibly a good firm, but not a sleazy "divorce specialist".) If you want to make sure the trash stays put out and does not come back to haunt your wife, then you need to find out what your legal options are. In this state, NH, to keep the trash out, you need closure (in the legal sense), which means that the trash in question has to sign off all parental rights and responsibilities, unless the circumstances are such that the judge believes it to be a safety issue and grants it anyway. I do not know how it works in NY, and you need to discuss it with someone who does. I would think that your work would bring you into contact with someone who could give you a referral to the right person. It's very difficult to be on the "foster parent" level, kind of a legal limbo where you don't have the authority to make the important decisions and are often regarded by state agencies as only a temporary, short term solution to their paperwork. A well connected lawyer in such a situation can often make all the difference, but it might be expensive.
I know you will figure out what the right thing is, and do it. I wish you both the best of luck.

[Frank46]

Bret, seems to me that a good loving set of parents and good enviroment would do those kids a world of good. A lot of my Mother's nieces and nephews in pennsylvania grew up either on farms or rural towns and the few times we saw each other were great kids. Not that some of them did not have problems. These were overcome and most if not all are raising families of there own. My Dad worked for the railroad and while he never made that much money we were always well fed, cared for and loved. My folks are gone now but those memories will be with me forever. I'll be 60 in october and both daughters are in college. Something my folks could never afford. Its rough at times but they'll have some chances that I never had. If you do go ahead with the adoption I think the kids will provide you with much love and happiness. We used to go to pennsylvania to visit my folks relatives
who lived on farms. Always thought that was kinda cool. Now I live in the sticks and would not change it for anything. I wish you all the best of luck. Frank

[Bret4207]

Thanks again guys. Good, sensible advice and I sure appreciate it. I just need to run through my mind a few million times and figure out what I'm thinking.

[keeper89]

Bret--I sure don't consider myself an expert or qualified to give advice or counsel on such a personal (and HUGE) decision......so I won't do so. What I do hope is that Providence guides you and your wife to make the decision that will deliver the greatest reward to everyone who is involved..........good luck!

[shooter2]

All good advice.
I might add, pray about it. I'll not presume to tell you how to pray, but I would be specific when asking God for direction. You might also talk to your Pastor (minister, priest...) as they've likely seen this before.
As to problems from the trash in the future I suppose there is always a chance. Pray for the best, but be prepared for the worst.
Lastly, if it does not feel right, if you're not fully comfortable with it, then you probably should not adopt. I wish you the very best.

[Bret4207]

Well fellers, turns out the little ones have a 11 and 14 year old sister and brother. It looks as though we may be getting 4 (!!!!!!) new kids shortly. Any kind thoughts or prayers would be appreciated. We've put a lot of thoght and work into this. Maybe it's my way of trying to make up for the hundreds of kids I couldn't help. God willing, it'll turn out good.

[Bullshop]

God bless ya trooper!
BIC/BS

[keeper89]

Bret, sure hope things go well and you and the better half make a positive difference for these kids.....nothing but admiration from me and my best wishes!

[Blackwater]

Bret, all my life, I've worked with some form of observing and working with human behavior. I've come to some conclusions, but maybe they're best expressed by noting that I once had two Red Setters. They were sisters, and from hunting stock, not the show type Irish Setters, which though beautiful, often come with some really screwey genes and behaviors. One of these dogs, Queenie, turned out to be the absolute BEST quail hunters that has ever been my great pleasure to have hunted over. The other, Lady, was an absolute waste of air space. The only thing she ever did well was birthing puppies. Of the 9 that were raised from a litter of 11, every pup that I kept in toch with pointed birds before they were 10" tall at the ears! That was 3 or 4 of the 9 we let go. I think there's a really valuable lesson in genetics there, somewhere. Though the parents of these kids may be trash, the kids MAY turn out really good. However, there's a basic "general rule" of rearing children that says that 90% of a child's personality is developed by the time they're 3 years old. Having come up in "sorry" surroundings (a southern usage of the word "sorry"), MAY have influenced them in ways that are not yet apparent. Then too, we have to remember those pups of Lady's, and good things DO sometimes come from very meager beginnings.

I think there's only been one real study done addressing why some kids from the worst imaginable environments come out doing good, and even great. In every single instance this study could find, the only commonality was that these kids had a fairly early introduction to someone in their lives who loved them, and led them, and helped them through the tough times by keeping on telling them that they had a chance to make their future very different from their presents. A man, or woman, can really make a tremendous difference in a child's life. A few change after they become teens, but not many, and not nearly as completely as when they're caught earlier in life. Like leopards, it's awfully hard for people to "change their spots," once they're formed. Having been a probation and a parole officer, I've noted this. Burglars are the worst. They have to lose big, like an alcoholic "bottoming out," before they change their ways, and by then, most can only hope to just live free of prison, and can't hope to have much of an economic life. This often keeps them perpetually in the presence of temptations, which further enhances their percentage for recidivism. One night's indiscretion, and they're back in jail .... again.

Generally speaking, your chances of making a real difference with the two younger ones is pretty good. With the 11 yr. old, fair, and with the 15 yr. old, relatively difficult, but not unattainable.

As Scrounger said, only you and your wife can make this decision, and I don't think anyone would look down on you for going either way with this. It's something you have to do from within your own two selves, and it has to be mutual, or it can adversely affect the relationship between the two of you. I think one thing you and she'd really need to do is decide how you think you'll handle it if one or more of them goes bad. You're obviously the type who'd take up a lot more time with them than the "average person" takes up with their kids, now - a big reason the youth are so often the way they are now, and have the values (or lack of same?) they too often have nowadays. You'd definitely be a positive influence on them, no question about it. Whether it'd be enough is the real question, and there's no way to know until you've done it, and then it's too late if it goes bad, which sometimes happens, even if you do your best.

One of the things I think you and her need to settle ahead of time, is what to do if they DO go bad at some point. For instance, what do you do and how much do you spend if one or more of them go bad and get into trouble? IMO, and I've seen this happen, I'd not spend the mortgage on lawyers if that happens, but I've seen some folks throw away their life's savings trying to "help" bad kids. In AA and other groups, that's called "enabling," and just tends to often allow them to get in more trouble, until all's lost for the parents AND the kids. This ain't good for ANYBODY involved. I think you two need to agree that if one or more goes bad, that you'll support them emotionally, but won't enable them to continue their mischief .... again, IF that should happen, which is a big "IF," but which IS a real possibility.

One of my cousins was a detective with the Savannah PD. He did 18 yr. in Juvenile, and 13 1/2 in robbery and homicide. He died about a month ago. He and his wife were foster parents to many kids, for varying spans of time. He'd make an arrest, find the YDC was full and couldn't take the offender, and if they were half suitable, he'd just take them home with him, with his boss's knowledge and consent, and try to influence them as best as they could. They really made a considerable difference to many of these kids. Not all, but many. They even wound up adopting one, and she's now a lawyer in Atlanta. Each was a very touching story, and with your background, I know you've heard and seen many such stories.

With your background in law enforcement, you've seem aplenty to know how these things go. It's one thing to be an unbiased observer, though, and being the "parent" of one who goes bad, even if only briefly, once, or however often.

From what I see down here, many foster parents do the work simply for the money they can receive, and they do NOT make nearly as good a foster parent as you and your wife would, and don't stand nearly as much chance of being as good an influence as you and your wife would be. However, influence ain't determination, and going into this, you have to realize, I think, that you aren't God, only an influence. You can't think you're going to MAKE these kids better. Only thing you can do is provide influence.

You and she will certainly love them more than most foster parents would, or probably even could. That's a powerful influence. You'll TEACH them more than most foster parents would. That too is another powerful influence. Kids ARE influenced, and that's the main reason why the 11 and 14 year olds are less likely to respond, on average, to your and her good influence. They've already had a good deal of influence upon them, and not all of it's been good. You have to accept that, and do all you CAN to counter that. You can't determine the response though, so if you can go into it knowing that, you may save yourself at least some heartache if things should go bad.

(cont'd below)

[Blackwater]

(cont'd from above)

Now ... since getting all that said, if you DO decide to do this, and you wouldn't have asked if you weren't seriously thinking about it, I think foster parenting, when done by folks like you and your wife, is probably one of the best things a person can do, both for themselves and the kids. I've seen it make kids turn out vastly different than they'd ever have likely turned out if the foster parents hadn't intervened. I've seen some go the other way, too, but the odds are that your influence, even with the 11 yr. old, will be great. There's just no guarantee, and again, you have to accept that. With the 14 year old, the chances are lessened, but still far from zero, and I have a notion you aren't going to go with only 3 of the 4, so .... it's either the youngest two, or all four. Again, only you and your wife can decide here, and the two older ones are more likely to "go bad" than the younger two. That's just the odds, of course, and not a determinant or a certainty. It COULD be one or both of the younger ones that go bad.

I think I'd take a longer look at the older two, though, and approach the question with them at least a bit more soberly than with the younger two.

Whichever way you go, I wish you, and them, all the best. I know the foster kids my cousin the detective raised, even for a while in some cases, really made a powerful difference. For all his life, these kids would visit Dewel and Doris often, and they'd have sold the farm to take care of them in their old age. Their effect was THAT powerful. Even with them, though, some of the kids they tried to help just didn't respond, or didn't alter their ways ENOUGH in the end. Doris and Dewel just thanked God for the good they were able to do, and accepted the fact that some just couldn't or wouldn't respond.

Go into it with that perspective, and your and her chances of doing good without yourselves being seriously and adversely affected are minimized. As to your age, I don't actually think that means a lot here. I've seen folks older than you do this, and have both the kids and themselves benefit. I've seen some of the kids go bad, too, and IF the foster parents kept their perspective, they'd regret the results, but NEVER their having tried to do some good for the young and less fortunate. In the end, I think it all goes to whether you and your wife can accept it if one or more of them should "go bad."

It's one heck of a decision, but obviously God has moved you to consider it seriously, which usually means you'll give it a serious go. I applaud that, and only admonish you two to understand what all is involved, or can be, with the decision. I know Doris and Dewel found much more happiness and satisfaction and pleasure with their experiences than they ever did of heartache. They DID have some of the latter, but in the balance, they simply had the perspective and balanced outlook to handle it ALL, both the good and the bad. If you and your wife can go into it like that, I think only good will eventually result, even if every one of them went bad. At the Judgment, you'll at least be able to say you did what you could, and it's your influence that you'll have to account for there, NOT the eventual results.

That's my take on it, anyway, and what I've observed as a relatively dispassionate onlooker in my time. Hope it helps some?

[Bret4207]

BW- Thanks for the thoughts. We're going into this with our eyes wide open. We did our background on the older ones. Turns out I used to deal with grand ma, grandpa, Mom and the rest of the clam ("Deliverance" comes to mind) back when I was on the road. Not that they didn't love their kids, it was just the whole work ethic, soap, feed the kids issue they had a problem with. I lost track of them and here they are again. The Dads ( of course, there's at least 2) are out of the picture and Mom has better things to do it seems. Actually we worry more about the 11 year old than the 14 year old. The older lad is apparently a very nice kid from all reports. So is the 11 year old girl, except for some friction between her and the current "professional" foster care provider who I don't care for either. Given a chance I think it can work out.

Thus far, my biggest issue is with Social Services. Do you know I can't take the 14 YOA boy shooting? Can't expose him to guns at all they say! I wonder if blackpowder counts? A bow? At least we can fish.

[Nazgul]

Go for it. You can't go wrong doing what is right in the circumstances. Raising three daughters and seeing them turn into wonderful responsible women are great. I have only had girls until now and they can be a handful, had a grandson 3 months ago.

I know what a hassle Social Services can be. My first was from a previous marriage and my wife now had to adopt her, we were in NY at the time. They interviewed me first to see if I was suitable as a father. This after giving up a carreer as a Marine officer to take care of her. Stay the course, your rewards will be great. I offer all the encouragement possible.

[Bret4207]

Last night, Wenesday, we got a call at 5:00PM. Emergency removal from the current home. We now have 4 new kids. STRESS LEVELS ARE HIGH!!! Wish us luck!

[MT Gianni]

Congrats, Bret Hope the new additions recognize what they have there very soon. Gianni.

[keeper89]

Bret--God bless and good luck--I hope that the fine example I know you and your wife will show these children will encourage them to realize that they can be what they want to be if they are willing to work for it.......a person CAN rise above their family situation (or lack thereof) if given the tools and the motivation--but they have to want to be better! My families best wishes and prayers go out to you in this.......

[waksupi]

Brett, congratulations. By my figuring, you owe us all four cigars, since you are a new papa, four times over. Bet momma is glad it wasn't the old fashioned way!

[Bret4207]

Thanks to all. I have about 7 minutes of free time before "the herd" gets home. The first night was BAD!! I'd been up since 3:20AM the day before, to bed at 11:45PM, back up at 3:20 AM for another 12 hour detail day and then home to the 2nd night with the herd. My poor wife only got about an hours sleep and was done in by bedtime at 9:00PM last night. Wow, I'd forgetotten how much energy a 2 year old has. Things are settling down a little now. My Mom showed up at the house arounf 7:30PM last night and found out she had 4 new Grandkids. She's all giddy now and is excited as the 2 YOA little girl ahs a birthday next week. My Mom LOVES the "Grammy" job. My son (16YOA) has been really great. I guess we raised him better than I thought, because I'm impressed with him and I didn't think he'd pull through for us. My 20 YOA daughter has been an angel and is baby-sitter her "new little sister". This all may work out guys.

It's funny. I never even wanted one kid and here I am with 6, remembering reading "Cheaper by the Dozen" and "Life with Father" and identifying with the characters. Well, here they come!

[Blackwater]

God bless you Bret, and if you get half the joy and satisfaction out of it as my cousin did, you'll indeed be a blessed man. Yeah, there were problems along the way, but he and she weren't the kind who thought life was "supposed" to be easy, and they just took it all in stride, kept their faith in God, and let things work out over time. I think the "Social Services" will indeed be your biggest problem. Kids are still maleable, even when difficult. Dang SS agencies can be downright impossible sometimes.

[Frank46]

Bret, may God Bless you and your new family. I wish all of you well. Frank

[Bret4207]

HOLY CRAP!!!! Do you guys realize how much energy an almost 3 and a 4 year old have?!?!?!?!? A lot more than I do. Gotta add a swing set, a sand box and a big wheels bike to the shopping list. Other than that, all's going well. Thanks for the well wishes.

[SharpsShooter]

Bret,

I have a 5yr old and a 1yr old. They have enough energy to power the town 10 miles from here, but it is great to have the chance to re-live the world through a childs eyes. I am 41 and my 5 yr old son and I go exploring anytime the opportunity presents and work the garden together and yes he goes to the range with me almost every time I can sneak away. He loves telling folks that "My Daddy makes boolits" to anyone that happens to ask what I do for a living. It doesn't matter to him that I am an Operations Manager for a a six station broadcast group here in WVa. What is important to him is the boolits we cast together. I am so thankful for the chance to be a kid again and at the same time be the one that shapes the mindset of this very young man. You have taken on a huge responsibility true, but at the same time you have been given another chance to be a kid again too. I strongly suspect that I am telling you nothing new, but want you to know I think those kids will be fine under your care.


It is a two way blessing if you ask me.................

[DLCTEX]

Bret: Just want to share an experience that came my way yeaterday. I completed some work on a store building in a nearby town for a company I do repairs for Yesterday afternoon about 4:00 and exited the store. A man called out excuse me sir, what is your name, I told him my name, and he said I'm James A... I was so surprised, he was one of the boys we had when we served as houseparents to a boys home in Louisianna 1975-79. Here he was a grown man, 45. He asked what I was doing there and I told him I lived nearby and was doing some work. he was in town for a reunion for his wife's family.We visited about an hour and he introduced me to his wife, daughter and grand daughter. He gave me news of other boys from the home, and said he had tried to contact me years ago, but wasn't successful. He thanked me for the positive influence on his life. It was so good to hear of his good life, and good reports on others. We were houseparents to 97 different boys in two different homes during 7 years, Plus having four of our own during that time( we now have #5). Not all were success stories, But most are, and who can say how many would have failed without a loving and guiding hand. The cost to you will be great, and at times you may question your decision to do it, but I predict that in the end, it will be worth it many times over. He came to the house today and visited with us for hours, a good day!
When I had been out of the child care business for 5 years, a friend asked me if I thought I had made a difference in the lives of the boys under my care. I said I thought that I'd been at least some influence on most, but one boy had hated me from the day we met, until we parted. He had been terribly abused by his father, and hated men. Three days later I recieved a letter from that young man, telling me that he now understood what I had tried to teach him, and it was still with him. He was going to church, volunteering at the boys home and trying to pass it on to others. He thanked me. Wow! Some seed is just a little slower to germinate than others. Don't be afraid to sow it.

[rmb721]

In your post on 6-4-06, you stated that you can't take the 14 year old out shooting or expose him to guns. How long is that for? Would that last until you would adopt him or till he reaches a certain age or what? Sounds like some real BS to me. I hope everything works out all of you. Good luck.

[Bret4207]

I can't even put the kid on a riding lawn mower. Yet, Soc Serv's encourages us to "treat them like your own" and "let them do farm chores". I have a feeling "don't ask, don't tell" applies here.

[9.3X62AL]

I think this thread has more heartwarming stories in it than just about any other to date. God bless Bret and his wife, and when the grade gets steep--He'll be there to cut switchbacks.

[Bret4207]

Pssst, hey you guys. Don't ask me how I know this, but you should see the look on a 13 year olds face when he gets to drag a lawn sweeper around behind a garden tractor. Wish I'd had a camera.

BTW- it's "my" 2 year olds 3rd b-day today. I'm hoping the "terrible twos" end soon. She'll do anything for my wife or daughter but I have to either bribe her or force her to do almost everything. Talk about stubborn! Funny. 1 hug and I forget all about it. Huh. What a softy.

[Bad Ass Wallace]

The world is really changing; childminders today need more degrees than a flamin compass, but;:roll: :roll:

When you get to be a grandad you come to realise that any problem with a child starts with "T". Right from birth it is,
Tit
Tail
Tummy
Teeth
Two
Three
Tired
Tantrum
Twelve
Teenager &
Twenty:mrgreen: :mrgreen:

[Bret4207]

Ok guys, help me out. My 11 year old foster daughter can barely read. It took me 2 minutes to walk her through the word "pioneer". She doesn't seem interested. So, since shes horse crazy, I thought I'd ask if any of you knew of any horse type books, serials so to speak, suitable for an 11 year old. I recall my younger sister reading that type of book, sort of Nancy Drew on horseback type of thing. I think the main characters name was Trixie. Anything along those lines that might help would be appreciated. I'm out of touch with this type stuff.

[Curly James]

Bret,

It was the Trixie Beldon series and I can't believe that name just popped into my head just from your description! I haven't seen one of those books in over 30 years. We too, have held others children in our care and as for the HRS people, well, you do what you know is best, their rules are for their protection in most instances. I do wish you and your new kids all of God's belssings. Once you get the 11 year old reading I'm sure she'll love it. JKA

[Steelshooter]

If you could post what you need and an address to send it to I'm sure the members here will do the best they can to help you out. I'll have my wife look for those books when she goes to the book store tomorrow. My grand kid is almost two and we call her the monster, she never stops so I know what you are talking about. Good luck and god bless. Chuck

[waksupi]

Ok guys, help me out. My 11 year old foster daughter can barely read. It took me 2 minutes to walk her through the word "pioneer". She doesn't seem interested. So, since shes horse crazy, I thought I'd ask if any of you knew of any horse type books, serials so to speak, suitable for an 11 year old. I recall my younger sister reading that type of book, sort of Nancy Drew on horseback type of thing. I think the main characters name was Trixie. Anything along those lines that might help would be appreciated. I'm out of touch with this type stuff.
The Trixie Borden stuff should be good, as would Nancy Drew mysteries. Not a lot of horses, but good for the general age. Danny Orlis books were good for me when young. Christian learnings, with other moral tales, without being "preachy". You may want to look at the Black Beauty and Flicka series of books.

Another thought. She may be at the right age, to get into the Laura Ingalls Wilder stories.

[floodgate]

Bret:

I can't help you with the horse books - we limit ourselves to animals we can rassle to the ground, and at 75, that means SMALL sheep and goats - but you're on the right track. When I was a teen-ager, my best buddy's younger brother couldn't anrd wouldn't read. Then he dug up the remains of an old Colt .44 Dragon from the Army camp that had been outside town in the 1850's, started researching it in our books and magazines, and within six months he was reading at grade level. All it takes is the right incentive (but have her eyes checked in case she has an undetected vision problem). Good Luck!

floodgate

[TCLouis]

A friend that works with foster children a lot tells me one thing that is true with all of them.
There are 4 stages that they go thru during the process and as long as one realizes that it happens and one just has to let them unfold then all is well. Each child does it at their rate and time but it has NOTHING to do wiith foster parent and unconditional love and concern will get all involved thru it.

Thank you for the effort you are putting forth.

May your rewards be tenfold!

[Junior1942]

I don't think you can foster parent a child in a home with firearms. Better check!!

[Bret4207]

Jr. You'd be surprised at what rules they bend when they need a placement home! I have all but a couple "just in case type guns" put away.

Trixie Belden! Stupid books, but that gives me a place to start. Thanks. I'd forgotten Flicka, Misty of Chincoteague (sp), Black Beauty, etc. Must have been a mental block. Thanks guys.

[Curly James]

They will allow foster kids in homes with firearms, although we had a home inspection by HRS and because I am an LEO we were given a lot of latitude. Bret, my wife informs me that the Trixie Beldon books featured horses and guns, both in a good light with morals included in the story. Take case and God bless. JKA.