The wife just asked me, "What is it with the people out here"?

[Winger Ed.]

After such a blessing we received yesterday, that I have made into a challenge for myself---

This afternoon- our 76 year old neighbor stopped by.
Awhile back, he'd forgotten to remove the plug from his boat. It was up on the lift, but wouldn't drain rainwater.
When I found it, after a big storm, the water was a foot deep on the floor, and about 1/2 way up on on the 4 cyl. GM engine.
The water had shorted out all manner of wiring and filled the below deck gas tank by soaking in under the gauge sending unit plate.

I drained that, and asked if he'd let me tend to the engine since it was just dead. No power to nothing.....
It has the same powerplant as mine, that I've worked on and overhauled a couple times since the 80's.

He was reluctant.
I told him if I could fix it in the dock, "WE" wouldn't have to tow it to a ramp, load it, and take it to a shop & back.
Even then, if the bill was less than $500, that would mean there wasn't really anything wrong with it.

So I did, I hacked around on it for a week or so off & on, and brought it back to life..
He was just tickled,,,,,, as grateful as a dog with a new stick.
He asked what I'd done. And wanted to know what I'd spent so he could pay me back.

I told him I'd flushed the gas tank, replaced a few cables, wires & terminals, and rebuilt the carberator. But water didn't get into the block.
I also changed the ignition coil & module, not because they were bad, but they were 1996 issue and I didn't trust them any more.

Compared to the hassle of the antique coil or module failing out on the lake---
the price for them is more or less free, so I took good ones off, and put on OEM quality new ones.

I told him the price of the carb kit-- '$40, and don't worry about it.
I work on these things for the challenge, and because I enjoy it.
Besides,,,, I changed the other stuff on my own, just to be sure I wouldn't have to go out and tow ya back,
or that you could come out and tow me back home'.

That was a couple weeks ago, and I'd moved on to other things, and sort of forgot about working on his boat.

Got a visit today, he came over to thank me again, and wanted to give me a 'thank you card'.
Nobody does cards anymore, but he's old school...…. I took it, and thanked him for the thoughtfulness.

After he left, I opened the card, and there was $300 bucks in it.


My dilemma now is-
How am I going to get the value of all that money back to him without him getting suspicious?

[Ford SD]

Can your 76 year old neighbor afford the 300 bucks ? ... if he can forget about it

it would have cost him more to have a shop look at it

and the shop would have not taken the care you did. .. they prob would flush the tank and changed the gas, and not done any of the electrial work

Take your wife out to dinner and tell her 76 year old neighbor Paid for it

[Winger Ed.]

Can your 76 year old neighbor afford the 300 bucks ? ... if he can forget about it

Oh yeah.
He's at the point of 'not exactly rich, but can afford anything he wants to'.

[jsizemore]

Be gracious enough to accept his gift in return.

[fatelk]

Oh yeah.
He's at the point of 'not exactly rich, but can afford anything he wants to'.

In that case you might consider taking it for what it is: a thank you gift. Just as people like a cheerful and gracious giver, there is sometimes a place for receiving a gift in the spirit it was intended, with a gracious "Thank you".

It's nice to know there are still plenty of good people in the world. :)

(jsizemore beat me to it) :)

[alamogunr]

I have been in that position before and it is harder to accept "payment"(although I've never had a $300 thank you) for something like that than it is to try to repay or not accept. In the end gracious acceptance is the best policy. Something we have to learn.

[JonB_in_Glencoe]

I agree with some others and will add...
sometimes allowing others to give a gift, is a gift in itself.

[Markopolo]

I would tell you this... many people don’t feel comfy with just accepting help. That want to even things up and don’t feel comfortable with friendship or anything unless things are even. In those cases, you must just accept and not one up somebody, or they won’t come again. Pride is a powerful motivator. Just accept, and don’t worry about it. It’s all good in this instance.

Marko

[Winger Ed.]

Thanks folks.
Among the other reasons I like hanging out here- You've shown me things that hadn't ever occurred to me.

[David2011]

Today I helped a friend, initially one of my wife’s friends. She’s disabled due to a car wreck when she was 18 months old so a lifelong problem for her. She’s as nice a person as you could ever hope to know. She’s trying to restore the family ranch house in NM which was built over 100 years ago. The newer part of the house is about 75 years old. The obsolete circuit breaker box had to be replaced. It took all day but she was ecstatic when all of the house had electricity again. My reward was a hug and a promise of a batch of her incredible posole. Fair trade. I love to help people and fix things so it was fun for me.

[LUBEDUDE]

And hats off to you for helping and giving in a semi-serious way with out of pocket expenses.
It’s very rare to see that these days. Most people want to profit. Some just want to break even. It’s a rare bird that will swallow it all. Your neighbor realizes this and wants to express his thanks. As others have said, let him.

[Mr_Sheesh]

Do something good for you / for the world with the money; Pay it forward with some of it maybe? He's saying he appreciates your help, arguing with THAT would be a bad idea.

[lightman]

I think the others pretty well covered it. The "Old Gentleman" has his pride and was showing his gratitude. Accept is like it was meant even though you didn't expect anything.

[Thin Man]

Please keep the gift and use it as you wish. Your neighbor comes from a generation that held a concept of hospitality. When someone performs a service or presents them with an unexpected gift they are bound to reply in kind. I have heard about and seen it a few times when a hospitality gift was refused the person offering the gift was very much offended. You are probably looking at that in your suggestion to return the gift. Accept this gift with gratitude and both of you will feel better for it.

[Land Owner]

If your neighbor is your friend, and it sounds like he is, invite him and his Mrs. (if he has one), or another of his chosing out to dinner with you and your Mrs. In that way you get to eat a fine meal with friends and pay for it through his generosity. Everybody wins!

[JBinMN]

"Attaboy!", for helping out the old feller!
:)

For "me" anyway, it is hard most of the time when someone offers ya something for what you think is just a "good turn" & there is no expectation to get anything, "in return".

I think if I were in the situation, I would talk to him about it later on. In a week or so. Go into it like you are asking his advice. Tell him that you really just wanted to do it for the fun of it & were not expecting, nor wanting anything in return, and you feel it was too much for what you did for him. Ask him what he would tell his son if his son( whether he has one/more or not.) asked him the same question.
If nothing else, you may end up having a better friendship than before by doing so. As well as, "What harm might it do?". Just do it sincerely as not to offend & it might return benefits you had not considered.

Or, you, as others suggested, just "pay it forward" elsewhere.

Lastly, there would be nothing wrong if ya just saved it for some time when you are in need to get "over the hump", if something happens to you/family , or even him or another neighbor, and you can just pass it on then to help out.

Me, I would be asking the advice part though first. Just to see if he passes on some good stuff to know.
;)

The other options can always be done later.


G'Luck!, Best wishes whatever ya do, and Semper Fi !
:drinks:

[sghart3578]

I think most of us here are "old school". We help people just for the sake of helping people with no expectations of a reward.

Sometimes for guys like us the hardest thing in life is to accept a heartfelt thank you with humility and grace.

[GhostHawk]

Split the difference, take him and his wife out for supper, no holds barred. Pay for it out of the gift. Whats left over you earned. Keep it, guilt free.

I suspect your neighbor knows full well he'd of paid 4x as much for the same or lessor quality work at a shop.

Just because you enjoyed it does not mean you can't get paid for it.

Or keep it as a stash for those in need. Use it to buy parts to fix stuff.

Lots of ways of looking at this. You brought his boat back from the dead, you deserve something.

Well done!

[gwpercle]

This is one of the times when you just have to let the guy Thank You with $300.00 , he's like my Dad who had to repay a kindness . He gave you a gift , take it , thank him and be there for him next time he needs a helping hand...That's all you have to do .
Having a friend like you is ...priceless !
Gary

[pcolapaddler]

If the neighbor and you generally socialize otherwise, why not do dinner with all of you or take him fishing?

Sent from the largest mountain range in Florida.

[OS OK]

His accepting your help was prolly about as foreign & uncomfortable to him as it is to you accepting his gracious thanks...

[waksupi]

Accept it gracefully. I recently had the carb rebuilt on my old 6 hp Evinrude, $140. He got a good deal, you got the satisfaction of tinkering with something you enjoy. You both won.

[RED BEAR]

If it were me i would accept the gift and wait for him to need a favor and be quick to do what you can do to help not for more money but thats what friends do. I understand how he feels i have a very hard time accepting help especially if it cost someone else money.

[SSGOldfart]

I would tell you this... many people don’t feel comfy with just accepting help. That want to even things up and don’t feel comfortable with friendship or anything unless things are even. In those cases, you must just accept and not one up somebody, or they won’t come again. Pride is a powerful motivator. Just accept, and don’t worry about it. It’s all good in this instance.

Marko

I agree with Morko besides you can add that to your dinner fund blessing

[fatelk]

A couple years ago I took on the project to repair/restore/refinish the stock on a good friend’s favorite hunting rifle. He hunts and traps for a living (county trapper) and he’s hard on his gear so it was quite a project.

I told him it was a favor for a friend but he was very happy with the results and insisted on paying me. I tried to turn it down but he insisted so I said thank you with a smile and a handshake.

Some time later he brought me another one to fix up. It wasn’t as abused and was an easier project. Again he was pleased with how it turned out and offered to pay me. I told him no, you gave me plenty last time; This one is my gift to you. He didn’t insist that time, just a thank you and a handshake. We’ve been friends since we were old enough to walk.

[jsizemore]

The older gentleman that rents the pasture around me had his 3 point hitch pin come loose and bend the bracket. I stopped to help and with his assistance we got it bent back in place and attached with a bit of farmboy ingenuity. It took a bit more than an hour to complete. His rate of pay is $20 regardless of the job. He doesn't want to owe anybody anything. If I don't take the money then I've belittled his gift. I thank him for his generosity and tip the girls at the local grill for feeding me in the morning.

I feel sorry for the folks in the big city. I'm glad I moved out of there.

[Hamish]

Never insult someone trying to do the right thing by showing their appreciation by refusing their gift.

[WheelgunConvert]

Blessings are multiplied when you give with the right spirit.

Mr. Cathy, the ChicFilA guy, lived that principle.

[jonp]

Invite him to a BBQ or two and call it even

[WRideout]

On occasion, I have used money obtained in a similar way to donate to a charity or church. When I lived in Knoxville, TN, I did some plumbing work for an elderly lady who served me dinner. It was rewarding just to help her.

Wayne

[Harter66]

I find often that I give w/o fair compensation . Skill , knowledge , and tools are expensive to aquire as a rule . I think most folks recognize that . There is nothing more irritating than having to pay for a service at $100/hr to install a $30 part that takes a $300 tool that I could have fixed with a $35 wrench and 15 minutes if I'd known where and what to look for and fix .
I'm grossly under paid for my current employment , I'm also working very often out in the limits of my knowledge base , but I also appear to be a miracle worker . Quite honestly I'd rather be under paid for my skills and seem to be some wonder worker than be paid full rate and be expected to deliver all the wonders of the cosmos every day . Frankly it's satisfying to have things work out and be able to flex time and materials to get the results . I'm told that the completion of the current job set will have a gratuity awarded .

So here's the deal . You feel like you were over compensated for a tinker job but you spent a lot of time and at some point probably felt like you HAD to get it finished up.
In my life that's a windfall and it usually shows up in time of need . I can't count the number of times that a few extra bucks showed up a week or so before I needed them .
Give generously , receive graciously , and always be ready to return the favor .
I agree with splitting for dinner , or a special trip with the gentleman .

[myg30]

Keep filling his fuel tank up, he might catch on sometime but it would be fun to see his reactions.
I’m kinda the same way, if I do a favor because I want to, I don’t want to get paid. I enjoy being able to help folks out when I can.
When I’m stuck, and no ones able/ offer to help me, it’s then I realize we are a dying breed.

Mike

[popper]

Pay it forward, Vet or another 'senior'. Re-gift it when the chance occurs?

[Land Owner]

Keep filling his fuel tank up, he might catch on sometime but it would be fun to see his reactions.

If you can get away with it without getting SHOT. Some folks don't like other folks, warm heartedly or not, messing with their stuff (tools, car, truck, golf cart, golf clubs, fishing tackle, guns, spouse, etc.) without permission or unbidden - especially IN THEIR OWN YARD, which could get you SHOT.

Otherwise, I like your idea...

[Thomas Creek]

You have a great neighbor. I would suggest to continue to pay or play it forward. I believe he would appreciate it.

[Winger Ed.]

You have a great neighbor. I would suggest to continue to pay or play it forward. I believe he would appreciate it.

Yeah, I couldn't have much better of a neighbor if I got to pick one myself.

[dverna]

If you attend church consider donating all or part of it. If not, the Salvation Army is one of the best charities I know of.

BTW, good of you to help for neighbor.

[fatelk]

Putting it in the plate or paying it forward to someone else who could use it are great ideas, but really there's nothing wrong with stashing it in your rainy day fund either, if you could use it yourself.


I hope nobody minds a little thread drift, since it seems the original question has been addressed pretty thoroughly:

It's interesting to me how different people handle these kinds of things. I see two basic reasons why many people feel the need to turn down payment for this kind of thing: kindness/compassion, and pride, or most often a combination of the two. The same two typically apply to someone wanting to pay something for help given freely, as well.

What I find interesting is that to a small degree the pride part seems to vary generationally. I've met a lot of especially older folks who are too proud to accept help freely given, either physical or financial. Then there are some people who have had so much tough luck, hard times, and helping hands that they come to expect a hand out (especially if they're related to you). They'll ask for and take a hand-out with barely a thank you. I like to help people when I can but those type can be really frustrating because their need for help is usually the result of their own poor decisions and it's never ending. The people who can really use the help are often too proud to ask, and then want to pay you!

On the other hand, I always offer to pay someone when they help me, and try my best to turn down pay for my help freely given. Part of that is because I want to do something nice for people I like, and part of it is my own pride, and not wanting to ever take advantage or owe anyone. There are times though, as has been mentioned repeatedly here, where you have to consider the other person's pride and act accordingly.

I have a fitting story about the extreme end of the pride thing. Quite a few years back an uncle of mine stopped by from out of state. He was on his way cross country in his fancy new RV, a big one. He stopped by for a couple day, tinkering with something on it in preparation for the long trip. At one point he asked me for a ride into town to get some parts, rather than drive the behemoth on a short trip.

No problem at all, glad to do it. We had a good visit. I helped him some. The next day he was ready to go. He said goodby and thanked me for driving him into town. As he did, he handed me some "gas money". I told him I didn't want any money, that I was glad to do it. He insisted so I took the folded cash. After he left I looked at what he had given me. It was a tightly folded $1 bill!

I was surprised at first when he gave it to me, because he's well know in the family as a notorious cheapskate, but when I saw what it was I realized it wasn't really for me, it was just so he didn't feel like he owed me. I just had to smile. I think I actually started laughing when I saw what it was. :)

[Winger Ed.]

It was a tightly folded $1 bill!I was surprised at first when he gave it to me, because he's well know in the family as a notorious cheapskate, but when I saw what it was I realized it wasn't really for me, it was just so he didn't feel like he owed me. I just had to smile. I think I actually started laughing when I saw what it was. :)

That's great.
It reminds be, back in the late 60's-early 70's in High School,
of working at a local cafeteria, and a friend who worked at a grocery store.

For generations, a nice sized tip was a dime.
There was a little old, silver haired lady who we'd both encountered at work.
He'd take out her groceries, I'd help with her tray at the cafeteria.

I'm sure she did it everywhere, but anyone that helped her while doing their job,,,,, she tipped them a dime,
as she probably had for 50 years.

We both always thanked her at the time, she was as nice and gracious as you could imagine,
and after seeing that she gave always gave us old, solid Silver, Mercury dimes-
we both would look for her to come in where we worked...…


Over time, we'd both gotten 3 or 4. I still have mine.

[fatelk]

That's cool, what a neat thing!

My brother-in-law worked in a grocery store for many years, from box-boy to manager. He said there was a little old lady who was quite a character who shopped there all the time. She liked him especially since he would always go out of his way to help her with her groceries. She would pretend to flirt with him and he would insist on carding her for wine (had to make sure she was old enough to buy alcohol). She got to where she would bring him a Christmas card every year with a $100 tip in it!

[shdwlkr]

Just yesterday one of my neighbors a good friend texted me that another neighbor that is more busted up then me had tree limb drop on their car and asked if I would bring my chain saw out and cut the limb off the car so we see how much damage was done. Well by the time I got out there two other neighbors were out trying to find someone with a chain saw I cut the limb up enough so we could get the car out and as luck would have it no damage to the car. Cut the limb up in small pieces and went home. I never expect more than the thank you I got and even that felt strange as you see I did it because I had the tool and it needed done. The point of all this is if we help out when we can, how we can then it was a good day.