What angers me about some church people.

[armednfree]

In 2007 my wife suffered a traumatic injury when she was assaulted by an Alzheimer patient she was caring for. He kicked her to the floor. knocking her out and destroying her left shoulder. She has had 4 surgeries on that shoulder and one for the other due to a cross over injury. About two months after the injury she fell into a deep depression and then started having manic episodes approaching psychosis. She would sleep for months only to rise and start attacking, me especially, both verbally and physically. Eventually I had to tell her she would accept psychiatric care or I would divorce her. She accepted the care, yet the issues persist. The medication reduces and controls, it does not cure.

Two years ago he had a partial respiratory failure with COPD and has since been on 24/7 oxygen.

For me, before I started deep prayer and study and going to church, I got to the point where I entertained the thought of suicide. I really couldn't handle it on my own, it took and takes Christ for that.

I, others and the church have kept this in prayer. Yet God has not chosen to heal, his choice I guess. He saved her soul so I guess that's enough, " My grace is sufficient" and such.

Of course the church is only passively supportive and what I call passively means lip service, but darn little of that. What really gets me, and makes me want to stay away, it those who voice that mental illness is all satan and that person obviously is separate from Jesus. All they need to do is pray and accept Jesus in their heart. This mid-evil view, I'm surprised they don't call them witch's and burn them at the stake. How is it that we can accept disease in any organ in the body except the most complicated organ, the brain.

That's why sometimes I want to throw up my hands and call church an association of backward idiots. If this is the Body of Christ then that is a puss laden sore in the body.

[skeet1]

It sounds like it is time to search for a new church, not all of them are the same even within the same denomination.

[pertnear]

It sounds like it is time to search for a new church, not all of them are the same even within the same denomination.

+1...Exactly! Unfortunately many churches forget or fall down in their mission.

[Smoke4320]

yes It sounds like that church has lost its way..

[kaiser]

Arm - get ready for a "bum hip" (just like Jacob's encounter), for you are wrestling with God, a confrontation only true "servants" have been allowed to do. I can understand that you may not be elated by any such opinion by one such as I, a "Practicing sinner" only saved by the "grace of God", but I know he will see you through this crisis. Many times "church people" can say and do the most idiotic and hurtful things that are so unlike our greatest example, Jesus, that we all profess to follow. Many times we all speak because we don't know what to say, so rather than remain silent, we "blurt out" nonsense to fill the "void". Ignoring well meaning ignorance is difficult when you associate their counsel with intelligence and solutions (we are only human serving a "perfect master"). Prayer is powerful and I offer up mine as well. Remember that Job's friends (church friends?) told him to curse God and die (paraphrase) - thankfully, Job had a better relationship with the Father than they. The "Church Body" has many different parts and it sounds like the part you are associated with is doing more harm than good to your "spiritual life". It might be time to find a different church, just like you would look for a different doctor if the one you are seeing is not effective or is harmful to the patient. I have dealt with family member's with Alzheimer's and the effects of everyone who knew them have been "traumatized" in one way or another. Your wife's injuries and subsequent mental trauma is not unlike a situation created by "combat" where a person is subjected to a life threatening force so immense that every surgery reminds them of the event. Get some help beyond that you already have; be it family, friends, organizations that are familiar with the medical complications facing you. And, get some help for your "well being" and sanity as well; for, you are in a "bad place" and need support not just from "church people", but medical assistance and "friendship". Many people in your position try to find their solution in a bottle, thankfully you have not gone there, but to the "Father" in prayer. Don't accept advice from anyone you do not trust or respect (including mine) until tested, but stay strong in your faith and trust in the Lord to see you through. Know there is nothing wrong with questioning God who made and loves you; he wants your interaction. May God bless and keep you for you are surely going through a crisis of which few of us can possible understand, while showing great strength and resolve. Forgive me if anything I have said gives you grief rather than comfort, for I seek the later for you and your "loved one". God bless.

[jmort]

+1 new church
I must be fortunate, as the 20 odd churches I attended in the last 50 years have not had any of this non-sense. Well, there was one that was off the mark a bit.

[DocSavage]

I've had to deal with such problem as my wife is disabled due to a genetic disorder,at one point I was very close to causing severe physical injury to one jerk that was insistent that my wife's condition was due to some sin committed by her mother. Find another church and hopefully it will be filled with intelligent caring people who will support you and not guilt trip you.

[KenH]

It sounds like it is time to search for a new church, not all of them are the same even within the same denomination.

That's doesn't sound like a Christian church - find a Christian Church - there are plenty of them around. That "Church" has really lost it's way.

[Markopolo]

I would love to tell you a tiny story....

There was a pastor of a church somewhere around here. He has a member of his church come to him and tell him “I am going to leave this church, too much lip service, no support, backbiting and complaining.” Pastor says, “I am sorry, and wish that you would stay, but if you must leave, would you do me one favor before you go?” Member says “ok” pastor then asked the member to go get him a glass of water filled to the brim.. the member is confused, but does as asked... returns with water, and the pastor then asked member to walk around the inside of the church, still filled with members with the brim full glass of water, and do it twice, without spilling. Totally confused, the member hesitates and does as asked. After the member completes and returns from the 2 laps around the inside of the church, he returns to the pastor with the glass of water and hands it over. The pastor says, “did you hear any backbiting or complaining while you circled the church?” Members says “no, I was focused on making the trip, I wasn’t focused on what the people were doing” Pastor says, “that cup of water represents Jesus. If you come here to focus on him, not other people and what they are doing, then you are here for the right reason and will not be bothered or even notice what others are doing”.. point is, hard to focus on others when we have our full attention on the one we go to be with.

It has become way to easy to divorce churches these days. It’s like getting answers when we were kids from our parents, if one doesn’t say yes, ask the other. I too almost left the church I was attending. I was not well accepted, my ways were strange in comparison, I was very outgoing in a very closed in and self isolated body of Christ. I was getting heat and criticized from every direction in my eyes. I even scheduled some counseling with out pastor and a couple of the other members that were attacking me. Nothin was resolved in my eyes. And I was determined to leave.

Then I somehow received a message with my pea brain. God was asking me why I went to that church in the first place? I felt like I was suppose to be there, that is where God placed me. So I changed my resolve, focused on what I was suppose to be focusing on and eventually Gods plan came to be. Now I am the worship leader and part of the leadership of that Church. It was God’s plan for me to be part of the solution, and his will be done. God has every believer where they are suppose to be for his glory and plan. We can choose the best plan, his, or our self plan, ours. That what free will is all about. I don’t think leaving a bible based church is our decision of convienance, but Gods will alone. I can see that the original Poster needs help and Hope. I for one, will be praying for hm and his wife on their journey. I will pray for strength and faith.

Marko

[armednfree]

It's not the church itself. The pastors have been supportive. It's some members that have this view that Jesus would not endorse. You can't see someone's cancer, you can't experience that. But with mental illness you are seeing and in some way you are experiencing. People, even in church, tend to push the mentally ill away. Fear and ignorance overcome love and compassion.

But then again, when the church talks about illness it tends to steer away from mental illness. If it is mentioned it is only as an afterthought.

[Grmps]

So many forget the scripture - show your faith by your works, not your words.
and
Let he who has not sinned throw the first stone.

Nothing is more disparaging than a "Sunday only Christian":holysheep.

[Char-Gar]

What is it that you want the members and/or pastor to do for you? Have you asked for specific help? Can they read your mind without asking? Are they praying for you and the situation?

Folks carrying the weight you are, often lash out at others. They are often angry at others for not changing a situation that they cannot change.

[armednfree]

Truth be told, two years after the initial events I had to start taking an anti-anxiety drug to get to sleep and occasionally during the day.

Diana and I kept a little boy from the time he was 5-1/2 months until he was 26 months. He was a real focus for both of us and even though he taxed her she was better during that time. Myself and my stepson did most of the actual care. We loved that little boy and when his mother was not complying with her program for two years we moved for full custody. We got an order to continue the mothers program for 6 month at the end of which if she was non-compliant custody would be given to us. Right after that, about two weeks, they snatched him away from us suddenly. We didn't even get to say goodbye. Her lawyer made a motion to return him based only on the amount of time he was out of the home. The same prosecutor who sat in front of the magistrate and heard the order simply folded and agreed before the judge.

Since then I have taken an anti-depressant.

So, there's more of the story.

No time to relax much. Corrections Officer for 25 years, can't really relax here. Few moments at the loading bench or range. I have to go on vacation to deer camp, I will go crazy otherwise. The only real thing I have to look forward to.

[Markopolo]

Prayers sent to you Brother...

[Preacher Jim]

Prayers for you and family, I hear your situation to often and I pray for every family that has the pain of loving and losing a child that way

[country gent]

One thing to keep in mind is the congegration of any church is made up of sinners no one is perfect. All have the trials and tribulations to deal with. Not all the same but all have them. Your "grace" and "goodwill" is your theirs is theirs. Im not sticking up for them but this is the way it is. How you live is a witness to them as they are to you.

[popper]

I, others and the church have kept this in prayer. Yet God has not chosen to heal, his choice I guess. He saved her soul so I guess that's enough, " My grace is sufficient" and such.
It is very difficult to see those we love in pain or having big problems. It is difficult when we have those obstacles and need some help - personal support. The church I attend has a caregiver's support group as many in the congregation are elderly. IMHO I think it is what you call lip service. The churches I've belonged to will usually jump right into an emergency but long term stuff is hard for the church to do. When I was a deacon, part of the job was visitation to see how people were doing, some had major problems. Some times it's just a phone call to make sure they know they aren't forgotten. Other times it's see if they need transportation or maybe a meal or just someone to talk to. Or someone to watch while the caretaker gets a break.

voice that mental illness is all satan and that person obviously is separate from Jesus Yup, Jesus never said that.

[wv109323]

I would not go to another church unless I deemed it necessary. I think you will find the same or other problems exist there.
I know mental illness is the least understood of medical problems. First there is no way to measure the sickness such as blood ptessure. Next treatment is for the most part is trial and error. Next there is a lot of variety under the area of mental illness.
Myself included,most people are ignorant of the disease and don't know how to help those that suffer. If specific things would help I would ask the pastor to help in those areas.

[rl69]

i wish I could tell you it will get better.I wish I could take away all your pain.all I can do is pray for you. For the most part that's all most of us can do. ( the body of Christ )

[pcolapaddler]

Im sorry you and your wife are going through this and with insufficient support.

Prayers for you both.

Sent from an unnamed device running an undisclosed OS via a third party application.

[armednfree]

just set in the woods and merely sit or talk

That would be three because I sit with Jesus. He speaks best to me there.

He has had me do several things. Feeding the homeless I was head cook. I built a resource center that provided clothing to inmates about to be released and gave them the message. Me, with a long earned reputation of being tough and hard inside the walls, on duty and in uniform giving the message of salvation and encouragement to inmates.

Then at the same time caring for Kaiden.

But this, what I would call hate spitting is beyond me. I guess you hate what you fear or do not understand.

[dverna]

Jesus tells us to love our enemies. I am not good at it....fail miserably in fact.

Many times, tge best I can do is ignore them and distance myself from them.

[Boaz]

My prayers are with you and your wife . I know how disheartening dealing with others can be . You seek those of like mind to depend on . As was said here ..we are all sinners . You will be in my prayers .

[Bzcraig]

Many great responses here. I learned long ago that Christians are the worst at killing their wounded. And learned most are well intentioned and it's up to, you in this case, to extend Grace to them.

[WRideout]

You are in my prayers. I work with the mentally ill every day, and it can take a lot out of me. You have had many losses, and your grief is real.

Wayne

[tja6435]

I would like to help. I have sent a pm

[Preacher Jim]

I was struggling going to church long before I became a pastor. Hated going but when I was in town and not on assignment I went with wife and daughter. I was fussing at dinner one Sunday and my father in law was sitting listening to me rag about the unfriendly folks and how bad that church was, his statement struck me because he said, you only get as much from anything as you put in. He asked me how many folks I spoke to, if I had taken time to be friendly. He asked if I explained why I looked like a grizzly bear, why my arm pit bulges or tried to help any one.
The next time I went I said good morning to everyone, talked to those who spoke to me an gradually they warmed up to accept me even the way I looked.

[Blackwater]

Armednfree, what you're dealing with is "Christians'" penchant for judgmentalism. It seems to be a lot of folks' favorite "gave" within the churches! But it's something Christ warned us about, and very strongly so! I'm not sure, but it seems to come most from those who have never really developed and refined their "faith," and mostly, just like putting themselves first, rather than our Savior. Of course this is foolish and detrimental to them in the extreme, and yet, it persists. I guess it's the foibles of our humanity coming out and manifesting themselves in a very unsavory way.

But fear not, and hate not. Christ told us if we followed Him, we'd encounter many dangers and displeasures along the way. This is just yours. At least it's no worse than that. What's important in life is what YOU know about YOURSELF. That will always be true in every thing that you meet in this life. You also owe nobody any explanation about what you do or why you do it.

At least these things show you who your REAL friends are, and who the REAL, mature Christians are. That's no small thing, so be thankful for that.