(My) kids and camping. Kind of a long rant with a question.

[jimlj]

First, let me start by saying I love my kids. Second, over the past 38 years I have enabled my kids. This problem is self inflicted.
I'm trying to figure a way to stop this.
Every year my wife's family has a reunion. When we first started, we tent camped, got dirty and smelled bad after a few days, but had fun.
Over the years, as funds have allowed I've bought and upgraded several camp trailers, and increased size as the family grew.
I now have 5 adult children who are all married, and 6 grand children.
Four of my children (female) and their spouses (male. Weird in todays world, right?) have decided that the shower and toilet in my camper works just like the one at home. Turn the water on and flush the toilet with no worry about where the water comes from or where the poo goes. None can last more than a day without a shower, blow dryer and curling iron. Gotta look glamourous while camping.
The family reunion is coming up soon and I mentioned to my wife I was thinking about just showing up for Sunday dinner like some of her cousins, and not hauling the trailer, 10 five gallon water jugs, tables, chairs, generator, gas, propane and food for 3 or 4 days of camping. I spend a day before and after loading and unloading and dumping 45 gallons of poo each year.
I have been assigned a bunk next to the pooch for the next few days by my wife for suggesting such a thing.
I have been dropping hints to the kids that they should look for a good used camper. One told me they didn't need one since they only went camping once a year.
Any good ideas how to get myself out of the hole I've been digging for 38 years? I don't want to offend anyone, but the worst offender is usually the one easiest offended.

[wgr]

sell the camper buy a tent. tell them that's all there is unless the want to buy their owen

[lefty o]

your still enabling them. ADULT CHILDREN is the key words. let them stay in a tent, or whatever they choose to do for themselves.

[redhawk0]

I agree...get rid of the trailer and get a tent. If they can't handle that...then maybe they shouldn't be camping.

I'm in my mid-50s and love tent camping (was camping last week)...We found a nice State park in NH where we frequent every year. They allow pets so we take the dog (60 lbs) with us...she has her own air mattress in our tent. We plan to do a 4 day weekend in mid-October too. It gets a bit chilly but who cares...we'll just break out the heavy sleeping bags and an extra blanket for the pup.

I have to admit though...after 5 days...we do tend to get a bit ripe...and yes...I do take one shower at that time (camp shower)...but that's usually about the time we go into town for supplies and we have to associate with other non-campers.

redhawk

[Pine Baron]

Jim, Simply ask your kids to help. You might be surprised, I know I was.

[popper]

Yea, plan the trip where there is a motel or resort type place where they can pay there own way. Did the same as you until the kids got in school, trips were reduced greatly. Then when married with kids, rented a place. Eventually they lead their own life and don't bother you. Yea, irritates the wife but that always a problem. Next year, wife is planning a stay to celebrate 50 yrs, invited the family. We'll see who shows up.

[jsizemore]

It's time to show the kids what it takes to "camp". I got shown the ropes at 12. By 14 I took care of the whole thing including buying groceries, gasoline, propane and filling the water and septic tank. Start the propane frig. Load surfboard, boat, and fishing/hunting gear depending on which direction we went. Load everybody's clothes for the weekend with toiletries. We did this 3 weekends a month.

Until they learn the ropes they don't know nor appreciate what it takes. Momma's mad cuz she can't spend time with the babies and grandbabies. News that the youngins are gonna join in will help her disposition.

[fatelk]

Jim, Simply ask your kids to help. You might be surprised, I know I was.

This sounds like the best idea to me. Some people mooch because they’re lazy and thoughtless, others because they don’t realize what they’re doing. Some people will really step up once you nicely let them know you could use some help, while others will pretend they didn’t hear you. You won’t know until you try.

[FLINTNFIRE]

Well your wife has already told you it sounds like , my condolences , I would suggest staying home let her go and she can pack and unpack after all the thoughtless ones but I think older children and adult sons and daughters should do for themselves and it is sad that people and men especially need to be glamorous and all the comforts of home that they do not provide .

[Shopdog]

Me and the four grown sons are redneck central tent campers.We cook with cast iron and have great events..... eat like kings.We all bring something to the table.Good luck with your camping trip.

[DerekP Houston]

Lol and here I was just considering getting an RV/Camper for the family might be fun......I forgot about the pump out! best of luck on your trip, maybe a paddlock on the facilities is in order ;).

[Kraschenbirn]

One of my neighbors had a similar situation. He's got a pretty nice motor home with all the amenities and two adult daughters (both married with two kids apiece) who live about 4 hours away. They got in the habit of meeting a state park about halfway in between a couple times a year and, gradually, Skip's motor home became the kids' and grandkids' 'basecamp'. Now the grandkids are all high school jrs/srs or in college but still seem to have hung onto the idea that 'Grandpa' and 'Grandma' ought to be their hosts during those family get-togethers, providing food, entertainment (his RV has satellite TV), and private toilet facilities.

Skip and I had talked about this a couple months back, after a family gathering over along the Mississippi, and I suggested that, next time, he leave the RV at home and take our little 10' pop-up camper, instead. Just me and the missus, so we've sorta customized our rig to accommodate just TWO people with what we consider 'adequate' amenities. (Note: before we bought this camper, my wife and I were genuine 'boondockers'...40 years of tenting out of the back of a 4x4 in areas where you navigated with a compass and topo map!) He dropped by last week and asked if we were going to have our rig set up any time soon 'cause, next time we do he's gonna bring his wife down to look at it...that is, if he can convince her she can live without air-conditioning for a few days. (Once, before they got the RV, his wife told mine that she considered a hotel/motel without a pool and sauna 'roughing it.')

Bill

[snowwolfe]

Just tell them you didnt feel like hauling up the camper. Then stay in a hotel or tent.

[Hannibal]

sell the camper buy a tent. tell them that's all there is unless the want to buy their owen

Winner! Winner! Chicken Dinner!

Except I wouldn't buy a tent.

[TCoggins]

Just take a cue from my dad. When I was graduating from college, he and my mom bought a 27' boat, that they basically used as a summer getaway. An uncle of mine was talking to him about the boat, and asked how many people it can sleep. My dad responded with a very quick answer of "2 people". A few years later, they upgraded to a 30 footer. As a joke, I asked how many that could sleep. Turns out, no matter how big a boat he would buy, they only sleep 2 people.

My wife and I just bought a new camper, and the salesman was explaining how many people can sleep in it. I quickly corrected him. It can only sleep 2 people. And the toilet facility is not for major transactions, that's what the campground facilities are for.

Good luck.

[Minerat]

We had the same situation with our hunting group. We finally convinced the younger generation that we brought 20 gal of water for drinking, cooking and cleaning and no showers were allowed. The crapper was winterized so they could go outdoors and use the little johnny or dig a hole. They could go in town (60 mile one way) to get a shower at the fairgrounds or bring their own water and plan on making trips to town to refill the jugs and dispose of the gray water when the tank got full. First time we made them drain the grey water in their water jugs and take to town when getting their next showers worth ended the nightly showers in the camper. We eventually got 2 large outfitter tents, a throne tent with a one holer nailed to gold chair, and a post hole digger and never looked back. To be honest it's a little nippy in there at 0400 when it's below zero.

Camper stays in the shop during hunting season. The buddy who owned it has a happier wife, which is good.

Good Luck.

[abunaitoo]

I always thought CAMPING was tents only.
Anything else is not.
I made a portable shower, for when we go camping.
Getting old.
Cold water only.
Most of us really like it.
A few complained about "No hot water"
Camping is trying to get back to nature.
Do with as little as possible.
As much as the city will allow us to.
We cannot have camp fires here.
Cannot wash in rivers.
Miss the old days.

[bedbugbilly]

No motels nearby? If so, I would think that the wife would enjoy going back at night, get a good shower and sleep in a good bed. If no motel . . . how well do you and the pooch get along? :-)

We don't have kids but I fully do understand your situation and thoughts as we have friends who experience the same thing with theirs. What they . . . and sometimes your spouse . . . don't understand is the work involved in getting everything ready not only before you go, but all the clean up when you get back. And each year you're getting older and it becomes more of a task.

Good luck . . . what's that they say about a "rock and hardpan"?

[GhostHawk]

Your on the couch, out of the bed, out of the picture, STAY THERE!

Don't move. Do Not go, do not load water, do not hook up trailer. Lock it up and leave it sit.

Sell camper or keep is your call. To stop enabling, just stop.
Only takes willpower.

[Lead pot]

I only live 20 miles from the Mississippi River and started with a 14 foot Canadian hull boat and a tent when my wife and I got married. When the kids came around we got a larger tent and boat :) Raised the three kids on the river. No showers needed and they can run all the water they want and make sure you bring along a shovel :) well this lasted 40 some years and ended with a 43' houseboat that was sold when all the kids left home. Now for the last 20 years since my retirement we went through a bunch of campers looking for the perfect one and really haven't found it yet. Last Friday we just got a new 27 foot motorhome I call the gypsy wagon and my Wife is happy with it because she does not have to use the shovel !! :) but I still like the tent and since the kids have their own family started they also raised their kind on the river till they cleared the nest and now are bugging me to come aboard with them. I tell them I been on old muddy for more then 60 years and I want to see the rest of the country with the time Mom and I have left.
Camping is great how ever you like doing it but it's more fun when you come to a understanding between the two of you.
Kurt

[waksupi]

There are campers for rent, so they can do that.

Years ago I took a woman to a ten day rendezvous. She hadn't done much camping before. I found the afternoon of the second day, all of the potable water was gone. I asked her what happened to it? She took a bath.
So, I had to go carry water about a quarter mile, and schooled her on water conservation when camping. She started bathing daily in the river. It was met with approval and appreciation by the men, and disgust by the women. She was stacked, and not at all shy.

[WILCO]

I have been assigned a bunk next to the pooch for the next few days by my wife for suggesting such a thing.

Simply return the favor. Let your wife handle the trip while you Charlie Mike
to the shooting range. Only thing you need to pack are rifles and snacks.
Don't even wave goodbye as she hauls the camper out.

[WILCO]

There are campers for rent, so they can do that.

Years ago I took a woman to a ten day rendezvous. She hadn't done much camping before. I found the afternoon of the second day, all of the potable water was gone. I asked her what happened to it? She took a bath.
So, I had to go carry water about a quarter mile, and schooled her on water conservation when camping. She started bathing daily in the river. It was met with approval and appreciation by the men, and disgust by the women. She was stacked, and not at all shy.

Thanks for the laugh Rick.

[Idaho45guy]

First, let me start by saying I love my kids. Second, over the past 38 years I have enabled my kids. This problem is self inflicted.
I'm trying to figure a way to stop this.
Every year my wife's family has a reunion. When we first started, we tent camped, got dirty and smelled bad after a few days, but had fun.
Over the years, as funds have allowed I've bought and upgraded several camp trailers, and increased size as the family grew.
I now have 5 adult children who are all married, and 6 grand children.
Four of my children (female) and their spouses (male. Weird in todays world, right?) have decided that the shower and toilet in my camper works just like the one at home. Turn the water on and flush the toilet with no worry about where the water comes from or where the poo goes. None can last more than a day without a shower, blow dryer and curling iron. Gotta look glamourous while camping.
The family reunion is coming up soon and I mentioned to my wife I was thinking about just showing up for Sunday dinner like some of her cousins, and not hauling the trailer, 10 five gallon water jugs, tables, chairs, generator, gas, propane and food for 3 or 4 days of camping. I spend a day before and after loading and unloading and dumping 45 gallons of poo each year.
I have been assigned a bunk next to the pooch for the next few days by my wife for suggesting such a thing.
I have been dropping hints to the kids that they should look for a good used camper. One told me they didn't need one since they only went camping once a year.
Any good ideas how to get myself out of the hole I've been digging for 38 years? I don't want to offend anyone, but the worst offender is usually the one easiest offended.

I don't see anywhere in your post where you actually tried to talk with your children and explained the realities of RV waste systems limitations.

Might want to try the novel idea of actually talking to your children rather than going on the internet and scheming to punish them by not showing up with your camper.

And this is a once a year trip? And you are this upset over them using too much water because they're girls and don't like to stink?

I think you need to take a hard look at your own issues over this; seems a bit extreme.

[Hannibal]

Sometimes, one gets a hint of why things in this country have become what they are.

[David2011]

A group of us, all long time friends, chartered a boat in the British Virgin Islands for two weeks. If it sounds exotic it's just camping on the water rather than on land. Admittedly, the scenery is nice. There were two couples, one of which had 2 early teen kids plus the daughter's friend and another woman and her young adult CHILD. The boat was a 50 foot sailboat that carried a total of 240 gallons of fresh water. The kids kept taking long hot showers like they were at home. They were all experienced boaters and knew how to conserve water but chose not to on the big boat. The adults bathed by soaping up with saltwater soap, jumping in the water and then rinsing the salt off with the cold water only hand sprayer on the boarding platform. The water tanks went dry on the 7th or 8th day of the charter. We had to go to an island that had water for sale which took half a day round trip to buy more water at 10 cents/gallon. Really, this is no different from having to take a half day to get water when land camping. Schooled the kids on water use and we were able to finish the trips on the additional 240 gallons.

[RedlegEd]

There are campers for rent, so they can do that.

Years ago I took a woman to a ten day rendezvous. She hadn't done much camping before. I found the afternoon of the second day, all of the potable water was gone. I asked her what happened to it? She took a bath.
So, I had to go carry water about a quarter mile, and schooled her on water conservation when camping. She started bathing daily in the river. It was met with approval and appreciation by the men, and disgust by the women. She was stacked, and not at all shy.

This is great! I've totally forgotten about the OP...thinking more of a stacked lady bathing in the river with a bunch of guys on the river bank vying for a good seat. :-D Ed

[clintsfolly]

We had a group of guys that when to Canada pike/walleye fishing. I have a great camping box that go on legs and the door becomes a work table.Heavy but works great. At the That stage of my life I used my truck to work with every day so I had to unload and reload my tools when I got home before going back to work. I always pushed to come home on Saturday and have Sunday to clean things up and put them away plus reload tools. Most years I lost that battle. Till the year I couldn’t go and my buddy borrowed all my stuff after he did everything once he started making everybody come over and help cleanup and put away the camping stuff. So my advice is to tell the kids to come help or don’t use the camping stuff.

[fatelk]

We had a somewhat similar situation one time years ago, but from the other side. We stayed with some distant relatives out of town a couple times a year. We wanted to be careful that we weren’t taking advantage of their hospitality, but were assured by one person that everything was fine and they loved to have us stay.

It turned out that the other person involved wasn’t as happy about it, at least not as often or as long, so he’d manipulate the situation hoping we’d take a hint. It was confusing and awkward, and ended up with hurt feelings and embarrassment. I wish he’d just come out and told me that they like to see us but would rather shorter visits. Instead there was disagreement between him and his wife and he “didn’t want to say anything”.

Some people can’t take a hint, and a lot of people have trouble seeing a hint, especially if Mama is telling them “Oh please, feel free to use our camper and facilities all you want. Dad just loves spoiling you all every year. It’s the highlight of our summer!”

I don’t know who’s saying what, or what kind of people your kids are. Maybe they are spoiled brats who won’t take a hint, or maybe they just don’t fully realize the work involved and how you feel about it. Most reasonable people will appreciate a calm, friendly discussion about the work involved and how it’s starting to become a burden to you, and could they help a little bit with it?

It’s pretty normal human behavior to “not want to say anything”, but I think the direct approach is usually best.

[Mr_Sheesh]

If you want things REALLY awkward do what someone I know did. They invited a friend over but didn't tell SWMBO until the friend arrived that they were coming. Went kinda ... Testy there at times. Understandably. Humans :)

[Walks]

Hannibal,
Sleeping outside without a tent is an invitation to a hydrophobic skunk.

[am44mag]

A tent is for camping, and an RV/trailer is for long, cross country trips so you don't have to stay in hotels. The reunion shouldn't be a hassle for you like it is. If nobody is helping you out, put an end to it right then and there. Sell it, buy a tent, and maybe a few new guns. ;)

[Love Life]

I would just enjoy the time with my family. America is rolling a 50% divorce rate, and family values are on the endangered species list. Be thankful your kids still want to spend time with you.

[owejia]

Had a sister in law that said visits are like fish, after three days they start to smell, tend to agree. Do not abuse some ones hospality. I enjoy my privacy. Have other things to do besides entertain some one for an extended period of time. Just my opinion.

[Hannibal]

Hannibal,
Sleeping outside without a tent is an invitation to a hydrophobic skunk.

Actually, I wasn't suggesting sleeping outside with no tent. In my case, the amount of work involved in camping is just too much for me. So I no longer go.

[fatelk]

Had a sister in law that said visits are like fish, after three days they start to smell, tend to agree.

I wholeheartedly agree!

[MaryB]

Day before you ;eave grab the adult kids and say "here are the keys, the waste station is over there, drive this over and empty the tank!". They will get the hint that it is NOT fun! I helped Dad do it when all of us were at the camper. I finally said I am tired of playing in everybody else's **** and I rented a sleeper cabin(bed/bath/microwave/hotplate) and told my brothers and sisters they could help dump the tank. Next year 3 out of 5 of us were renting sleeper cabins LOL None of us were adults yet but for $60 for the weekend it beat sharing a 30 foot camper with 6 other people! By year 4 we were renting one of the 3 bedroom cabins that slept 10 and mom and dad had privacy in the brand new camper they bought. We still got together in the common space to play yard games(handicap croquet as always a hit... have to shoot with a beer in one hand), plus we usually had 4-5 boats with and spent a good part of nice days fishing.

[MaryB]

I only live 20 miles from the Mississippi River and started with a 14 foot Canadian hull boat and a tent when my wife and I got married. When the kids came around we got a larger tent and boat :) Raised the three kids on the river. No showers needed and they can run all the water they want and make sure you bring along a shovel :) well this lasted 40 some years and ended with a 43' houseboat that was sold when all the kids left home. Now for the last 20 years since my retirement we went through a bunch of campers looking for the perfect one and really haven't found it yet. Last Friday we just got a new 27 foot motorhome I call the gypsy wagon and my Wife is happy with it because she does not have to use the shovel !! :) but I still like the tent and since the kids have their own family started they also raised their kind on the river till they cleared the nest and now are bugging me to come aboard with them. I tell them I been on old muddy for more then 60 years and I want to see the rest of the country with the time Mom and I have left.
Camping is great how ever you like doing it but it's more fun when you come to a understanding between the two of you.
Kurt


My dream was retire on the Mississippi River in a houseboat, winter down south, follow spring north until I hit Lake Pepin and find a backwater to spend the summer fishing... but reality and medical needs hit...

[jimlj]

Thanks for all the input. Some of the suggestions were great but will not work for my situation. Pine Baron gets the prize, I will ask for help this year.

[JSnover]

I wouldn't hand over the keys unless I KNEW that THEY knew how to drive it, park it, fill, drain, clean, etc.
Remind them you're not getting any younger and if they want to use it they need to help before and after the trip otherwise you're staying home.

[Jeffrey]

Re: '... sleeping next to the dog...'
The only thing I can add to this is the one time my wife told me to go sleep on the sofa, I told her that if she did not want to sleep next to me, SHE could go sleep on the sofa. I don't recall where she slept, as I fell asleep immediately there in bed.