Is this a normal adult life?

[Strtspdlx]

in all honesty I look back on the last 10 years of my life and think to myself "youre such a child". Ill be 30 this year, I just bought my first house, I got married 3 years ago this October and I'm broke enough that I wish I could find a night job. My home purchase was the first time living on my own, so I'm not sure what being an actual adult really entails. Aside from get up and go to work and make sure that when the bills are due they're paid in full. My family isn't exactly the most...responsible group of people, aside from my mother. I'm not trying to complain I'm just curious if this is normal. The pressure of making sure everything taken care of, coupled with my hobbies and the lack of money for them is extremely stressful. I've always been the type of person to just make it work and if you tell me I cant do something, I do it just to be spiteful. overall I just wanted to question as well as vent my thoughts/frustrations. like I said, I haven't had the best example set for me in some instances. So needless to say I'm getting overwhelmed. I will have the American dream though, I just may ask for some experienced advice. I hope this isn't too in depth for the boards, but everyone here seems to be a friendly and helpful bunch. Thanks for reading

[Soundguy]

I'd say you fall somewhere smack in the middle of average.

Some leave home earlier, some dont get married, some dont buy houses, etc, etc. There's probably way more people that feel less than financially happy than not, etc.

If your reasonably healthy, I'd thank the big guy and keep on trucking.

[richhodg66]

Take care of your family and obligations first. The rest falls into place eventually, I find it easier with a few years on me than when I was younger.I know some don't and that's OK, but in my opinion a guy really needs to take care of his spiritual health, may mean something different to you than me, but I have to wonder about people who deny that there Is a higher power.

[00buck]

Like John Wayne said
A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do

[MUSTANG]

You are doing fine from your description. Keep your priorities on God, country and family and all will turn out well. Be responsible and do not live on credit and life will become better as time passes. A home on credit is OK as long as it and the taxes, insurance and upkeep are kept well within your budget. Look to expand your skills; said another way - you want over time to have the ability to do more than one job; and multiple options and even developing multiple streams of income will make life easier as you become a more seasoned citizen.

I like the way that Dave Ramsey (a radio talk show "Life/Financial Advisor") describes the philosophy, even though I had adapted it long before I ever heard of him or listened to some of his programs:


“If you will live like no one else, later you can live like no one else.”
― Dave Ramsey (http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/44526.Dave_Ramsey)

[fatelk]

The pressure of making sure everything taken care of, coupled with my hobbies and the lack of money for them is extremely stressful.

Yep, pretty normal.

[dragon813gt]

Sounds pretty normal. Focus on paying off the house and being debt free. Most don't worry about this and carry a debt load way to late into their life.

[shoot-n-lead]

We bought our first house 3 months before we got married at 24...my fiancee/now wife lived in it until we were married. I have never regretted buying that house...but...chances are good that your first house, will not be your last...we are in our 4th house, now, and will be married 34yrs, this coming August.

Most of the things that you mention are just the responsibilities of being an adult.

As for the "American dream"...son, you are living the American dream, right now.

Any thing worth having, is worth working hard for..faith, family, necessities and, yeah...hobbies.

[jonp]

I bought my first house at 32 and you sound pretty normal to me. Put a little away at a time until you have 6mths to a yrs worth of expenses, this will take some time, and then pay as much on the house as you can every month. Dave Ramsey is your friend.

I've kept a year or more of expenses in a savings account my entire adult life and have foregone the whole brand new truck, bass boat, 70in big screen thing. It is a great load off your mind. My wife quit her job a few months ago and instead of a state of panic on how we were going to make ends meet she puttered around the house getting rid of the stress of that job and has just decided to go back to work. No problems.

I'll tell you one thing, if money is tight and you have to save several months to get that gun you want you will appreciate it all the more.

[Skunk1]

Most are in the same boat. Moved out with my best friend, married years later, had the kids, house and all. Never asked anyone for help, and there were plenty of times we needed it. Both of us had to cash in retirements to make ends meet and sometimes times are still tough but I've accumulated plenty to help us out in a time of need.

Hang in there, work and rewards will come.

[6bg6ga]

Sounds like your livin the dream just like the rest of us. As mentioned Keep God high on the list, pay your bills on time, and remember to make time for your family.

[MarkP]

I set up cascading savings accounts from my checking account; I had my paycheck deposited into multiple accounts with one being a mortgage account.

If you get paid every two weeks divide your mortgage amount by 2 and have that amount added into your mortgage account. You will end with an extra payment in your account each year. (26 pay periods) use that account to pay your mortgage.

Like johp be content with an older car until you can truly afford it. At age 27 I changed my habits dramatically and lived by this simple rule; when considering buying something that loses value, if you can not pay cash for it you cannot afford it.

[Strtspdlx]

My faith is definitely not shown as much as others, however I do still have it. Without it right now id be cold and a few feet under the dirt. I appreciate the encouragement and insight. just trying to be sure I'm not doing something wrong, you all should know about how my generation is all about instant gratification. Thank you

[Skinny]

There is no normal or abnormal life. There is just life.

do the best you can. Take all the others advice in this thread. You will do ok.

[Strtspdlx]

Trust me id love a new vehicle, my wife has one. But I'm a technician, it goes against my nature to have something that doesn't need enough work to buy a good vehicle.

[Love Life]

You sound normal to me!

The only thing I would change is I would minimize my hobbies until I could afford them without any stress. Hobbies come far behind any other priority. Far behind.

Enjoy it! Being a responsible adult is boring, and lame, and...really good. Keep on doing what you're doing.

[jmort]

^^^ this makes sense

[Hogdaddy]

A lot of good advice givin I doubt I could add much, keep the dream alive ; )
H/D

[Thumbcocker]

One definition of being a man is putting the needs of your family above your own. Many spend decades in the get up go to work come home repeat cycle. Looking at all the things you don't have or can't do will cripple you mentally and emotionally. Save something every paycheck. do fun things with your wife on the weekends. It takes a bit of imagination but there are lots of low cost activities. go on line and look at state parks in your area. Take your Mrs. and a lunch and spend a day at a State park. In the summer there are festivals and other community based things that cost little or nothing. Mrs. Thumbcocker and I go to re-enactment based events at State parks where admission is free and you can browse booths and check out folks in period costume who LOVE to tell you about their character and era. Yard sales and thrift shops can be fun and you can find good books for a few dollars.
As far as your hobby I started with a .357 revolver I got from an insurance settlement, a 2 cavity mold and a Lee kake cutter sizer kit where you drove the boolit through one at a time with a mallet. I used a Coleman stove until I got flush and bought a Lee 4# electric pot. That gun and rig taught me a lot about reloading and how to shoot. I would have killed for something like this site. A pot, a Lee mold, a Lee loader, pound of powder, 100 primers and some liquid lube and you are a reloader.

Don't compare what you have to what folks who have been into this hobby longer than you have been alive have. Yes we have a lot of stuff but it was accumulated over decades often a little at a time. All of us have had times when a pound of powder was a frivolous luxury in the world of young working folks. Keep your eye on the long term goal, save a little something regularly, take care of your family, enjoy the time you have with your wife before kids, and find little ways to have fun and enjoy moments. A good day with someone you love can carry you through a lot of days that suck.


We are pulling for you.

[Finster101]

I don't wanna' grow up I'm a Toys R us Kid. I try to stay that was as much as I can but life does sometimes get in the way. Congrats on the good things you've done. It will make things easier as you get older as long as you don't always have to have the latest and greatest of everything.

[1johnlb]

I've had the chance to start life over for a second time. The first time doing things my way, I lost everything family, home, everything I had worked for all my life, even almost my own life.

This second time I've submitted everything unto Jesus Christ and everything I lost has been restored bigger and better than I ever had before. Except this time easier than I ever could have imagined. And all the weight and pressure of living the adult life is no longer on my shoulders.



MATTEW
24*“Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock.*25*The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.*26*But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand.*27*The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”

[shooterg]

+ a bunch on a relationship with a higher power.

I do wish I'd invested in more firearms sooner ! Most of the older ones have done better than the stock market .

Do a little less of some things and save a little every month -take advantage of any 401 match available. I retired at 56 but made the mistake of sharing that info - everyone figures you have time to do their stuff for 'em !

[runfiverun]

having money don't make it no better.
2 years ago I made over 100-K I been out of work for almost a year now.
the only difference is I'm home now and I was constantly in a different state every two weeks before.
I was just as broke then,.
the take home was about 50%, the expenses were about 15%.
the drive to work was a couple hundred miles, then a flight out from there..

with any luck i'll make about 8,000$ this year [hopefully] just enough to cover the electric/gas bill and insurance and taxes on the house.

[BigMagShooter]

yep, normal, it'll get easier, because with age generally comes wisdom, and that wisdom will help you determine what are little rocks, and what are big rocks.

ignore the little rocks as you can walk over them easy enough, the big rocks, you can turn into little rocks, or just go around them. :)

usually some AP ammo helps make big rocks into little rocks, or at least lets you feel good about trying to make them little rocks... :)

oh yea, belt fed helps too....

[dragon813gt]

I was constantly in a different state every two weeks before.

For anyone that's home every night be thankful. Like R5R I'm gone almost every week. I am home every weekend unless I'm notified months in advance. If it's w/in eight hours I drive. If not, I fly. I was in Newfoundland last week. This week I will be home every night. It's unusual for me to be home every night. I was at the same company for fifteen years and was home every night. It's a case of you don't know you missed it until it's gone.

[rancher1913]

make sure you DO NOT KEEP UP WITH THE JONES'S. owning a house comes with pitfalls that hit at the worst time so make sure you have money in the bank to cover sudden **** and do not use a credit card unless you can pay it off every month. I have seen a lot of people that I thought was killing it only to see them crash and burn when the bank called the note.

[GhostHawk]

Money is not the answer, and money will not bring you happyness. Neither will "things", material objects. Although guns come close at times. They still fall short.

The secret is

A You have to be ok with who and what you are. Look in the mirror, be critical.
The things you do not like can be changed with work and time. The things you do like can be reinforced, built on, amplified.

B Take most people's phone away for 72 hours and they would go through withdrawal.
What do you really have to say that is that important? If it is not "I love you" I suspect you are just sucking bandwidth for entertainment.

Say what you mean, mean what you say.

I chased happiness for a long time. Then one morning I woke up and accepted that I had all the things that I wanted back then. So why am I not happy? Well I don't know, maybe I am.

Life has been pretty good since that day.

C Take care of the big stuff today, get the small stuff as you can.
Don't worry, it accomplishes nothing, but takes a lot of time, energy and fuel to produce that nothing.

D When you get tired, at wits end, at the end of your rope. Drop it all at Jesus's feet.
Nail your sins to the cross and walk away from them. Leave them behind, don't drag them with you. When in doubt, despair, discouraged or downtrodden turn to the Lord in Prayer.
Be humble, lay it all out. You can find no better friend. He will not share your secrets, betray you, or do you wrong.

I wasted 40 years because I was stubborn and had to do it my way. Don't be like me.

Remember, we are only in this world for a short time. If you stack up your riches here, they can be stolen, burned, flooded, destroyed. And you would have nothing. And remember, you can't take it with you when you go, and you will go when your time comes. That is out of our hands.

But who can destroy grace in Heaven?

Yes we need to take care of ourselves, see to our daily needs. I strongly believe that the Lord helps those first who help themselves. They don't need as much. A touch, a smile, a word, a bit of encouragement, a little rain when it is needed.

Stack up your treasure in Heaven, invest in the Lord God Almighty. Who can take anything away from him?

And good works, helping others, sharing brings a peace, a contentment that is very very rare.
But you can have it.

You don't need cable TV, 2 new cars and a 250,000 house to be happy. You can be happy in a hovel, a cave, a hole in the dirt. What those things do is tie you, keep you busy scurrying around trying to keep them.

So ask yourself, what do I really need to be happy? And then pursue the dream.

[bedbugbilly]

Strtspdix - I think the thoughts you are having are pretty normal ones and if a person is honest with himself, we all would admit that we have had those feelings at one time or another.

I was very fortunate in that I had good parents who instilled a good work ethic and morals - but as I look at a lot of the guys I grew up with, not all were so lucky but they still made a very good life for themselves. And one thing to remember, no matter how good or bad a person's parents and family are in regards to learning life's skills, in the end it is up to each of us individually to make our way in this world.

I'm much older than you are but that doesn't make me "wise". As we walk through life, we all have stones in the path and lessons to learn . . . if a mistake is made, learn from it and try not to repeat it. If something works, then build on it. I left home when I was 17. I married the love of my life when I was 19 and we are still married 45 years later and God willing, I hope it will be many more years. It hasn't always been easy but when the going gets rough, draw strength from your partner and allow them to draw it from you and above all, keep your faith in God.

I was taught a good work ethic and to "save for a rainy day". At times, there hasn't always been much to "save" but you soon learn to try and save something and even if it is only a $1 out of a paycheck, it adds up over time. We never had kids but I have plenty of nieces and nephews. Some do well and other are still learning. What many young people consider "necessities" today, we considered "luxuries". I had a niece who asked for money one time to make her rent. If she had really needed it, I would have helped her out but the first thing I asked was "Have you quit smoking?" Answer - no. "How many packs of cigarettes do you go through in a week?" Answer - about a pack a day. "Do you still have your fancy smart phone that you used to always be on texting and on the internet?" Answer - well, yea! "How many ties do you eat out a week?" Answer - well, at lunch I eat at McDonalds or Pizz Hut and then I go out with the girls on Friday night. My answer to her was that when she gave up cigarettes at $6 a pack ($42 a week) and stopped her cell phone service (well over $100 a month) and stopped eating out and going to a bar and instead. packed her lunch and stayed in on Friday nights, then she could come ask me for money - but she probably could save enough to make her rent and wouldn't need money.

My point? You need to set your priorities. Your family and family responsibilities come first and foremost. They are, or should be, your #1 priority. Too many couples break up and usually money is one of the biggest issues. Kids? Even more of a reason to make them all your first priority. Yes, a person needs to "relax" but hobbies should come second. Never spend money on a hobby if there isn't enough to take care of the necessities as it will catch up with you. And probably the most important thing in any relationship is to put the other person, your wife or kids, before yourself and the same goes for a wife towards her husband. IMHO That is what makes a "team". I would rather go without and do something nice or little extra for my wife than to do something for myself.

Religion and God seem to be a forgotten thing or taboo to talk about in this day and age, but I will tell you that your relationship with your Maker is just as important as your relationship with your family. Without Him and the love of Jesus Christ and the willingness to turn to them when the going gets rough, we are nothing. Too many people choose to ignore that. And in that vein, our willingness to serve Him and help others will amaze you at how it will change your live. What you do for others will be returned three fold. And the inner peace it will bring to you to have the ability to face the hurdles in life will be amazing.

You indicate that your family are not the most "responsible" with the exception of your Mother. Regardless, they are "family" and accept accept them for what they are. We cannot change others but we can only change ourselves and we possess the freewill to do that. Everyone gets discouraged at times and there are no exceptions to that . . none at all. These things are weighing heavy on your mind and you obviously have been thinking about them a lot. That is the first step to making changes that need to be made. Re-evalute but don't beat yourself up over the past. We learn form out past and tomorrow is another day. You wouldn't have posted if you weren't thinking about it a lot. There is absolutely nothing wrong with voicing your thoughts nor does it make you "weak" or in any way does it it make you appear as unable to handle what life throws at you . . . it makes you "human".

My suggestion is that if you sometimes are doubting yourself or struggling with the day to day things that life throws at you . . . if you don't have a family member that you feel you can talk to . . . find someone in your community that you know that you look up to and consider a "success" and go and talk with them. Tell them what is bothering you and ask if they would talk with you about it. Doesn't make a difference if it is a man or a woman, we all struggle at times. I think that you'll find that they too, have struggled with the same things and perhaps they can offer some advice from their own experiences. My folks were both seriously ill in their last years. Even after they both passed, I often talked with older friends that I had known and respected all of my life and they all gave sage advice in things that helped me faced the problems I was coping with after they passed . . . and often times, they would tell me that they learned more from me than they were able to help me with.

My Dad was not a openly religious man but he was a very successful businessman - but he freely admitted that he made mistakes and learned from them. Just before he died, he gave me the best advice I have ever been given. He told me . . .
Life isn't about accumulating material things and I never saw a hearse with a luggage rack. Being a success in life is about leaving this world a little bit better off that it was when you arrived. Put your faith in God . . . he never gives us more than we can handle".

Good luck to you and just remember that what you are going through is very normal. Love your wife and family and make them the reason for why you get up every morning . . . the rest will take care of itself. :-)

[Bzcraig]

Lots of really good advise that I can't add to except to say you are totally normal in your trajectory. Don't give in, give up or change your priorities!

[trails4u]

A lot of good advice.....and hard to add to it, but I will say this. As a young husband and father, I used to find myself angry at the things I didn't have and couldn't do. At some point, I got tired of the disappointment and I started focusing on what I had....my wife, my kids, the love of my family, a roof over my head and food in the fridge. It didn't take long, with my focus where it should have been, for positive things to start happening in our lives. Now I have all of that....and can afford to have a hobby or two as well.

Be patient...and love your family. The rest will come....

[ol skool]

Yup it's normal. Live prudently.

3 years ago you took a vow before your maker to put "we" before "I". Time to cowboy up.

Cash = Liberty.
Credit = Slavery.

Old Chinese saying, "Discipline is Freedom." Tattoo that on the inside of your eyelids.

[dilly]

I'm not far from your age and I've been having a lot of the same thoughts. In the last couple years a few things are starting to come together for me and I have drawn some conclusions, not necessarily about life in general but about careers.

I think ambition is healthy, as long as it is not at the cost of contentment, and submitted entirely to God's will. Godly ambition wants to make more money for godly reasons using godly means. Greed can drive you to do dishonest things for money or work to the point of neglecting your family to support an expensive hobby. Sometimes you need to be smarter with your money, and other times you need to be smarter with your career and make some more money. Contrary to popular belief, BOTH variables are within your realm of influence, at least to a degree.

First off, not everything hard is worth doing but everything worth doing is hard. Almost always much harder than you expect, if it's really worth doing. You know that thing that you don't want to do in order to get ahead? The one you want to avoid most is probably the one holding you back.

Life takes more money than you think it will, and it seems to always cost more money as you get older. Feel free to find a good job and stay content, but a lot of times circumstances change and call for more money. I also prefer to move up because it is more intellectually stimulating to learn new jobs, even if money were not a factor.

At some point in life most peoples' careers stagnate. Find the thing that's different between the ones that progress in your industry and the ones that stay put, and make that difference true about yourself. You cannot be average in your group and expect anything but average results.

[varmintpopper]

Strive always not to spend more than You take in !

Good Shooting

Lindy

[runfiverun]

anyone ever seen a 'no credit' rating?
well I got one.
I also own [outright] stuff like a House in Idaho, a small 40 acre place in Utah, me and the wife's and all 3 of the kids Burial plots are paid for, the car has less than 30-K miles [paid for on the one payment plan]
just little stuff like that.
I budgeted and scrimped and saved and done without while working 16-18 hour day's. [sometimes for 5 weeks straight]
I feel those day's too, but I can take just about any job in town and get bye now.

[Blackwater]

Well, I got out of the Navy married and with a young son. We lived in a 50' trailer while I worked so my wife could begin teaching, and when she finished up and got a job, I went to school with only the GI Bill and several part time jobs that just barely let us get by. We had a number of good friends in our trailer park. There ARE good folks in them! Began teaching my son to fish in the fairly good sized pond there, and he was in awe of it all. He's now a better fisherman and better shot than I am, but I blame it on health problems and failing eyesight (That's my story and I'm stickin' to it!). Once I started working, and we got half-way on our feet financially (for po' folks and that time and locale), we bought the house we live in today. I'll never be more scared than when we signed that mortgage! We managed to get it paid off early (a big goal for us), and we'd financed it for 25 years originally. When you get your home paid for, and find you don't really NEED a new automobile, it's like your salary just got doubled! We've always lived modestly, and pinched our pennies. My ancestors were all Scots and would have sent a banshee to haunt me if we hadn't! And we're pretty much there still. I have a little "play money" that I spend on guns, mostly, but have to get a new A/C for my truck now. Just found a '41 vintage M-94 Win. in .32 Spec. today, and couldn't afford it. I'm still sad about that one! Receiver is pretty much devoid of finish, and just barely beginning to "freckle" like those old nickel steel receivers always tend to do, but it's in really great shape. Even comes with a peep sight, but the front is one of those fiber optic ones and I hate those. They left the hood on it at least, and I'm assuming it's original.

So if you think you're ever gonna' live the life of a billionaire, you better get crackin' on that first billion right away. Otherwise, you'll be "average" like the vast bulk of the rest of us. Just make sure you get done all the things you REALLY want to do done before you retire, because then, health issues tend to crop up regularly.

I don't know if that's good advice or not, but it sure appears the way most of us live our lives. I'm the first male in my direct lineage to get a college degree, but all my ancestors seem to have been very astute without one. I just hope I do half as well as they did, and that my family sees better times than I have. Our forebears REALLY had a tough time - Depression, WWII, etc. So really, WE are the lucky ones, and most complain because we don't have more. I've learned to enjoy and appreciate what I DO have, and have learned how to keep things going with more elbow grease and less money. I've truly been a richly blessed man in my time, and I'm really just beginning to really appreciate that fully.

Life ain't about money. It's about how you handle life, and all the challenges and trials that come with it. Seek to be the man you'd want to be, and the rest is just details. None of us ever achieves what we wanted to in life, and I think that goes as much for Donald Trump as it does for the homeless guy on the street corner. It's all a matter of perspective, and how we view what we have, and don't have. It's good to have aspirations. We all need them, really. But a balanced perspective keeps our keel straight and our rudders set the right way, and that is a MUCH bigger determinant of how we end up than how much money we've made. I guarantee it.

[phonejack]

Thumb cocker has good advice ! Oh, in 3 weeks my wife and celebrate 52 years

[ol skool]

anyone ever seen a 'no credit' rating?
well I got one.
I also own [outright] stuff like a House in Idaho, a small 40 acre place in Utah, me and the wife's and all 3 of the kids Burial plots are paid for, the car has less than 30-K miles [paid for on the one payment plan]
just little stuff like that.
I budgeted and scrimped and saved and done without while working 16-18 hour day's. [sometimes for 5 weeks straight]
I feel those day's too, but I can take just about any job in town and get bye now.

That right there. It takes time. Discipline is Freedom.

[hithard]

Max out your ROTH IRA, tax free money when you retire . Those liberals won't be able to touch it. Save yourmoney and have it make money for you, that's why the truly wealthy don't have to work, look and learn.

Your doing great, things will chill for you in time. It's hard because your pushing yourself to be better than you were.

Good job!

[Alabama358]

Strtspdix, life really isn't as difficult as we tend to make it sometimes. When you get your priorities in order it gets much easier... there will be ruff times for sure, if you don't think so just wait a little bit. When those times do arise just keep the faith and do the right things.

Rule#1 - Make sure that you are right with the Lord Jesus, find a good church and get yourself a KJV bible and read it everyday.
Rule#2 - Love, care and provide for your family. (A happy wife is a happy life)
Rule#3 - Be honest and genuine with everyone everyday. You are only as good as your word.
Rule#4 - Think about the things you want and the things you need. Focus on the things you need.
Rule#5 - Do not go into debt! If you buy something with cash in hand you are paying with it from your hard work, when you pay with credit you are giving your future earnings away plus interest. It is like taking a 15 or 20% cut in pay. If you can't pay cash don't buy it.
Rule#6 - Give an honest days work for an honest days pay. Never back into a paycheck.
Rule#7 - Be charitable, help those that are in need, treat others as you would want to be treated.
Rule#8 - Don't worry about what others have or think... those are their problems
Rule#9 - Choose the people that you call friends carefully.
Rule#10 - When all else fails immediately go back to Rule#1... Salvation is everything and it is free, it is a gift. Ephesians 2:8-9

[OeldeWolf]

Hi there. First, you are a bit ahead of many in your age group, as you have started to be aware of things. This is very good, build on it and you will do ok. I have had to start over from scratch probably 6 to 10 times. I have had spouses take me for everything, and then leave. Guess I have "nice guy" written on my forehead. But now I have a love who pulls with me, and things are coming together. Oh, both of us are physically disabled, and can not work. But we are still holding it together, and slowly (and with a lot of sweat and physical pain) making things better. So it can be done by any good team.

As you can imagine, there have been times that either finances or health have limited my hobbies to reading books (often from the public library) and reading on this forum, or over on swiss rifles. One year I had a bonus from work, and bought a pair of used reproduction 1860 colts from a coworker. I got a lee mold, a small lee pot from the lgs, a powder flask, a capper. Added caps, powder, and scavenged a bunch of old wheel weights. Very little into things, but a few sheets of paper and a marker made targets. It was the only shooting I could afford to do for a number of years. But it, and this forum, helped keep my sanity (sorta) intact.

Keep family above you, but keep yourself sane, also. Spend time with your wife (I sure hope you have a good one!) and spend time with any kids you have, they are treasures. If you are religious, just quietly live your life by the tenets of your religion.

In time you will develop even more patience, and will also start enjoying life a lot. :)

Good Luck!

[Teddy (punchie)]

A lot of wisdom here. Voice what I was taught was God, Family, Work (job) .

I'm going to add , don't live for your house, want to work 24/7 get a house with a huge monthly payment.

Health is the must, if it goes all falls out of whack.

[WJP]

This stuff doesn't matter. Guns, casting, reloading, cars, golf, etc. Take care of your family, and needs. Have fun when you can and in 18 years you'll have all the time you want to cast and miss the time with your kids.

[Traffer]

You are way ahead of the curve. Especially financially. As far as being stressed and not having time/money for hobbies etc,. I would highly suggest finding a good Church with a good Pastor. Develop the HABIT or DISCIPLINE of praying every morning on your knees, seek God or maybe better put seek to know God. Share your pain, frustration, dreams, hopes etc,. with Him. Walk with the Lord, there is nothing on earth as fulfilling and inspiring. All else will fall into place for you.
God Bless you.

[fivefang]

you are recently married, for the next ten years that could well be your "Hobby" by then both of you have grown up together, together you must understand what both of you can / cannot afford, that includes Children,& keeping up with the neighbors, second hand stores are there for those that will make do, Fivefang

[Col4570]

Do not attempt to keep up with the Jones,s.Your family is your priority.Look around you there is fulfilment in the very air you breath.Of course take a bit of time for yourself and your interests.Posessions are not the mark of a person and you should never judge yourself by what you own or do not own.A Baikel will shoot as good as a Browning so shut your eyes to those who base their lives on what they can display.Remember that your wages are the end product of your labours and it is up to you use them to advantage in the tasks that life throws at you.

[lightman]

Congratulations on what you have accomplished so far! I think you are probably ahead of the curve by thinking like you are at your age. There is a lot of good advice in the above post.

My advice is to love God, love and care for your family and be a dedicated employee. Financially, I suggest saving up and building an emergency fund. Many suggest 6 months of living expenses for this. Then I suggest starting an IRA and begin saving for retirement. It does not have to be a lot, just make a habit to save some. Unless your job has a 401 plan. If it does, you should be in it at least enough to get the company match. Take advantage of raises or bonus's to increase your savings. Credit is not necessarily a bad thing, just try to keep it to a minimum. Watch the credit cards and pay them in full every month. Look for opportunities to better your job skills thus becoming more valuable in the job market.

For what its worth, things should get easier as you get older. Most of us gradually make more money. That helps! A lot of things that are important to a young person will become less important as you get older. That helps too! Things like a $10,000 set of wheels for example. And you will gradually get some of these things that are important to you. Enjoy your life and your family. Good Luck, I think you are heading in the right direction.

[Electric88]

I'm right there with you. I'll be 28 this year, married a few years back, and bought our house a year and a half ago. Since being married (and definitely since buying the house) my hobbies have pretty well taken a back seat. Wanted to go shooting this week, but the dryer quit on me. That's my weekend lol.

Isn't much for me to say that others haven't already. Plenty of good advice here. Stick around, and when things eventually settle down a bit pick the hobby back up slowly. Life's a marathon, not a sprint.

[Half Dog]

Stay focused on the good stuff. Money will come much later.

[Fishman]

Good advice so far particularly about living within your means and avoiding debt.

A couple other things though. A lot of posts are telling you that family comes first. To be more specific your wife and kids come first. Don't sacrifice their future or your future in a failed attempt to "help" or rehabilitate an extended family member. Your number one job is your immediate family.

Also, practice some goal setting, short and long term. That way when you meet those goals you build confidence. From your post it sounds like you quickly accept challenges from others what I am saying is challenge yourself by setting your own goals that improve you and your family's situation.

[popper]

Only difference between 'kid' life and 'adult' life is now you are the leader in the 'survival' race. Make choices wisely. Stuff & people come & go.

[1989toddm]

I am a few years behind you, but I made the choice a year ago to take almost a 50% cut in pay and be home every night instead of working 18 hour days and gone half the week. Let me tell you, The Lord blesses those who seek Himand try to put their family first. And I don't mean he blesses in money every time. Our budget is tight every month, but the peace that comes is second to none. I don't want to sound better than I am, I stress plenty! There is so much good advice in this thread that I need, thank you all.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Love Life]

Good advice so far particularly about living within your means and avoiding debt.

A couple other things though. A lot of posts are telling you that family comes first. To be more specific your wife and kids come first. Don't sacrifice their future or your future in a failed attempt to "help" or rehabilitate an extended family member. Your number one job is your immediate family.

Also, practice some goal setting, short and long term. That way when you meet those goals you build confidence. From your post it sounds like you quickly accept challenges from others what I am saying is challenge yourself by setting your own goals that improve you and your family's situation.

The bold part times 5 bazillion squared.

[Strtspdlx]

I'm glad I asked now. It's encouraging to say the least. I definetely have to rethink my priorities and start setting manageable goals first. I may have to give up the 1911 I put a deposit on. Right now may not be the best time for that. I appreciate the insight and wisdom. Definetely need to make some changes.

[shdwlkr]

Well I am much older than you, I have had a wife that was killed in a car wreck, divorced a few times, lost 2 daughters, lost several houses, worked way to much, spent a few years with the Army and this is what I have learned.
Life is full of choices and we make good ones and bad ones and have to live with the outcomes of both.
Now at my old age I finally have a home again after 7 years of challenging living conditions, have my hobbies that I can get back into when I find the stuff again. Most of it has been in boxes in storage for years.
I miss having someone special in my life but will most likely never enjoy that again in this life.

Here is how I look at things love yourself and what you can do, love your wife and kids and enjoy them while they are in your life, try and keep a good job and most of all spend as much quality time as you can with those that you love you never know when they will be gone. Keeping up with the Jones accomplishes nothing when you look at the good times spent with wife and kids.

Just a glimpse at things for me decades ago, I had two kids, a wife, a home, good job and some land. then one night a state trooper knocks on my door to let me know the wife is gone, kids learn to hate dad's new wife that really doesn't like them, a divorce happens, house is lost, land is lost, firearms lost. Retirement happens move to another state, remarry more kids, then divorce, lose house, firearms again. find someone that understands me, find out by email she is gone in wreck, homeless. Then find my knees and in time a house becomes available, I can get it, only thing is I am scared I might loose it, has been that long since I owned my own home more or less. Life during all this hands me the loss of my second daughter and life goes on. I now accept my lot in life, being alone isn't all that bad really, I can have a garden again, I am close to things, have found a good church and some friends there. I have my pets and one day maybe some firearms again. Life has put me where I am supposed to be and I accept that and am looking forward to many years of changing the house to suit me and my needs and wants, just hope I have enough life left to get it there.

Enjoy what you have as you never know when it will be taken from you and just how that is going to change the way you see life and your place in it. Yes being an adult is a challenge, is fun, is hard and most of all it is unpredictable. My best to you and your journey on this road we call life

[Love Life]

I'm glad I asked now. It's encouraging to say the least. I definetely have to rethink my priorities and start setting manageable goals first. I may have to give up the 1911 I put a deposit on. Right now may not be the best time for that. I appreciate the insight and wisdom. Definetely need to make some changes.

Only you know what you can manage, but it may be the right decision.

I've seen posted several times on this forum "A man shouldn't have to sell his guns to pay his bills!". Well I say bull dookie to that. A man sells everything he has to pay bills to keep family in house, food, and clothes.

I am young as well. I am 32. I am on house number 2, own many acres of land, and do some minor investing. When I was 23 I was dang near broke. By being disciplined I have really turned things around in a short 9 year time span. Now the majority of my money goes to saving to build houses for my children, pay for their cars in school, and pay for their college. Their happiness is my happiness.

It didn't happen overnight, and it took major effort from myself and my wife. We rarely spent big money and became primarily cash money people. Cut cable, expensive cell phones, going out to eat, driving all over the place, etc. You'd be AMAZED where you can save money without making yourself uncomfortable.

What I am saying is stick with it, and in a decade you'll look back on these times as stressful, but good times.

[osteodoc08]

Pretty normal. Everyone has a different personality. I was raised in a lower middle income family and was taught the value of hard work. Dad once told me:

Quitters never win and winners never quit son. Which are you?

So I've always dug a bit deeper, worked a bit harder and never stopped advancing my skills. I still don't. I'm always trying to advance myself somehow. Right now I've been reading a bunch of books by Maxwell on refining my leadership skills. That is my focus for the next few years as the Assistsnt ED director of the hospital I work at now and will continue to groom myself to become director and when appropriate, become one of "the suits". Not sure how I truly feel
about that but I can't be in practice forever.

Life has all kinds of twists and turns along the way as well. Birth of children, death of parents, divorce, remarriage, moving, advancing, getting knocked on your a$$ buy an unforeseable, making mistakes, making the right decisions.

Surround yourself with individials youd inspire to ne or emulate. Avoid people that drag you down with drama even if your own family. Trust in God and maintain the faith.

If it makes you feel feel any better. My brother works for minimum wage, still lives at home, always calling for health advice (quit the dang excessive drinking) and money and is almost 30. Were all different. I'd say you fit right in the middle with everyone else.

[osteodoc08]

I'm glad I asked now. It's encouraging to say the least. I definetely have to rethink my priorities and start setting manageable goals first. I may have to give up the 1911 I put a deposit on. Right now may not be the best time for that. I appreciate the insight and wisdom. Definetely need to make some changes.

you know what the right decision is, you've discovered the difference between needs and wants.

[jmort]

About 15 years ago I sold off all my firearms except a Mossberg 500 and a .357 revolver. Had to do it. Family first. Never have cogitated on it. Just moved on. Now I have more than ever, more land, fantastic home, more firearms and stuff. Be patient and let life take its course. Family first.

[KenH]

the difference between needs and wants

There have been several GOOD (no, GREAT) quotes in the last few pages. Most of them are along the lines of above and following Dave Ramsey's rules of life - NO DEBT!!! Well, very little and get that paid off as fast as possible. That's the trick, being able to live life with no debt (other than perhaps house).

To the OP - looks like you've got your head screwed on straight! Congrats.

Ken H>

[Love Life]

About 15 years ago I sold off all my firearms except a Mossberg 500 and a .357 revolver. Had to do it. Family first. Never have cogitated on it. Just moved on. Now I have more than ever, more land, fantastic home, more firearms and stuff. Be patient and let life take its course. Family first.

I've been there. I sold everything except for my M48A Yugo Mauser and a 22lr revolver (22lr was cheap back then). I really hated having to do it at the time, but it was kinda sorta half my fault that it had to happen, lol.

To the OP: I sit down and work my budget several times per week. I know where every cent goes. Knowing where my money was/is going makes it very easy to save.

[Wayne Smith]

I talk to a lot of young couples in your situation, and add children and it gets harder but much more worthwhile. I mention to them that it is normal at their age and situation to be overwhelmed. You have more bills than money, more demands than time, more needs than resources.

Prioritizing and making the hard decisions now makes possible everything else. Your priorities are yours, ours were education first. LOML put me through my Master's and Doctorate, we didn't own a home until after I graduated the last time, but I graduated with no educational loans. Two sons, one working on his Doctorate and one with his Master's in Aeronautical Engineering. LOML is a Geologist. In the process we have owned two homes, have worked together to accomplish much, and this month paid off a 15 year mortguage in 9 years.

We could not have done it without the help of parents, friends, several Churches, and mostly God. We have been His servants throughout and He has blessed us. He taught us to manage the blessings He poured on us.

[smokeywolf]

I can't improve on what has already been said. One thing I'll point out is the similarities to many of the posts.

No one has succeeded without working their fannies off and scrimping while young. I was still working 60 and 70 hour weeks well into my 50s.

I worked in the Motion Picture Industry and although I made better than pretty good money, I also went through many layoffs as the industry is "feast or famine". You save when you work and you watch every penny when you don't.

Between NAFTA and technological advances, I was forced into retirement 5 years early. That cost me nearly a half million dollars. Had I not lived very frugally during most of my adult working life, the early retirement could have made my sunset years a lot less than what I had imagined.

I've always done all my own auto and home repairs. Before I was your age I discovered that an easy way to invest money is to buy large quantities of foods when they go on sale. Get yourself one or two freezers and when foods you fancy go on a good sale, buy at least 6 months worth.
This saved my bacon (pun intended) more than once when I was on layoff.

My mother taught me to budget and told me always to add a category called "GOK" at the bottom of your monthly expenses. "GOK" stands for, "God Only Knows". There's always something that comes up that you can't possibly foresee. Might be a medical bill, might be a repair on the car, a broken window. Freezer conks out and you have to replace it before a thousand dollars worth of food goes bad.
Allow $100 to $200 per month for GOK.

Sounds like you're doing okay. Never known a responsible family man who wasn't stressed. In today's job market, your doing pretty good to be able to buy your first house at 30 years old.

Just heard a report on the radio yesterday that said, you can't buy a median priced house in the Los Angeles metro area, unless your making at least $100,000 per year. And that counts on putting a minimum of 20% down. If you aren't making well over $100,000, forget buying furniture to put in the house or owning a car or paying medical bills or much of anything else.

[marlin39a]

Yes, a normal life for an American male. Been there, done my best. Children came, then the divorce. Lost my home, payed support for years. I'm 60 now, own a home, and think back on all my mistakes. I wish I had taken advise from an old friend, "Never get married"

[JSnover]

My twenties sucked. No money, crappy cars, 5 mouths to feed and LOTS of bills. Things didn't get better until my mid 30s. Twenty years later I'm still putting in a lot of hours but the pay is a LOT better, most of the larger bills are gone, kids are grown.
All I had to do was not give up.

[jcwit]

Guess I was just Blessed.

Started working when i was 13 or 14, saved my money. Then bought all of my cars for cash, played in the stock market and made more money. Bought my Corvette new when I was 26, paid cash again. Bought my own home when in my early 30's and furnished it.

At the age of 37 met a wonderful women with 2 daughters from a previous marriage to a jerk who needed gals on the side besides his family. Raised both girls as my own and am now 73 with 35 years of wonderful marriage. Also now have 4 Grandaughters who are all doing very well.

Life is good!

[fatelk]

Interesting thread. Threads like this tend to take on a life of their own, as everyone has experience and opinions they love to pass on to someone who sincerely asks. I also suspect that most of us wish we had learned some of these life lessons a little earlier in life. :)

One thing that I wish is that I had gotten some direction and focus at a younger age. Another thing I've learned for sure, and want to teach my kids, is that while talent and intelligence are great, it's perseverance that will win the day.

Don't get discouraged if you can't make your fortune by working long hours, save up millions and buy fancy stuff with cash. Some do and some don't. I have an elderly relative that is nearly penniless and has scratched by for decades. He worked faithfully for many years doing what he could, wasn't blessed with a great intellect so never made a lot of money. He and his wife raised one heck of a good family. He is quite frail now and very near the end of his days. They have kids, grandkids, and great-grandkids that take very good care of them, along with numerous people from their church and community that respect and love them. They may have been financial failures but personally I consider them successful far beyond the likes of Bill Gates when it comes to what really matters in life.

No disrespect intended towards those that have worked hard and accomplished financial success. It's great to be frugal, work hard and save, but some among us have to do that just to get by, nevermind actually save up. The pastor of our church was talking about financial matters, and how most people have more means than they realize. All you have to do is stop buying that latte every morning, put off buying a new car for another year or two, maybe go camping in the summer instead of that vacation to Disney World.

I know he meant well, but it rubbed me the wrong way a little. I've never bought a latte, our newest vehicle is 16 years old with a quarter-million miles on it, and what is this vacation thing he's talking about? We make ends meet pretty well by being frugal, and have avoided any debt besides the house, but putting extra money towards the mortgage or accumulating much savings? Not going to happen any time soon. That six months savings thing would be a total pipe dream for us, though if I sold off my guns and such we'd be close, so there's that I guess. It's a life we've chosen though. If we didn't have a bunch of kids and my wife was still able to work we'd be fine, but I wouldn't trade what we have for all the fancy cars and tropical vacations in the world!

[.45Cole]

You're pretty normal, as has been stated previously. I can add a little perspective, I'm you age and not married nor the house. You must realize the big things you have, a good lady and a way to make money are the hardest things to come by. I went down the path of getting things over making relationships and I'd trade just about anything for a good lady. Many people try to accomplish their life's goals set out 10-15 years ago... by a 20 y/o. It's the little things in life, be sure to set small goals, medium goals and long goals. I have goals that are super easy to goals that are hard, it's the constant driving yourself that will improve your situation.

Go for a walk a few nights a week, see the world around you...remember there will be a time when you will never be able to see it again

Start playing a sport, you don't have time but MAKE TIME and you will find you have time. I worked 40+ hrs a week overnight and went to engineering school full time and never had time for anything else. My buddy got me into bodybuilding and when I made time I found that everything else fell into place.

Go talk to a financial advisor, you don/t have any money so that's the best time to go see one. They are worth their weight in gold

[kingstrider]

I got married at 24 and bought a house the same year. Initially my wife worked but stayed home when the kids were born. For a one income family things were tough at times but we made it somehow. For years hobbies took a back seat to paying the bills which is normal. Eventually I had enough and wound up going to dental school in my mid 30s and only wish I did it sooner. It is never too late to change directions and do something else that pays better and makes you happier in the end.

[robg]

Why do you think us old gits are so grumpy ? One minute I was 19 now I'm 62 what happened its all gone by so fast? Can I go round again and make less mistakes.sounds normal to me.

[1989toddm]

I'm an old man that has meandered through many stages in my life..the one that was most meaningful was when we were really tight for money...my folks were poor dirt farmers in the dust bowl and then came the depression then I came along...sort of the tripple whammy....instead of sitting and worrying that they didn't have enough they made do and in making do they made almost everything a family event...If we wanted something special for supper everyone got to help...we loved the times together in the kitchen from the first snapping of the string beans to the final wash and wipe of the dishes...we were to busy to realize we had nothing....When I was about 12 lots of the kids got motor chugs for Christmas...nicely made "commercial" chugs....Of course I wanted one but no money for it...so Dad and I got a bunch of scrap wood toghether...he had an old Maytag washing machine gas engine and we started in...we worked for a month or so...I learned a world of information on the basics of wood working and welding and we got a chug all put togethere...and it even ran pretty well. When the other kids left theirs out all night in the weather...mine was snuggled in the garage....I treasured that chug while many just "had one"

Guess its the involvement of the whole family that made things good for us...My oldest Son was complaining that he had to take his 2 boys to the Pizza joint and then to a Movie every weekend...cost a bunch of money...I suggested he buy a frozen pizza and the 3 of them set the table..cook the pizza and enjoy it in front of the rental movie of their choice...they like it just as well...better in fact, and it costs a fraction of the money..main thing is they do it together and it's just not "bought " and "forgot.

188978

Thank you for sharing. We are learning this with our own young family. (I'm 27, wife-22, kids 3&1.) Family working and playing together, is the most important. Money is not. Granted, sometimes I forget this.