Prayers for a Heavy heart...

[GoodOlBoy]

Some of you that know me pretty well know I've been sick a long time. Between the PTSD and the Depression; which has been ongoing for about a decade now; and the emergency cancer surgery last year that I still haven't recovered from I just can't remember the last time I felt halfway decent. Now please hear me out. I'm not about to do something foolish. It wouldn't help nobody; most especially me, my family, or my very few friends. But I've been laid low, and been down for so long, and everybody has been so supportive and helpful that I just feel more and more miserable about it. I'm Forty-one years old. I was supposed to be solid in my career (I was), and I was supposed to be taking care of my family (again I was) by this point in life. Instead I feel like a burden. I feel like a bottomless pit of need that is never going to get filled. I'm always fatigued. I'm always going to doctors who can't figure it out, and my fight with social security disability is still dragging out after more than three years without work. I was taught from a very young age to work for what I got. Instead I feel like a bottom feeder. Everything around our place has and is falling apart. Everything around my grandmother's place has and is falling apart, and I use to keep all this up. I use to be able to do it all and work to. Now it seems like I can't do any of it for ten minutes without falling out and having to spend days recovering. What I'm saying is that I am having alot more problems because I'm having so many problems. I'm tired, and I'm tired of feeling like I'm nothing but a burden. Heck I've become a shut it and a hermit. I usually only go outside to go to doctors, I only go to town to go to doctors....

It's a burden on my heart that I've become such a burden on my family and friends. Any prayers would be greatly appreciated.

God Bless, and One Love.

Richard

[BUCKEYE BANDIT]

Richard,
Easy for me to say but hang tuff, gotta believe there is a reason for all this.I've seen what those two evil ******** (PTSD and Cancer)can do to a man.
Strange as it may seem,I came to this site looking for Cast Boolit information and found my faith as well.Spent to many years angry at God for my lot in life,then realized that it could have been alot worse at my own hand.
There are so many good men on this site that are better qualified to help you through this,I'm sure they will be hear shortly. God Bless and a prayer sent for you.

[Boaz]

It's hard to advise , All that have PTSD and depression (which go hand in hand) are different in respect to the impact of different situations , people , etc that trigger it . Trust is always an issue and in my opinion would be the hardest factor to control . There are medications that help but that's common knowledge , I'm sure you know that . Seek counseling , that can and should include spiritual counseling from those you trust .
I haven't said anything you don't already know . My advise is general and generic but each case is different and impossible to offer specifics . As part of your recovery prayer and GOD can help , I know that . I have and will pray for you , there are others here that will pray for you . Ultimately you must help yourself , seek help and take it . You are my brother in Christ , I care about you . Making your post was a positive step forward , don't stop , seek counseling from professionals and GOD . We can provide support in prayer .

[buckwheatpaul]

Richard, I can only say that I am sorry for not staying in touch with you....we spoke quite often when you were going through your soc. security issues....and I thought things had gotten better. Brother, I would advise to speak with a priest, pastor, trusted friend, or counselor and see if they can help you with your issues. It is never easy to do but when you can turn it over some how it seems to release you from that burden. I am there if I can help. Your Servant, Paul

Father, I come to You to ask for Your intervention in Richard's issues. You know what he needs and he does need the help that only You can deliver. Father he has suffered from one problem to another and he needs Your grace and intervention to resolve them. Father wrap Your loving arms around Richard and hold him close. In Jesus name I pray. Amen

[jcren]

Prayers sent. Been checked for Lyme disease?

[Pine Baron]

Heavenly Father, please be with Richard and give him the strength to face each day. Please give him relief and comfort. Please recognize his faith in You. Amen
Hang in their buddy, one step at a time, one task at a time. Know your limitations, be patient. You will get this done.

[jmort]

Praying for a full recovery. Praying for you and your family my Brother.

[2ndAmendmentNut]

Prayers sent, and second on being thoroughly screened for Lyme.

[Hickok]

Dear Heavenly Father, look down with grace on Richard, as he endures these trials and tribulations. He needs Your comfort, peace and assistance in his life. Cast away his fears, doubts and uncertainties, uplifting him in body, mind and spirit with Your love and tender mercies, in Christ Jesus name we pray, Amen

[USMC87]

Heavenly Father we come before You asking You to look in on Richard and give him peace and strength to cope with his problems. We ask that he will get a diagnosis and treatment for his ailments. We ask You to show Richard Your will and purpose in his life, We ask that he will draw strength from You and those brothers and sisters You allow in his life. We know that all things work together for good for us and all things are for Your glory. We ask these things in Jesus name, Amen!

[w5pv]

I am all in for Richard and hope the best for him,I had hell with the SS until I got a lawyer to fight for me.When the case went before a Judge he asked the SS people why they were wasting his time for their own people had said that I was disabled and they were still trying to deny my claim.Prayers sent for Richard and his family.

[castalott]

Amen to All The Good Prayers!

Richard...If I were you, I would check with someone who knows herbs. Lots of info how the hotter, spicier kind can help depression. But always be careful with them...

Dale

[Andy]

Hi Richard, I really feel for you as a Christian brother. I have had a few times where I couldn't work on the property or help friends out with anything for a few weeks and man it is hard to see that stuff not getting done and want to do it but not be able to, can't imagine how that feels to see it go on for months or years. I gather from your age that you and I were probably in Iraq around the same time, if you ever want to talk to just drop me a PM.

God wants us to be as happy and productive as we can be in whatever situation we find ourselves in, our physical/emotional limits should not affect our drive to do everything we can to act how he would want us to. Maybe it is as simple as sitting out on the porch and enjoying whatever he puts in front of you that day instead of sitting inside. Or maybe it is as complicated as starting a business that you can do within your present limitations, or using the phone to help others. In my experience anytime someone feels like they have nothing to do, or no way they can help others, their morale always goes downhill and things tend to get worse for them. When you do everything you can, even if it doesn't seem like much compared to what you used to be able to do, then you get that inner feeling of accomplishment. God gave us that feeling for a reason and only good comes from it, use that in a way that would honor him and he will make you feel fulfilled.

If you used to be able to work all day and be proud of it, now think of it differently and say that "I did XYZ even with all of these things trying to limit me, who else can say that"

I want you to know that I will pray that God's will be done in your life and that you find fulfillment either through healing and a return to your previous abilities or through God showing you the path he has for you and how he will use your present situation for the furthering of his kingdom. God has a plan for you and I pray that you open your heart to him and let him show you what that plan is.

Andy

[MaryB]

Prayers and a suggestion. When I was forced to retire due to my back and shoulders I was in the same place you are right now. What finally pulled me out of it was setting one task a day to get done. Be it doing dishes, cooking a large meal, weeding the garden, fixing something on the house... I often found myself getting more than one thing done after awhile. I have been living with massive pain for 11 years now and it has gotten to where I ignore it and don't let it rule me. If I over do I pay for it but stuff gets done! And the satisfaction of a couple hours hard work offsets the pain I pay with later.

Start small, set yourself to fixing one minor thing and then work up. I have gotten to the point I am taking care of a 15x60 fot garden and another 4'x25' patch. Plus picking berries from the gooseberry bush and mulberry tree. Raspberries are a week out I think and I look forward to them!

[Bzcraig]

Minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. Talk to who you must and continue to ask for prayer which in my opinion is the best place to begin.

[shoot-n-lead]

Prayer sent for you and family.

[DLCTEX]

Lord reveal your love to Richard.

[sledgehammer001]

Prayers sent for your peace of mind, and health of mind and body, and help for your physical needs. May God watch over and protect you and yours.

[JonB_in_Glencoe]

Prayers sent up, for you and your family

[trails4u]

This place never fails to amaze me, and lift me up. I've had my own physical struggles lately, and have felt much of what you're saying. Embrace the support, embrace the love, and allow your family and friends to be there for you. You would do it for them. This thread has hit me deep....I almost feel like I'm writing this to myself. I hope you don't take that in a selfish way....I am praying for you, brother...and trying to offer the best advice I can. It is not weak to seek or accept help, but rather the opposite. It takes incredible strength and faith to admit when we need help, and even more so to accept it with grace. You are strong....embrace it.

[wv109323]

Richard,
I have been exactly where you are at except for the PTSD and cancer. Depression is something that other people do not understand.
My depression symptoms were exactly as you described. I was so fatigued that I spent 2-3-4-5 days in the bed too tired to get up. At times I was so tired I wet the bed because of lack of energy to get up to go to the bathroom. Some days I could just set on the edge of the bed and that's ALL the energy I had. I prayed for God to take me home. I laid in the back of a SUV while my wife drove me to a psychiatrist appointment.
Two things I would recommend:
Social Security- Get a SS lawyer that is local and specializes in Social Security. Long story short the ALJ's are in bed with the SS lawyers. The local lawyers are on a first name basis with the judges and get many more favorable and quicker decisions than an out of town or infrequent lawyer. Fire your current lawyer(s) if they are not local and get someone who is. Get a letter from your doctor that simply says you are suffering from depression and unable to work.File that letter with SS. I spent 7 years getting my SSD. One horror story after another, I did not think I was in America with all SS put me through.
Doctors- My first pyschaitrist spent 3 to 5 years trying to find the right meds. He never did. He had me on 5 anti-depressants at one time. He tried one small step at a time. Examples: I was on 5 medicines. He took me from 5 to 4 anti-depressants and the next appointment in three months. I suffered for 3 months,til the next appointment. That time he changed one anti-depressant from a morning dosage to an evening dosage. And on and on it went for 3-4 years. Demand that your psychiatrist make drastic changes if things are not working. They want to ramp you up on a medicine and ramp you off with each requiring a month. I finally found a new doctor. He prescribed Pristque. In less than 24 hours I could feel a big difference.
Now I get out of bed everyday. My mornings are slow but I get more energy during the day. If I do a sizable amount of work I pay for it the next day. I require much more sleep than before, about 11-12 hours a night. I can work 5-6 hours a day but not like before.
Hang in there I know some of what you are going through.
Father ,I pray for Richard that relief may come his way quickly.

[Teddy (punchie)]

Richard

Praying for God to quicken you!!

As your part talk to God, if you feel the need to you do cry out to him for help.

God Bless !!

Now after other areas that may help. Most are already pointed out. First eat what you like, type of foods and kind. On this try to get the healthiest nature raised you can. Chemicals are slowly killing us from with in. Not saying go too far put do eat as healthy as you can.

Small steps if only a few extra ft a day. Day by day, look at it from Month to Month. I could only walk 10 ft this month but now I'm at 50 ft. Maybe next month it will be 100. Then 200 then 400 etc. No one that has never had it happen understands. Was Migraines for me totally out of control for almost a year.

Let God take the weight and ask him for help, if need be cry out to him as lost child, he will come to your aid.

Jesus Name!! Theodore

[Boaz]

You have many here that share your experience and can relate to the problems you are dealing with . You have much support through your friends here . GOD is always there for you , talk to him often . There are people that care and want your situation to improve .

Lord help Richard over this rough time in his life . Stay with him and guide him . Show him where and how to seek help from those that can help him . Give him strength and comfort to find relief . Thank you Lord . Amen

[GoodOlBoy]

Thank you all so much. It is uplifting to have so much good advice and kind words offered. I do pray and talk to God quite a bit. I know He has something for me, but for the life of me I'm too bewildered to figure out what it is.

I would like to also say that my PTSD comes from a high stress work environment when I worked with law enforcement. I didn't serve in the military, and I would never in ANY way try to take the honor from those men and women who have served.

Yesterday a family member got mad about something I would consider completely trivial. I had been fighting a panic attack the entire day and his actions and words before he took off spinning tires out of the driveway at my grandmother's house were enough to send me over the edge and into a full blown panic attack. It ruined what was left of my day and my visit with my grandmother. I had to go home and lay down. That was around 4:30pm yesterday. I woke up from nightmares related to the PTSD less than an hour ago, and I still feel completely drained. Between the PTSD, the Depression, the Hyper-vigilance, the Cluster Headaches, the arthritis, and the fatigue from the cancer last year it doesn't take much to start a serotonin storm. Once it is started it's like living in a virtual hell, your own personal nightmare. For me the serotonin storm takes on traits from all three classes of the effects. Everything from seeing out of the corner of my eye that aren't there, to hearing and smelling things, to sweating and increased heart rate to the point that the first time it ever happened (years ago) I honestly thought I was having a heart attack. They got me to the ER only to find out that it was a serotonin storm as part of an extreme panic attack... They had to wind up putting enough tranquilizer in me to drop an elephant before I started to calm down. At least I had an experience ER Doc at the time, and he knew what he was seeing. I had so much medicine in me that they wouldn't let me leave the ER for hours as I had to be under "observation" in case of a reaction to that big of a dosage. The Dr back then told me that I actually was well on my way to a heart attack, completely induced by the panic attack.

It's my own personal Hell. Those who have had or seen this know what I'm talking about.

Anyway sorry about the rambling. Thank you all so much for the thoughts and prayers.

God Bless, and One Love.

Richard

[Preacher Jim]

Richard Jesus loves you and my prayer is for him to carry you out of this and back to serving him everyday helping others.
Amen

[Boaz]

Amen .

[Pine Baron]

Richard, my prayers for you continue.

[rl69]

They say if you do something every day for 30 days it becomes a habit. You need some new habits. I understand you will need to start slow. There is a cowboy church right around the corner from you brother dale is the pastor,RC Horn is down there almost every day working. Go talk to them they will put you to work.

[buckwheatpaul]

Father, Please give peace and clarity to Richard. Please make his family members recognize that he needs a lot of help. Wrap Your arms around him and lay out Your plan for him and let him have a glimpse of that plan. Father, he is a strong person that is lost. Lead him out of the pit. AMEN

[GoodOlBoy]

I have good days, and bad days like anybody does. Today has been a good one, even though last night was bad rough. Writing helps, and good Lord willing maybe someday I will actually finish this book of short stories from my youth. I appreciate all the thoughts and prayers. I'm still workin on me, and the good Lord is still workin on me. I know the good Lord has plans, I just don't know what they are. I'll be here until He decides different. Thanks so much for all the uplifting comments and messages. They help more than I can tell you. I've reread them several times, and will reread them several more. I appreciate you all my brothers and sisters.

God Bless, and One Love.

Richard

Edited to Add: PS If I'm not on for a day or two here or there, it's usually for Dr Appointments and the like, or I'm just worn out. I do appreciate the concerns, but I'm still around. Still plan on being for a long long time. God Bless, and One Love.

[rl69]

Hang in there,We are all praying for you.

Give my post some thought, just a change of scenery could make all the deference in a bad day and a good day????

[tnaz]

Amen, and Prayers asked of our Father

Terry

[Bodydoc447]

Prayers sent

[Blackwater]

Richard, I've never experienced what you're experiencing, but I've had a little taste a couple of times due to bad reactions to Rx drugs. It's no fun! I thought it was humorous at first, but that quickly changed!

I know there's nothing I can say to make it better, but what I can do is tell you about a cousin of mine and his wife. They looked SO forward to having a child of their own, and all they could see was stars in their eyes at the prospect. When she found out she was pregnant, they were both ecstatic! Then, during some tests, they found that they child was going to be Down's syndrome. This concerned them, because they'd wanted to enjoy the personal satisfaction and joy of watching a perfect child romp and play and learn to walk, and all the usual stuff. They were asked if they wanted to terminate the pregnancy. This took them by surprise, and shocked them. It shocked them so, they had to go home and think about it. They'd never given it any thought at all. They talked with friends, and their preacher, and anyone they knew well enough to trust to give them their honest opinion.

Opinions varied, of course, with some saying "try again" (a nice way of saying terminate) and some saying have the baby and let God work it out. They were always Christians, but this decision tested them like no other they'd ever faced, alone or together. They talked about it and prayed about it, and they both knew there was no way they could terminate the pregnancy and kill their little child. They took the giant step forward of just trusting God, and letting Him have HIS way rather than them having theirs. If you could see little Jenny now, as a teen ager, you'd really be amazed, and it would likely bring tears to your eyes to know what a miracle it is that she's here at all, and even moreso that she's one of the sweetest, most mannerly and loving young ladies you'll ever meet anywhere on the face of this ol' earth!

Her smile lights up not only her face, with a joy that is truly contagious, but all those faces around her as well. This young lady, who was supposed to be a "disappointment" in so-called "human" terms, could have been aborted, and nobody I know makes those around her as happy and feel as loved and appreciated as little Jenny does.

God always has something in mind for us all - some purpose we often, if not usually, just don't understand. You have yours, I have mine, and all God's children have theirs. And as I look back now, I've come to realize I was never so truly blessed as I was when I thought I was the least "happy." I have seen others in similar places, and each and every one of them taught me something I needed to know or re-learn. Every one of them.

God has seen fit to place the faith in you to give you this "burden," because He knows you can carry it. I will pray for you and your family, and it won't be a one and done proposition for you, either. It's true that we all "see through the glass darkly," and never really understand God's plan for us until after we've completed the tasks He's laid before us. That makes it tough, but those who are stalwart EARN His love and respect and support. Somewhere out there, there's relief for you. Neither of us knows where or when or how, but it's out there.

Just keep carrying the water, and God will let you lay it down one day, likely when you least expect him to. In the meantime, remember that old story about the man and Christ walking along the beach. The man looks back, and in places, he notices only one set of footprints in the sand behind them. He walks a ways, and then asks Christ, "Lord, as I look back behind us, I see places where there are only one set of footprints behind us. Why did you leave me?" Christ smiled at him, and said, "My son, I never left you at all. Those places where there are only one set of footprints are where I was carrying you." And He'll do it, too. All we have to do is just let Him, and trust Him. That's a tall order sometimes, of course, but when we do it, we're never sorry we did. When we fail to, we always regret it. It's just the way things work in this realm. But there IS relief out there for you. You just have to have the ease in your heart to just let whatever will be, be, until you get there. And it's always an honor to help someone like you. It makes us stronger and better and more loving. Seeing someone so heavily challenged as you, bear up under it all, gives us all courage, humility and real appreciation, and keeps us from being weak, willful and haughty. In our existential world we live in today, that's a real blessing! It just doesn't feel like it while we're going through it.

My Dad joined the Marines at age 17 because he was literally tired of plowing a mule barefooted all spring and summer long, and at the end of the year, getting zero for his efforts! Mom was orphaned at age 15 in 1932, one of the Great Depression's worst years! And yet, both of them were two of the finest beings I've ever known on the face of this earth, or ever expect to meet this side of Heaven. It's the cup that's been hollowed out the deepest that can hold the most love and joy when it comes to them.

Just keep the faith. When you cup gets filled, it's going to be worth every step of the way between now and then, whenever that happens to be. Keep the faith, brother, and it'll be rewarded. It's just not always on our schedule, but it's very, very consistent in being worth every minute of the wait and effort.

You and your family are in my prayers, and will be for quite a while.

[buckwheatpaul]

Richard, I hope that you are having a good day and a good week. Writing is suppose to be good therapy and good for the soul.

Father, Please come to Richards aide and continue to work with him on his physical problems. Father, You are the ultimate doctor and only You can guide the world bound doctors that work with him. Father, Hear my prayer. Amen

[Boaz]

Amen Paul .

[Pine Baron]

Amen.