View Full Version : What would Jesus do?

02-09-2014, 04:14 PM
That is the question my wife asked ourselves this morning as we prepared for church. We were discussing a woman we knew who had asked for money again and we were concerned we may be aiding her continuing bad behavior. We had arranged for her to get groceries through our church and the Food Bank, but were wrestling with giving cash. The Sermon at church was Irrational Giving, giving the way God gave to us when we were yet sinners. Upon entering the church, each adult was given a numbered ticket. At the end of the sermon five numbers were drawn and the pastor asked that the recipients pray about giving it ti someone in need that we knew. We immediately said if we win, we know where to give it. My wife's number was the first to be drawn. We drove to her town and delivered the money with the story of where it came from and that it was God's provision for her. I usually can find excuses not to give, but the Lord usually talks me into doing it his way. Luke 6:30-38

Wayne Smith
02-09-2014, 04:20 PM
Ask, and it shall be given, seek and ye shall find. (or the other way around - memory, you know) God answers prayer and gives us beyond what we seek.

02-09-2014, 04:55 PM
Yea I hear ya on this one....

I am having a similar problem at my house...

2 Years ago, My wifes son, then 25 years old, was kinda in trouble, and heading down the wrong road and needed help.. So my wife wanted to bring here to our little town and HELP him get himself together, and get established here... well, that was 2 years ago... he is Now 27. Still lives in our home, does almost next to nothing to support himself, shows no interest in getting a job, has his mother, my wife, to cook him his meals, and such. When he does do anything in the kitchen, he just leaves his mess for somebody else to clean up like a 12 year old... He sleeps 1/2 the day, and then gets online when he gets up.. I also use the internet, and dont want to remove it. He just wont do anything to help himself.. he comes to church only when the wife pushes him to. I tell ya, I am becomming bitter about this.. I have been praying and praying for the lord to intervene in this situation. I am praying for him to help my wife realize that in doing these things for him, she is actually hurting him. On top of this, he has pretty much decided that he should have been born a woman, and has been ordering female items and such as well... I just dont know what to do about this... My wife WONT allow me to remove him as he has "no place to go", and it is very cold here.. there are no shelters here and such... I have been praying about it, and my heart continues to bring me to the same place, that he needs to go. This has created a huge wedge between me and the wife. I have talked to him.. and talked to him... and he does nothing still... almost 0 contribution to the family, and I just dont want the hole gender issue thing in my home. I have had it... So I keep asking, what would Jesus do... My heart keeps comming back to the same thing.... If it does happen, and I am able to remove him while maintaining my marrige, and something happens to him due to his "at risk" behavior", This will create an even Bigger wedge and bitterness/Blame/Guilt....

I have never been faced with something like this before.. I have tried to just give it to the lord and do nothing but leave it in his hands... that was a year ago. it has been over 2 years now... I am angry about it now.. my mind keeps going back to it... He still sits there, making No moves towards working, or caring for himself, or supporting himself in anyway. I am Pissed. and tired about being angry about it...

What would Jesus Do???


02-09-2014, 05:32 PM
The Bible says if a man won't work, neither should he eat. Sho the wife what it says and how you feel. It sounds to me as if it can't get much worse. Also a talk with the pastor for you and you wife is definitely in order.

02-09-2014, 06:45 PM
2 Thessalonians 3:10 (NKJV)
"For even when we were with you, we commanded you this: If anyone will not work, neither shall he eat."

Did the pastor route already, months ago.... He and I are of the same mind.... And she agreed in principal to what was discussed... But nothing has changed.... I gotta tell you though, my wife, AlaskanGurl, is one awesome woman. I just love her to death... Loving, careing, works hard, beautiful, grounded in the lord, teaches sunday school, reloads, cleans fish, loves guns. Wonderful lover and friend...... It is just this one thing... But boy is it a doozy....

Sheesh, listen to me ramble about this.. I am sorry for the Hijack... And the dump session.


02-09-2014, 06:47 PM
Reloads? She is a keeper then:)

02-09-2014, 06:52 PM
Lord, we ask you to bring peace and resolution to our brother, Alaskan Guy.

02-09-2014, 06:53 PM
The question was "What would Jesus do?". Jesus sought the highest and best good of every person. He also said we should be as harmless and doves and as wise as serpents. Lacking the clear vision of Jesus, we frequently find ourselves wanting to do good, but not knowing if the good we do is indeed in the highest and best interest of the person.

When are find ourselves in such a dilemma, the best thing to do is err on the side of charity and that was the decision you made.

Don't count on the Pastor to save you from making such a decision again, as it is no likely to fall the same way again. File this away in your "lessons learned" file for future reference when you will have to make a decision on your own hook.

02-09-2014, 06:53 PM
Amen brother

02-09-2014, 07:00 PM
Alaskaguy, you're walking a dangerous road. Your key words are: wife's son.

Feed him; clothe him; don't complain about it. Do not give him one penny. Password protect your computer, and don't give him the password. If he wants to stay up all night on the Internet, let him buy his own computer and Internet connection. To do that he'll have to get a job. To hold a job he can't stay up all night. You've got a tough row to hoe!

02-09-2014, 07:06 PM
Alaska guy, you are in a tough spot. Here are just a couple of thoughts having seen this work out before.

1. A mother's love can have no rational basis to it. If you put her in a position to choose between you or him, she most likely will choose her son, worthless though he may be.

2. My wife had a son who was deep into drugs and gave her problem after problem for years. He ended up homeless and supporting himself in NYC as a male prostitute. He called her and ask to come home..again. She took a deep breath and said no, not until he got his act together. It was the hardest thing she ever had to do and she did it knowing full well she might loose him forever.

Her "no" shook him so bad, he took a long look at himself and over the next couple of years got his life back together. He did move back on his own and lead a good and productive live just a few blocks from our home. She had a wonderful 11 years with him in her life again before cancer took him two years ago at age 46.

It could have gone the other way. But if you love somebody and do the right thing, you take a very big chance it will not come out well. You have to be able to live with that possibility.

3. I would not want to be in your shoes. At this time, the best you can do is work on your own head and heart and keep this from causing a rift between you and your wife that can't be repaired.

4. I hold my wife in deepest respect for her strength of character and will.

02-09-2014, 07:09 PM
Thanks guys, for the wisdom... And the prayer.

The entire chapter 2 Thessalonians 3 deals with this subject... And deals with it well. It is easy to recognize what is right, and much harder to stand on the truth. But a stand on the truth is what is required.


02-09-2014, 07:16 PM
Most people do not treat their step-children the same way they would treat their own children. Human nature. I would be burned-up if I were you as no one wants to support a lay-about. 1/4 of all adults his age are living at home due to our screwed-up economy/nation. I raised two step-children and my rule was to let my wife deal with all discipline/decisions and only forced issues when it directly affected me. When you married her, you married into her family as well. When it warms up, offer him a one way ticket to Texas or get him to join the army.

Charlie Two Tracks
02-09-2014, 07:36 PM
I pray Father that you would give AG the knowledge and strength to have your will done in his family. Grant him your peace in knowing that he is doing what he is supposed to be doing and the Christian leader of his family. I ask you to grant them all your peace. In Jesus name Amen.

s mac
02-09-2014, 08:56 PM
I can't really offer any advice,but I too pray for you,that it won't create a wedge between you and your wife.

02-09-2014, 10:31 PM
Good Evening... First time post from Connectcut. I am an avid shooter/reloader and 2nd amendment supporter. I am also the pastor of a Baptist church... I just taught on this very subject this morning to our adult Sunday School class. Be glad to share it if you are interested.

I appreciate all those who share their firearms wisdom..

02-09-2014, 10:38 PM
Welcome Woodri to the cast boolit forum...

I would welcome some of your input as a pastor of the word..... It would be nice to get some more pastoral input around here with all these grumpy old heathens around here..... and you can learn a lot of stuff around here as well...

Bless you sir for your service to the flock...


02-10-2014, 08:21 AM
Good morning
For the OP.. Our Lord clearly taught we need to be lead by the Holy Spirit. Some times it does not make sense but it will still be a Biblical action. Being lead by the Holy Spirit is the greatest encouragement I know of to maintain the best personal fellowship with Christ I can following His Truth. I am not perfect in this but I sure want to be accomplishing God's will through the Holy Spirit. I always like John 4 where it states The Lord Jesus must needs go to Samaria.. well out of the normal path but to accomplish a wonderful task being lead by the same Holy Spirit.
I will pray God uses that action to accomplish His desires.

AlaskanGuy Communications is essential in all relationships. If you have not communicated how you feel to your wife about her deadbeat son it is time. I would also tell her you plan to communicate in her presence how you feel to that leech who is slowly destroying the good you and your wife have. I would definately have His Book in my hand and read the indicated verses about lazy men not eating. I would remind them that His Book is our guide to faith and practice. The issue then is no longer how you feel but "Thus saith the Lord". Joshua had it right (24:15) when he said ..."But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord". That needs to be the basis for all our choices and future decisions. God's way or no way... (some say God's way or the highway).
Mike in Peru

square butte
02-10-2014, 09:30 AM
AG - You and family are in my prayers. My wife and I struggled with a similar issue for decades regarding my Mother and her support of my brother. Her support encouraged dependence. I wish I had come to prayer sooner about this. I truly do feel that in these kind of situations where no good solution seems evident - prayer is our best vehicle. And it's good to remember that we are all agents of God's work here on earth. Sometimes to us - it seems the person who has done something bad to us in the natural - Has done God's work in our lives. In that the result is one that moves us ahead in our relationship with God and his son Jesus.

02-10-2014, 09:54 AM
Missionary5155. Good counsel

02-10-2014, 10:56 AM
It amazes me every time I hear a sermon or read a devotional how God seems to make it fit my need for the day or just that moment in time. God is good.


Clay M
02-10-2014, 11:06 AM
What I have done with my son was invest time in him growing up. If I worked on the farm, I got him to help me, but I worked with him. I took him shooting and hunting too. He went through the normal teenage years,but was never lazy. Now he is twenty seven and a hard worker.If I need help on the farm, he can out work me. He has a good work ethic.
I think investing time in a kid is one of the most important thing we can do.We are stewards of everything that God has given us and especially our family.

02-10-2014, 11:10 AM
Yes, I agree missionary5155 provides excellent counsel. In this house we serve The Lord. It would probably be a blessing to have a dedicated follower of Christ in the house.

02-10-2014, 01:24 PM
Well, in my case, there has been so many conversations about this point that anything else would be nagging, and we have sought pastoral counsel on the very thing. We just dont agree on this... So at this point, prayers are the way....


02-10-2014, 02:21 PM
Prayers going up for you AlaskanGuy.


02-10-2014, 03:08 PM
Prayers headed you way AlaskaGuy

John 5:6
6 When Jesus saw him lying there, and knew that he already had been in that condition a long time, He said to him, "Do you want to be made well?"

02-11-2014, 02:42 AM
AG - you are in the midst of very difficult circumstances and brother I am sorry you are in this storm. You have been given good counsel and I can't add anymore but am encouraged that you resolve at this point to ask your brothers here to intercede on your behalf. In Jesus name I pray your marriage remain strong and healthy, that your home would once again become a place of peace, comfort, love and contentment.

Lead Fred
02-11-2014, 07:51 AM
"Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day..... Teach a man how to fish, and he can feed himself got the rest of his life"

02-11-2014, 12:38 PM
My marrige is very strong my brothers... My wife is a great grounded woman in christ.... We just have this dang hurdle from hell to jump... I have every confidance that we will jump it soon.... Thank you so much for the support and prayer intervention....


mold maker
02-11-2014, 02:02 PM
What you and your wife are doing by allowing the behavior is called enabling. As long as you BOTH are guilty of feeding, clothing, and giving him a FREE place to live, money, and use of the internet,,, nothing will change. Why should it? Why would anyone leave a gold mine where you don't even have to dig?
What has to be done is tough love, and it has to come from both of you. Limits have to be set and strictly enforced. If you let him play one against the other it won't work. At this point he's playing both of you like a fiddle.
You and his mother must decide what you want of him, and both of you demand it. If either of you falters he will not respect either of you. The reason you think your marriage is in danger, is because his behavior is a wedge between you. Remember the vows you pledged to each other, and cling only to God and each other.
Her Son is only doing what both of you allow. It will truly take tough love from both of you, to change this behavior. In the end he'll respect both of you.

02-11-2014, 02:27 PM
+1 to what Mold Maker Said.... Except out marrige is NOT in danger... Just our Peace... I signed up for Life....

02-11-2014, 03:40 PM
+1 to what Mold Maker Said.... Except out marrige is NOT in danger... Just our Peace... I signed up for Life....

There are two names on that contract and only one of them is yours. Never take another person's commitment for granted. I have seen more than one split among strong Christians where one person was flabbergasted when the other one lit a shuck. I never thought he/she would have done that!!!

The issues needs to be resolved one way or another and not just tolerated. Even a slow steady drip of water can crack a granite boulder in time. The ongoing conflict over this boy is a real threat to the most stable of Christian marriages. Conflict that is not resolves will eventually destroy. It may not result in a divorce, but it will produce a toxic relationship that does not produce joy nor honor the Lord. I don't believe God wants us locked down in a relationship based on animas a

02-11-2014, 10:51 PM
AG- I was in a similar situation by marrying a lady with three teenage children. They were not where they needed to be to be successful in the real world. Your wife will side with her son even if she knows it to be the wrong thing to do.
I would handle it this way. I would ask the wife if the son was on the right road for a successful adult life. If she agrees changes need to be made then you and her work out a path to follow. Something like 1.) Support the son thru a vocational trade within a year or six months. 2.) If he does not complete the class he goes in the Army. 3.) He has two months after completing his class to get his own place. 4.) If not his clothes go out on the porch and the locks are changed.
Get this in writing and both you and her sign it. Present the plan to the son and stick to it. This will give you leverage with the wife and son. Maybe if the son sees that BOTH parents agreed to something he might get motivated.

uncle joe
02-11-2014, 11:08 PM
you might try talking to the boy and find out what his likes are, there may be something there he can support himself with and enjoy it. If he just has no ambition and he is being a kept man, nothing will change. He may need a little encouragement to be a little more ambitious, like chores which grant him things he likes/needs.
Praying for the way to be shown to you all.

02-12-2014, 11:19 AM
My experience teaches me when a young male goes to ground and has no interest in anything other than self indulgence, there are drugs involved. When that happens, nothing will happen until and unless the drug involvement stops.

02-12-2014, 11:47 AM
There are no drugs involved in this case.... The kid has no friends, rarely leaves the house as his car is broke down.... If I had the slightest feeling hat there was any drug involvement, he would be gone, and I am street and drug savy....


02-20-2014, 05:54 PM
What would JESUS do! Well, I believe in my heart, that the ALMIGHTY would say: GOD helps those that help themselves! Amen.

02-20-2014, 06:29 PM
Alaskan Guy! I am much older (70 plus) than you and have been around the merry go round more than once in your type problem. In other words I have seen your situation many times. I will only say this much towards your marriage and your wife. Sooner or later the 3rd party causes more friction between the husband and wife and so on. Do not let it become a matter of fuel for this 27 year man, to work a wedge between you and wife.

This man of 27 needs several things that he didn't get as a boy. #1 is Discipline, #2 Respect of others (meaning you as head of the household sir) #3 Pride in himself. YOU set down the rules in your "castle" not that 27 year old man, who likely does not respect himself. I have over the years, taken in some 15 young men, who were on the downside of things. Many flunked their schools, were running around with the wrong types of people, alcohol getting drunk etc. Most were indeed "lazy" and had no ambition whatsoever. Several of them now are college grads, some tradesmen, 2 in my local of Ironworkers. None of them have been arrested or took to drugs etc. They became good citizens of our society and I give all the praise to GOD for that fact.

I took these young fella's one at a time mind you and taught them discipline, how to work at hard labor and everyday tried to introduce Jesus into their life. Some I even had to teach how to eat at the table. I never had one go bad on me and that I thank GOD ALMIGHTY!!! My last one took me almost 2 years before things turned out right. He is now graduated with a diploma from high school at 19. I trained him for 6 months physically and he got into the 82Airborne, now in Afganistan on 2nd tour.

You need to have a talk with this man eye ball to eye ball without the wife sitting there, tell him you want him to do certain things around that house period. You set the time for going to bed and when to rise up in the morning. You are the #1 Kahuna at your house. You can speak of GOD or JESUS to him but do not try to force him to go to church, it usually doesn't work OK. If this man wants to be a "women", that Is a whole different case. I would seek counsel on that part of his problem. Yes, it takes prayer, I am a great believer in such but remember this YOU ARE THE BOSS......Bible says so. Man is the head of the house. Tell your wife this son of hers must do work around the house and pick up after himself, she is NOT a maid for him nor is anybody else. Yes, I will pray for all of you......GOD be with you sir!

02-21-2014, 01:08 AM
What would JESUS do! Well, I believe in my heart, that the ALMIGHTY would say: GOD helps those that help themselves! Amen.
I can't agree, Chakta. When I helped myself I got into a bigger mess and fell into dispair to the point of trying suicide. When I gave up totally and cried out to God, he heard me and delivered me. I was raised in the Church and had accepted the Lord at age 9, then turned away and became angry at God, wanting nothing to do with Him. He worked in me and using a multitude of circumstance and people brought me to a place of brokeness that caused me to call on him. Many said I knew better and should do right (help myself). There is no scripture that advocates any such thing that I have ever seen. But scripture says call on the Lord and He will save you and direct you. "Foolish giving" is foolish to those that do not understand you can not out give God. The only time we are instructed to test God is in Malichi where God says "bring all the tithes into the storehouse that there may be meat in my house and prove (test) me now herewith saith the Lord of hosts if will I not open the windows off heaven and pour you out a blessing such that there will not be room enough to receive it.

02-21-2014, 08:10 AM
Just my opinion, but it does sound as if he has some sort of addiction. Keep in mind that pornography, especially internet porn, can be as addictive and destructive as heroin. I would be checking the history on the computer, and see what he does when he is online.

I worked for the Crisis hotline in my county for five or six years. In that time I met many people with the same situation as yours. In a family system, it only takes one person to change, and the whole family changes. While that is going on, there is friction, and things get worse before they get better. If you decide to be the change agent, it can work, but you have to get through the adjustment phase, then things can improve.


02-21-2014, 04:48 PM
Might I remind some of you people, that the Holy Bible states: GOD HELPS THOSE THAT HELP THEMSELVES!!! Now those are not my words gents but GOD ALMIGHTY. Now please do chew on that for awhile. Displine works, get some one off the coach works, I been seeing good things with the help of the LORD for 25 years. This is not my way but the way of the LORD......AMEN!

02-21-2014, 05:12 PM
Not in the Bible. Old proverb/maxim. Possibly from Benjamin Franklin