Ahhhh parenting help desperately needed!!!

[2HighSpeed]

My 13 year old who is normally my best behaved and most respecful kid just said to me "what the flip" when i told him to put his shoes on. Apparently getting ready for school impedes in his morning viewing of Amish mafia we recorded for him. SMH

[prsman23]

Easy. Belt to the butt. Done. Just kidding. Face.
:-)

[btroj]

Welcome to the teen years. It is about expanding boundaries.

Mine is now 19, finished a year of college, and is amazingly much more mature.

I wonder sometimes how my parents managed to not kill us. I have a feeling we weren't any different.

[possom813]

5 across the eyes will get that fixed right up for ya! :kidding:


Seriously though, belt to butt straightened me right up when I thought I was big enough to question something my mom told me to do :oops:

[starnbar]

Well after raising 5 sons of my own the missus would just turn off the tv stand over them and say what was that you just said? It normally ended right there the boys knowing full well it was best not to get the old man involved.

[Bo1]

Welcome to the teen years.
Having a 22 year old son, and 19, 16, and 9 year old daughters, I have learned that they will push the limits of what is allowed and what is not.
I have to continually remind them of who's house they are living in, and what is acceptable. I have found that aggressivly letting them know that I am not happy with their statement, or actions usually gets the point accross. Occasionally I have to remove their privilages to let them know I'm not bluffing.
Over time, they will understand how you would like them to act.
On another note, It's just my opinion, but shows like Omish Mafia don't really encourage the best language and behavior in a child.
Good luck, and hang in there. It can be a bumpy ride.
Bo

[Stephen Cohen]

Welcome to parenting, I think you had the answer in the last 6 words before the full stop, All my kids are grown up now but regardless of what country kids are from, they hate to be deprived of what they want, TV, computer, visiting rights. While you have control of these you have control of kids, and in spit of what the do gooders will have you believe, a smack on but does work.

[popper]

Title is correct. You recorded WHAT? You control what they see and do now to aid them in making choices when you are not around. I had a similar incident when my nephew (who was living with me) said I couldn't tell him what he could do because I was not this father. One GS made the same remark. Both found out just how wrong they were, they both had a short recuperation period.

[w5pv]

I have raised three to the ages of 40 t0 48 aand now the grand kids,They will and are going going to try you,sit them downand explain to them what will happen to them in no uncertain terms and demand the respect that is owed to you Don't back down from any punisment that is delt to them.I have had to use the belt problay no more than three times,The main thing is don't let them put you in a coner and on their level.

[starmac]

I don't know anything about that TV show, but you can bet the farm, that if I had ever said anything remotely like that to my mom, I would have never made that mistake again.

[runfiverun]

hmmm 13 it's morning and he was feeling a bit big.
the tv would be off for the rest of the week in the morning.
his brothers will put pressure on him.

[dakotashooter2]

Confiscate his shoes AND the tape..........................

[MBTcustom]

Just my opinion, but the time for belts is between the ages of 2 and ten. Teenage years, you've got to teach them how it works in the real world, and that means losing privileges. You have enough strikes against you without this nonsense. I'd be real tough, and make sure it's a lesson he does not soon forget.

If you succeed in gaining respect now, you will always have it. Don't doubt yourself, and remember the value of that goal. It's a long process, but very worth it.

You have to be as constant as gravity. If he screws up, there are consequences.
You notice he has no problem submitting to the authority that gravity has over his life? The only reason is because of perfect consistency.
His respect for your authority should be no different.

[Bad Water Bill]

When I was about 17 I said something my mother did not like. A couple of her sisters did not see the hand move but they sure heard the SMACK.

Two months later an aunt came over and took one look at me and said "Wow your mother did sure hit you a GOOD one". Yes some of the black and blue was STILL there as a reminder.

That was 60 years ago but till mom passed I never forgot who was BOSS in her home.

[2HighSpeed]

Belts are not something I believe in, my husbands ex wife was actually reported to CPS for using a belt and that is a small part of why she lost her custody.
However, his laptop is packed up and has been placed in the gun safe and when he gets home his cell phone will be confiscated as well. (He takes it to school because they are permitted to the school math and reading apps installed on them).
He's a good kid, he doesn't normally back talk so I think I need to find out what his issue was this morning.

[dbosman]

If you use physical punishment, and he calls social services, his life will be messed up beyond his ability to understand, as will your family's.

At 13 you still have some control. Use it wisely.
My 18 year old son (graduated high school a year early and finished his first year of college - almost before his 18th birthday) didn't like the way I was talking to him. He's moved out and exploring emancipation.
I'm proud of him, but he's too young for this step.
It's breaking my heart to see him following in these particular footsteps.

[Taylor]

Remove priviledges, ground him for a day or three.Work him,let him know he was wrong,man to man talk kind of thing.I used push-ups as punishment also on my two.

[725]

Normal limit pushing from a teen. With a smile on my face, I'd describe the consequences, apply them equally at all times, and never waver. Small kids / small problems -- big kids / bigger problems. Stand by. I've tended ( with varying degrees of success) not to make some of these things personal. The kid, him-her self isn't the object of my objection, it's the action. Hence, smile while applying the consequences and deliver the admonition that it's too bad you have to go through this. Later in life, when they're grown, you can add, "You big dummy."

[300winmag]

If I would have lipped off to Dad or Mom, I would have been picking myself up off the floor.

[starmac]

Normal limit pushing from a teen. In my house that is not what we called normal, nor was it in my parents or grand parents house either.
My youngest is 25, but he knows exactly what the punishment would be if he came up with that even today. He has his own kids and knows what the butt is for too. lol And no spanking a kid is not illegal.

[JeffinNZ]

Nigel Latter is a Kiwi psychologist and does TV show called the "Politically Incorrect Parenting Show". He is great and I told him so the other week when we passed each other in the airport.

He states without reserve that basically teenagers aren't right in the head. Funny but what he means is there brains are still developing and they just don't work like we expect them to.

[DIRT Farmer]

My oldest son ask me when faced with an unruly teen ager, how the h--- are you supposed to rase a boy when you don't have any fence to build or tobacco to cut. I guess a few Augest days left an impression.

[starmac]

LOL Dirt Farmer I had to build a lot of fence for minor reasons. had to build it anyway, but I had ways of accelerating the process. lol
I do not recall ever watching tv before school, as breakfast and chores lasted right up till the bus arrived. If I watched tv in the evening it was after chores, after homework, then it was news or whatever the whole family was watching.On saturday mornings (after chores) we could watch cartoons. We never had over one tv and 3 channels were the most I can recall ever having.
My three kids never watched tv growing up except for what videos we bought, and my oldest at 35 still has no regular tv, just dvd's to this day.

[Boerrancher]

Unruly teenagers... I remember those years, and how dad and granddad worked the snot out of me when I would get out of line. There was nothing I loved more than hunting and fishing, and I can remember several times the guns and fishing gear being locked up and I was told, "you can have them back when you get that pile of wood split." We had a log splitter but I was handed a splitting maul and some wedges to accomplish the task. Trust me there is nothing like splitting blocks of wood cut from a 300 year old white oak with a maul and wedges to change ones attitude and behavior.

Our oldest is nearly 17, and has been a problem child since the day he was born. I have never seen a kid so head strong and rebellious. By the age of 2, I knew this boy was not right. We finally had to send him to live with his grandparents because of his abuse to the younger children. One hates to say it about their own kid, but some kids are born broken and there is no fixing them. I honestly suspect that he will end up in prison or institutionalized by the time he is 25.

Be thankful that your 13 year old is normally a good kid. Talk to him like he is an adult and explain to him actions have consequences and if he acts up like that again tell him what the consequences will be. My two teenage daughters 15 and 13 have been raised that way and both are becoming very respectable independent young women. The make mistakes sometimes but they are always respectful. They both have boundaries set for them and as they prove they are capable of living within those boundaries, the boundaries get expanded.

I think you will do fine with your boy. You got him this far with out any major issues so just be patient, set boundaries and consequences, and most of all give them lots of love and time to communicate with you. Listening to what your kids have to say is very important in the day to day goings on. Notice I used the words "communicate" and "listen" both require lots of effort on your part.

Best wishes,

Joe

[375RUGER]

At that age he will be going through some changes, and at that age is when I had to give my wife and son the talk about "Teenage boys will push Mom's buttons and they don't even have to try and Moms won't ever understand teenage boys"-that talk. I had to do it from the other side of the world too. Anyway, Mom didn't understand a word I said, still too furious, but I at least got it across to my boy that he had better straighten up because I did not need to deal with this sort of thing from 6K away. I really haven't had to deal with too much disrespect since then.
.
Anyway, You've already received a lot of advise, I just want you to be prepared that times are a changing for him. If you were close and had a good relationship when he was little, he will remember that and things won't be so bad.
.
In a nutshell the jist of my speach was this- Moms don't understand what teenage boys are going through and don't know what it feels like having all of those male hormones racing through their bodys and you sure don't know how they think! They should be called male dominance hormones, becasue the dominance is what's being expressed by him. Set firm expectations with reasonable consequences. Stay calm during intense discussions and so will he.
Right now you both need a strong male role model to help keep it smooth.

[smokeywolf]

2HighSpeed,
This is the beginning of the rebellious years. You've got about 5 more to go. I have 4 sons; 31,16, 13 and 12. He will break your heart week after week, sometimes day after day. Be strong, be consistent, cook his favorite foods, take him for ice cream, earned video game time for reading (no comics). When he pushes the limits, come down hard and instantly. If you let him push even a fraction beyond the limit, you're telling him that he can always push a fraction beyond the limit.
I don't believe in using the belt or a switch. My mother had a saying, "the flat of the hand on the round of the bottom". I think if you can't stand a little stinging on your hand you have no business dishing out the punishment. Other than that, goodsteel has this nailed.

smokeywolf

[kysunfish]

Some of them you can talk to, others must be shown. I had one of each, both were boys and my friends tell me I was lucky that I did not have a disrespectful girl. From what I understand I was. Whatever you do as stated above be consistant and always give them the signal that what they are doing is un-acceptable and will always be such. Good Luck if that has anything to do with it.

[smokeywolf]

I liked what Bill Cosby said in his stand-up comedy routine, "insanity is hereditary; we get it from our children".

When I was a child (9-13) my father started slapping the **** out of me if he had a bad day at work. Every night when I went to bed I wondered if he was going to hit me again tomorrow. I had my doubts that I would live to see my 18th birthday. When I was 13 he threw me through a plate glass window. It scared him enough that he never touched me again. I still wonder if he was scared that he could have caused me permanent or even fatal injuries, or if he was scared that if I had bled to death he'd have been jailed.

Needless to say, I was very well behaved.

smokeywolf

[Wayne Smith]

Prior to puberty, add a negative to punish. After puberty, remove a positive. This is a regular rule of raising kids. Think about his favorite activities - whatever they are. What he chooses to when he has free time. That is the first thing to remove. At the same time, tell him what he has to do to get that thing or privilege back. Make it reasonable and relatively quick. You don't want him to give up because he thinks it's hopeless.

Thirteen year olds are essentially aliens, not really humans for a year. They gradually grow out of it. You need common, well known consequences for anything wrong he is likely to do. No surprises for you or him, make sure he knows he is responsible for the consequences of his choices, good and bad. Let him make his own choices and have the consequences. No anger, no strong emotion involved, you are only giving him what he earned.

[country gent]

Sit down with him, and talk (yelling isnt talking) this thru remeber when discussing / debating He gets his chance to speak uninteruppted also. If you want him to act like an adult you have to give him some adult responsabilities also. Talk this thru, he may have had a "bad day" more than likely it some friends influences. The friends are much harder to deal with. I raised 3 children on my own (Wife was killed in a car accident in March 2002). The Youngest son was very rebelious and Stubborn didnt matter what punishment he just went on and on. Now at 22 hes married has a son ( from another man with his wife) and has greatly matured and gained responsibility, He is becoming a fine young man. My middle daughter is working and was always the "helpfull" one. She has a fiance a colledge degree, a carreer and a son 18 18 months old. She is 23 and is thinking about going back to school to further her degree. A fine daughter. After the accident she was somewhat moody and hard to deal with also. My oldest is the "problem child" SHe moved out at 18 couldnt depend on her or trust her ( this was even before the accident). She got in with a bad crowd in high school and has went downhill from there, She is in trouuble with the law ( stealing drugs a car accident and traffic tickets) Dosnt stay in touch, and just cant be trusted. She has scammed me for money for years, I have finally made her bring me Docs slips to get money for medical treatments and then give her a cashieers cheek made out to the Doctor or whatever. But she has never became responsible yet at 26. Everything is someone elses fault never hers.
Sit down and discuss this with your son. Give him the chance to voice his feelings and make them known. Being a teenager is rough alot of conflicting emotions feelings and such. He growing up and now they do it way faster than we did the trick is to guide him thru this in the right direction and be there for him. I feel the best way to raise a child is by example. Not to imply this is you but an example. If Dads drunk every saturday night what is the son daughter actually learning? If Dads speeding and no regards for the law what are they learning? It is easier to raise them by example and then when you offer corrections they understand it better.

[TXGunNut]

My 18 year old son (graduated high school a year early and finished his first year of college - almost before his 18th birthday) didn't like the way I was talking to him. He's moved out and exploring emancipation.
I'm proud of him, but he's too young for this step.
It's breaking my heart to see him following in these particular footsteps. -dbosman

I was making decent (for me!) money at 19 and moved out on my own, partly because my job was a long drive from home. I have managed to support myself ever since and even put myself through school after I'd matured a bit. I never knew (or cared) that they'd helped my brother and sister thru school and after. I'm one independent cuss, always have been. I always respected my parents, except for maybe my early teens, when most of us went a little crazy. I don't know your son but if he is fiscally able to live under his own roof and wants his independence then that's what he should do.
Back to the OP, wish I was as wise as our friend Wayne. Awesome advice. Only thing I can add is that @ 13, school is your son's job. I'd like to see a work ethic instilled in kids his age; there should be very few things to keep him from his "job", or in this case, getting ready for his "job".

[Harter66]

I had 2 boys and 2 girls . The Baby is 24 now . I ''ruled w/an iron fist'' until they were 10-14 maybe 9 . I had maybe 1 ''altercation'' that resulted in the oldest boy on his butt wondering how the floor got that high,there was that time the oldest girl spent an entire Saturday at the sink for 15min worth of dishes too. I didn't let them slide on anything,and when they did slide and got caught.....it was harder than just having done it. Steady and consistant like gravity yes that's it. But you need leverage too . My oldest loves mechanics but hates doing the ,should be an engineer, he changed oil and rotated tires. #2 she was social that day alone at the sink nearly killed her ,isolation was her heel. #3 the artist ,she was cleaver, take away the ink pencils and reading books. #4 he was a tough 1 yet probably easiest ,after I figured it out. we had a 10ft double recliner couch 3 end tables 2 bean bags and a skinny single recliner. It became his time out/isolation space putting him where he had to get up or someone come to him to make physical contact during the evenings was just brutal.

I also told them ''when you get stupid call I'll come get you and your stupid friend,unless you call after the cops show up then your axx can sit''. I only picked up 1 once probably 6-7 friends on as many occassions only 2 got pukin' stupid once each. I have their respect and their hearts and any of them would give their right kidney up if they thought it would work.

[DoubleAdobe]

Wise words there, fellas.. [QUOTE=goodsteel;2237601]Just my opinion, but the time for belts is between the ages of 2 and ten. Teenage years, you've got to teach them how it works in the real world, and that means losing privileges. You have enough strikes against you without this nonsense. I'd be real tough, and make sure it's a lesson he does not soon forget.

If you succeed in gaining respect now, you will always have it. Don't doubt yourself, and remember the value of that goal. It's a long process, but very worth it.

You have to be as constant as gravity. If he screws up, there are consequences.
You notice he has no problem submitting to the authority that gravity has over his life? The only reason is because of perfect consistency.
His respect for your authority should be no different.[/QUO

[2HighSpeed]

He and I sat down and we had a talk. Apparently that morning he woke up and looked at his phone and the girl he carries books for and sits with at lunch told him she was super mad at him and he couldn't carry her books anymore because she didn't like that he droppe her science book the day prior and got some dirt on the cover. Gosh I hope I wasn't a stuck up spoiled brat like she is when I was 13. Anyway. He apologized profusely. He knows he was wrong. And I could see genuine hurt on his face when we discussed it. He won't discuss things that bug him with my husband, his step dad. He was raised from age 2-12 by me and me only so we have a very close mother son relationship. He did loose some stuff for the night and the next day, he has since earned them back. He's saved up his mowing money and wants to give me a certificate to get my nails
Done for my birthday on Wednesday. Such a sweet kid. I'm glad his "issue" was something we could work through. I told him to NEVER carry her books again and to look for a girl who won't require that of him. Real women can carry thier own stuff! I took Him to the range yesterday, gave him my husbands 9mm and let him pop off 100 rounds. It's good bonding.

[prsman23]

Good to hear. Everyone has bad days. Definitely good to get rid of the girl who got mad at him for dropping his books. That's a little high maintenance.

[smokeywolf]

Outstanding Andrea! I was both father and mother to my 31 year old from when he was 2 1/2 until he was 13.
"It's good bonding" is an understatement. Those little trips to the range, hunting, fishing, camping, pay off many times over as the years go by.
One of the phenomena I've noticed is that people with an interest in firearms and sports and hobbies related to firearms seem to place a higher priority and put forth more thought, effort and concern into raising their children.

smokeywolf

[2HighSpeed]

My boys are truly my everything. Christian I am very close to especially. My 1st born and he and I have weathered many storms together. Just seeing him smile is often enough to turn a bad day into a good one. Don't get me wrong, I love all my boys and don't play favorites but he is really my sidekick. Always wants to hang out with mom and he is normally very polite and fun loving.

[Wayne Smith]

Andrea, we all have bad days. The question isn't if we had a bad day. The question is how we let it effect us. Teach that to Christian and he will have a leg up on 90% of his peers.

[Driver man]

Seems pretty minor to me. I wouldnt worry about so little a thing. Sounds like he is developing some independance and is growing within himself. If you have raised him well then the most important years of his development are bewteen 2 and 6 years and the man he will become is pretty well laid down.Talk to him,let him know of your concern and let him talk to you also.

[10 ga]

My 13 year old who is normally my best behaved and most respecful kid just said to me "what the flip" when i told him to put his shoes on. Apparently getting ready for school impedes in his morning viewing of Amish mafia we recorded for him. SMH

Don't record "his shows" for a while, take away all but his least favorite shoes ie... dress shoes for full time wear etc... Not a big hammer blow but a hammer blow for sure. You don't have to take a full swing with the IRON fist but knowing that there will be consequences is paramount. A day in school in dress shoes and a week W/O his shows (reruns are always there) should be a message. Also take a picture of him wearing the dress shoes to school and keep that so as to post on the fridge door as a reminder for all to see. Humiliation can go a long way to teaching a lesson. Smart a55 vs humiliation should be easy for him to understand.

First time one of my daughters fell in the floor kicking and screaming and throwing a fit for whatever reason I got the camera and took pictures, she was having a different kind of fit when the pix went up on the refrigerator! Quick end to that behavior.

You are way more experienced and savvy with the world than he is so use your advantage.

10 ga

[scottiemom]

.....I told him to NEVER carry her books again and to look for a girl who won't require that of him. Real women can carry thier own stuff!.....

Please don't discourage him from wanting to be a gentleman and carry someone's books. It is rare these days to find kids that want to do the right thing and treat girls with some courtesy and thoughtfulness. Real women can carry their own stuff, but real women also know when to step aside and let someone else carry the load for a while when the offer is made- just my opinion for what it is worth.

[s1120]

Please don't discourage him from wanting to be a gentleman and carry someone's books. It is rare these days to find kids that want to do the right thing and treat girls with some courtesy and thoughtfulness. Real women can carry their own stuff, but real women also know when to step aside and let someone else carry the load for a while when the offer is made- just my opinion for what it is worth.

Thats true, but there is a fine line between being a gentleman, and being a slave. He's WAY to young to be turned into her puppy!! Tell him to look around and see that other girl in the background that he allready knows im sure, that will treat him with respect, and allow him to learn how to treat a nice girl!!! [ and I know... all of us guys have been there right?? :D ]

[lka]

I would had been like "what the hell did you just say!!!???!!!???"
That Amish TV would be GONE, I have seen it a couple times and it's all about disrespect for your family, what I saw was pretty bad.

[Moonie]

One of the most misquoted verses in the bible, the actual passage is much deeper than the misquote:

Proverbs 13:24 Whoever spares the rod hates their children,
but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.

I have 8 children, 5 are grown 3 are still young. Last weekend I had all of them over with the grandchildren. Most were in the pool and the 14 year old daughter and 22 year old son were rough housing in the pool after I had told them to stop. The 14 year old was the one not listening. I told her to stop rather forcefully, evidently the "voice" was enough to run chills up ALL the kids spines, everyone stopped, looked and my wife was concerned we would have to clean out the pool. The 24 year old son said "Wow, you scared me with that".

Do your job correctly when they are young and the lesson lasts a lifetime.

[opos]

I was looking back through some very old picture albums a few days ago..from the late 40's and early 50's. On one page was a picture of me at church on Easter sunday..12 years old..carrying the cross in the processional...white robe and gloves..big "floppy" lily on the cross..nice looking kid with a nice smile on his face.....move ahead a few pages in the album and there is a picture of a 14 year old sneering, slick greasy hair, engineer boots and a package of Phillip Morris rolled up in the sleeve of my t shirt. What the heck happened? I hit puberty and became a rebellious teen ager...m

My folks were cattle people and ranchers and you get out of line you best duck..but that did no good...except to harden me more. Some kids rebel as teens and some grow into nice productive adults...in my high school I was a "back hall" kid while most of the teens were just normal and productive students...I was in trouble, I was a bully, I was a real problem...now here it is 60 years later and I look back.

The troubled teen years ran their course...I had a wonderful career...got great kids and grand kids and great grandkids...I got a Grandson...just turned 30...was just like me as a teen....Now he's a wonderful man...well employed, great family, etc. Being a rebel as a teen is a real trial for parents but if the basics from when they entered the rebel years have been set I think they come around...frankly I'd not have missed the rebel years as I got my ears pinned back many times by guys that were tougher than me and it all sort of became a decision of how I wanted to live...and I chose a better way without outside intervention.

I raised 3 kids with my wonderful Wife and while we didn't take any stuff off of them that was not acceptable in society we just sort of passed off the normal smart mouth kid stuff and if they got too far out of hand we just took their privledges away...and stuck by the punishment...no negotiating and no giving in....oldest Son did not attend his graduation from high school...they mailed his diploma.

How'd you like this for a teen age kid at 16? That same punk went on to be a Regional Vice President with a major corporation and retired after a wonderful career with a great family and no issues...people do change.

[Whiterabbit]

My oldest son ask me when faced with an unruly teen ager, how the h--- are you supposed to rase a boy when you don't have any fence to build or tobacco to cut. I guess a few Augest days left an impression.

Start growing tobacco?

[searcher4851]

Actions have consequences. People need to be held responsible for their actions. (yes, even 13 year old people) Excuses are nothing but excuses, they don't excuse anything. The more people try to blame their actions on someone or something else, and are allowed to get by with that, the farther astray they will feel they can go. Consistency is everything. If something is wrong now, it's wrong the next time it happens. Confusion is a teenager's worst enemy. When they do something one time and get punished, then do it again another time and nothing is done about it, what lesson do they learn? Were you wrong when you punished them the first time, or when you didn't punish them the second time? Their action was the same, but the outcome was different, so who messed up, them or you? Where was the lesson? The job of us as parents is to teach our children.
Sorry for the rant. JMHO

[blackthorn]

Friend of mine had 2 boys spaced a year apart. When they got on his wrong side he spread an old tarp on the ground, gave each kid a flat piece of steel 4"x8"x1/2" a hammer and a pile of reclaimed (bent) nails. They stayed there until their pile of nails was straightened enough to be reused. I used that trick with my boys and it works, especially when nail straightening time coincided with something they REALLY wanted to do!

[popper]

reported to CPS for using a belt One of the reasons we're in deep dodo. Real abuse, yes. Discipline, no. I think I got the soap bar treatment once, oak flooring treatment many times. Goodsteel is correct, now is the time to limit what they get to do. The boundary when they are not at home is what you are training them for.

[EMC45]

I will echo what Goodsteel says. If the mind can make rational thought between right and wrong then start by taking away privileges. Beating/spanking/whipping probably won't work. I have 3 (5, 7 and 10) the 10YO is my little lady. She is a mother hen to her brothers and has a tendency to be bossy at times. I have recently told her her punishments from now on will be restrictive in her privileges and fun time. I have no qualm about unplugging the TV (no cable BTW, just parent approved DVDs) for a month or more, or propping her up on her bed for the entire afternoon. Makes no difference to me if she is sitting on her bed for hours on end. Now the 2 boys will get the back of the hand or a swat when needed. I will not abuse them, but will discipline them. Last night the 7YO and his sister were fussing and throwing Legos so they got a shower and went to bed. It was 7PM. The youngest got to stay up and hang out with Mom and Dad (which he loved all the attention). My kids don't really do the video game thing. They have a gamecube that was given to them second hand, but that is it. They are not permitted to play it for the remainder of the week for uncivilised behavior. They asked "what can we do for fun Dad?" I told the to go climb a tree or ride their bikes or wrestle in the yard etc. There is always something to do. My kids do chores and work around the house. They at one time asked me about an "allowance".....I told them I "allow" them to eat, have a warm bed and a hot shower. They don't ask about "allow"ance anymore. They will get rewarded when their behavior warrants it though. Good job on the chores-ice cream sandwich. Good grade point average at the end of the year-We all go out to eat. Etc., Etc.