Colonoscopy

[SharpsShooter]

Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were
quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual
comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was
performing their colonoscopies:

1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone
before!


2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"


3. "Can you hear me NOW?"


4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"


5. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."


6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"


7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."


8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"


9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!


10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."


11. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"


12. "God, now I know why I am not gay."


And the best one of all..


13. "Could you write a note to my wife saying that my head is
not up there?"

[trooperdan]

I was having one a couple of years ago and they had an IV of Valium and something else. I was awake but 'not all there'. The doc was showing me what was happening on a TV screen. At one point I said "Looks like a vagina". The doc said, "All right all you girls step back from the table! Nope, that is you!" Want to be those nurses gave him H*LL when it was over?

[felix]

Valium and something else. That something else is Dem'-err-raul (spelling?). 50-50 mix is typical. Too lazy this morning to look it up for spelling. ... felix

[Nueces]

My brother was having one of these bend-overs, and, trying to be cute, asked the Dallas cheerleader assistant if they kept the videos private. She says, "Nope, we stream 'em live on the internet."

I'm really looking forward to my chance to be 'cute.'

Mark

[Old Ironsights]

I gave my GI a diploma from the "Area 51 School of Probing"...

[9.3X62AL]

At the time I had mine, I was in a LOT of pain, and the morphine made life lots better. Dunno what other stuff they gave me for the excavation, but I remember none of it. Just as well.

At least it wasn't a Raiders cheerleader in the O.R. Oakland has to hire 25 to make sure a quorum shows up on Sudays for the game, what with the bar fights, parole violations, and Harley crashes decimating their weekly attendance.

[con10der]

WHAT THEY GAVE YOU IS A MED TO MORE OR LESS MAKE YOU NOT REMEMBER THE PROCEDURE,IT IS CALLED versed.
J.R.

[medic44]

Yep 10-20 mg Versed and the patient is night night and does not remember a thing.

[wills]

Yep 10-20 mg Versed and the patient is night night and does not remember a thing.

Posession of that stuff ought to be punished by the death penalty. Son of a bitch gave SWMBO versed and she did not know who she was for six months. Now she lists it as something to which she is alergic.

[longhorn]

Versed is essentially a modified Valium; I've read about lots of oddball reactions to its use--listing it as an allergy is an excellent idea, if not technically correct. I believe lots of dentists/oral surgeons used it for a while, maybe not so much now.

[wills]

Just be damn sure they dont give it to you.

[Jon K]

Yep, get one every 3-5 years, get to watch TV like trooper Dan, never got drugged up, and the Doc always gives me the full narative, like he's giving a tour, while all I can say is "done yet?" then he says "Feel a lot of pressure? Go ahead and pass gas if you feel like it".

As a matter of fact, I have one scheduled for next Thursday the 29th. The way I look at it is "Better safe than sorry", family history, my dad has had colon cancer twice, caught it early, and he's still kicking at age 88.

Jon

[jh45gun]

Yep I agree I went for my first one a couple of years ago after my brother who is 15 years older found out he had Colon Cancer. They removed a foot of bowel but he is doing excellent so he told me I better get in since I was 53. Well they found a bad Polyp that had cancer in the middle but it was what they called ecapsulated (SP?) meaning it had not spread to the colon walls yet but was in the center of the Polyp. Damn glad I did not put it off. Last year I had to have another one after having two sigmoidoscopys to check where the polyp was after my first colonoscopy. Last one gave me a clean bill till I have the next one in 3 years. I know folks who will not have it done and it is too bad nothing to it the worst part is the prep after that its no big deal.

[sundog]

JH45Gun, thanks for the good range report. Makes me feel better about going to that 'next match'.

[9.3X62AL]

Versed has some interesting side effects, per wife Marie (an RN before starting the teaching gig). In a percentage of patients, it produces violent resistance to surgical staff. She is one of those who reacts this way. Her advice--on "allergies", state "Versed is contra-indicated, adverse reaction history." THAT is RN-speak for "You don't want to trade asskicks with me".

[redneckdan]

I had 2 upper GI scopes done. The first time I had that verse stuff I woke up in post op, asked for another beer and then passed out again. The second time I babbled incoherently the whole time from OR to post op and then as I was coming to I jumped up outta the rack to go the bath room, got lost and attempted to take a leak behind the nurses station.[smilie=1:

[EMC45]

"Hey Doc, can ya take off the college football ring please"?

[felix]

The "snake" doctors should not be using versed, but only native valium and/or demerol, or a 50-50 mix of it. You don't need that kind of versed power for such a simple proceedure. I know, been through it 8-10 times over the last 6 years. Besides, 2.5 mg of versed would be plenty every 20 minutes. Anything more than that would be absolutely nuts. Most snakes are done in 45 minutes or so, and most really don't know what they see unless they have seen it before. You really need a doc who has extreme knowledge of diagnostics. NONE exist in Fort Smith. All they can do is take out obvious polups. ... felix