Words Women Use

[robertbank]

Words Women Use


1.) FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right, and you need to shut up.



2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means half an hour. Five Minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.


3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine (see #1).


4.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!


5.) Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word but a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time s tanding here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)


6.) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. "That's okay" means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.


7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you - do not question or faint. Just say you're welcome.


8.) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying "%@&* YOU!"


9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement,meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "what's wrong" - for the woman's response refer to #3.

[Bigjohn]

It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.

My name is Jim. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Peggy. When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Peggy to get a full-time job along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets home from work.

Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club so eating out is not reaso nable. I'm ready for some home-cooked grub when I hitthat door. She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner.

I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.

Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the yard. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me too.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Peggy. I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.

Signed,

Jim

EDITOR'S NOTE:

Jim died suddenly on May 27 of a perforated rectum. The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golfclub jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of grip showing and a sledge hammer laying nearby.

His wife Peggy was arrested and charged with murder. The all-woman jury took only 15 minutes to find her Not Guilty, accepting her defense that Jim somehow, without looking, accidentally sat down on his golf club. :-D

[MT Gianni]

"Waiting on you": This means while you were busy in the last 1/2 hour waiting for her to get ready to go she is finished now. Gianni

[Buckshot]

.................Just proves that women are the same aliean creatures regardless WHAT country you're from.

I've lived with one now for a bit more then 30 years. She loves to entertain, like for holidays. She likes to have Thanksgiving, has made a big deal out of St. Patricks day, and also Christmas day. The problem is that she gets frazzeled. I learned long ago I was not welcome in the kitchen, so no longer offer to help.

Safest for me to maintain a very low profile, like out of sight. So, I stay in the shop until summoned forth to perform some chore. I've also learned it's best to do these things as fast as humanly possible and then return to the sanctum of the shop. If you dilly dally, or remain visible too long she wil find several other things to do. So when summoned respond like lightening, get it done and get back out of sight.

A bit of detail. If some of the other guests have arrived and their husbands have also migrated to the shop, do NOT appear as if you're having a good time. Should she open the shop door while you are mid-hoist of a beer, or you are all laughing at some joke she will give you "That Look". At that time, "That Look" means you are still not welcome in the kitchen, or anywhere else underfoot, but merely that you are having a good time while she is juggleing chainsaws. Nevermind that it was all her idea, and this year is exactly like last year.

.................Buckshot

[Bigjohn]

Read the ad...






I received this via email today; and it had a picture of the bike.

Post Date:


Aug 7th, 2006

Expire Date:


Sep 6th, 2006

$10,000
06' Suzuki GSXR 1000
Farmington , UT 84025 - Aug 7, 2006
2006 Suzuki 1000. This bike is perfect! It has 1000 miles and has had its 500 mile dealer service. (Expensive) It's been adult ridden, all wheels have always been on the ground. I use it as a cruiser/commuter. I'm selling it because it was purchased without proper consent of a loving wife. Apparently "do whatever the f *** you want" doesn't mean what I thought. Call me, Steve. (801)867-8292

Now, don't claim to understand everything a woman says because at times it seems like they are talking a different language.

Some years back, I was actually accussed of buying this house because of the shed which is here. Even then I was not silly enough to acknowledge that acqusation was true. Sleeping in the shed IS more comfortable than trying to moved an upset dog over to the other side of the doghouse when I have been sent packing. Besides when you have the room to spare the dog is really good company.

John