An atheist Professor learns about God

[brimic]

Two things Navy SEALS are always taught:

1. Keep your priorities in order
2. Know when to act without hesitation

A college professor, an avowed atheist and active in the ACLU, was teaching his class. He shocked several of his students when he flatly stated that once and for all he was going to prove there was no God. Addressing the ceiling he shouted: "GOD, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 minutes!!!!!

The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop.

Ten minutes went by. "I'm waiting God, if you're real, knock me off this platform!!!!"

Again after 4 minutes, the professor taunted God saying, "Here I am,
God!!! I'm still waiting!!!"

His count down got down to the last couple of minutes when a SEAL, just released from the Navy after serving in Afghanistan and Iraq and newly registered in the class, walked up to the Professor.

The SEAL hit him full force in the face, and sent the Professor tumbling from his lofty platform. The Professor was out cold!!

The students were stunned and shocked. They began to babble in confusion.

The SEAL nonchalantly took his seat in the front row and sat silent. The class looked at him and fell silent...waiting.

Eventually, the professor came to and was noticeably shaken.

He looked at the SEAL in the front row. When the professor regained his senses and could speak he asked: "What the hell is the matter with you? Why did you do that"?

"God was really busy, protecting America's soldiers, who are protecting your right to say stupid sh#* and act like an @$$hole...so he sent me!!"




[smilie=l:

[Bullshop]

A-Men, Such a joy to serve the Lord!
BIC/BS

[felix]

Yeah, I like that one a whole bunch. The prof was not an atheist by the very choice of his words. Besides, why would he look up at the ceiling? Yes, you can surely say he is/was a misguided individual, or one properly guided into the wrong direction with his permission. ... felix

[Bullshop]

Since they do not celebrate Christmass the atheist's have started thier own holliday, it falls on April 1.
BIC/BS

[Maven]

So, tell me: What part of aggravated assault do you think is funny?

[felix]

Nothing funny about it, Maven. The assult was made by the professor, and he was obliged. ... felix

[brimic]

Oops, my faux pas. I shouldn't have posted any joke about religeon or politics.

I'll reserve my joke about the gay Muslim abortion doctor then. :wink:

[45 2.1]

Excellent observation, Felix!

[felix]

Yeah, 45-2.1, Maven is just as correct in saying what he said, even perhaps more so. We all have to remember that we as individuals are nothing but prizes in a religious battle. Any kind of assult by us will do nothing but cause harm to one and all of us (sooner or later). We all know the Crusades were for naught, and, going back even further, the ear chopped off at the Garden was reinstated intact. Both historical proof of Maven's insight as being correct. ... felix

[Maxthompson]

I remember as a kid hearing about Jewish people who would fill in for Christian people who had to work on Christmas so they could observe the holiday with their families.

Show me any ACLU lawyer or atheist, or agnostic who doesn't take off all religious holidays. If they don't believe, why take off the time? What do they have to celebrate?

Mike

[brimic]

Show me any ACLU lawyer or atheist, or agnostic who doesn't take off all religious holidays. If they don't believe, why take off the time? What do they have to celebrate?

That's whay you are no longer able to say 'Merry Christmas' or 'Happy Hannukah' at the work place, but must use nondenominational nontheistic nonoppressive words like 'Happy Holidays.' :-?

[Jumptrap]

So, tell me: What part of aggravated assault do you think is funny?

Aggravated Assault:

The prick aggrevated our SEAL and got assualted. I would have loved to have been there so I could have rolled on the floor and laughed my ass off while that pencil necked geek came to his senses wondering if _ _ _, GOD, YHVH, Yaweh or whatever name a person wishes to assign to the Alimighty, had just struck him down.

People have different ways of expressing their reverence, some by sanctimonius and pious trembling, some by wearing beehive hairdos, long dresses, no make up and thrashing on the floor with their eyes rolled back in their head while slobbering and mumbling, some by doing as they please but always crossing themselves and spilling their guts to a man behind a screen, others with a certain haughtiness as being the people handpicked by _ _ _ (GOD).

Some folks simply believe that God exists and that everything in the Heavens including this Earth, isn't just the result of some mad scientists theory of a Big Bang and that we are subject to a Higher Power. Whether we shall live again after this life or shall become the Master Race of Shitkickers and Moneychangers ruling the Earth remains to be seen. And while I make no claim to being a saint, I think that if some moron stands up and says....come and get me God, he deserves whatever he gets..whether that be a fist down his throat or a lightning bolt up his ass.

End of Rant.

[Maven]

I don't know about you, but the Bill of Rights, particularly freedom of speech, IS important. Those rights are worth cherishing, defending and PROTECTING. Call me humorless, but assaulting someone whose expresses beliefs or opinions different than yours is neither funny or worthy of emulation.
...Maven the Dour

[Scrounger]

I don't know about you, but the Bill of Rights, particularly freedom of speech, IS important. Those rights are worth cherishing, defending and PROTECTING. Call me humorless, but assaulting someone whose expresses beliefs or opinions different than yours is neither funny or worthy of emulation.
...Maven the Dour

Absolutely. Freedom of religion means not only freedom of choice of religion, but also freedom from religion if you so choose. That's worth fighting for.

[felix]

Maven, yes, but are we allowed to yell "fire" in a movie theater? What happens in court if there was indeed a fire? Aren't we are talking about a closed room affair with a captive audience? Besides, this story aside, what about the idea of those jokers in DC taking away the rights of folks trying to bring to us voters the news immediately before a vote? This is not the first amendment working, I guarantee you! ... felix

[wills]

1. The original post was probably supposed to be a joke in the first place.
2. The first amendment applies to government action; if the SEAL was not on duty in the course and scope of his employment his actions his own not those of the government.
3. The SEAL’s acts would constitute both a criminal offense and a tort.

[grumble]

Me too! I don't much care for the Taliban, whether they're Muslim or Christian or anything else. Punching someone because of a disagreement in beliefs doesn't sound like the way to behave.

Here's a joke that says the same thing, but in a more agreeable way (If this came from this site, my apologies to the origional poster):

There was a bad flood, and an elderly couple was on the roof of their house watching trees, houses, and dead cows float by. A neighbor with a boat came up to them and offed to rescue them. They both said, "no, we're waiting for God to rescue us," and continued their prayers. Half an hour later, A Fire department rescue raft pulled up to them, again offering rescue. "No," they said, "we have faith that God will rescue us." After another half hour, the foundation on the house was washing away and flood debris was crumbling the house. Just then, a news helicopter hovered over their heads and threw down a rope, but again they refused, waiting for a sign from above.

The house finally crumbled and they were swept away. At the feet of God, they asked him, "why didn't you save us?" And God replied, "What are you talking about? I sent you two boats and a helicoper!"

[Bullshop]

Maven
Would you feel better about it if God had used a lightning bolt, or fire and brimstone raining from the sky? He has also used those things befor. God uses us his servents to do his work, and at times to test our faith. Have you read the Holy Bible, about Abraham and Izak, now that was a test. If you have read the Bible you will know that God has used Christians for far more serious things than assault, like the slaughter of thousands of peaple (heathens)to the last man, woman, and child. And when he says to the last you better believe thats what he means. If the man acted on his own emotions then he may have some trouble, but if he was called by God to do Gods work he will be protected. Protected from the world perhaps not but protected from Satin, YES. Remember the Bible, To give up your life in God's name is to gain it in heaven. I understand how a nonbeliever would see only an assault on someone expressing his views, but to a believer we also see the possibility of God using a christian and an atheist to minister to us and bring us closer to him. There is a bigger picture and no man can see it all!
God Bless us all
BIC/BS

[grumble]

I may not see the "Big Picture," but I can sure see this one small portion of it.

The Taliban should be stamped out, whether it's Christian or Muslim. People who are positive that they KNOW God's will and who are willing to do anything to follow that little voice in their head... well, let's just say I don't agree.

Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs, and shouldn't have to fear zealots of any persuasion for having those beliefs. When beliefs become actions that are harmful to others, criminal laws apply.

[Scrounger]

Maven
Would you feel better about it if God had used a lightning bolt, or fire and brimstone raining from the sky? He has also used those things befor. God uses us his servents to do his work, and at times to test our faith. Have you read the Holy Bible, about Abraham and Izak, now that was a test. If you have read the Bible you will know that God has used Christians for far more serious things than assault, like the slaughter of thousands of peaple (heathens)to the last man, woman, and child. And when he says to the last you better believe thats what he means. If the man acted on his own emotions then he may have some trouble, but if he was called by God to do Gods work he will be protected. Protected from the world perhaps not but protected from Satin, YES. Remember the Bible, To give up your life in God's name is to gain it in heaven. I understand how a nonbeliever would see only an assault on someone expressing his views, but to a believer we also see the possibility of God using a christian and an atheist to minister to us and bring us closer to him. There is a bigger picture and no man can see it all!
God Bless us all
BIC/BS
This really didn't happen, you know? It is someone's made-up story to illustrate his belief. HIS belief.

[grumble]

Scrounger, you're probably right that it is just a parable. But, how many times has someone committed violence for no other reason than a difference in beliefs?

I think that's the point here, whether such actions are justifiable (or even lauditory) or not.

[Scrounger]

Scrounger, you're probably right that it is just a parable. But, how many times has someone committed violence for no other reason than a difference in beliefs?

I think that's the point here, whether such actions are justifiable (or even laudatory) or not.

Unfortunately, religion has always beget violence in man, rather than the peace and love it has supposed to have engendered. I don't see how anyone could even think the young man's actions were laudable. Did they forget the "forgive those who sin against me"? People should live their lives within religious principles, unfortunately too many of them think they have to proclaim their Holiness too loudly and become as cheerleaders at a sporting contest, Christians versus Atheists, Muslims versus Christians. These same people criticize foreign soccer fans for their riots and violence without seeing the similarities. Religious discussion is a no-no. I quit.

[grumble]

Unfortunately, religion has always beget violence in man, rather than the peace ... I don't see how anyone could even think the young man's actions were laudable... unfortunately too many of them think they have to proclaim their Holiness too loudly and become as cheerleaders at a sporting contest, Christians versus Atheists, Muslims versus Christians. .. Religious discussion is a no-no. I quit.

Scrounger, I quote:

^5

[Maven]

Bullshop (I apologize to all others), Given the hypothetical example, i.e., joke, you wrote, If he (the Navy SEAL) was called on by God...." How would you know know if he was "called on" by the Almighty? From God's lips to YOUR ears? You also wrote, "To give up your life in God's name is to gain it in heaven (sic)." Think about this for a moment: That is exactly the same argument Muslim fundamentalists make. Is that what you really meant to say? Lastly, I think you meant to say God protects us from Satan, not "Satin," which is, to say the least, interesting if not downright kinky.

To board participants, theology is an interesting subject in its own right, religious fundamentalism even more so. First Amendment guarantees not withstanding, do they really belong on this forum? Webmaster, are you listening? Do you hear me now? And yes, this is my last post on this subject.

[45nut]

To board participants, theology is an interesting subject in its own right, religious fundamentalism even more so. First Amendment guarantees not withstanding, do they really belong on this forum? Webmaster, are you listening? Do you hear me now? And yes, this is my last post on this subject.
Maven and All participants please let me state my case.
Any of you ever heard an saying that goes like this--

"Dammed if I Do,Damned if I Don't."

Well that's kinda squarely where I am in situations as this,If I let it go I bear the possibility of people going far and wide,If I step in I hazard being called a censor or worse.
Some folks have left because I stepped in,,and some have left because I did not.
And what beats all is 89.9999% of the time this is going on I am not even online to watch,and the other 8.0001% I certainly did not start the topic. Having done some very bad math here that leaves 2% where I either posted or started the thread trying to get perspectives where I should not have tread.

Politics and Religion,do they belong on a "Gun" board? Well,sometimes I guess since firearms are used due to both causes today,tommorrow and every day since the first spark was laid to a matchlock rifle.
Does that justify either? Heck, No matter the cause there will always be two distinctly opposite sides and everyman shall see to his own views first.
Just as the First Amendment goes only so far in protecting our rights to say what we desire,it also holds back the "right" to yell fire in a theatre if there is no fire.
I ask only that you pause once or twice and think hard about whether what you are about to submit is "probable" to upset others.
Some things can be discussed via email,PM's or even dare say,a phone call.
These forums on the www have little real possibilities in approaching the inflections of voice,or a twinkle in your eye despite the "smileys" or "emotes".

We the People of Cast Boolits gather here to bear witness or gather knowledge on our Galena,the Silver Stream,Boolits,and our Firearms that propel them unto the targets. That said,I do my level best to encourage free thoughts on our posts,wayward hijackings do occur here and always will.

I believe that we have done well in securing a "home" and as such I would hope you will respect that.
45nut

[Bullshop]

Maven
I didnt write the Bible I just read it, perhaps you should too. You may see it as a fiction novel but I believe every word in it literaly. I dont know what those of muslim faith believe, I dont know what you believe, I just know what I believe and if the Holy Bible tells me if I lose my life doing God's calling for me I will gain it in Heaven thats what I believe. Sorry to hear your not willing to continue this conversation as it may bring us closer to the Lord. Thats usualy the responce of a nonbeliever,(I dont want to talk about it) No hard fealings intended here, just following my Christian duty spreading the Gospal. Please excuse my spelling, I know it is terrible and I appoligise for it. If any appologies are in order then I appologise to all even to you Maven but being Christian, and believing the Gospel is not something we are supposed to keep quiet about.
BIC/BS

[45 2.1]

Yeah, 45-2.1, Maven is just as correct in saying what he said, even perhaps more so. We all have to remember that we as individuals are nothing but prizes in a religious battle. Any kind of assult by us will do nothing but cause harm to one and all of us (sooner or later). We all know the Crusades were for naught, and, going back even further, the ear chopped off at the Garden was reinstated intact. Both historical proof of Maven's insight as being correct. ... felix

Felix-
All I said was that it was an excellent observation, I made no judgement in this at all. If God had caused the building to fall on him or struck him with a lightning bolt, it would be attributed to Divine judgment, but the story used someone as an agent, as God has demonstrated many multiple times in the past, in lue of a miracle, which would be wasted on such as this professor was. God seems to have almost infinite patience with his children, even when goaded beyond all endurance. My question is: What would you or Maven do in this situation? I think the story is quite apt myself.

[grumble]

Maven
I didnt write the Bible I just read it, perhaps you should too. You may see it as a fiction novel but I believe every word in it literaly. I dont know what those of muslim faith believe, I dont know what you believe, I just know what I believe and if the Holy Bible tells me if I lose my life doing God's calling for me I will gain it in Heaven thats what I believe. Sorry to hear your not willing to continue this conversation as it may bring us closer to the Lord. Thats usualy the responce of a nonbeliever,(I dont want to talk about it) No hard fealings intended here, just following my Christian duty spreading the Gospal. Please excuse my spelling, I know it is terrible and I appoligise for it. If any appologies are in order then I appologise to all even to you Maven but being Christian, and believing the Gospel is not something we are supposed to keep quiet about.
BIC/BS

Bullshop, I know I'm treading on dangerous ground here, but I want to say something that I think needs to be said. I honestly don't want to offend you, but I don't like being repeatedly offended by you, either.

I really enjoy your posts of life in Alaska, and I think you offer a LOT to the quality of our discussions. Furthermore, I greatly admire the fact that you've chosen to homeschool your kids, but not necessarily the reasons you're doing that.

Let me make it clear -- the Gospel means "good news." It doesn't mean "push it down everyone else's throat." You, and some others here, seem to think that because we share a lot of common interests, that we all think alike about everything. Well, we don't. We don't all wear our basic beliefs on our sleeves, thinking that because we share SOME common values, that we share ALL values. We don't all run our underwear up the flagpole thinking that everyone else will think we're something special because there are no skidmarks on our shorts.

I respect your right to believe what you believe, and I admire your convictions. Please respect ours, too, and don't continue to force your personal beliefs into the conversations here.

You may wonder why I find some of your comments offensive. let me give some examples:

-I really like babies, I have four grown kids and 7 grandkids. But, I still find it offensive when someone at McDonald's changes a messy diaper at the next table while I'm eating.

-I know homosexuals are all around us, and I can tolerate their existance. But, like dirty diapers, I'm offended when they force it on me in public with their overt actions, intended to be shocking.

-When some football player makes a good play, and all his buddies feel the need to gather up in a prayer group, as if God intended them to make that touchdown, indicating that God is on their side, I find that offensive.

-If some politician wins an election, and makes the proposition that he won because God loves him, but not his opponent, I'm offended.

Maybe you get the idea. Just because it's YOU, it doesn't necessarily mean that GOD wants it that way. None of us have a "lock" on God.

Have your beliefs. Live by your morals. But please, don't change those diapers while I'm trying to eat.

[waksupi]

I would prefer to see this moved to private messages. It is an age old arguement, that there will never be a final answer too, because of individuals beliefs.

[grumble]

"My question is: What would you or Maven do in this situation? I think the story is quite apt myself."

I'm geting too mouthy on this topic, so hopefully this will be my last post. Not because I don't have a lot more to say, but because I think maybe we're (I'm) beating it into the dirt.

The story that began this thread isn't very likely. Not with a Navy SEAL, anyway. I've known a number of Special Forces troops, and punching out a professor like that isn't part of their psyche. No, a SEAL would be more likely to go to sleep with one eye open, half curious to see if the sky would open up, and half wondering what he'd be doing the next weekend, but mostly enjoying the quiet time.

Special Forces troops aren't loudmouths. They're quietly confident. No need for them to brag or bluster. If they did, they wouldn't have their jobs for very long.

I don't know what Mavin or Felix would do in that classroom, but as for me, I'd be working on the homework I didn't get done the night before. Nothing gets proven by nothing happening, and nothing would have been the only reasonable result from such a silly challenge.

[Bullshop]

One more time and I will let it go. First I am not trying to come off as better than anyone. I am a sinner and I need Gods help. I do not have a private line to God any more than anyone else. Sometimes I say things in a rude way but dont mean to be so I am sorry if I have been. I would just like to ask everyone a couple questions but you dont have to answer. First lets say you were in that class and a week befor you were walking home and saw a burning bush and heard a voice. You know the story of Moses, only this time the Lord says there will be this Professor and explaines the situation. Would you obey? Do you think it cant happen? The Bible says God is the same yesterday, today and tomarrow, unchanging. Secondly when I spoke of loosing your life to gain it, and serving God I guess I sounded a bit radicle. So I ask what you think about a man that dies in a selfless act like trying to save a child from drowning ,or a fire? How about the firemen that died on 9/11 or anyone giving thier life for something that is right and good. If you believe in God then you have to believe they died doing Gods work and were called to the test and passed. I know that my beliefs are not everyones, so I do apologize, but as a christian I am supposed to share the good news and I have tried. If you choose to not accept Jesus as the only way to salvation that is your right so as some have asked I will not push my belief on you any longer. However I will never be able to keep my love for Jesus out of the way I think, speek, and write. No offence ment to anyone here ever, and no offence taken. I look at all of you with respect, as my educated brothers.
LOVE/BIC/BS

[fatnhappy]

Geez guys.

Why all the bluster and fuss?

Is a regurgitated E-mail that important?

[carpetman]

Bullshop--Get a grip. This was a JOKE. It didnt happen. Had it happened it was an ASSAULT---A CRIME. If otherwise,any crime committed could be twisted around to be the work of God. If on his jury, would you really say it was God acting through him? He was being an ASS( Acting Stupid Seal). Yes,if a lightning bolt sprang or whatever lightning bolts do from the SEALS head--might be passed off as an act of God. You really think God was too busy someplace else to handle it? If not an assault but an act of God,do you have a monopoly on making this determination? The SEALS going to jail is what would happen. Even Air Force Master Sgts cant go around smacking people and get away with it.

[brimic]

Yes! Finally 2 people in a row see it for what it is, A. a joke that may not be funny to everyone, and B. regurgitated email.

I saw some humor in it, but posting it here was probably a mistake like throwing a rock at a hornets' nest (a mistake I can't seem to stop doing, with the hornets' nest at least.) [smilie=f:


There's one of them lit up changeable portable billboards in front of a church in my hometown that the pastor there changes every couple of days or so. Today it said:

"God wants to see fruits of faith not religeous nuts"

I'm sorry if I caused any strife between members for posting the original mesage, I never though people would take it so seriously.

[Maven]

I'm with 45-Nut, Carpetman & Grumble here, but wish to add: (a) Yes, it was an attempt at humor. (b) I don't think anyone needs to apologize, certainly not to me, for their point of view. If we do that, we're being "politically correct," which I find offensive. (c) The posts were good in that they really cleared the air.

To Bullshop, I'd be much more interested in learning about life in Alaska: Were you born there or not? If the latter, what attracted you to it? Was it difficult to get established there? How do you cope with winter? etc.

[wills]

This is after all the Humor, Rants, and Off Topic board. This subject certainly qualifies