Am I going to get like that II

[LAH]

Read the post below. It seems if we live long enough and we aren't killed out right then either our body will fail us or our mind. I guess that's just the way it is. For those who don't know, I'm a minister who spends lots of time in extended care homes. If your family has been able to stay out of them, God has richy Blessed you. At times I wonder why these people have to live like this. Some are totally dependent on others. Some have no company and are simply left in a place to die by uncaring family or perhaps they have no family. It's rough to think that maybe I'll "get like that". But it does happen.

If you have healthy family or family who can make it at home, be thankful. From the thread below we have guys here in who don't. My heart goes out to you. To those of you with healthy bodies and a little time, visit a nursing home. Just walk in and sit down with the first person you think can talk with you. Most are lonely and love to talk. My first question is mostly, "Where you from?" Where did you work? Where were you raised? It just kinda flows from there. You will feel like you've done some good when you leave. You go to be a blessing to others and you will leave feeling blessed.............Creeker

My Stomping Grounds:

[castalott]

Do yourself a big favor...visit the nursing homes. Meet the people that actualy built and protected this great land of ours. And the love that is still in the eyes of the older ladies.....it will make you cry...Chasing that almighty dollar won't seem quite as important.....

[alamogunr]

For the past 10 years or so I have gone to the local nurshing home every Sunday morning to take communion to our members who are residents. You finally realize the most fortunate ones are the ones who don't know where they are and don't miss visits from family and friends. Alzheimer's disease is a terrible thing and I would prefer to go fast and be fully aware than to have my brain waste slowly and not know what a burden I am to my family. I won't have this choice. I try to do as Creeker recommends and try to talk to someone different each time. It is especially unsettling when you visit people you know were vital, strong members of the community, such as a good teacher, etc. Don't forget the employees either. They have a difficult, unappreciated job. Most care for their charges in a loving, caring manner despite being overworked and underpaid. We only hear about those who are abusive.
John

[Mk42gunner]

I really have a lot of respect for people who work in nursing homes, it has to be a labor of love.

If you have family in one, go visit them before it is too late.

The second real job after High School was building maintenance (plumbing, light carpentry etc.) at a nursing home. It only took me two months of parttime work to decide that I needed to join the Navy. I felt bad for the patients that didn't couldn't help themselves, however the ones I really felt bad for were the ones that still had all of there mental facilities, but their bodies had given out on them. I remember one man who was a high school basketball coach in the fifties and sixties and remembered my uncles playing when they were in school even though they went to a different school than were he taught (small towns). I have always felt a little unsettled that he always had cheerful disposition and a kind word for me, even though he was stuck in a wheel chair.
This was in 1983, and there weren't nearly as many assisted living homes as there are now.
I know that I DO NOT want to have to go to a nursing home. I would rather go out doing what I like to do or in my sleep than be wasting away for years like that.

Robert

[milkman-06]

Thanks for the message LAH ( and others). My wife works in an nursing home and echoes you'alls sentiments. I will have to visit her at work more often.
milkman-06
Russ Neely
near beautiful Freistatt in SW Missouri

[LAH]

Welcome to the board Russ. It's really a blessing to watch the nurse bring the people to the the dinning area for service. She's so helpful and faithful. Tell your wife she's at the top of list.........Creeker

[charger 1]

Everybody asked me why I got out from under the mans thumb at 38 and did what I could to get by on my own. I say its better to have a little retirement every day you can enjoy it rather than waiting till you find out your not going to have one at all

[carpetman]

Well Im not a minister. You aint gonna believe this--I don't even play one on tv. I find old folks homes depressing. But I am comfortable in a home for mentally retrarded

[PatMarlin]

Just got off the phone with my Grandmother who's 93.

She's still staying by herself at home. At all costs she wants to stay out of a nursing home. I'm the only one in my family that has a relationship with her and that's sad.

Her mind is sharp as a tack, and she gets a little weaker as time goes on, but thankfully, meals on wheels, brings her food. I send her food or whatever she needs, and her dog keeps her company. A few neighbors take her to the store as much as possible.

She's a master at Pinacole (sp), and still takes a buss to meet and play with her buddies every week. I tried to get her to move up north with me, and brought her up for a visit. She met the ladys at the senior center, and sat down for a card game, laid back for awhile, then cleaned their clocks. P'd them off.. :mrgreen: LOL!!

She's a city girl though, and my mountain life would drive her nuts.

It's an amazing thing to see her still be independent and take care of herself. I call her every day, and I'll miss her when she's gone.

[carpetman]

Pat Marlin--Your granny playing pinochle at 93 is impressive--the game takes some concentration.

[Char-Gar]

Well, I am a minister and visit nursing homes on a weekly basis and I also find them depressing. I refer to them as God's Waiting Room.

Death itself is not depressing, but most folks in nursing homes have been parked there by families to busy to take care of them.

There are times and circumstances that make nursing homes necessary, but they are a soap opera of human stories and suffering.

I also have conducted worship services in nursing homes and found it very difficult to do.

You can't be all things to all people, and nursing home (and jails) just are not my thing. I do have great respect for folks who can work and minister in those places, but I don't have what it takes.

[fatnhappy]

most folks in nursing homes have been parked there by families to busy to take care of them.



Ya know. I have a hard time believing that, and while I'm sure it's true sometimes, it seems to me an unfair slight or assumption that is often repeated.

When I placed my mother in a nursing home for hospice care in May it was only after I had found her in a diabetic coma at home. I insisted she reside there as a matter of immediate safety, since despite what seems to bandied about, I didn't have the luxury of spending every waking minute by her side. And yes, I did go out and earn some money so maybe someday my son can go to college or wear clothes, still I went there every day to spend time with her, play cribbage and hold her hand when necessary.
My family spent ten years dealing with and managing her cancer, and acting as nurses so she could stay at home, and die there with dignity if necessary. My wife bore an unfair share of that burden as well, just like we did 9 years ago tending to my father when he died of pancreatic cancer, just as we did 9 years ago tending to her brother as he died of testicular cancer. My mother, after the visceral and brutal death of my father had decided she didn't want to burden us in the same manner, and got the best long term health coverage she could for that reason. That's why she was in a nursing home, immediate safety and security, but she still told people that we forced her into the nursing home. I'd like to believe that parkinson and alzheimer patients may be there for the same reasons, despite even their individual protestations to the contrary.

Me, I'm rooting for heart disease. Quick, painless, and I get to enjoy dinner along the way.

[tom barthel]

Nursing homes are depressing. That's why few people visit them. Some people would rather remember the residents as they were. The problem is, these residents aren't a were yet. They still are. I visit an old vet regularly in a nursing home in Muskogee, OK. His wife and sister are physically unable to visit often. Some of his FRIENDS have said they want to remember his as he was so they don't go. He is bed ridden and cann't speak. However, he CAN communicate. I ask him yes or no questions and he nods. I read a chapter from the bible to him on each visit. He isn't of the same denomination but, so what? I'm an old martial artist and a former law enforcement officer. He is redefining tough for me. I think I am getting a blessing here and I am thankful.

[PatMarlin]

Alzheimers. That's a tough one too. I'll never forget the day I walked in my other grandmother's house, and she looked at me and said, "who the hell are you?"

Problem is, she would take off. Light the house on fire, and do things totally unkowingly destructive if you weren't with her 24/7, so my mom had to put her in a home. A nice one, but doesn't matter. Still sucks.

One saving grace is she always had a sence of humor, and eventhough she was out of her mind, she would crack jokes to herself. She was always happy. I don't think she even knew she was in a home.

It's a helpless feeling, knowing you can't do anything. My Mom and Sis are scared to death they'll get it, as my grandmother's mother had it also.

I would probably get it, but I take after my 93 year old grandmother to much I think.

[Char-Gar]

fatnhappy... Only you know your reasons and motivations and I would not dare to speak to those. However, I will stick original statement.

We are no longer living in an era when the old folks were looked after at home. Women work and children are just two darn busy to help lift the load.

Some folks can't stand the emotional strain of seeing those they love waste away.

There are many and varied reasons, but the truth is most folks are in a nursing home becuase their families didn't want to pay the price (not dollars, but hastle and emotions) of keeping them at home.

I don't judge anybody because I did it myself...I just don't lie to myself about it.

[fatnhappy]

fWe are no longer living in an era when the old folks were looked after at home. Women work and children are just two darn busy to help lift the load.

Some folks can't stand the emotional strain of seeing those they love waste away.




I agree with those statements wholeheartedly, and don't think for a minute I don't believe a good portion of people are in nursing homes because it's convenient. But it's an awful broad brush to paint with in my experience.
I've seen a number of extended family members or members of the church family wind up in nursing homes. Some in failing health, but the vast majority were no longer in command of their faculties, and consequently dangerous to themselves or others. I can relate at least one family story that almost ended as a homocide. He had alzheimers, no longer recognized his wife and got a gun to fend off the intuder. Luckily (ironically?) he couldn't remember where he kept the bullets. In another my uncle in the early stages of dementia wandered into the road and was killed. I had to call my mother to tell her he was dead, Easter sunday morning.

I can't judge anyone making such a decision. Maybe I just want to believe families act more out of love and compassion than self interest.

[Char-Gar]

Fatnhappy.. Human beings are fairly predictable creatures, as individuals and as nations. When they do something, you can pretty well bet it will be based on self interest at some level.

We talk of high flown values, other centerness and alturism, but we don't often walk the walk. We flit in and out of altruism, but never remain there. When we go to bed at night, it is in our own bed of self interest.

This may sound funny coming from a fellow who has committed his life to calling people to live outside and beyond themselves. It may sound cynical, but it isn't. It is just a statment of reality.

The more I know and understand about human nature, the more I appreciate a graceful God. Without a graceful, forgiving, loving God, we are all lost in every sense of that word.

[PatMarlin]

God is in control!!!..........:drinks:

[nelson133]

I work in a dialysis center (for those whose kidneys have failed) and we get a number of nursing home patients. You would not believe the condition some are when they are brought in.
Working in that place makes it hard to bitch and whine about my troubles.